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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow 8/9 year olds to walk around a shopping centre alone (I’ll be in centre) for half hour?

224 replies

Egghead81 · 07/05/2021 18:17

My older child has an activity within a shopping centre

I was thinking of my daughter 8.5 and her friend 9 (needless to say telling her mother!) being given a pound each and allowed to go to smiths alone to by some treats and then have a wander in claire’s accessories etc. And then I meet them thirty mins later.

Very sensible girls. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Roonerspismed · 08/05/2021 05:22

I am quite a cautious parent and I might agree to this. I’m surprised at some odd the responses on here

It might be geographic. I’m nowhere near London

I think there is a risk to kids anywhere you go and cars are my biggest worry.

PresentingPercy · 08/05/2021 06:39

So in a shopping centre with no roads to cross, what’s the big issue? Children really do have to navigate life and this seems a reasonable place to start for 30 minutes. The idea they cannot do anything before they are teens is awful for them. Lots of dc navigate trains, buses and main roads to get to school at 11. Yet parents here can barely let dc out of their sight at 11 onwards?

Stranger danger is over hyped. Most dc are assaulted by people they know.

Natsku · 08/05/2021 07:16

@chloeb8

What in the bloody hell are nine-year-old children doing walking home on their own from school? Don’t talk to me about teaching them independence because there’s literally no excuse at that young age.
It might be an alien concept to you but there's nothing wrong with 9 year olds walking home on their own from school. Where I live, if a parent didn't allow their 9 year old to walk home alone if its walking distance and not an unsafe route due to traffic, they'd be considered over-protective and over-bearing, and doing their child no favours.
Roonerspismed · 08/05/2021 07:19

I agree. Many children this age walk to and from school where I live.

joystir59 · 08/05/2021 07:20

I used to go to school and back alone at that age and go to the local shops for my mum. That was the sixties. I probably wouldn't have gone into town on my own until 11, a bit older. At some point you have to let children build some street savvy and independence.

joystir59 · 08/05/2021 07:21

I was sexually abused by a family member for two years. Not going round the shopping mall with a friend.

ThatIsMyPotato · 08/05/2021 07:22

Too young. And also they'll need more than £1 to get anything decent.

joystir59 · 08/05/2021 07:23

13/14 is absolutely ridiculous. Poor kid, being mollycoddled to that degree
I agree, for goodness sake you can get married at 16!!!

Mummadeze · 08/05/2021 07:25

No way from my point of view. You are taking responsibility for the friend. How would you feel if something happened!

Doveyouknow · 08/05/2021 07:26

If it was a small shopping centre which they know well I would. I would be worried they would get lost if was a big one like Westfield or the Trafford centre. Kids of that age go to the park and the shops on their own round here. Not sure a shopping centre is anymore dangerous (it's probably safer as there is no traffic)

joystir59 · 08/05/2021 07:26

Children are far more resilient and capable than we give them credit for. The more you mollycoddle them and oversee their lives the more vulnerable you make them.

ouchyouchyow · 08/05/2021 07:27

You know your own kid. You decide if she is sensible enough

I did it at that age: but that was 35 years ago

It's highly unlikely they will be kidnapped as a PP suggested

Presumably they know not to go off with a strangers?

traumatisednoodle · 08/05/2021 07:32

No. They're too young. Maybe 13-14,maybe......... but not 8-9

Oh dear I am a negligent parent. Dd was taking the bus to school in yr 5. These girls will be in yr 5 in 5 months. My understanding is OP will be in the shopping centre, but doing her own thing. If so l think that's fine. Dd was going to the cinema with a 12 year old at 8.....

lovelyupnorth · 08/05/2021 07:36

Our local shopping centre - market town absolutely no issues at all.

The Trafford Centre maybe not.

But then my kids walked home from school form y5 and went to town on the bus from 12, they had a job from 13 as well. Even left them in a city they didn’t know at 13 while they shopped and wait to see some only way is Essex star and picked them up later. With the odd check in phone call.

Some of the responses are nuts. And the statistical chance of stranger danger is pretty much none existent.

