To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

And I’m sure she will take her business elsewhere but it’s illegal to discriminate on the grounds of breastfeeding.

YABU! Illegal refusal of services doesn't apply as they weren't refusing you on the grounds of you breastfeeding. It would have made no difference if you were bottle feeding, they have a no child policy.

Nobody is saying you shouldn't get your hair done the full time your BF but you need to either go somewhere that is child friendly (can you go back to the hairdressers you said you used with your older children?) or use a mobile hairdresser that will come to your house - sounds like that would suit you better.

Why didn't you confirm when booking if they accepted kids instead of waiting until you got there? I've been to a few hairdressers, none of which allow children.

Also (I'm in Scotland so may be different) but I know that at my hairdressers they're now allowed to only have one person each at a time and have to leave longer in between appointments for deep cleans etc so they're already missing out on money. It may just be 15mins feeding (although if your baby has never been in that environment feeding you don't know that for sure, they could get distracted by the noise/new smells etc and end up taking longer) plus the time it takes you to bring them in and take them back out again so at least 20mins you're looking at holding them up. I wouldn't feel comfortable as a hairdresser to continue to cut/colour your hair while there's a baby on your knee in case the hair/dye etc gets on them. You would also have to take off your cloak thing they put on to protect your clothes. There would also be no way for you time it so that they were being fed while your colour was setting and not when it needed washed out/dried etc which I don't think is fair to do with a baby on your knee.

To be honest you sound unwilling to hear that you were in the wrong - which the majority have said you are - so why ask in aibu when you're so sure you're right?

YABU - if it was as important as you say to go to the hairdressers than why on earth would you leave it to try him on the bottle for the first time when you are out of the house? You should have checked at least a few days before your appt and made a decision then.
I am sorry but billions of people all over the world have babies - I get your baby is important to you - but no more important than other people's babies. New mothers often have a sense of entitlement but that soon goes the older your baby gets.

Do they have to 'justify' themselves?

In my eyes, yes. I’m not sure I’ve come across this before. Even the fancy salons I’ve gone to cut children’s hair too, so could hardly argue they were childfree. Secondly, creating a situation where bfing mothers (whose baby won’t take a bottle) can’t get their hair done anywhere isn’t a good move for society in general.

So I would be keen to hear their thinking, yes,

And this is one reason of many out breastfeeding rates are abysmal.

@Lemonelderflower

The thing people are missing is that at this young age they don’t really count as a ‘child.’

For a breastfeeding mother of a tiny baby you are pretty much one person. People can YABU all they like but that’s how it is. That’s why there are laws in place about it.

But then mn is never very kind to mothers of tiny babies.

No, you're missing that to the hairdresser a baby does count as a child, or duh we wouldn't even be discussing this

Which law is it that says that hairdresser have to allow chidren of any age in their premises?

Your post has the feel of some kind of militant breastfeeding agenda when this clearly isn't the issue here

*our

YABU. Child free means child free. Other customers are entitled to get that environment if that's what the salon offers. They may deliberately have chosen a salon which does not allow children. You can choose one which does, or risk your baby being hungry for a bit.

@PatchItUp

Thanks for replies so far, it’s interesting to see the opinions. I really find it surprising how many people would be livid about a baby coming in to a room, sitting on my lap to be fed for 15 minutes, then leaving. He’d obviously be silent for the 15 minutes it takes to feed him. How would that impact on anyone else’s haircut experience?

15 minutes on your lap possibly delays the stylist/colourist for 15 minutes and puts the next appointment behind? Practise with a bottle at home. If I was going out while breastfeeding then the logistics of the feed would be down to me and dp, not asking others to change policies/interfere with procedures/argue about rights etc.

If being a militant breast feeder is someone who thinks someone should be able to breastfeed as they go about their normal business then I’m a militant breastfeeder.

Although I would make an exception if OPs normal business is skydiving or bungee jumping

@Lemonelderflower

And I’m sure she will take her business elsewhere but it’s illegal to discriminate on the grounds of breastfeeding.

They didn't discriminate on the grounds of breastfeeding, it had nothing to do with that. It was because it was a child and they have a no child policy

What exactly is militant bfing I wonder?

YANBU OP, I have had hairdressers allow this for a 3m bf baby despite a no child policy, it's not unusual and it's obvious that it's an exception. Not to mention legally being allowed to breastfeed. If they aren't happy to make an exception I'd go somewhere else tbh.

I have no idea why there are such judgy people on this thread, it's like people just want to punish women instead of applying a bit of common sense. Time was when MN was supportive of bf but all I see recently is some kind of nasty backlash against it. You think it won't be obvious to others that it's a bit different for a nursing baby to be brought in for a bf to bringing a host of toddlers in?

Just find a hairdressers who'll let you take the baby. Plenty do.

As a fellow bf Mum I’m saying YABU. It’s entirely legal for them to refuse access to your child. They can’t refuse to allow you to bf if children are allowed there but it’s their business and children are not welcome.

YABU.

It adds another layer of risk, doesn’t it? Brings another person into the mix, plus your DH if you don’t pass baby over at the door. Plus a hair appointment really isn’t suitable for breastfeeding. Bits of hair falling on baby, having to feed them under the cloak or take it off, the fumes from the dye etc. Some salons might be fine with it and you could have called round a few to find one. But to try insist on it and then start mentally pulling the illegal discrimination card is pretty embarrassing on your behalf.

YABU... you're putting the hairdresser in a very awkward position. How about just having a cut and blowdry - so you're in and out in an hour? Or postponing until you know whether your baby takes the bottle?

If your baby won't take a bottle and your OH has to bring him to the hairdressers you can be pretty sure he'll be screaming the place down when he arrives....

YANBU. No wonder breastfeeding rates are so poor in the UK with such unhelpful attitudes.

Christ I can feel the entitlement from here.

@Lemonelderflower exactly, I’m with you. We don’t support breastfeeding in this country and it’s ridiculous.

YABU

I don’t think YANBU. And I certainly don’t think you deserve anything like the responses you’re getting here. It’s not clear cut at all.

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/breastfeeding-in-public-places/

@Lemonelderflower

And this is one reason of many out breastfeeding rates are abysmal.

I mean, most hairdressers don’t have an issue with it. When I had my hair done pre covid they were thrilled to have a baby to coo over. It’s a different circumstance currently, as we all know.

And I very much doubt this is a common reason for choosing not to breastfeed lol. There are plenty of other reasons why someone might feel formula feeding is the best option for them and their baby (all of them valid), but I would be astounded if this was one of them lol.

@Username916 I exclusively breastfed, never once did I think my desire to breastfeed trumped others desire to be in a child free place I’d not take a newborn to a fancy restaurant and ruin others dining experience so I sure as heck wouldn’t take a newborn to a salon and ruin others relaxation either.