To ask if you have DC in private school, what your combined income is?

[ponderingthisthing]

We're sending DD to an independent school starting reception as the school has a very good reputation and we think DD will be very happy there.

We're not rich though and our combined income pre tax is about 100k, which I know for most people would be too low a threshold for them to consider private school. However, we'd rather that we offered her the best that we could afford in terms of education in place of expensive holidays, for example.

So AIBU to wonder what your combined income is if you have DC in private school?

If we're one of the more modest families there, will it impact the experience in any way, even at primary school sort of age?

The answers here prove that you can be on a wide spectrum of incomes and still have children in private school...my DC are in private school but I wouldn't dream of revealing our income/how it's funded.

I would say that it often depends on your other priorities/financial commitments.

What schools are these that charge 100k+ per year fees? My experience of private school was that most families were actually quite ordinary on teaching, medical, middle management salaries. Nobody cared about designer brands.

We were on 120K a few years back when we had two in Independent school. Which is very tight. Depends on the school fees obviously, some are considerably more than others. But we also had a 3K mortgage (because we wanted it over a shorter term). The stress of fees due day is not something I’d ever want to go back to. No matter what our best intentions of saving it monthly, there was always Something that cropped up that meant we had to spend at least some of it (like the time a whole pitched section of roof needed redoing, completely unexpectedly). We really only managed it by relying on bonuses coming in in time, but they weren’t guaranteed and we had to borrow from MIL more than once. Eventually, before the fees ramped up too much, we moved them to a lovely local school which they loved. Don’t underestimate the ‘add ons’ either. It sounds like you are thinking you’ll be sacrificing things like holidays too. No holidays gets boring, really really quickly. Also, depending on the school, you may be in the minority in terms of people making sacrifices to afford the fees. That was certainly the case at our school. And, though I made some long standing friends (still friends fifteen years on), most of those there were loaded beyond imagination and they definitely stick together. Not that they weren’t nice, because there really wasn’t a cliquey atmosphere, but they just made friends and socialised with those who had the same lifestyle as them. You genuinely might not care about that, but will you still feel that way when your DC are in senior school and they start to notice the difference? This will very much depend on the demographic that attends the particular school you choose obviously. But, over all, I completely agree with thecatsthecats post, I think in the end my DC have had a more well rounded ‘education’ from their extra curricular education, sport, music, and foreign and domestic travel. Travelling round Asia as young teens gave them a fabulous life experience. They both represented their town in a particular sport, and we’ve been able to support both of them in learning to play various instruments (and the buying of them 🙄). None of which we could have afforded if they’d remained at private school. We also upped payments on our mortgage and will now have finished paying it off before the first one goes to Uni, so we can now help them through that without a massive debt at the end of it. I would have to admit that all that is with the caveat that we got lucky with the primary school turning out to be so excellent. And they are now at, literally, the best performing secondary in the city and surrounding villages we live in. I might not feel the same if our state options hadn’t been so good I realise, but, overall, I’m glad we made the choices we did.

@Nonmaquillee

The answers here prove that you can be on a wide spectrum of incomes and still have children in private school...my DC are in private school but I wouldn't dream of revealing our income/how it's funded.

I would say that it often depends on your other priorities/financial commitments.

You do know this is an anonymous Internet forum right? It’s all very well being coy about your finances if you want but I think it’s so important to have these discussions transparently and without embarrassment...earnings, outgoings etc. There’s a lot to be learned from one another’s choices and experiences.

Ours is only about £56k but we don't pay for housing. DC have been at private schools more or less throughout because of circumstances (couldn't get good state school places) and it has been a real stretch at times but I think worth it. Not really thought being a 'poorer' family has had an impact except perhaps in one school (although probably more small town mentality) but not generally. I don't care about that sort of thing anyway.

Although should have mentioned we have received bursaries too.

