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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be cross with our childminder?

785 replies

ranging · 09/05/2021 09:29

Name changed.

DD has been going to the same childminder since she was 8 months and she is now 2.5. She absolutely loves it there and she's very kind and friendly, I get lots of crafts home that DD does and they go out and do a lot.

DD is going through a challenging phase, not doing as she's told, very stubborn, sometimes hitting and biting.

When I picked her up on Friday, the childminder said that she had taken her shoes and socks off in the car and was refusing to put them back on, so she took her out the car and put him on the (wet and muddy) ground in her bare feet and told her basically that's what you get for not putting your shoes on. She apparently got upset by this and then finally allowed her to put her shoes back on.

I was a bit taken aback by this, AIBU to tell her I am not happy about this at all? I'm not sure if this is an ok tactic to use with a toddler but I never would and don't want anyone else to treat her like that either.

OP posts:
WaltzingBetty · 09/05/2021 20:40

She was forced to stand with no shoes on.

As opposed to lift locked in a car alone?

She's two? It's totally normal to lift a 2 year old out of a car and place them in the ground. Or is simply lifting them a 'five full punishment' now too?

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:40

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

It would depend if the elderly person had their full mental faculties but yes, but that's because an elderly adult understands and knows far more about everything than a 2.5 year old.
It’s an elderly person with dementia, and the mental age of a 2.5 year old. What now?
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/05/2021 20:41

When did I say leave her in a locked car?

Ok so which did you mean

  1. leave 2.5 year old unsupervised in unlocked car

  2. make all other well behaved children remain sitting in car because this one won't put on shoes? A cm will have other children to look after.

CervixHaver · 09/05/2021 20:41

@3scape

Consequences. The child finds socks and shoes annoying. Learns one of the reasons for putting up with the slight irritation. It's not exactly cruel. I've regularly done barefoot walks with kids for the sensory side, it's spring not the depths of winter. Seems fine.
You intentionally take your children out for walks in Bare Feet? Wth?! Hmm

Broken glass
Sharp stones
Splinters of wood
Bacteria that can get inside any cuts made by above
Dog poo
Dysentery

Ffs!

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:41

@WaltzingBetty

So just to be clear *@Pumperthepumper*

If you had a toddler who did not want to wear shoes you'd lock them alone in a car, but you're criticising the childminder for allowing the child to do exactly what she wanted (not wear) shoes, until she changed her mind. Because supporting her choices is bullying and punishing but locking her alone in a car is not.
Have I got that right?

Why do you keep saying ‘lock them in a car’?
WaltzingBetty · 09/05/2021 20:42

When did I say leave her in a locked car?

Well what would you do then?

I'm sure we'd all benefit from your expertise and you've refused to answer so far

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:42

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

She wasn't forced pumper. She was given a choice to put the shoes on. She chose not to, so faced the natural consequence of that action which was to stand without them.
She didn’t get out of the car herself. She was lifted out of the car. So that’s false.
JustLyra · 09/05/2021 20:42

If she has too many children to look after and can’t spend time being aware of the development stages of a 2.5 year old - and therefore has to result to being a bully - the OP should definitely find a new childminder.

Letting the child have their choice of no shoes and learning quickly and simply why shoes were a good idea does not make the childminder a bully.

There’s been some ridiculous comments on this thread, but that’s definitely the winner.

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:42

@WaltzingBetty

She was forced to stand with no shoes on.

As opposed to lift locked in a car alone?

She's two? It's totally normal to lift a 2 year old out of a car and place them in the ground. Or is simply lifting them a 'five full punishment' now too?

Locked again? Why do you keep saying that?
WaltzingBetty · 09/05/2021 20:42

Why do you keep saying ‘lock them in a car’?

Because I asked you directly what you'd do and if you'd leave them in the car and you said that you wouldn't force them to leave

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:43

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

When did I say leave her in a locked car?

Ok so which did you mean

  1. leave 2.5 year old unsupervised in unlocked car

  2. make all other well behaved children remain sitting in car because this one won't put on shoes? A cm will have other children to look after.

Already answered this. If she can’t meet the needs of the child she’s paid to look after, the OP should definitely find a new childminder.
Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:44

@WaltzingBetty

When did I say leave her in a locked car?

