When (if) did you combine finances with your partner?

[awkwardusername]

AIBU for not knowing what the protocol is? Everyone seems to do it differently, so what did you do, if anything?

[SarahAndQuack]

With my husband, we informally shared things until we got married, then we pooled everything. We split when he was just starting to earn well, and I lost out financially, having supported him to that point.

With my DP I didn't share finances in a formal way or get married and felt very cold about it, but I am very glad, as it turned out DP is terrible with money and debt, and her family are always on the take.

I post this because there's a bit of an assumption on MN that women are always better off if married to their partners/ sharing finances, and it is absolutely not true. I am very glad I didn't marry DP.

I think the important thing is to have the discussion about finances early, and to stick to it.

[KatGrl]

Once we were living together and engaged we opened an account together. At that time we earned similar amounts although I technically had more savings and he had debt. I kept my own original account open as well to make sure I maintained some independence but I don't really use it. 10 years later and I think it's working out well, we have never ever fought over finances.

[PhatPhanny]

Never have.

[MySocalledLoaf]

When we bought the house; it was impractical not to. We got married two years later.

[MeadowHay]

Once we got married really. That was about 2yrs into our relationship. We always maintained separate accounts and we opened a joint account then to put our wedding gift money in but we've never used it much (the account, I mean). The child benefit goes in it since we had DD but its not really used for anything else. We have just used both our accounts for whatever family spending we've done since around the time we got married. Neither of us are big personal spenders (well, we've never had the money to be anyway, we've gone from very broke to secure enough to save towards a deposit but still can't afford a holiday type position) and we have a similar approach to money so no disagreements or issues (so far! We've been married 7rs now).

[ALevelhelp]

As soon as we moved in together - about a year after we met. I was a single mum and lost most of my benefits when we moved in together, so could barely afford to pay childcare fees out of my wages - it was really awkward but luckily DH was happy to combine wages so I wasn't left short. We couldn't have lived together otherwise

[TedHastingsweeDonkey]

As soon as we moved in together 10+ years ago. But I think the first step was when we went on holiday for the first time, we kind of put our spending money together as "one pot" to make things easier. It was just sort of natural afterwards that we never had "my money, your money" and we have access to everything equally. We are married now and it's worked well so far.

[KatGrl]

When I was a SAHM his money was basically my money too I guess since we share accounts but I was always aware and cautious of spending on things for myself. I just felt bad sometimes even though DH never cared & he makes good money. It did bother me though and now that I have gone back to work I feel happy about contributing again and don't think twice about treating myself sometimes :)

[Chasingsquirrels]

H1, either 3rd year of uni for shared bills (we got together at the beginning of the 2nd year) or after we finished and living on our own rather than a shared house, don't actually remember. Put a set amount into joint account from our own accounts. Maintained this through buying a house until we went abroad for a couple of years and it was easier just to open a joint account over there. Then when we came back everything was just joint.

H2, never. He moved into my house and paid me a set monthly amount. All the bills remained in my name, we paid our own personal bills - car, phone etc. I dealt with the house maintenance. He also brought a lot of the food. Holidays were shared as in one paid or the other paid or we each paid for separate bits.
We probably would have got to it eventually, but he died of cancer.

I don't intend to marry again but hope to live with DP at some point when my dc are older. Not sure what we will do.

[abw94]

We both have our own accounts but a joint account for all house bills, we agreed on a set amount to put in each month that will cover everything (DP contributes more as he earns triple what I earn). What we have in our own account is ours.

[Matilda15]

When we bought a house together we got a joint account together which we pay in to and all household expenses come out of. Then anything else is our own.

Currently I’m on mat leave so DP covers all joint account expenses himself while my money covers personal expense e.g car loan.

[AppropriateAdult]

We set up a joint account when we got engaged (to pay wedding expenses), but we each kept our own personal accounts and just transferred a fixed chunk from our salaries into the joint account each month. Then, when I was going on maternity leave and planning to take a career break after that, I closed my own account and DH arranged for his salary to go directly into the joint account from then on. So finances have been completely combined since then; it works for us, and as a SAHM for several years I wouldn’t have been happy with it any other way. Now both our salaries go into the joint account, and everything comes out of it.

