To ask if you have DC in private school, what your combined income is?

[ponderingthisthing]

We're sending DD to an independent school starting reception as the school has a very good reputation and we think DD will be very happy there.

We're not rich though and our combined income pre tax is about 100k, which I know for most people would be too low a threshold for them to consider private school. However, we'd rather that we offered her the best that we could afford in terms of education in place of expensive holidays, for example.

So AIBU to wonder what your combined income is if you have DC in private school?

If we're one of the more modest families there, will it impact the experience in any way, even at primary school sort of age?

Combined income of 75k and have one child on a large scholarship ( 30%) It’s still a struggle (even with the discount it’s over £2000 a month) as we also have a mortgage of over 1k a month. We pay via savings we already have, plus I save every spare penny. It’s tight but worth it for us.

We are currently debating whether to go for private as well. We have a combined income of 120k (plus some extra income but it varies from year to year) and have one child in primary school at the moment (no plans to have more). I am in favour of getting a better house in a different area and apply there for a place at the Grammar School but of course this does not come without risks (in terms of DS not getting a place, although he generally does very well at school). My DH is in favour of private (13k per year and one of the best in the country admittedly) but I am concerned about the stress and the impact it will have on our lives (I am the primary earner and more anxious generally about such things). At the same time, I don't have the mental energy to arrange all the extra-curricula that the private is providing and it may be easier in some respects, as posters have suggested, to opt for private and hope for the best.

Also I don’t agree there are loads of extras - uniform was more than state school (£600 ish versus £250 ish) but probably pay £2-300 a term in extras. They’re optional, so by no means necessary.

The key question is - can you still afford to give your DC important opportunities like swimming lessons, music/sport tuition? And at least occasional holidays? Don't forget that you will need to pay a lot for holiday childcare too, independent schools have much longer holidays - you're looking at at least 16 weeks a year holidays for which you will need childcare. How will you afford it? Even if you as parents never have any holiday at the same time (which is really sad) you'll still need to cover a month, which will cost you a lot. And if your DC are introverts, holidays clubs will be miserable for them (I'm speaking from experience).

What about after school? Childcare is still bloody expensive, even more so if you need breakfast club.

Honestly, you need to do a proper budgeting spreadsheet and include all the extras - make sure you can truly afford it for both DC before committing.

Another option is to send DC to state primary and save, save, save for a really good independent secondary (very common where I'm from).

Disposable is more relevant. We will have 60k between us when our only child starts but mortgage free. So

Dd was on a state bursary, combined income of £75k we were middling.

DD1 is Y1/primary school aged and it’s just over £10k for fees and close to £8k for everything else

What for? I find this astonishing.

DC1 does 2 sports clubs, 2 wrap around a week and a musical instrument and we aren't anywhere close to double the fees. I've found that wraparound and clubs/ music lessons are much cheaper than the state/ separate equivalent

independent schools have much longer holidays - you're looking at at least 16 weeks a year

Again, depends on the school. Ours gets 14weeks, compared to 13weeks and 2 days of the local authority. They also run a very comprehensive holiday club for all breaks except Christmas, and it's cheaper.

I'm beginning to think we lucked out with DCs school! It's only prep though.

We'll also get a sibling discount that I'd not taken in to consideration

I used to work in school admissions for the LEA. We would get several applications each term from parents who needed to move children from private into a state school for financial reasons. It was always heartbreaking for the parent we spoke to. Losing a job, illness, divorce etc. lots of reasons why financial situation changes. Just something to think about if you are paying from salary.

I’ve worked in independent schools for 20 years and have no idea how people are spending thousands per year on ‘extras’! Music lessons are approx £200 per term here, residential trips are optional and never more than £1000. My daughter does ballet at school for £60 a term and judo for similar. Also, these are not ‘private school extras’ - if you would like your child to learn an intrument/ballet etc, surely you would be paying for these anyway?

Could anyone please recommend a good private tutor in London Islington for Maths and Engish KS2 / KS3.

My 11 year old will be going secondary school this year and needs to catch up on English and Maths.

Thank you.

Surely it depends more on your disposable income than actual income as if you make 100k with massive outgoings you might struggle but if you make £30k with no mortgage and low outgoings it could be doable. Our DD goes to private secondary it costs £1200 a month, i increased our income to an extra £2000 a month to be able to afford it. I m self employed so have the scope for additional work. There are many families like us, modest income that have made sacrifices, there are girls on bursaries and also families where grandparents pay. At the other end of the scale there are also families who are absolutely loaded! DD has a range of friends from all of the above categories, they have been to our very modest not very nice house and keep coming back!! I do think it depends on the school though but these are our experiences as a family on a fairly modest income! I talked to DD before she went and explained there would be a lot of girls with more than us, but that’s life really!!

Oh and the meals and uniform are exactly the same as our local state school. DS doesn’t do any extra curricular activities which is her choice, she could if she wanted to. The trips abroad are pricy but she could go if she wanted as they give you around 18 months notice to pay for it, the only one she’s been offered she didn’t want to go on though.

Meals and uniform same price as local state school sorry and DD not DS!!

Hi there. It's a very good and very valid question regardless what some people think.

We moved to a new area about 1.5 years before DD started school and we really struggled to find her a place somewhere we were happy with. We ended up making the decision to go private even though we were only on a joint income of around £50k net. The yearly fees were about £7.5k and we spent about £500-£1000 on the extras, such as uniform, trips, fundraising etc. It was pretty tight for us but we decided the sacrifices would be worth it. We are now at the end of our time at the school and our income is just above the £60k mark. We probably now pay out about £10.5-11k all in for schooling and we have always been very much the "low income" family of the school. For comparison, our monthly mortgage payment has always been around the £1k mark. DD has absolutely excelled at the school and it has been the best decision we ever made. She has done tremendously well and has comfortably gained a place in the highly rated local Grammar for next year. We were always made welcome by nearly all of the parents and staff even though it was pretty obvious we did not move in the same social circles. The few parents who did look down on us were not nice people and we had absolutely no interest in bringing them into our lives anyway. DD never experienced any problems with any of the other children and she was fully aware that we did not operate on the same financial level as her friends. It didn't bother at all though and she has spent 7 happy years at the school. She never minded listening to their tales of holidays in Dubai or the Caribbean and she was more than happy to enthusiastically tell them about her trips to PGL, Plymouth or Spain. We wouldn't change a thing, although we are now looking forward to some extra "luxury" in our lives now the financial burden has been lifted. My advice would be that as long as you are happy and DC is happy it will be perfectly fine. If you are affected or influenced by the "keeping up with the Jones's" way of life then it may not work for you, however, if you don't go in for all that *bs then I'm sure that you won't have a problem at all.

Hope that helps in some small way and good luck with it all :-)

@My5Cents thank you for the lovely post and reassuring words. Glad to hear your DD is thriving, and it sounds like the school really suited her. Also great that she was not comparing herself with her peers on expensive holidays or whatever and had a perfectly happy time. May I ask where you're based? The school fees sound very reasonable but much lower than any of the private schools round where I am (in the SE).

I don't think I'm bothered about DC going to a school where many children are from well off families, so long as that doesn't impact negatively on DC's own experience. I guess there will be stuck up people anywhere, but as you say there's no need to bring such people into our lives.

Many people pay £12-15k in nursery fees for young children and manage to afford it so surely affording private school isn’t so hard if people cut back on outgoings and commit to it for many years!