To be pissed off with this comment?

[overreactionorno]

So been chatting/seeing a couple of times - bubbling we're both single adults - this guy. He's always been lovely and nice, respectful etc. I've got a good sense of humour and we enjoy banter.
So last night we were texting about meeting up again soon. From ages ago he's been after a massage off me as I'm qualified and I enjoy doing them. I've also got a yappy dog who can be annoying.
Text conversation went along the lines of have you got oil and a muzzle? I was confused as my car is currently in the garage being fixed and didn't know if he was referring to that, so I said 'oil? What for?' To which the reply was 'oil for the massage and the muzzle for you'
Now call me over sensitive and I'm prepared to get the piss taken out of me, but is this not quite a nasty thing to say to someone ? Especially when he's been kind and sweet and gentlemanly over the last few months of contact ?
(I'm more than willing to be B ing U)

[MadMadMadamMim]

It's 'banter' in his eyes. I note he didn't apologise for his misplaced humour, but instead subtly shifted the blame to you because he thought you'd go along with it.

In my opinion, blokes who do 'banter' are generally misogynistic arseholes who put people down (as in the muzzle 'joke') and then brush it off as humour or banter. Then blame you for being touchy or oversensitive.

It's not funny and it tends to get nastier. I'd get rid now.

[Sparklfairy]

Honestly I think it was a clumsy joke that missed the mark. You could have sussed him out a bit more by 'joking' back something like, 'but how will I tell the dog to stop yapping if I've got a muzzle on?' - then you'd have been able to gauge which direction he was going with this.

Response A) 'the muzzle was for you to put on the dog so I can enjoy my massage in peace you numpty' - fine.
Response B) 'Hm, I'll bring muzzles for you both then' RUN

[BelleBlueBell]

@Alldressedup

Christ. So much frothing on this thread. To me this was clearly a joke. You have said yourself that you have banter with him and that’s what this is. He’s now admitted as much. I’d perhaps explain why this joke didn’t make you feel too great then give him a second chance. This isn’t really a red flag. God, some posters need to take a step back and stop being so offended.

I'm happy to take a joke at my expense but I genuinely don't see what the joke is here. Can you humour me and explain. I do realise that having to explain a joke ruins it but really not seeing how this could be funny

[Postern]

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I would instantly feel 83% less sexually attracted to any man who said that.

Indeed.

Nul points for the bantz.

[GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish]

Of course he's a tradie🤣🤣

[CirclesWithinCircles]

@Flowers500

...it’s a joke? What planet are some of you on? 😂 you must all end up married to toothless sheep if a joke causes a reaction like this. But if you’re not compatible then you’re not compatible 🤷‍♀️

I think meeting someone online means its very hard to guage whether their sense of humour will tie in with yours, but most men online seem to assume that you will share their somewhat risque/dim/rough one, when thats not necessarily the case.

Thats hardly the same as being married to a toothless sheep but nor does it mean you have to tolerate a gap-toothed cretin - it simply means you are incompatible. I've never found it necessary to find jokes about being muzzled funny (or similar) in order to enjoy a relationship - have you?

[custardbear]

Hhmmm I'd be inclined to say sorry I'm definitely not into that if that's what you're after! And see whAt he says / never know perhaps he's trying to be funny ... but clearly not managing it very well

Anything strange after that I'd be off if you're not into any kinky shit

[BeefSupreme]

you must all end up married to toothless sheep if a joke causes a reaction like this
😂

[gah2teenagers]

Keep the guy. Ditch the yappy dog.

[3Britnee]

If you like him op, don't dump him on the say so of a load of miserable internet posters.

I thought it was obvious that it was a joke, oil for the massage, and the muzzle to keep the yappy dog quiet during. Which then turned in to sarcasm; 'it's for you'.

There are no red flags here. At all.

[slashlover]

I'm happy to take a joke at my expense but I genuinely don't see what the joke is here. Can you humour me and explain. I do realise that having to explain a joke ruins it but really not seeing how this could be funny

It's similar type of humour to the long running thread/multiple jokes on here about putting DH under the patio. Sarcasm.

[Sparklfairy]

@GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish

Of course he's a tradie🤣🤣

That's a point. That whole workplace 'ladz bantz culture' is questionable humour at times with rape jokes and shared porn being common. Throw in a pandemic and forgetting how to talk to women and it could well be something that just kind of slipped out.

Not condoning it, but I've seen it before in men who work in the trades.

[Weeedonkey]

I already know what kind of bloke he is OP. Bet he has a white van, loves the banter and always down the pub with the mates, innit.

[BeefSupreme]

@GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish

Your classism is showing

[GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish]

[quote BeefSupreme]@GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish

Your classism is showing[/quote]
I am a working class MUA myself🤷‍♀️ Not looking down on anybody, it's just that tradies tend to be 'lad banter' types

[donquixotedelamancha]

Can you humour me and explain

Not PP, but I think it's a joke too. The humour is in the silly/suggestive nature of the massage oil and BDSM gear combo- it's just a daft non-sequitur.

It's a bit daft but tone is hard on text and the amount being imagined from one comment on here is excessive.

[Alldressedup]

@BelleBlueBell Oh do give over! You know full well what the joke was/is. But you want me to say it’s a joke about keeping the OP quiet so that you can then feign horror at the affront to our feminist rights.

[Packitupwillya]

It’s always good when somebody shows you who they are early. Saves a whole load of time wasted.

[LadyLolaRuben]

If you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, be on your guard OP because I've been where you are now and those comments get worse. Red flag

[LuluJakey1]

He just sounds seedy to me.

[BelleBlueBell]

[quote Alldressedup]@BelleBlueBell Oh do give over! You know full well what the joke was/is. But you want me to say it’s a joke about keeping the OP quiet so that you can then feign horror at the affront to our feminist rights.[/quote]
I really don't know what the joke is.

I don't want you to say anything, there's no hidden agenda and you must have me mixed up with another poster if you think I'm going to feign horror at anything.

I can see that it's a stupid childish comment that has no relation to anything but that doesn't fit the definition of a joke.I don't think I'm having a sense of humour bypass, I can only conclude that as no one can explain where the humour is that it's not a joke and he's maybe a not a keeper.

[EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology]

I could feign horror if it'll lighten the mood? I'm quite good at that.

Look 😱

[HollowTalk]

@slashlover

No way ... he's employing the stereotype of women's voice being an irritating, inconsequential thing. Even if you forgave it now you'd never quite forget that's his view of your voice. Run for the hills!

Or it's sarcasm. Similar has been said to me dozens of times, my mum will bring a cat treat, I'll say "Oh, is that for the cat?" and my mum will say "No, it's for you for your dinner."

I'll take my mum a bottle of wine she likes, she'll ask if it's for her and I'll reply "No, it's for the neighbour."

Giving a woman a muzzle is NOT sarcasm.

[slashlover]

I really don't know what the joke is.

Sarcasm refers to the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say, especially in order to insult someone, or to show irritation, or just to be funny. For example, saying "they're really on top of things" to describe a group of people who are very disorganized is using sarcasm.

[Phrowzunn]

Good grief you’ve got to feel sorry for men on the dating scene these days. Poor guy trying to make a wee joke and the whole of mumsnet have got him pegged as an evil cretin to be immediately discarded for having the audacity to say such a thing to a woman.
I agree with PP it was obvious to him (and you, so he thought) that the muzzle was for the yappy dog so he sarcastically said it was for you just to try and make you laugh (the nerve of him).
I would say give the poor guy a chance but if you are that offended by basic sarcasm then I’d say no point as I think you’d be too hard work for him and I don’t see it working long term anyway.