For context my kids are 19 & 20

lovelyupnorth · 08/05/2021 07:38

@joystir59

Children are far more resilient and capable than we give them credit for. The more you mollycoddle them and oversee their lives the more vulnerable you make them.
Spot on.

But we live in seriously paranoid society. It’s really sad.

Notavegan · 08/05/2021 07:39

I'm fairly lax but would probably watch at a distance. So let them browse alone if they want, but wait on a nearby bench etc.

Dailywalk · 08/05/2021 07:44

@Moonlaserbearwolf

Alone with just a pound sounds like torture! I would go with them and treat them to a hot choc or give them a few pounds for Claire’s while you stand outside.
Agree with this. Too young to be on their entirely on their own but if you hang around outside the shop they get a bit of independence whilst being safe that you’re nearby.
donnasgonna · 08/05/2021 07:46

I don't understand why you're considering supervising the older one and letting the younger ones off alone?

When my dd was 9 I'd sometimes take her in to Claire's and leave her there whilst I went to the Superdrug opposite. She was told not to leave the store. I'd only ever be 15 minutes max but I'd spend the time imagining that there would be a bomb alert and she'd be forced to leave the shop and would be lost. It was hell really with all the worry come to think of it I don't know why I bothered!!

By 11 she'll be off shopping alone with her mates. It's not long now for her they grow up an insane out in that time

BigGreen · 08/05/2021 08:02

I would definitely consider sitting in the food court / a bench and letting them mooch around that area.

itsgettingwierd · 08/05/2021 08:07

Don't see an issue. They go off to the park and corner shops alone at this age.

Usually that involves crossing a road!

I'd like them to have a mobile and perhaps check in personally after each shop but we are only talking a shopping centre which will have other people around if they should come across anything.

And it goes without saying you have the chat "if x happens you do y" before hand.

itsgettingwierd · 08/05/2021 08:10

I'm thinking people's own local shopping centres are affecting their personal judgement.

I'm surprised at those saying not until 13/14.

Mine is one long corridor and only about 200m long so I don't see issue with children that age wandering.

JaninaDuszejko · 08/05/2021 08:16

These events are very very rare

It depends what kind of events you are talking about. Obviously abductions are very rare but I'd never let my nearly 9 year old do this and the reasons are nothing to do with abduction. When we moved to this house my DDs were 9 and 10.5 and we allowed them to go to the corner shop by themselves. Quiet residential streets, safe area, nothing to worry about, the kids get a bit of independence and responsibility. Super. Until MIL is in the corner shop with them and realises they are shoplifting sweets. When I talked to them about this individually the 10 yo admitted what she had done and we had a conversation about the impact on the shopkeeper which she hadn't considered. The 9yo completely denied it (very badly) and so we banned her from going to the shop alone for the best part of a year. I think at 8 and 9 along with not being able to cope with unusual events they also haven't developed empathy and so may do things that negatively affect others. I think an 8 or 9 yo is still too young to be trusted, I would have said my 9 and 10yo were very sensible but they were not considerate enough to behave appropriately in a shop alone.

Crumpetsandhoney · 08/05/2021 08:30

I did this at that age I would probably allow for my kids as well on the provisi that they had a phone and had already been taught about being independent. Child abductions are not the real risk of what would happen to children in shopping centres. I have seen so many 16 to 18 year old kids with no life skills cause their parents never gave them the chance to develop any.

Gullible2021 · 08/05/2021 08:44

But then my kids walked home from school form y5 and went to town on the bus from 12, they had a job from 13 as well. Even left them in a city they didn’t know at 13 while they shopped and wait to see some only way is Essex star and picked them up later. With the odd check in phone call.

We aren’t talking about a 12 or 13 year old here. If we were, I’d be very surprised if the vast majority of people were saying it wasn’t ok for them to be alone in a shopping centre.

We are taking about an eight year old. Mentioning the behaviour of children 4 or 5 years older is irrelevant. Most children are making their own way to school from 11, either by foot or public transport. It’s not unusual at 12/13 to visit a nearby town or city with friends at 12. So your examples aren’t particularly unusual.

But these children are not 12 or 13. They are 8 and 9. And there’s a big difference.

Toomanymuslins · 08/05/2021 08:45

A 13 year old with a job isn’t something to boast about.