To be pissed off with this comment?

[overreactionorno]

So been chatting/seeing a couple of times - bubbling we're both single adults - this guy. He's always been lovely and nice, respectful etc. I've got a good sense of humour and we enjoy banter.
So last night we were texting about meeting up again soon. From ages ago he's been after a massage off me as I'm qualified and I enjoy doing them. I've also got a yappy dog who can be annoying.
Text conversation went along the lines of have you got oil and a muzzle? I was confused as my car is currently in the garage being fixed and didn't know if he was referring to that, so I said 'oil? What for?' To which the reply was 'oil for the massage and the muzzle for you'
Now call me over sensitive and I'm prepared to get the piss taken out of me, but is this not quite a nasty thing to say to someone ? Especially when he's been kind and sweet and gentlemanly over the last few months of contact ?
(I'm more than willing to be B ing U)

[slashlover]

Giving a woman a muzzle is NOT sarcasm.

Is the long running thread about burying DHs under the patio sarcasm or do you actually think everyone posting is seriously considering murdering their husband? Is it only offensive when it goes in one direction and not the other?

[Alldressedup]

@EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology 😂😂😂😂

@BelleBlueBell Ok, apologies. I guess I can see the joke because it’s something I can imagine saying myself as part of an ongoing banter/ sarcastic conversation. It’s not a joke in the traditional ‘punch line’ manner. The muzzle was clearly for the dog but in a sarcastic way he joked that it was for her. I guess it depends on your sense or style of humour. Clearly some people are offended by this but there’s also many that aren’t.

[CirclesWithinCircles]

@Phrowzunn

Good grief you’ve got to feel sorry for men on the dating scene these days. Poor guy trying to make a wee joke and the whole of mumsnet have got him pegged as an evil cretin to be immediately discarded for having the audacity to say such a thing to a woman.
I agree with PP it was obvious to him (and you, so he thought) that the muzzle was for the yappy dog so he sarcastically said it was for you just to try and make you laugh (the nerve of him).
I would say give the poor guy a chance but if you are that offended by basic sarcasm then I’d say no point as I think you’d be too hard work for him and I don’t see it working long term anyway.

A lot of the men are on online dating because they're so hopeless. You'd think they would be capable of learning basic social skills like not making jokes about muzzling women. It must statistically reduce their chances so much because many women don't share building site humour or have an ambition to spend their free time accommodating annoying men. But never mind, at least Phrowzunn is here to pander to them and pretend that they're funny.

[slashlover]

You'd think they would be capable of learning basic social skills like not making jokes about muzzling women.

It's absolutely something I would say to joke with one of my friends (male or female).

[BelleBlueBell]

[quote Alldressedup]@EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology 😂😂😂😂

@BelleBlueBell Ok, apologies. I guess I can see the joke because it’s something I can imagine saying myself as part of an ongoing banter/ sarcastic conversation. It’s not a joke in the traditional ‘punch line’ manner. The muzzle was clearly for the dog but in a sarcastic way he joked that it was for her. I guess it depends on your sense or style of humour. Clearly some people are offended by this but there’s also many that aren’t.[/quote]
OK, I see that I'd missed the post where the OP clarified that he'd been referring to the dog (in his own head) but typed that it was for her so maybe that does explain it but it doesn't really work in this situation where the OP can't read his mind.

Maybe he does deserve a second chance if he works on his delivery

[Phrowzunn]

@CirclesWithinCircles
No pandering, no pretending, just not perpetually offended by everything like the Mumsnet Massive
@slashlover - very good point!

[CirclesWithinCircles]

@slashlover

You'd think they would be capable of learning basic social skills like not making jokes about muzzling women.

It's absolutely something I would say to joke with one of my friends (male or female).

With someone you knew quite well...social skills tend to mean you're a tad reserved with what you say to people until you know them well enough to gauge their sense of humour.

[Startingagainperson]

To be kind to him he may have just been clumsy with his obviously advances. But it would still be a firm NO from me after that remark!

[Gingerwhinger1]

You’ve enjoy chatting with him and you’ve been exchanging banter for a few weeks, this one missed the mark. If it’s a one off, let it go.

[numberoneson]

yuck ... totally suspect remark to text. It'd scare me off.

[steff13]

I wouldn't be angry, but I'd be wary. If I liked him, I wouldn't end it, but I'd be on alert for other things.

[me4real]

That's really nasty. I would definitely bin, he doesn't respect you.

[me4real]

OK, I see that I'd missed the post where the OP clarified that he'd been referring to the dog (in his own head) but typed that it was for her

@BelleBlueBell I don't believe him about that, as he said 'a muzzle for you.' I think he was enjoying disrespecting OP and only went back on it when he realized she wasn't going to stand for it and it might reduce his chance of shags on tap or anything.

[SofiaJessica4]

it's a no from me. good men know to hold back and let the woman lead things early on and certainly not to be making comments like that before you've had any intimate contact! the guy is selfish & is just thinking of what gets him off - suggests he's an asshole and also a bad lover. and I like bdsm! I would nope myself out of this.

[avamiah]

Don’t give him a second thought as he sounds like a Chancer, you know one of these charmers who chances their luck.

[voovayclickwot]

YANBU. Have you ditched him?

[PandemicAtTheDisco]

I've found comments similar to this and directed towards my cat suggest someone not particularly fond of cats and incompatible.

If the comment were directed at me then I'd find our sense of humours to be incompatible.

[theloraxspeaks]

Big big big red flag. Would be a no from me.

[MyDogIsDrivingMeMad]

I'd respond in a way that let him know I thought it was a weird, creepy, potentially gross joke, but if I liked him otherwise, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. It was only one slightly strange joke. No need to stop being friendly after such a minor annoyance. If there's something really off about him, he'll reveal it soon enough. If you're willing to drop him so quickly, though, maybe that's an indication that you didn't like him so much, anyway.

[Aprilx]

[quote Alldressedup]@BelleBlueBell Oh do give over! You know full well what the joke was/is. But you want me to say it’s a joke about keeping the OP quiet so that you can then feign horror at the affront to our feminist rights.[/quote]
I honestly don’t see a joke either. Not even a bad joke, just a disturbing comment.

[Lea060398]

@GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish

Of course he's a tradie🤣🤣

Any particular trade, or do you just generalise about all of them?

[TheWaif]

A muzzle is to stop biting surely rather than to silence someone.

I get that he was trying to make a joke, but the content of the 'joke' is just skanky and comes off as a way to drop in that he likes BDSM.

It's fine to drop someone because you don't like their shitty 'joke' for whatever reason.

[Billandben444]

A muzzle is to stop biting surely rather than to silence someone.

To muzzle a person means to stop them from speaking up or expressing their thoughts and opinions.

[Voomster953]

@Flowers500

...it’s a joke? What planet are some of you on? 😂 you must all end up married to toothless sheep if a joke causes a reaction like this. But if you’re not compatible then you’re not compatible 🤷‍♀️

😂

[Strugglingtodomybest]

If you've been bantering with him then I would say give him a second chance. The trouble with banter is that there's always the risk of taking it too far, especially when you don't know each other well.