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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an exception for bf baby?

999 replies

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 14:41

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 05/05/2021 15:02

I'm really glad that I haven't ever gone to a hairdressers with such a policy. I've had toddlers in pushchairs etc. because I didn't have anyone to look after them.

I never let them disturb anyone.

littlepeas · 05/05/2021 15:02

I don’t think you’re U OP. Quite surprised by the reactions here.

BelleBlueBell · 05/05/2021 15:03

[quote thirstyformore]@PatchItUp - the Mumsnet vipers are out in force today. So many rude comments. I'd ignore the majority Smile Set of sour pusses on this thread who either don't have kids, can't remember what it is like to have a newborn or are just plain and simple mean.

[/quote]
I have children, breastfed them all for several months, can remember quite clearly what it was like to have a newborn and I think the OP is being unreasonable.

What the hell is the point of starting a thread and then ignoring the majority opinion that you're behaving like a special snowflake.

Time for a new hairdresser

BonasthatBonas · 05/05/2021 15:03

Will you be paying for the extra 15 minutes of the hairdressers time while they wait for you to feed before proceeding with your appointment @PatchItUp

Are you happy your colour may be ruined if the baby arrives just as it is due to be washed out or is partially put in as presumably you wouldn’t want them to continue putting dye in while you’re feeding meaning an extra 15 mins for one half than the other?

Will the baby be screaming from trying to be bottle fed by your DH and then on a car journey / walk while hungry? Do you not think that would disrupt the salon?

Aprilshowersandhail · 05/05/2021 15:04

Having a child free appointment means a lot to many op..
For various reasons..
After a loss for example a chance for a bit of pampering is mood lifting...
Ime.
Shut in a room with a baby isn't appropriate...

MatthewHBpig · 05/05/2021 15:05

@PatchItUp

Thanks for replies so far, it’s interesting to see the opinions. I really find it surprising how many people would be livid about a baby coming in to a room, sitting on my lap to be fed for 15 minutes, then leaving. He’d obviously be silent for the 15 minutes it takes to feed him. How would that impact on anyone else’s haircut experience?

You are taking the replies with grace OP

I know it's effectively harmless but back when my smallest was tiny I was v Unwell with PND triggered badly by crying babies . Going to HD and encountering a baby would complete ruin the break it was set to be.
I look out child free establishments for this reason.

I wouldn't have gone into a family friendly HD and demand they send out all the kids for my convenience?

I fully bf all my kids too. I am very pro Bf and was member of LLL for years.

DarcyLewis · 05/05/2021 15:06

You can breastfeed your baby anywhere you can take your baby.
Unfortunately, you can’t take your baby to a child-free hairdressers.

zafferana · 05/05/2021 15:06

YABU. Many of us have combined breastfeeding with hairdresser appointments and it is possible if you give your DC a good feed before you go. Time your appointment so it fits with your usual feeding schedule. Unfortunately, the world doesn't revolve around you, even if you are breastfeeding.

Crunchymum · 05/05/2021 15:06

I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

Why didn't you go back to this place then?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/05/2021 15:06

I can see both sides OPM. Unfortunately it's a tough lesson in asking before you book. They don't want to put up with moaning clients, don't want you say in the chair for an extra ??? minutes whilst you sit and nurse the baby, potential vomit on the floor etc

If DH arrives mid hair wash will he stand outside with the screaming baby until it's convenient to them to pause for 20 minutes? Or as they start to put the colour on?

You don't have to never leave the house but you do need to accept that not everything is multitaskable

Blacktothepink · 05/05/2021 15:06

It wouldn’t bother me, but if that’s their policy 🤷🏻‍♀️
Can you get a mobile hairdresser to come to your home?

Nats1984 · 05/05/2021 15:06

I agree with the majority YABU. Hairdressers is a crazily hazardous place for a little one of any age and if someone sees you sat in the chair feeding ( not only batshit hazzardous). But everyone and their cousin will start bringing kids in there. If someone’s paying a fortune to have their hair done, maybe paid a babysitter for the privilege then a crying child would be a huuuge problem for them. It’s not difficult , book the cut and colour an hour apart and get DH to come in the car with a drink and snack for you while you feed him in the car and send them on their way. Not every place Is BF friendly , would you expect to be able to feed in the dentist chair? In the beauty salon while getting waxed, next to the strimmers and mowers in B&Q?
I was very young when I had my first and very shy and embarrassed about feeding her so only ever did so at home. I managed haircuts, meals and cinema trips just grand . Must admit the freedom when I quit was absolutely lovely though.

