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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with this comment?

143 replies

overreactionorno · 04/05/2021 21:10

So been chatting/seeing a couple of times - bubbling we're both single adults - this guy. He's always been lovely and nice, respectful etc. I've got a good sense of humour and we enjoy banter.
So last night we were texting about meeting up again soon. From ages ago he's been after a massage off me as I'm qualified and I enjoy doing them. I've also got a yappy dog who can be annoying.
Text conversation went along the lines of have you got oil and a muzzle? I was confused as my car is currently in the garage being fixed and didn't know if he was referring to that, so I said 'oil? What for?' To which the reply was 'oil for the massage and the muzzle for you'
Now call me over sensitive and I'm prepared to get the piss taken out of me, but is this not quite a nasty thing to say to someone ? Especially when he's been kind and sweet and gentlemanly over the last few months of contact ?
(I'm more than willing to be B ing U)

OP posts:

RiseNBrine · 04/05/2021 21:43

Love your message @EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology

No nonsense

slashlover · 04/05/2021 21:55

No way ... he's employing the stereotype of women's voice being an irritating, inconsequential thing. Even if you forgave it now you'd never quite forget that's his view of your voice. Run for the hills!

Or it's sarcasm. Similar has been said to me dozens of times, my mum will bring a cat treat, I'll say "Oh, is that for the cat?" and my mum will say "No, it's for you for your dinner."

I'll take my mum a bottle of wine she likes, she'll ask if it's for her and I'll reply "No, it's for the neighbour."

Original poster

overreactionorno · 04/05/2021 22:09

@slashlover

Or it's sarcasm. Similar has been said to me dozens of times, my mum will bring a cat treat, I'll say "Oh, is that for the cat?" and my mum will say "No, it's for you for your dinner."

I'll take my mum a bottle of wine she likes, she'll ask if it's for her and I'll reply "No, it's for the neighbour."

I've asked him why he said it and if he thought it was ok to say such a nasty thing. He said of course he meant it was for the dog and thought I would've gone along with the banter

OP posts:

CirclesWithinCircles · 04/05/2021 22:10

There are certain words I find that are only employed by creeps and control freaks. One of them is outburst - older men of a certain persuasion like to belittle any woman who criticises them by accusing her of having an outburst. Generally goes along with them being a bit thick and unable to constructively discuss anything.

I think I could add muzzle to my relatively short list of certain words I discount people for. Theres just no nice way to use it so no reason for doing so.

Twats ie those more often referred to in a clinical scale sense, often like to drop little hints to absolve themselves of blame later.

BullOx · 04/05/2021 22:14

“It’s a shame you think I should be muzzled, you’d miss out on so much…….”

And then block. Arsehole.

SonnyWinds · 04/05/2021 22:15

I'd take this as a complete joke. Because the muzzle is so obviously for the dog he's making a joke that it's for you... I just don't think it's that deep. It's the same as you asking him to pick up some dog food from Tesco and him saying "but I'm really not hungry".

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/05/2021 22:20

I would instantly feel 83% less sexually attracted to any man who said that.

CirclesWithinCircles · 04/05/2021 22:21

Oh, and why would you be considering giving him a free massage? Or would he be paying you as he's been after one for "ages"? It all sounds very blurred but I don't think I'd be looking at providing a massage as a date...

ivfgottwins · 04/05/2021 22:22

It's a joke 🤷‍♀️

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/05/2021 22:23

@slashlover

Or it's sarcasm. Similar has been said to me dozens of times, my mum will bring a cat treat, I'll say "Oh, is that for the cat?" and my mum will say "No, it's for you for your dinner."

I'll take my mum a bottle of wine she likes, she'll ask if it's for her and I'll reply "No, it's for the neighbour."

Those examples are quite a long way away from a joke about muzzling women.

Marlena1 · 04/05/2021 22:24

Usually the men on MN sound horrific but could this not be just a bad joke about keeping the dog quiet?

Mehoooole · 04/05/2021 22:25

It sounds like a poor joke to me. He probably isn't very funny. But I for one occasionally say stupid things I regret and that sound worse than I intended. If you like him I'd give him another chance.

CirqueDeMorgue · 04/05/2021 22:26

Omg it was a fucking JOKE.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2021 22:27

It's a weird comment as why would he need to provide a muzzle for your dog? Does he think it's going to bite him? Or maybe he thinks the dog will be jealous of him? Have you joked about your dog being defensive of you or not liking strange men? That's the only explanation I can think of.

Otherwise it seems really rude about your dog and about your ability to look after your dog.

shivermetimbers77 · 04/05/2021 22:27

I would also think this is just a poor attempt at a joke.. you’ve let him know you didn’t like it, he seems to have understood. If things have been going well I wouldn’t throw the whole thing away over one comment.

Original poster

overreactionorno · 04/05/2021 22:27

@CirclesWithinCircles

I offered to do it as it's part of my job and I haven't been able to do it for a while cos of Covid. He's in construction working all weathers and not getting much time off. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement as far as I was concerned. Plus I like(d) him

OP posts:

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2021 22:28

But a muzzle is to stop biting, not barking. If he wanted to stop their talking surely he would need a gag rather than a muzzle. Maybe I am over thinking though

Palavah · 04/05/2021 22:29

@CirqueDeMorgue

Omg it was a fucking JOKE.

What is the joke? I don't get it...

slashlover · 04/05/2021 22:30

Those examples are quite a long way away from a joke about muzzling women.

He could quite easily have said muzzle for the dog and oil for the frying pan, it just so happened that the muzzle was mentioned last.

CirqueDeMorgue · 04/05/2021 22:31

Ok @Palavah so you think this guy actually wants OP to pop a muzzle on? Sure you do.

slashlover · 04/05/2021 22:31

What is the joke? I don't get it...

It's been explained several times in this post that it could be sarcasm.

Alldressedup · 04/05/2021 22:33

Christ. So much frothing on this thread. To me this was clearly a joke. You have said yourself that you have banter with him and that’s what this is. He’s now admitted as much. I’d perhaps explain why this joke didn’t make you feel too great then give him a second chance. This isn’t really a red flag. God, some posters need to take a step back and stop being so offended.

DramaAlpaca · 04/05/2021 22:33

Normally I'd find that really funny, it's banter. But thinking about it, possibly I wouldn't appreciate it from a man I didn't know well. I haven't dated for so long it's hard to know.

Flowers500 · 04/05/2021 22:35

...it’s a joke? What planet are some of you on? 😂 you must all end up married to toothless sheep if a joke causes a reaction like this. But if you’re not compatible then you’re not compatible 🤷‍♀️

EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology · 04/05/2021 22:36

It's all a bit Jimmy Carr.

(That's not a good thing, by the way.)

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