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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When (if) did you combine finances with your partner?

122 replies

awkwardusername · 08/05/2021 21:43

AIBU for not knowing what the protocol is? Everyone seems to do it differently, so what did you do, if anything?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 09/05/2021 16:34

As soon we as started living in our first house together we got a joint account. Prior to that he lived in my flat with me and gave me set money each week.

Now we have a joint account I never use, my own account he puts money in and whoever is there pays the bill. Together 25 years now so all in.

shivawn · 09/05/2021 16:40

We were 22 and had been together for almost a year i think, we were moving to Australia together on working holiday visas and wanted to be able to support each other if one struggled to find work over there or whatever.

We've shared absolutely everything since then to now, 12 years later - and we've only been married for 2 years. Our wages have changed a lot over the years, he earns about 25k a year more than me and that gap will only increase. Its never a problem.

If you have a strong relationship based on compatability and communication then shared finances will only make you stronger.

shivawn · 09/05/2021 16:42

By the way, I wouldn't consider having a joint account and your own accounts as having combined finances. That's just something people do for convenience.

qualitygirl · 09/05/2021 16:42

Been married over 10 years...still not combined

firstimemamma · 09/05/2021 16:45

After a year of dating, we moved in together (renting) and then decided to get a joint bank account. That was 6 years ago, we have our own home now, have a ds and are getting married in 3 weeks!

Sceptre86 · 09/05/2021 16:54

It isn't one size fits all and you shouldn't be influenced by others. This is something you should probably speak to your oh about, I'm assuming they will have their own opinion which would be a lot more relalevant to you than a stranger on the Internet.

We have been married 6 years and have two kids and have a mortgage. We do not have shared finances and are not planning to. He pays the mortgage and I pay the bills, food shop is alternated and he has a car so pays all related costs, he also has debts to pay. Hoise improvements and holidays we both save for, it doesn't matter if one of us spends more or less on this as it goes towards our home and family. Any money he has left over he can spend how he likes and vice versa.

Sceptre86 · 09/05/2021 16:55

*house

KM38 · 09/05/2021 17:08

Split bills etc proportionate to wages since living together - first renting and now in our bought home.

Properly combined finances last year when I went on Mat leave to have our first baby. Total family income (DPs salary and my Mat Pay) is taken then from that the mortgage and all bills paid then with what’s left we do some money to each of:

  • big chunk to family spending account (use for food shopping/bits and pieces for the house/meals out etc)
  • equal smaller amounts to mine and DPs personal account (use for anything we want for ourselves & I put some of mine into savings for myself)
  • family savings account
  • savings account for DCs when older

I trust DP 100% and finances have always been completely transparent on both sides. His work life means that me being a SAHM would be more beneficial to our family so we’re exploring that option. We’ll be married before the end of my Mat leave (would have been earlier had it not been for covid) which will give me more financial security since I’ll be giving up my career for the time being to raise DS.

6rainbow · 09/05/2021 18:35

As soon as we moved in together. About 18 mths after meeting. It was easier for us as we had no money and more debts and over drafts than anything. I was at uni. We have always had separate accounts but money is just ours to share.

My DH supported me as a student and helped me pay off my debts and loans. Now 20 years on I earn more but we still treat everything as belonging to the family not ourselves

cupsofcoffee · 09/05/2021 18:38

We still don't have combined finances and we've been married nearly three years. No plans to do so ever, either.

TwoAndAnOnion · 09/05/2021 18:42

As soon as we cohabited - my suggestion - I was the major earner at that point. We always had an equal partnership.

Wafflewombat · 09/05/2021 18:44

I think it works out best for joint finances if you have very similar ideas on spending & saving.

If you have very different attitudes to cash & debt, then separate finances is best.

Nhsisfucked · 09/05/2021 18:48

We just stick everything in on pot and discuss on payday, what we should save, need to pay for that month etc and just get what we want when we want. Anything over £100ish I’d probably discuss first, other than Xmas/birthdays. Started when we moved in together, it’s just easy and works for us. DH earns way more than me and I’ve had periods of not working at all due to illness but we are both fine with it.

Cannes12 · 09/05/2021 18:48

When we moved in together, which was a year after meeting.
I really don't understand people who never do it tbh. If you trust someone enough to have kids with, live with... why wouldn't you trust them with your money?

CookPassBabtridge · 09/05/2021 18:49

The first few weeks, still together 13 years and share finances. I'm a SAHM so it's especially important.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 09/05/2021 19:42

We have a joint savings account but everything else is separate. In fact it's my savings account with DH name on it. he hasn't got a clue what's in it (he isn't interested, I show him if he asks). Been together coming up 28 years, married and have kids. Some bills come from my account, some from his, the remaining amount in each of our accounts is probably roughly equal each month, his bills are more as he earns 4x what I do. I really don't know why people can't see that separate accounts doenst mean separate finances. It's all our money, just kept in separate places. We don't owe each other anything. If one asks the other to buy something the person buying just covers it, unless occasionally my account is low as the low earner and he will transfer me some extra or I'll move some from savings. Big purchases are discussed but normal day to day spending is our own business. It works well, we each have our own independence.

ThePearSquare · 09/05/2021 19:45

We started sharing properly when we moved in together, so about 6/7 months into the relationship. However we gave each other money if one was low on cash and needed anything, before that.

AllBellyandBoobs · 09/05/2021 19:51

We can't remember but definitely had a joint account before our first child was born, which was 3 years after we met. Everything goes in there, completely equal.

NichyNoo · 09/05/2021 19:57

We got our first joint account when we bought a flat after about 6 years together - the mortgage & bills came out of that account. Both still had separate current account and savings and it’s the same now - 21 years plus a marriage and two kids - later.

oohmyback · 09/05/2021 20:02

When we moved in together.

meow1989 · 09/05/2021 20:05

We opened a joint account from just before we moved in together and put a bit in each month to have a little buffer. 14 years on and we've never shared finances but have always contributed x and y amount into the joint account, from which all bills come out of. Dh earns more so he puts in a bit more than me.

Rainyday4321 · 09/05/2021 21:10

When we moved in together we opened a joint account for daily expenses- bills etx which we paid into equally. I moved into his flat, and started to rent mine out so we shared the cost saving from having one mortgage + rental income instead of 2 mortgages. He earnt much more than me but had debt from studies he was paying off.
Have always maintained individual accounts as well as joint, but 17 years and with kids all money is seen as joint regardless of what account it is in. It’s been a natural progression - marriage & kids big factors.
He does big bill paying and tracks our spending- we review and discuss together regularly. (He does work in finance and I find it dull!)
Our finances are combined- but that said I’ve always earnt enough that I could support myself and the kids if we split. He has always earnt a lot more. We have never argued over money and have broadly similar views on it. All costs with kids have always been seen as joint- I cannot fathom couples where maternity leave is something that is paid for out of women’s savings only?!!
We’ve also been very fortunate that we’ve never been short.

VettiyaIruken · 09/05/2021 21:42

When we moved in together. It's worked perfectly for us for 23 years and counting but that's because we share the same views on money stuff.

321zyx · 09/05/2021 21:47

Never had a joint accounts, house in joint names. Just divorced after 22 years, at least there were no accounts to splitGrin.

SmednotaSmoo · 09/05/2021 21:49

When we moved in together we had a joint account set up into which we put the same amount of money. The higher earner saved and many of those savings went towards significant purchases (new kitchen, boiler etc) as well as the house we bought being bought as tenants in common with the first percentage of profits going to them due to their deposit.

Once we married we switched it so all our money went into the same pot, and we had equal spendings coming out.

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