Well what would you do then?

I'm sure we'd all benefit from your expertise and you've refused to answer so far

When did I refuse? I’m going through the posts one at a time, you’re the one making stuff up.
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/05/2021 20:44

Pumper - I'm very sad to say that elderly people in that position do often end up outside without shoes on when it's cold and wet, especially if they live alone.

There's a big difference between a young child who needs to learn appropriate social behaviours and an elderly adult who is no longer capable of doing so.

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:44

@JustLyra

If she has too many children to look after and can’t spend time being aware of the development stages of a 2.5 year old - and therefore has to result to being a bully - the OP should definitely find a new childminder.

Letting the child have their choice of no shoes and learning quickly and simply why shoes were a good idea does not make the childminder a bully.

There’s been some ridiculous comments on this thread, but that’s definitely the winner.

So if the kid was an elderly person with dementia, we wouldn’t call this bullying? Sure.
WaltzingBetty · 09/05/2021 20:45

She didn’t get out of the car herself. She was lifted out of the car. So that’s false.

Right so toddlers should never be lifted either?

Is that also bullying, forceful and punishment? Gosh, I should make notes

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:45

@WaltzingBetty

Why do you keep saying ‘lock them in a car’?

Because I asked you directly what you'd do and if you'd leave them in the car and you said that you wouldn't force them to leave

Did I say ‘lock them in a car’? I said I’d make it into a game, I’d spend time sorting it out. If the childminder doesn’t have the time for that, time to find a new childminder.
WaltzingBetty · 09/05/2021 20:46

So if the kid was an elderly person with dementia, we wouldn’t call this bullying? Sure.

Do you think elderly people with dementia are never lifted or restrained for their own personal care or other people's safety? Confused

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/05/2021 20:46

she can’t meet the needs of the child she’s paid to look after

She has met the child's needs. Your ludicrous suggestion of staying in the car would only work if the adult has no one else to care for, so really you mean the OP will need a one to one nanny for their child.
Right.

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:46

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Pumper - I'm very sad to say that elderly people in that position do often end up outside without shoes on when it's cold and wet, especially if they live alone.

There's a big difference between a young child who needs to learn appropriate social behaviours and an elderly adult who is no longer capable of doing so.

Are they forced to stand outside by their carer with no shoes on while other people cheerlead the carer for not giving in? Come on.
JustLyra · 09/05/2021 20:46

So if the kid was an elderly person with dementia, we wouldn’t call this bullying? Sure.

You are comparing apples with oranges.

Children learning why we do things is a completely different scenario to an adult with a medical condition and lack of understanding.

JustLyra · 09/05/2021 20:47

Are they forced to stand outside by their carer with no shoes on while other people cheerlead the carer for not giving in? Come on.

The child wasn’t forced. She chose not to have shoes.

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:47

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Pumper - I'm very sad to say that elderly people in that position do often end up outside without shoes on when it's cold and wet, especially if they live alone.

There's a big difference between a young child who needs to learn appropriate social behaviours and an elderly adult who is no longer capable of doing so.

And also; there really isn’t. A 2.5 year old doesn’t have the cognitive development yet, and the elderly person has lost theirs. That’s the difference, and no amount of punishment will make them learn faster.
WaltzingBetty · 09/05/2021 20:48

Did I say ‘lock them in a car’? I said I’d make it into a game, I’d spend time sorting it out. If the childminder doesn’t have the time for that, time to find a new childminder.

Which the OP is welcome to do.
But she won't
As she knows she's unreasonable - as are you - if you want someone to look after your child according to your rules then do it yourself, but don't pay a professional and micromanage them

Pumperthepumper · 09/05/2021 20:48

@WaltzingBetty

She didn’t get out of the car herself. She was lifted out of the car. So that’s false.

Right so toddlers should never be lifted either?

Is that also bullying, forceful and punishment? Gosh, I should make notes

Can you honestly not the the difference between say, being lifted onto the toilet and being lifted as a punishment? You must do.
MiniCooperLover · 09/05/2021 20:48

It's not winter and even if it was the toddler needs to realise that when the adult says 'please do' then the toddler 'does'. You need to back up your CM not he cross with her.

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