One more thing in terms of finances/fees. In the experience of my DSD and friends with DDs that stayed at independent, are you prepared for the cost (and the emotional side) of if/when your DC want to board? Despite living close enough to be day pupils three out of four of my friends DDs (and previously my step daughter) have been desperate to become boarders because they miss out on so much of school life/social side/friendships and fitting in if there are a lot of boarders vs day pupils. Again, this will depend on the particular school you choose. It’s incredibly rare for day pupils to stay day pupils in 2 out of the three 3 independents here. I’m not sure of the rise in fees for boarding as mine didn’t stay that long, but it’s certainly a significant chunk if you’ve got more than one in senior wanting to board when the time comes. (PS just checked our old school and boarding in senior is GBP15k more pa than day pupils)

I don't get the point of this thread. You've decided you can send your children to private school as long as you make sacrifices. And?

There will be millionaire families at the private school. There will be families with less income than you. If you can afford the fees and have budgeted for the extras (uniform, day trips, weekly trips, sports etc), then go for it. What you earn doesn't matter.

We have a combined income less than that and are hoping to do it for 2 kids. North. However, we have virtually no mortgage which makes an enormous difference

I am thinking of private primary for DD and our combined income is 50k.

We have an inheritance that will cover fees for primary school and there are excellent grammars in our area. DD will be an only child and I want to give her the best opportunity to have meaningful friendships at school...and I feel like that might happen best at the local independent primary that has a strong focus on pastoral care. She is a sensitive child and I worry about sending her to state primary because with 30 kids in a class, there is no way the teachers have time to manage the interactions of the children.

We earn around the £500k mark, have 2dc in private schools and live in a 5 bed house which is about half the size of the majority of my children's peers- we are by no means wealthy in comparison. God knows what these people earn, I always wonder if they've inherited.🤷🏻‍♀️

At our private prep there is a huge range in family circumstance. Lots of teachers’ children who get heavy discounts on the fees. Quite a few families who don’t earn as much as you, but have grandparents/trusts etc that pay the school fees. If you can afford to send your 2 children, then I don’t think you need to worry.

@ClarkeGriffin

I don't get the point of this thread. You've decided you can send your children to private school as long as you make sacrifices. And?

There will be millionaire families at the private school. There will be families with less income than you. If you can afford the fees and have budgeted for the extras (uniform, day trips, weekly trips, sports etc), then go for it. What you earn doesn't matter.

I can see why OP is asking. Her question was: If we're one of the more modest families there, will it impact the experience in any way, even at primary school sort of age? I think asking for people’s experiences, under similar circumstances, is valid. Though it will, of course, depend on the demographic of the school and what OP is personally prepared to sacrifice for the next fourteen years or so.

ClarkeGriffin
Yes I agree with your comment.

If we're one of the more modest families there

I’m sorry but I must live in a totally different world but earning 100k does not even come close to a modest income. That is a very high earning wage.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you can afford 2 DC at sn independent secondary school. Primary is fine, it's loads cheaper, but secondary school fees are £25k p.a. plus (some are £40k). And then you have to pay extra for music lessons, after-school clubs etc., as well as the 'optional' school trips that your DC will miss out on.

You can probably stretch to it for primary, but you need a LOT more money for secondary.

@Moonpeg

If we're one of the more modest families there

I’m sorry but I must live in a totally different world but earning 100k does not even come close to a modest income. That is a very high earning wage.

In case it's not clear, I'm not comparing this to the national average wage, but putting this in the context of families that send their children to private school.

@HavelockVetinari

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you can afford 2 DC at sn independent secondary school. Primary is fine, it's loads cheaper, but secondary school fees are £25k p.a. plus (some are £40k). And then you have to pay extra for music lessons, after-school clubs etc., as well as the 'optional' school trips that your DC will miss out on.

You can probably stretch to it for primary, but you need a LOT more money for secondary.

Secondary is more expensive but where I am, secondary fees are no way as high as what you've specified, so is heavily area dependent I think.

