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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an exception for bf baby?

999 replies

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 14:41

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 05/05/2021 15:27

If I took an extra fifteen minutes of course I would happily pay for the extra time, however there’s no reason why it should.

There is every reason why it could, because the hairdresser might not be able to get on with the job whilst the baby is there. And in that case it isn’t just about you paying for the extra fifteen minutes, what about the next customer who is then kept waiting and the knock on effect during the day. Since covid, my hairdressers no longer juggles customers (e.g. does a cut whilst someone else’s colours are brewing), it is one at a time and the time slots are carefully managed so people are not hanging around.

YABVU and to be honest, I think you are just trying to make a point.

AliceMcK · 05/05/2021 15:27

Personally I wouldn’t want to take a baby into a hairdressers with all the chemicals, hairsprays, dryers going off especially one so young. And I agree with others about it not being fair to other customers who like you will be desperate to get their hair done.

I’d wait a little longer or would make sure baby was willing to take the bottle before booking the appointment.

Viviennemary · 05/05/2021 15:27

No. Not allowed. Health and Safety risk.

poppycat10 · 05/05/2021 15:28

Are mothers just supposed to stay at home for months/years if bf

No, but if you are doing baby-led feeding and not feeding every 3-4 hours which would give you time to get out and get highlights etc, you need a mobile hairdresser. Get the baby into a routine which allows you more flexibility (probably not possible at 2 months, so use a mobile hairdresser).

they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards no they are not. Well not in England anyway, I know the rules differ in Scotland so maybe they extend to hairdressers but I thought the rules were supposed to be to stop some stupid old bloke complaining about a woman "getting her boobs out" in a cafe and the owner asking you to leave or feed in the loo, not overriding a no-child policy. Age discrimination is permitted against the under 18s so get used to it fast, eg B&Bs that don't take children.

SafferUpNorth · 05/05/2021 15:28

@SafferUpNorth

YABU... you're putting the hairdresser in a very awkward position. How about just having a cut and blowdry - so you're in and out in an hour? Or postponing until you know whether your baby takes the bottle?
... and I'm saying this as someone who breastfed exclusively for 6 months. I wouldn't have considered yours a smart plan, even in non-Covid times.
ClarrieGrundy · 05/05/2021 15:28

Lordy, you are BU.

There will be many reasons why other women would not want a baby in the hairdressers. If you stop and think for a minute, and try to muster up a tiny bit of empathy, you might work it out.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/05/2021 15:28

I was in this situation and went outside to meet my husband and gave the baby a quick feed on a bench outside. No additional people inside the salon and a less chemically experience for my PFB

I wouldn’t care if someone else brought a baby in to a salon if it was for a 10 min feed

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 05/05/2021 15:28

Yabu and you have appauliingly.

Remember, this is a site for mums, so the replies you are getting are most likely from mums, a lot of whom breastfed. We're still telling you that yabu.

The didnt discriminate. They havent broken the law. Having a baby doesnt make you special. You need to follow the same rules as all the other parents.

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 05/05/2021 15:28

Wtf where's the humanity these days?

Who would object to a Mother bringing a babe in arms in for a feed? I would cancel the appointment OP and go somewhere else.

If they're going to be uppity then they don't deserve your money.

Scrfgkesjwjrf · 05/05/2021 15:28

Just get the cut and colour your hair at home? When BF I only did things that could fit between feeds. Or if you must, get in the car and BF and go back into salon?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/05/2021 15:28

As pp have said, it’s not discriminatory as it applies to all children.

It would be discriminatory if a bottle fed baby were allowed in but not a bf.

LondonStone · 05/05/2021 15:29

My hairdresser is fully booked back-to-back every day for weeks and we have been asked to wait outside until her current client is done (Covid, obviously). She’s a really lovely person but I think she would have said no to you as well OP.

If your baby arrived during the dye development time then I think it would be fine for few minutes but she couldn’t have waited for you to feed because that would have a knock on effect to everyone else that day. If you run 15 minutes over, her next client is stood in the cold for 15 minutes. Then the next person. Then the next.

roguetomato · 05/05/2021 15:29

If your dh can bring him in and take him away, why can't you just feed him right before the appointment so he doesn't need the feed for few hours?
I EBF my dc too, but I never thought I can do whatever I like because I was BFing.

deliciouschilli · 05/05/2021 15:29

YABU.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 15:29

Chameleon it’s not that this in itself is a common reason not to breastfeed but it’s part of an overall attitude which firstly doesn’t see breastfeeding as the ‘norm’ and also subliminally encourages formula feeding to make life easier.

So I doubt someone will see this and decide to formula feed on that basis! But when you have PILs and parents, neighbours and friends, even (I’m sad to say now) MN urging you to give the baby a bottle, often prefixed with ‘just’, it is ultimately harmful to breastfeeding rates.

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 15:29

I don't think they are able to refuse at all on the basis of a no child policy, afaik that isn't a valid exemption. So many people on this thread think they are amateur lawyers!

Therealjudgejudy · 05/05/2021 15:29

Good grief, grow up woman. The hairdressers is not a suitable place for your bf baby right now. Hope you are not this precious in every day life

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 15:30

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

As pp have said, it’s not discriminatory as it applies to all children.

It would be discriminatory if a bottle fed baby were allowed in but not a bf.

That isn't an exemption according to the law.
Crowsaregreat · 05/05/2021 15:30

YABU

It sounds like the salon are bad at communicating and could have handled it better, but with a baby that age I'd only leave them for the length of time they're happy to be left. And I'd have just a cut rather than a colour so it wasn't going to be hours and hours.

ChameleonKola · 05/05/2021 15:30

Also can we stop talking about womens’ infant feeding choices with terms like ‘abysmal breastfeeding rates’?

We are very fortunate in this country to have access to safe, nutritious formula and clean safe drinking water, so people can make whatever decision works for them to feed their child. Far better than being in a country or living during a time where it was breastfeed your baby, find a wet nurse or they perish from poor milk substitutes.

There is no ‘abysmal’ about feeding your baby a nutritious appropriate food, whether formula or breast milk. Let’s take the value judgment and shaming and stigma away from feeding babies, eh?

PhatPhanny · 05/05/2021 15:31

Sorry, but YABU, a hairdressers is a nasty environment for a young baby, chemicals, heat etc, and not only that, clients pay alot of money to have a relaxing time getting their hair done.

Iwonder08 · 05/05/2021 15:31

Ridiculous, nobody is discriminated you.. Hairdryers, chemicals.. If something happens to your baby who will be responsible? Book a home visit if you can't be parted with the baby

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 15:31

@Therealjudgejudy

Good grief, grow up woman. The hairdressers is not a suitable place for your bf baby right now. Hope you are not this precious in every day life
Christ, so many weird responses. Its quite normal to bf a baby at a hair appointment. I've done it myself. No idea where these weird anti-women attitudes have appeared from since I used to use MN when my DD was small, that's only a handful of years ago but the judgy whinges about entitlement and "grow up woman" are overkill these days. Must be the effect of Brexit.
Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 15:32

No chameleon, I’m afraid we can’t because it is very relevant.

Supporting breastfeeding is more than a tick box exercise.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 05/05/2021 15:32

For heavens sake Yabu,are you happy for your exclusively breast fed baby to inhale hairspray and ammonia from hair dye?

Stop being so precious, baby will be fine drinking expressed milk from a bottle.

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