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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can my ex claim back maintenance?

145 replies

ConfusedCarrie · 06/05/2021 21:32

My DS is 10. His DF left in 2013. When he left, he contacted the CSA and told me he would voluntarily pay me £350 per month. I have no idea what he earned. He did say that he had rounded it up to make it a better number. By how much, I don't know. FF to 2021 and I am struggling financially. My hours have been cut drastically and my DS has outgrown all his clothes and I have our mortgage to pay. I asked if ExH would just consider an increase in his maintenance. He said he couldn't afford to, he's struggling financially because of Covid (he's a keyworker so no change in wages and he has no mortgage or rent). He says he has been in contact with the CMS and he has been overpaying me, I'm entitled to £210 per month. The CMS have said he can claim back all the money he has over paid.

YABU - of course I should pay it back, I wasn't entitled to it.
YANBU - he knowingly and voluntarily overpaid so I should not have to pay to back.

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedCarrie · 07/05/2021 06:49

@mainsfed 1p a week. I can do that 🤣
@BoomBoomsCousin He works for a supermarket as a area manager.

He has DS 1-2 nights a month. The arrangement is every other weekend but he never has him Friday. He picks him up Saturday and brings him home Sunday. He often bails on at least one weekend overnight and sees him for a couple of hours instead.

OP posts:

user648482729 · 07/05/2021 06:57

I think he’s bullshitting on both counts; he entered into a voluntary arrangement so how would it be that he can claim it back. Secondly if he’s suggesting that based on his earnings he should pay £210 then he’s saying that he’s earning about 25k a year (unless he has other kids) and as an area manager for a supermarket I’d be quite surprised so I’d respond by saying that you’re going to go through child maintenance yourself so that you can an accurate idea of his wages

EnoughnowIthink · 07/05/2021 07:02

Don’t bother engaging with him further. It’s all bluster. You can get advice from the CMS yourself and ask them to assess him. Assuming he’s PAYE, he gets no say in it. You will then receive the legal minimum that can be enforced and I suspect this will be considerably more than he is proposing.

RachelRaven · 07/05/2021 07:05

The number of nights matter so go to cms yourself and state he has him 1 night a month.

RachelRaven · 07/05/2021 07:08

Area manager at aldi starts for training at £44k and goes to £79k according to their website.

harknesswitch · 07/05/2021 07:12

It was a private agreement of course he can't claim it back.

Tbh if he does reduce his payments then you might as well do it officially and go via the cms to make sure he's paying what he should.

Are you certain you know what he's earning? You can go on the cms calc and work it out yourself. My ex under paid me for years, it wasn't until I went via cms that we found out he was telling me lies about his earnings and they up'd his payments

ConfusedAdultFemale · 07/05/2021 07:13

Have you personally spoke to the CSA? If you’ve not, I would advise you to. He isn’t able to claim back CSA.

alfafabean · 07/05/2021 07:22

If you go through the CMS for a formal calculation of maintenance the letter will say what he earns and how they come to their calculation. They haven't said you have to pay him anything back, that's bullshit. You are better going through them if he's starting to dick about with maintenance so you know where you stand but it may mean you get less than what you have been getting. £360 for one child is a decent amount depending on his wage. For context my ex claims to earn £24k and I've been awarded £230 a month for two children.

Lovemusic33 · 07/05/2021 07:27

No, he agreed to pay that amount so you won’t have to pay it back. No one forced him to over pay. CMS encourage people to sort payments out between them before asking them to do it (which is what you did), he should continue to pay the agreed amount. He’s telling lies.

My ex underpays, he lays £200 a month for 2 dc but it’s what we agreed years ago (he had dodged the fact that he has had several pay rises since).

FedNlanders · 07/05/2021 07:28

They won't say you have to pay it back. Hr is just trying his luck.

vivainsomnia · 07/05/2021 07:32

Of course you don’t have to pay a penny back. You didn’t go through cms then and their figure constitutes the minimum he has to pay. Many good dads agree to pay more when they can.

Will he continue to pay what he did or is he now suggesting to lower the amount?

anon12345678901 · 07/05/2021 07:32

As everyone else has said, you don't have to pay back a voluntary agreed amount. It was his choice to pay, he can't simply decide now that he wants some back. He is though able to drop the amount, have you been on the CSA calculator to check the amount he's said? You do need his salary amount for it, Area manager salaries vary depending on the company and the area covered so if you know those you can get a rough idea.

Takemetomiami · 07/05/2021 07:33

Why are you believing what he says? Of course you don't pay it back, and if I were you I'd be doing some googling to find out roughly how much he earns, it sounds more likely he has been underpaying you! Assume you know who he works for and how long he's been there, you should be able to get an idea how much he's on and you can work out on the cms website how much he should be paying.

scatteredglitter · 07/05/2021 07:36

Why are you not taking matters into your own hands and contacting CMS and calculating it yourself ?

MrsWhites · 07/05/2021 07:39

He’s lying. The CSA can only impose their decisions from the date a claim is lodged with them by either party.

I also think he’s lying about the amount, no area manager is earning c.£21k as someone else worked out earlier on in the thread. Ring the CSA and lodge the claim yourself, i believe it costs £20 to open a claim but at least you’ll know that you are hearing information from the horses mouth!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 07/05/2021 07:41

He is talking bollocks. Quick Google, area manager for supermarket averages 35k and csa calculator is 350 a month on that. So he has been paying you the minimum amount.
Just go through CSA

PriestessofPing · 07/05/2021 07:42

Another one here for ringing and starting and official claim. He’s lying and the amount he’s given you for the calculation sounds wrong based on the amount of nights he has your son and what people are saying about the likely amount he earns.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 07/05/2021 07:43

If that job title is correct then after a little googleing I've found that he will earn somewhere between £32000 and £69000 PA. So your cm payment (assuming 1 night a week and no other children) would be a minimum of £318 per month.
I'd seriously go through CMS as depending on your exs wage, your son could be entitled to a lot more.

SunshineCake · 07/05/2021 07:45

@Happycat1212

I don’t think they can make you pay it back but I wouldn’t have rocked the boat and asked for more, £350 a month for one child is a lot! I get £30 a month for 4 😏

This is irrelevant.

IamMaz · 07/05/2021 07:46

I used to work for CSA, many years ago, before it became CMS.
If you have a voluntary agreement there is no way they would get involved.
You need to claim child maintenance via CMS and get an enforceable amount sorted out according to the rules.
He is bullying you.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 07/05/2021 07:46

If hes earning nearer the higher end then the payment could be in the high £400s to £500+.
I hope it is as frankly it would serve him right for lying and threatening you financially

gamerchick · 07/05/2021 07:50

Have you actually been in touch with CMS?

Tell him fine, you'll go through CMS to get maintenance sorted out. Call his bluff.

cupoftea2021 · 07/05/2021 07:52

@Happycat1212

I don’t think they can make you pay it back but I wouldn’t have rocked the boat and asked for more, £350 a month for one child is a lot! I get £30 a month for 4 😏

Unfair to compare.

gamerchick · 07/05/2021 07:53

OP, are you aware hes obviously bullying you? I find it a bit alarming you're taking him at his word.

cupoftea2021 · 07/05/2021 07:53

Ring your cms.
Anything like this needs factual advise.
Your payments in the Uk are so low what percentage is it?

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