[TeeBee]

I never will. We have ridiculously disparate earnings.

[minniemomo]

I know dps pin and borrow it to pay for things online, alternatively he transfers money into my account (I earn far less)

[trilbydoll]

We had a big holiday tagged onto the end of a secondment so used DH's foreign account when we were there. I couldn't work out what I owed him when we got back so we just put it all in one account we were engaged at the time.

As it happens all our savings are currently in my name but as far as I'm aware everything is a marital asset so I don't think I can just run off with them - unless DH couldn't find me I suppose!

[lovescaca]

16 years and still separate bank accounts. All the bills come of my account and he transfer me half.

[aashna]

“What about those with vastly differing wages (including SAHM’s)?”

Well you can hardly be a SAHM and have separate accounts. And where there are vastly differing wages, I can’t imagine how that would work. Actually, I wouldn’t be with a man who wanted separate finances, full stop. Even if I were the higher earner, it would feel wrong.

[TuesdayRuby]

When we moved into together we got a joint account. All our bills, rent etc came out of this and we paid a joint set amount into this account every month.
Now we’re married and have quite a few joint accounts (mortgage, ISA’s etc) but also have our own current accounts.
Some of my married friends still have completely separate accounts from their husband. Like if we go for dinner the guy will tfr cash to his wife if she gets his share on her card. I find that so strange! DH and me just cover each other’s bills all the time, we never “owe” each other money.

[89redballoons]

We've had a joint account for, I think, coming up to 4 years when we moved to a flat by ourselves. By then we'd been together for 8 years and were engaged.

We've always had our own personal accounts into which our salaries get paid, and we move roughly half our salaries each into the joint account to pay for household bills, car payments and fuel, groceries, and (now we have a baby) baby stuff. The rest of our salaries goes into savings accounts in our own names, or on things like individual hobbies, clothes for ourselves, stuff like coffees or drinks if we are out with our own friends, and presents/surprises for each other.

It works very well for us but some couples like to pool their money more or less than we do. I don't think there is a specific set of rules or etiquette, but it's down to each couple.

[Nesski]

When we bought our place together we put £1k in each to our joint account, and then I said it was unfair as it was a lot for me and less for him, so we now direct debit 50% of our earnings into the account to which all bills, money spent on future children and anything spent on the family basically will be paid out of, and we separately keep the rest to do as we please. We want to have financial independence from eachother even though we are married so this works for us.

[Stompythedinosaur]

We got our joint account when we were buying a house together.

[Sunflowers095]

There is no rule but I would say my system is pretty good. We each have our separate accounts where salaries are paid into, and then we have a joint account where all the bills, insurances, groceries and more come out from.

We've had this set up since living together and it makes everything easier. We contribute 70% of our salary into it and keep 30% to ourselves. Holiday money is partially also taken from the joint account.

We've had this system and it results in complete transparency over joint finances, no arguments or confusion over who is paying what, etc.

[jakeyboy1]

When we purchased our first house together we went joint everything. 18 years later, it works. Although he has a disdain for my PayPal payments ;)

[motherofawhirlwind]

From about 3 months in. We were living together by 2 weeks and moving to a new place. We get paid into the joint account and then our spends move into another joint account. Joint savings, total transparency. We've earnt the same and very different amounts over the 25 years, it's always our money. Not married.

[caringcarer]

We have a joint account and have done since we married. We both pay over the same amount into joint account and from there we pay all bills including mortgage, gas, electric, water, council tax, TV licence, life insurance, food, gifts, child activities and gifts. We each have our own personal account where our salaries are paid into. We pay personal bills such as mobile phones, car expenses and fuel and any going out with friends independently of each other and gifts for each other. I think many couples adopt this format. It works well when both parties earn similar amounts.