Can my ex claim back maintenance?

[ConfusedCarrie]

My DS is 10. His DF left in 2013. When he left, he contacted the CSA and told me he would voluntarily pay me £350 per month. I have no idea what he earned. He did say that he had rounded it up to make it a better number. By how much, I don't know. FF to 2021 and I am struggling financially. My hours have been cut drastically and my DS has outgrown all his clothes and I have our mortgage to pay. I asked if ExH would just consider an increase in his maintenance. He said he couldn't afford to, he's struggling financially because of Covid (he's a keyworker so no change in wages and he has no mortgage or rent). He says he has been in contact with the CMS and he has been overpaying me, I'm entitled to £210 per month. The CMS have said he can claim back all the money he has over paid.

YABU - of course I should pay it back, I wasn't entitled to it.
YANBU - he knowingly and voluntarily overpaid so I should not have to pay to back.

@CombatBarbie did you know what you would get before? I'm so impatient now

@MarcelinesMa
At least I do. I get a bit extra or tax credits give me a one off payment I wasn't expecting and my first thoughts are what can I buy all of us.

I got a letter a few weeks after the claim call detailing what I was getting as he refused to tell me his wage.

I think he maybe regretting his decision to cut maintenance. I had a text this morning. "Look, DS needs us to be friends. We were getting along just fine and probably better than when we were married. Can we just forget all this nonsense? I can afford to increase your payments to £380 but that will leave me short. I will have to tell DS I can't afford McDonald's or Burger King on a weekend😪"

I'll decide whether ro accept or not once CMS get in touch

Good for you. It's what he gets for being a dick.

What a nob! I don't believe for a second that a CMS claim won't leave him £5 for lunch, but... Has he ever thought that you might have to occasionally tell your child that he can't have something because it's too expensive? He really does expect to be Disney dad, doesn't he?

I think getting the CMS to deal with it and getting them to decide a fair amount is the best solution because it takes you out of the equation. A student friend had a terrible relationship with her baby's sperm donor. The CM now gets taken automatically and it makes contact between them much easier.

What a tosser. Hope CMS get back to you soon and to tell him to piss off.

Definitely stick with CMS, he is obviously not reliable so I wouldn't take his word again.

I received a letter yesterday. He owes me £567.62 a month . I knew he was lying but I'm still shocked by how much he has deliberately withheld from our DS . He has a way of getting in my head and filling it with doubt. Thank you all, well 97% of you for giving my head a wobble

I'm glad you are getting it sorted now @ConfusedCarrie. Hes being a complete bastard and he knows it. At least you have cms involved now so your son can have what he is entitled too

Wow excellent results! These people that get out of paying or try and pay less make my blood boil !!

I know CMS takes a percentage but it way easier going through them!
He must be earning a ridiculously good wage to have to pay £500 a month usually it’s about £100 a month on an average wage.

Congratulations! You stood up to a bully and you beat him!! You are an example for single mothers everywhere!!

What a result! Have you/CMS told him yet? What was the response?

He’s talking out of his arse, this isn’t true at all. He chose to pay you more than they asked, nobody forced him to do that. There’s no way they’d ask for it back.

Holy shit. He must have been depriving your son his correct amount for years and pleading poverty.. this means he owes you for years of underpayments.

I'm very very pleased for you OP

Ah so what he actually meant was you were entitled to £210 EXTRA a month ... hilarious! Well done OP.

Wow! Good result op. Just hope he pays it/cms make him pay - keep on top of it

@ConfusedCarrie

I think he maybe regretting his decision to cut maintenance. I had a text this morning. "Look, DS needs us to be friends. We were getting along just fine and probably better than when we were married. Can we just forget all this nonsense? I can afford to increase your payments to £380 but that will leave me short. I will have to tell DS I can't afford McDonald's or Burger King on a weekend😪"

I'll decide whether ro accept or not once CMS get in touch

That's brilliant!! I hope it gave you a good laugh, I definitely had a chuckle. And what a great result- all of his own doing no less😂😂😂

Well done. What a bastard letting you struggle like that.

@ConfusedCarrie

I received a letter yesterday. He owes me £567.62 a month . I knew he was lying but I'm still shocked by how much he has deliberately withheld from our DS . He has a way of getting in my head and filling it with doubt. Thank you all, well 97% of you for giving my head a wobble

I hope you went for the collection service as well!

He must earn more than 70k then. What a tight prick.

Well done OP! You saw straight through his bullshit 🙌🏻

If he doesn't pay the correct amount on the next Month. Go straight back to CMS. They will start the process to deducting directly from his employer. This takes a few months to sort. But hopefully he isn't the sort to job hop. Unlike so many nrp. This will cost him a further 20% of the amount he has to pay. And they will deduct 4% of what you receive. Worth it for the peace of mind.