Megan2018 · 05/05/2021 15:07

If it’s their policy then that’s fair enough. YABU.

I took BF DD to hairdressers pre Covid but it was my hairdresser that suggested it. They were fine about babies in pre Covid times. My hairdresser actually wanted a cuddle.
Now they aren’t allowing children at all. Which is understandable.
I waited 5 months to get my hair done after DD though.

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 15:08

@3JsMa no it’s not covid related, it’s about not having kids in in general. I totally agree it’s one thing having a busy toddler in an adults only environment but having a tiny baby just feeding from his mother then leaving should be different (in my opinion, obviously!!)

Someone asked about him grabbing foils and dye dripping on him...unless he’s turned into Mr Tickle there’s no way his arms are long enough to reach my head from being at my breast - the dye couldn’t drip out it’s not a runny liquid it’s a cream in foils on my head...there is no danger to him.

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 05/05/2021 15:08

I don't think you realise how...
A) entitled you sound
B) ignorant you sound
C) unreasonable you are

emsyj37 · 05/05/2021 15:09

Just get a mobile hairdresser. I had my hair done 2 days post birth and fed during the appointment thanks to a mobile hairdresser, and the convenience has kept me using mobile ever since. So much easier to fit in around the kids.

zafferana · 05/05/2021 15:09

It's not about 'bothering' anyone, it's about health and safety and the strict Covid rules that salons are currently operating under. You might be in the middle of getting your colour done when your baby needs to be brought in. The hairdresser has a tight schedule to keep to. You would probably disrupt that. You'd be the first to complain, I'm sure, if your baby got hydrogen peroxide in his eye, or hair dye on his face.

WhySoSensitive · 05/05/2021 15:09

As others have said - if it was as simply as not letting you BF then YANBU. But it’s a blanket no children policy, so YABU.

bishbashbosh99 · 05/05/2021 15:10

Oh I expected everyone to be on the same page as me but seems not. I think they are BU... very U in fact. Maybe that's just because I was allowed to do this in exactly the same circumstances in both hair and eyebrow place. Obvs its up to the individual but in my opinion it takes a bit of an arse to say you can't have your hair done if you need to feed... which is exactly what they're saying!!

Thunderpunt · 05/05/2021 15:10

You are seriously entitled to think you could bf your baby while having your hair done.
The fumes from the hair dye alone are incredibly hazardous, not to mention the possible drips on your baby. It would be utterly irresponsible of both you and the salon to allow this. I can't believe you can't see the risk to your newborn!

Toastfiendish · 05/05/2021 15:10

It's not discriminatory but it seems mean. My hairdresser is expensive but it's an area with a lot of families and they allow children. It has never disturbed me. And honestly how on earth could a baby that small being breastfed disturb anyone - they might briefly cry but then you'll feed them! If it's from a safety perspective I don't really understand that either - there is so much dead time when you're in the hairdresser is unlikely you'll waste any of their time.

However others disagree with me which suggests there must be a place for child free hairdressers and what you need is one which is child friendly - switch salon.

It sounds like they were unpleasant to you which is a separate issue, and I would have thought more reason not to give them your money!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/05/2021 15:11

YABU why would you leave it until you were actually going yo see if he would take a bottle, surely you would have given it a try. Who wants to feed a baby (bottle or breast) in a hairdressers while getting their hair dyed. They can't stop the haircut so you can feed your baby. They have other clients coming after you.

bishbashbosh99 · 05/05/2021 15:11

@thirstyformore thank god a nice person!! 😄

TheKeatingFive · 05/05/2021 15:11

What’s their justification for being child free?

JJSS123 · 05/05/2021 15:12

Hairdresser here.
Children running round the salon is dangerous and quite annoying if I’m being honest but a baby in arms used to make our day!

Don’t think any of the hairdressers I’ve worked with over the years would of said no to you at all! Especially as you wasn’t bringing baby for the actual app. Just incase he needed to feed!

God I remember being the salon junior and we had a lady who came in with her baby and I’d end up carrying him round while answering the phone! I am under 30 so we aren’t talking to long ago either