To be pissed off with this comment?

[overreactionorno]

So been chatting/seeing a couple of times - bubbling we're both single adults - this guy. He's always been lovely and nice, respectful etc. I've got a good sense of humour and we enjoy banter.
So last night we were texting about meeting up again soon. From ages ago he's been after a massage off me as I'm qualified and I enjoy doing them. I've also got a yappy dog who can be annoying.
Text conversation went along the lines of have you got oil and a muzzle? I was confused as my car is currently in the garage being fixed and didn't know if he was referring to that, so I said 'oil? What for?' To which the reply was 'oil for the massage and the muzzle for you'
Now call me over sensitive and I'm prepared to get the piss taken out of me, but is this not quite a nasty thing to say to someone ? Especially when he's been kind and sweet and gentlemanly over the last few months of contact ?
(I'm more than willing to be B ing U)

I wouldn’t end this relationship over a failed attempt at a joke. I’d be alert to whether he was an arsehole or whether we were compatible.

He probably meant a muzzle for your yappy dog.so that's quite a funny comment.

Bloody hell is life becoming this joyless that people don’t get the joke. Or read so much into it.

If he’s otherwise lovely I’d not think any more of it.

It'd be a distinct warning to me and they don't get many.

Does he prefer the Gilead mouth rings or just the leather mask fastened at the back of the neck? Or, even more off beat was he making some "joke" reference to face masks which the ranting covid deniers have started referring to face coverings as?
He doesn't sound very funny either way.

Normally when a man makes a joke that I perceive to be rooted in misogyny (or other bigotry), I ask them to explain it. Then I ask again - “I’m sorry, I don’t get it - why is it funny?”

They’ve never been able to come up with an answer.

I’m really tired of the “just a joke” attitude TBH. Would he make a joke that had racist undertones even if that wasn’t his intention? Obviously joking about putting a muzzle on a woman is rooted in misogyny, whether he’s an outright misogynist or not.

Bloody hell is life becoming this joyless that people don’t get the joke. Or read so much into it.

Perhaps some of us have had our fill of the “banter” around wanting to shut women up?

Yes, as a mixed race woman I’ve been the butt of many of these sort of ‘jokes’ (sexist and racist) and have been told ‘it’s just a joke’ many a time. I’ll decide if something I’m on the receiving end of is a joke or not thanks. ‘Just a joke’ is a form of gaslighting imo, designed to make you feel like the unreasonable one.

@me4real

OK, I see that I'd missed the post where the OP clarified that he'd been referring to the dog (in his own head) but typed that it was for her

@BelleBlueBell I don't believe him about that, as he said 'a muzzle for you.' I think he was enjoying disrespecting OP and only went back on it when he realized she wasn't going to stand for it and it might reduce his chance of shags on tap or anything.

I agree with this. He was being a pig.

You've been enjoying banter with this man. Nothing wrong with that. But the problem with banter is there's always a chance something can be taken the wrong way. I enjoy lots of banter with my husband, it's part of what makes us us.
You've said he's been respectful. You've said you liked him.
Is it really worth ending it over something like this?

He literally meant a muzzle for the dog (joke 1).

The when OP asked for clarification he changed it her. As a joke. Bit a particularly funny one, but not a waving red flag

I’d say I was getting dh to do the garden and said “pick up a shovel from b&q” and he said why - I might respond “to bury you under the patio with”.

It doesn’t mean I advocate violence - it’s a joke. Mentions of bdsm etc are quite frankly baffling and shows more about the people posting them than the guy in this scenario tbh.

Oh god ditch him. He sounds AWFUL. There’s no coming back from that comment, he’s shown his true colours.

It doesn’t sound like your far enough into the relationship to have these cheeky jokes that you know aren’t a signal to him being disrespectful. He’s played it a bit too soon and it’s come off as disrespectful. It would put me off early in to seeing someone.

Bad joke, I’d give him a second chance though. Everyone fucks up now and again.

It was banter, tbh your reaction to the banter after the chats you have been enjoying would be a red flag for Me if I was him, he’ll be forever on egg shells wondering if he will offend you and his actions will end up on MN.

You say yourself you like banter together, I totally took that to meant muzzle for you as in wants a peaceful massage!
Sounds like a joke.

It was a bas joke, you have said you didn't find it funny, he knows where he stands. I am not sure I would end it on this. If there are other red flags then yes, but not just this.

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

It was banter, tbh your reaction to the banter after the chats you have been enjoying would be a red flag for Me if I was him, he’ll be forever on egg shells wondering if he will offend you and his actions will end up on MN.

Yes, this The comments about BDSM and red flag behaviour makes me wonder more about where the minds of some of the posters are rather than him to be honest!

@Carolduckingbaskin

He literally meant a muzzle for the dog (joke 1).

The when OP asked for clarification he changed it her. As a joke. Bit a particularly funny one, but not a waving red flag

I’d say I was getting dh to do the garden and said “pick up a shovel from b&q” and he said why - I might respond “to bury you under the patio with”.

It doesn’t mean I advocate violence - it’s a joke. Mentions of bdsm etc are quite frankly baffling and shows more about the people posting them than the guy in this scenario tbh.

This. Unless people also think every single person on this 489 post thread is also showing red flags?

Oops, forgot to add a link www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4181559-Reasons-my-DH-may-end-up-under-the-patio

Seriously? I think you’ve got this completely wrong OP.

I read muzzle meaning to keep the annoying dog quiet. I can’t stand small yappy dogs and I’d wouldn’t want to share sexy space with it either.

Thanks everyone for your responses. Seem to be about 50/50 so whichever way I go may be seen as wrong . He's been very apologetic and admitted it was a shit thing to say and was carried away with the banter.
On balance I'm leaning towards the 'take it as a joke' comments, and I think we've established some boundaries now. So yes, I was BU.
Have a great day everyone!

lol - obviously a joke.

The only red flag for me would be how he felt about my dog. Love me, love my dog.

Haha.
Well, I'd reply, good idea! You know what size you wear? I assume!!

Then watch him like.a.hawk.

He might think he's funny, this may also be his hidden douchebaggery making it's first peek out in your presence.

That would be a no from me too.

Obviously a joke