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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can my ex claim back maintenance?

145 replies

ConfusedCarrie · 06/05/2021 21:32

My DS is 10. His DF left in 2013. When he left, he contacted the CSA and told me he would voluntarily pay me £350 per month. I have no idea what he earned. He did say that he had rounded it up to make it a better number. By how much, I don't know. FF to 2021 and I am struggling financially. My hours have been cut drastically and my DS has outgrown all his clothes and I have our mortgage to pay. I asked if ExH would just consider an increase in his maintenance. He said he couldn't afford to, he's struggling financially because of Covid (he's a keyworker so no change in wages and he has no mortgage or rent). He says he has been in contact with the CMS and he has been overpaying me, I'm entitled to £210 per month. The CMS have said he can claim back all the money he has over paid.

YABU - of course I should pay it back, I wasn't entitled to it.
YANBU - he knowingly and voluntarily overpaid so I should not have to pay to back.

OP posts:

QuestionEverythingOrBeASheep · 23/05/2021 21:09

[quote ConfusedCarrie]@mainsfed 1p a week. I can do that 🤣
@BoomBoomsCousin He works for a supermarket as a area manager.

He has DS 1-2 nights a month. The arrangement is every other weekend but he never has him Friday. He picks him up Saturday and brings him home Sunday. He often bails on at least one weekend overnight and sees him for a couple of hours instead.[/quote]
If he's an 'Area Manager' he's going to be on good pay and substantially higher than 21k; even store managers earn more than that. 1-2 nights a month won't really deduct what he has to pay you. If he only wants to pay you 210 then I think you should let the CMS do the calculations.

As far as any money already paid.... as it was a voluntary arrangement, no one was holding a gun to his head, what was paid was paid and he can not backdate any claim.

Call his bluff. He has a decent job and his pay will match his responsibilities which are considerable..

CandyLeBonBon · 23/05/2021 21:16

That's brilliant op

notapizzaeater · 23/05/2021 21:40

What a prize dick ! No wonder he wanted to be friends and 'could' increase it by a little

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/05/2021 23:09

Well done sticking with it OP. Next time he does or says anything at all to make you feel like you might be in the wrong, just remember this.

Not only has he been a utter tight arse for likely the whole 8 years (he’s likely shorted you well over 10k, maybe as much as 20k, compared to CMS minimum since you’ve been split up), when you were struggling he deliberately lied to you to try and get more for himself, not just by cutting his payments but by seeing if he could defraud you into sending him money. All of which would have been very detrimental to his son - something he was not at all concerned about.

JustLyra · 23/05/2021 23:17

@ConfusedCarrie

I received a letter yesterday. He owes me £567.62 a month

. I knew he was lying but I'm still shocked by how much he has deliberately withheld from our DS

. He has a way of getting in my head and filling it with doubt. Thank you all, well 97% of you for giving my head a wobble

Wow.

Well that’s massively backfired on him.

Well done for going through with it OP. Remember this now anytime he tries to make you feel bad - he’s been deliberately under contributing to your DS for a long time.

CausingChaos2 · 23/05/2021 23:18

I knew as I was reading your opening post that he was lying. Well done for persuing it.

JustLyra · 23/05/2021 23:19

Also in any dealings with him going forward remember that he tried to make you fear CMS with the backpay bullshit deliberately to stop you finding out he was underpaying.

And there’s no way he didn’t know. His £210 figure being what he was underpaying wasn’t plucked from thin air.

subbysammiexoxo · 23/05/2021 23:20

so on the calculator based on what you have told us roughly and guessing his wage at 25k a year he should be paying you 49 pound a week

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 23/05/2021 23:23

@subbysammiexoxo

so on the calculator based on what you have told us roughly and guessing his wage at 25k a year he should be paying you 49 pound a week

Uh-huh . . .

Dullardmullard · 23/05/2021 23:26

Well what are you buying the lad with the extra money something nice I’ll bet.

frazzledasarock · 23/05/2021 23:31

Glad you checked with CMS.

I can also tell you that CMS don't back date payments for longer than three months. So ex was paying about a third of what he owed, Altho I had a CMS claim he was paying directly to me. When I managed to get hold of CMS to tell them they would only back date the payments for three months.

I’ve now asked CMS to collect the payments and although they charge 2% it’s less of a headache than having to chase twatface for payments each month.

Original poster

ConfusedCarrie · 07/06/2021 22:17

Is it bad that I haven't received a payment yet but I have spent the money already in my mind? . All the times DC asked for things and I had to say no. The trips we couldn't go on. Holidays, decent clothes, treats. I feel like I've won the lottery

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedCarrie · 07/06/2021 22:33

Thank you for all your support. I let him make me doubt myself, make me feel guilty, feel sorry for him. No more 💪

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 07/06/2021 22:37

How did he react when you told him, or did he get a letter from the CMS? When does he normally pay you?

Original poster

ConfusedCarrie · 08/06/2021 21:59

I've told him I've had a letter from the CMS but he just says he hasn't had one and he will wait until he has his copy as mine is a mistake . He refuses to talk about it. He pretends he hasn't heard me and talks about something else. It is laughable. He paid me his normal amount as he "doesn't want DS to suffer" next payment is due on the 28th June. If he doesn't pay the new amount I will contact the CMS on the 29th and I made that very clear to him

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/06/2021 22:48

@ConfusedCarrie

I've told him I've had a letter from the CMS but he just says he hasn't had one and he will wait until he has his copy as mine is a mistake

. He refuses to talk about it. He pretends he hasn't heard me and talks about something else. It is laughable. He paid me his normal amount as he "doesn't want DS to suffer" next payment is due on the 28th June. If he doesn't pay the new amount I will contact the CMS on the 29th and I made that very clear to him

There's a brilliant thread at the moment called John Learns to Adult, by R0SEMARY. I think they may be brothers!!

blessedbe · 01/07/2021 13:04

Has he paid up?

Minionbums · 01/07/2021 14:05

Do you get back pay, or is just the new amount from now on?

Bollindger · 01/07/2021 14:14

Does he realise he owes you the higher amount from when the claim started.
Karma sure bit his arse.

Original poster

ConfusedCarrie · 05/10/2021 22:56

I didn't get back pay but they did say I couldn't claim underpayment. He has, so far, paid up. He's still pleading poverty. He's booked a cruise and cannot afford first class . So glad I did it. Thank you MNers x

OP posts:

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