When (if) did you combine finances with your partner?

[awkwardusername]

AIBU for not knowing what the protocol is? Everyone seems to do it differently, so what did you do, if anything?

We got a joint account when we first moved in together. We pay most of our income into it (just keep ‘pocket money’ for personal spends in our own accounts) and pay for bills, food, joint expenses out of the joint account. We have very different wages as DP is doing a PhD so contribute proportionally.

There is no protocol. Most people have joint accounts with mortgage.
We have been married nearly 20 years and have no joint accounts or access to each other's. We do have some spreadsheets. We somehow fell into paying for different bills depending who set what up, including school clubs etc, but we do square up if it gets too uneven. When I was on maternity I used my own savings.

When I went on maternity leave with my first child. My wage was going down to raise our child. I'm now a sahm and I deal with all the money. He takes some of his wage out for spending money but the rest I deal with using his wage (bills,food,etc).

A couple of times he's thrown at me that it's his money during an argument. I've told him fuck that he can stay at home or pay for childcare and ill work (easily getting a similar wage). I see being a sahm as a job (tbh I think I'd be a lot less tired at the end of the day, definitely if someone was at home managing everything like I am). He was a big factor in me deciding to stay at home (it was basically his idea) so I'll hold up my end of the bargain but I'm not being treated like he's going me a favour or paying me to have time off.

If your a sahp I definitely think earnings should be in a family pot otherwise you're supporting someone living the high life so you can live like a pauper.

We set up a joint account when we got married nearly 30 years ago. It's worked well for us.

We also have some joint savings and some individual ones.

from the day I married him. From that day on we were a team - what affected one affected the other. We did have 2 joint accounts - one his one mine that the other didn't really access. Handy for presents. but we were in one financial boat from the start. I wouldn't have had children with someone who didn't think this was the way to go. I went back to work after each child and maintained my own income but that was luck - I didn't have a child with additional needs or whatever.

When he moved in - about a yr in, we had a new baby.

I basically hold all the money in my account. When he gets paid he transfers to me and keeps maybe 50 quid as he smokes.

He can take as and when, we use each others cards, but it stops him frittering it away on crap.

To us it is family money, doesnt matter how much either of us earn. I sort all bills from my account, he wouldn't even know where to start

We are both more than happy with this arrangement.

Yikes, pretty much forever. We first met as penniless students. Have always shared money (maybe naively but have always trusted each other). Now married for over 20 years. We both know what each other earn and discuss big expenses etc. We earned similarly until I went part time but we’ve never had ‘his’or ‘hers’ money.

We set up a joint account as soon as we got married. Both our incomes go into it, and we have separate personal accounts which we transfer budgeted spending money for convenience. Not that anything is hidden, but it makes it easier to ensure that we don't overspend, and can save for what we want as we choose (and also buy presents without the surprise being ruined!)

As soon as we got engaged we shared all finances. Works for us and couldn't marry someone and have children and separate accounts/finances.

There has been very little disparity in our earnings so we chucked everything into joint accounts straight after we got married.

I deal with all the banking though, payments of bills, shifting cash into bills or trade accounts. DH hasn’t a clue what our passwords are I don’t think.

But this works for us, whatever works for you as a couple. As long as it’s not as varied as one person earning 20k and the other $150k and having a massive difference in disposable income.

Our disposable income is ours, not mine or his individually. We generally discuss all payments or use of cash over $500-$1000 if using it for a one time payment on something for ourselves.

We only had a joint account after we married. I also advise every woman to have one bank account in their name only. My husband in the main paid mortgage and bills. I contributed into the joint account but my wages were paid into my own account. Personally I advise all women in LTR to get married at some point. Also get your name on the title deeds or rent book for the home.

AIBU for not knowing what the protocol is? Everyone seems to do it differently, so what did you do, if anything?

When we married.

Since we started living together, which we only did after deciding to get married and we were married six months later. We don’t have a joint account at the moment, we still share everything in that we transfer whatever is required between us freely. We have had significant earning disparity, especially in the early days, which evened out over time.

When we started seriously talking about moving in together, we sat down and looked at our incomings and outgoings, and set up a joint account for when that day came.

We’re now in the process of buying a house and discussed finances in detail when we applied for a joint mortgage. We have set up a Deed of Trust to ring fence our individual deposits, and also set out how to divide any equity should we split. He earns three times what I do, so our joint account payments reflect that, while also ensuring our disposable income is similar.

My exH and I had a similar arrangement, and it made our divorce much more amicable. Being able to discuss finances openly, and sharing them in a way that feels right for you, is essential to a good relationship and I would be wary of living with anyone who didn’t do that.

We had nothing when we got together 18 years ago, so anything we earned we shared. It's been the same ever since. We both earn well, him more than me fwiw, and all money is shared. We have joint accounts and personal accounts which we review together periodically. All financial decisions are taken together, all budgeting done together. It works really well for us.

When we first moved into together renting set up a joint account which we both transferred half of the bills into. As soon as we got married we switched to being completely shared finances, both getting paid into the same account and I have a spreadsheet managing the bills/savings etc. Made most sense for us because it was at that point we really became a family and also legally it didn’t make a difference where we kept money, it was joint anyway. Plus we knew we wanted try for a baby and to avoid him having to pay me some sort of strange allowance whilst on maternity leave

We have a joint bank account and pay a set amount each into that every month from which all household bills are paid. The rest of our money is in our own accounts to do with as we wish.

We technically have a joint account but DH has never used it or logged in. He moves money across to it and all the house bills and kids stuff go out of it. I use it for that and other expenses of mine which are from money I have put in.

We have separate current accounts which our earnings go in savings and credit cards which we manage by ourselves. We vaguely know what we both have but would ask if doing a joint expense such as the extension we have planned. Plan is we are both putting in a third from each of our savings and then taking out a loan for the final third.
I manage the DC's savings as DH is not the best with stocks and shares, interest rates etc.

Never. 35 years together. We live in the house he owns. I own a couple of flats. Never had a joint bank account.

I earn 50% more than my partner so pay 50% more towards bill etc, we did it as soon as we moved in together

Even after marriage, I won't fully combine finances. My partner and I work full time and we will set up a joint account for bills and mortgage, when the time comes, but everything else will be separated. I've been financially abused in the past and won't give up my financial independence again.

Never had a joint account, i pay certain bills from mine and I transfer some to him to cover other bits. Thats it...I have no desire to share despite him being the higher earner. As he would go through statements line by line questioning my expenditure and I am not living like that

We have a joint account that we use for bills and then our own separate accounts.

We need to have a readjustment of who pays what but until dh's job is stable (events industry - buggered by covid) it's staying how it is and I cover the extras from my account as I am temporarily working full time instead of 4 days a week.