*I can see why OP is asking. Her question was:
If we're one of the more modest families there, will it impact the experience in any way, even at primary school sort of age?
I think asking for people’s experiences, under similar circumstances, is valid.
Though it will, of course, depend on the demographic of the school and what OP is personally prepared to sacrifice for the next fourteen years or so.

Still doesn't really matter though, if she's done the right thing and budgeted for the known extras of private school, as I listed above. And she should know the extras from having talked to the school and asked these kinds of questions of course. It's not as if private school is just the fees and that's it. Plus as someone else said, the kids tend to want to board if that's an option, so can she afford that too?

I get the feeling that they've only priced up the fees and nothing extra. The extras may be a decent percentage of the fees on top. But none of us can really answer her question because we don't know her actual monthly income, the schools fees plus extras, their other outgoings like mortgage and other bills. It's a best guess.

Yes op you'll be totally able to afford it and won't be the poorest person there, don't worry. That's my best guess.

@ClarkeGriffin boarding won't be an issue as it tends to be for the small minority where I am, so there will hardly be a feeling of "losing out". It's also ridiculous to expect every parent with the intention to send their child to private school to budget for boarding, esp. when they live within close proximity to the school.

"But none of us can really answer her question because we don't know her actual monthly income, the schools fees plus extras, their other outgoings like mortgage and other bills. It's a best guess."

But where am I even asking posters to budget for me? If you read the OP that's not even the question. You say repeatedly that you don't get the point of this thread, but maybe read it properly first? I'm not seeking a solution to a problem, but interested in finding out others' positions and their own experiences. That's allowed and perfectly reasonable on a forum like MN, no? If you still "don't get the point of this thread", do feel free to move on.

@DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat

Exactly. Thanks for actually reading the post!

We have three children and earn in the region of 100-120k between us. We couldn't afford half of that to go into school fees,which is about what it would cost. I know my children would benefit from smaller class sizes, but it's not doable for three.

I was always told that whatever the fees are, at least double it and make sure that’s comfortable for you to live off. That way you allow for all the extras and additional lessons such as music (especially if your child learns more than two instruments), specialist language, dance, tennis, etc. Then there are all the different uniforms for various activities (including some seasonal ones). Don’t forget to also budget for additional tuition in case your child is falling behind academically.

The fees you see advertised are really such a tiny amount. If you are hesitant over the advertised term fees, then I think it’s unlikely to be affordable for you.

DD1 is Y1/primary school aged and it’s just over £10k for fees and close to £8k for everything else (so far this school year, which has been largely spent at home). If she boards in her senior year it will be just over £37k (and obviously much more by the time she gets there).

We don’t have the income to cover it under normal circumstances so I can’t answer your original question.

Combined £170k pre tax and we have two in private primary costing about £24k. But we are taking them out for high school. The idea of spending £100k each was just too much, not including all the extras, plus the fees keep going up by over inflation every year. It seemed mad that we could have that income and still be scrabbling about to pay repair bills on the house and doing cheap caravan holidays. Our high school is pretty decent and we can back it up with tutors if we feel they need it.

@VocalDuck

I was always told that whatever the fees are, at least double it and make sure that’s comfortable for you to live off. That way you allow for all the extras and additional lessons such as music (especially if your child learns more than two instruments), specialist language, dance, tennis, etc. Then there are all the different uniforms for various activities (including some seasonal ones). Don’t forget to also budget for additional tuition in case your child is falling behind academically.

The fees you see advertised are really such a tiny amount. If you are hesitant over the advertised term fees, then I think it’s unlikely to be affordable for you.

DD1 is Y1/primary school aged and it’s just over £10k for fees and close to £8k for everything else (so far this school year, which has been largely spent at home). If she boards in her senior year it will be just over £37k (and obviously much more by the time she gets there).

We don’t have the income to cover it under normal circumstances so I can’t answer your original question.

This is very surprising to me. I have researched private school extensively recently and have never heard anyone coming close to spending the same as fees again on extras. A bit extra but not double! What on earth has the extra £8k been spent on for a Yr 1 child?!