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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When (if) did you combine finances with your partner?

122 replies

awkwardusername · 08/05/2021 21:43

AIBU for not knowing what the protocol is? Everyone seems to do it differently, so what did you do, if anything?

OP posts:

LavendulaAngustifolia · 08/05/2021 22:02

There is no protocol. You discuss with your partner what you both want to do.

sweetypop · 08/05/2021 22:07

Dp gave me his card and pin on the first morning I slept over to buy us some dinner while he was at work

He was overly trusting (stupid) lucky for him I'm honest.

I had nothing for first few years of our relationship as I was a single parent at uni. He shared all his money with me no questions asked and supported me in starting my own business. I now earn more than he does but we share everything, it's our money and always has been.

BashfulClam · 08/05/2021 22:15

You need to know what your bills are in relation to your earnings and agree how you handle splitting these. We worked out our bills including a good budget as a %of our combined take home pay. Do for example our bills were 48% if our take home pay, we each put 48% of our wage into the joint account. DH has more disposable cash so he pays for the car and petrol to even it up.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/05/2021 22:15

Once married, I’d never share finances with a BF and have advised my children to do the same whilst dating.

Hankunamatata · 08/05/2021 22:16

We share finances (complete transparency) but dont have access to each others accounts. Have from the day we moved in together. I have a spreadsheet of all the bills and outgoings - we each transfer a portion of wages or when I was on maternity dh covered everything

LemonRoses · 08/05/2021 22:18

About a month before we married to make payments for wedding related items easier.

AmazingGrapes · 08/05/2021 22:18

We own a house together but each own the % we put in.
We have a child together. We split bills but he pays more than me as he earns more and I am part time to look after DS.
We have not had a joint account until now but have a very “it’s OUR money” attitude to daily life - increasingly the longer we’ve been together. Eg nowadays we wouldn’t buy something big for ourselves with our own money without checking in with each other first.
We just got engaged and are now opening joint current and savings accounts although I’d imagine well also keep our earnings coming into our personal accounts.

Hankunamatata · 08/05/2021 22:18

We also kept seperate savings - putting same amount in each, every month so we both have backup money

LEMtheoriginal · 08/05/2021 22:19

30 years in, we never had a joint account. He pays council tax and mortgage and car tax, i pay everything else.

Weve spoken about joint account but weve had bad debt problems in the past and most of them associated with DP so im trying to maintain a credit rating.

It works for us, he earns more so pays out more, we did work it out that we pay pretty much the same proportion of our wages on bills. I have savings, he doesn't but he can use them if he needs. If i need money i ask him.(we try and keep the savings untouched) and vice verse.

Historically i was a sahm for ten years so it was all on him, i never really asked for money as it was tight but could have and never went without.

Weve never really sat down and decided any of this, its just evolved.

joystir59 · 08/05/2021 22:20

We shared information about our earnings and outgoings, and made joint decisions about major spends, but never had shared accounts. I would never have a joint account with anyone.

thenightsky · 08/05/2021 22:20

Met in 1978, married in 1980. We have totally separate accounts. He knows vaguely what I have. I know vaguely what he has.

aashna · 08/05/2021 22:22

He insisted in paying for everything since the first date and proposed after a few months, so everything was one and the same since then. That was 20 years ago. I’ve been mainly a SAHM in that time, but even if I’d been working, everything would be the same. How can you have his and her money when you have kids?!!

Pyewackect · 08/05/2021 22:23

The house is in both our names. Everything else is totally separate.

mogsrus · 08/05/2021 22:23

The day we got married,40 yrs ago, can't see a problem

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 08/05/2021 22:25

We’ve had a joint account since we got married, though still have our own accounts for our spends.

We’ve shared costs of everything since we moved in together.

I don’t think there is a set right way. It’s just got to be fair and something both agree with.

Cocomarine · 08/05/2021 22:28

Never. Second marriage, 8 years in. My house, my bills - I earn a lot more so don’t charge him anything. No combined finances.

PrincessesRUs · 08/05/2021 22:28

Married for 5 years, 2 children, no combined finances - we're happy that way

sbhydrogen · 08/05/2021 22:28

We did it as soon as we had moved in together, but we had a baby on the way so it seemed safe. We were saving for a house. We have joint current and savings accounts, but we also have our own personal ones.

Alarae · 08/05/2021 22:29

Never fully combined as we do separate accounts and then pay in a percentage to a joint account which all the bills come put from. We also have a credit card we both have cards to which we use for general house stuff, which is set up to be fully paid by the joint account each month.

We got a joint account when we first moved in together and kept things the same since.

Any leftover money from our wages is ours, mainly so we don't feel like we have to justify any purchases to the other. We both have the understanding however that if needed, any personal savings are also to be used for joint expenditure.

FizzyPink · 08/05/2021 22:30

We’ve had a joint account since the day we moved in together but I imagine won’t ever completely share finances unless we have children.

Luckily we earn very similar salaries so just put a set amount into the joint account each month to cover rent, bills, food shopping and any days out or meals out together. I like it because it means I never have to worry about setting aside money for essentials towards the end of the month. As soon as I get paid I put my £900 into the joint account, £1,200 into my own house savings fund and then everything left is mine to spend as I please.

crenellations · 08/05/2021 22:31

@joystir59

We shared information about our earnings and outgoings, and made joint decisions about major spends, but never had shared accounts. I would never have a joint account with anyone.

We did this too until about 3 months ago when we combined our savings account into a joint. I'm a SAHM now so should have done this before really but DH transfers a set amount every month and gives me anything else I want to spend when I ask for it. We are both responsible for different sets of bills - left over from when we were both working as we've been together for nearly 20 years - his income has increased over the years.

There's no particular reason we don't have a joint current account but neither of us are big spenders. It's all seen as 'our' money - we have kids. We do sit down together and look at our outgoings sometimes and we're both quite financially savvy.

SkyeIsPink · 08/05/2021 22:32

I’ve been with DP for 6 and a half years, we have a child, and we still don’t share finances. We both work and our bank accounts are completely separate. But we each know what the other earns, about debts, and we equally contribute to the rent and other bills. When we buy a house, I don’t see that changing.

Sosigsandwich · 08/05/2021 22:32

We moved in together after 2 months and got a joint account 3 months after that. If you can't share something as fundamental as money then something isn't right.

Original poster

awkwardusername · 08/05/2021 22:39

What about those with vastly differing wages (including SAHM’s)?

Thanks for all of your replies so far, really interesting to see everyone’s perspective!

OP posts:

PipsM · 08/05/2021 22:40

When we moved in together we set up a joint account and paid an equal set amount in to cover all bills. Now we have a child and a mortgage we both pay 50% of our salaries into it and, as I’m on a lower salary as I’m now part time, he tops it up towards the end of the month if needed. Joint account is for home things and most of the related child costs.
This means we both have money for our own clothes, phone bills, cars, treats etc.
I think you need to be clear about % you put in based on how much you earn, I’m now on 25% less than I was before having a child and he’s now earning 50% more than me.

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