To ask if you have DC in private school, what your combined income is?

[ponderingthisthing]

We're sending DD to an independent school starting reception as the school has a very good reputation and we think DD will be very happy there.

We're not rich though and our combined income pre tax is about 100k, which I know for most people would be too low a threshold for them to consider private school. However, we'd rather that we offered her the best that we could afford in terms of education in place of expensive holidays, for example.

So AIBU to wonder what your combined income is if you have DC in private school?

If we're one of the more modest families there, will it impact the experience in any way, even at primary school sort of age?

Original poster those figures seems possibly a little on the light side to ensure you have a financial comfort level to cushion against any less foreseeable expenses. I am assuming you are contemplating paying full fees (plus all the necessary trimmings) and not referring to scholarships, stipends or any other financial assistance etc. In addition you are not planning a larger family and so potentially multiple schooling fees.

I know of families in the private education sector who are (rightfully) very determined to offer their children every opportunity and so do “manage” on similar stretched financial budgets given the hefty fees requested for most private schools. You will of course need to future plan university and further studies as that is where the costs can be very demanding! Starting young from nursery to post graduate education is pretty expensive per pupil!

@Fr0thandBubble

About £350K before tax. Both DC currently at state school but planning to move them to private school from Y4 onwards. Quite anxious about the expense - it will be £700-£800K in total for both children (boarding) and that’s a huge amount of money. I just hope I don’t lose my job.

Part of me wonders if they would be better off if I kept them in state school and we had a nicer house/holidays, etc instead, and I gave them money to buy their own property when they’re older.

I also have mixed feelings about private schools in general - I wish they were all abolished to be honest and every child had to go to a state school. It’s basically social apartheid, which I really don’t like. But on the other hand my state secondary was so shambolic and rough I really wouldn’t want my children to go somewhere like that if I can help it.

Not sure what the answer is!

You sound very uncertain about the whole idea and boarding school from year four onwards is a huge decision-can I gently ask if you’re being pushed into the idea by anyone? As a child of someone who was sent off to boarding school aged 8 (and is hugely dysfunctional and damaged as a result), I really struggle with the idea of choosing to send small children away from home unless extreme circumstances mean there is literally no other option. Given what you’ve said about your situation and views on the matter I’m very surprised you’ve made such an extreme decision. I’m pretty certain your children would prefer to be at home and go to state school. But isn’t private day school an option?

I’d have thought you’re cutting it fine to do private school for two all the way though. Many people on a higher income than you would either do state until 8 or focus on secondary. Your mortgage is comparatively low though which would make a difference. The main thing to think through is secondary which tends to be much more expensive. If you start in private at 4, it would be hard to go state for secondary. For us, we decided we’d prioritise and save for secondary. I don’t want to be in a position of having to fund two lots of fees in parallel so will only do it if we have savings to make sure we’re only paying one set of fees at a time. Eg funding £40k of fees (day school level for two) alone would need a post tax income of around £55k. That would be a big chunk out of a couple earning £100k with a mortgage to pay.

@Fr0thandBubble I agree with @MayorGoodwaysChicken, you do sound quite uncertain. There is a good compromise option which is to use a private day school and have more family time. Or a state school. You have to feel 100% comfortable with such a big decision affecting all of you.
I’ll admit I’m only on this thread because I can’t afford private and am interested in what salaries can. But my son in year 5 still seems so little, he’s in my bed most nights and loves nothing more than family time, I couldn’t imagine boarding school for him. My youngest child however is much more independent and would probably happily go as long as their sibling was there too as they’re very close.

You make your decision & tighten your belt where needed. In my experiences, good people don't look down on others because they are less wealthy . ...kids learn from their parents & environment. You walk tall regardless, your kids learn that. Small kids don't notice not keeping up as much as teenagers so if anyone is conscious of it, it might only be you. Don't let it filter down to your kids. As long as you are prepared to make the same sacrifices for both kids (or more if you have them) for the duration . Of course circumstances change, job loss etc but sparing that, I dislike the idea of all resources going to elder & then parents get fed up of constantly prioritising that cost so next kid doesn't get the same.

@Devlesko good luck with auditions

@MayorGoodwaysChicken DH and all his family boarded from age 8 so he is very keen on it. I am in two minds. DS who is currently Y3 was all for it until recently, when he’s started having doubts. I certainly won’t be making him go unless he wants to. Personally, I’d rather wait until he’s a couple of years older, although it would be weekly boarding only so not quite such a big thing as full boarding. Interesting to hear your thoughts on it though - thanks.

We could possibly do private day school but we are in London and the schools are very selective around here - DS isn’t particularly academic so not sure he’d get in.

Maybe we sit tight for another couple of years. I really like their current state primary so I think it would be fine (and a couple more years in the state system would save quite a bit of money).

Combined income around 100k pre tax and 2 children at independent school, no issues affording whatsoever, most of my son's peers have parents earning considerably less...I wonder if it's area dependent? Round here 100k is a huge income!

The private secondary school in my town charges £15k per year. If a household earns over £60k they are not eligible for any bursary or financial support. So I guess the school assumes that if you earn £60k you can afford to pay £15k school fees.

@notyourmummy We're in the SE, what about you? May well depend on the area.

From what everyone's saying in this thread, even putting one child in private education is a bit of a stretch on 100k. So think we're in the minority here!

@ponderingthisthing I'm in East Yorkshire, secondary fees here top out at around £13k/annum. I'm guessing they're much more elsewhere!!

The question I have OP isn’t about whether it’ll be a stretch to put two kids through private school in parallel on those salaries, it’s whether it’s even possible. Will your outgoings be more when they’re both in secondary school than your income is currently? If that’s the case then you’re taking an enormous gamble, based on an assumption that your income will increase. Unless you’re on a defined and VERY secure career path, I see that as a dangerous game to play with your children’s future. Putting them in private from the start of primary and then having to pull them out at a later point would be a horrible situation for them to end up in. I don’t mean to be rude but I’m mystified that the sums just can’t add up based on what you’ve also said about your mortgage. It’s all very well prioritising education but won’t you literally be in the red every month at the point when fees are c. £3k per month for two kids in secondary and you’re also paying a £1k mortgage plus all other life expenses?

we are higher gross than you and have one DD planning to have a second. in London. planning to send DD to prep school and then hopefully secondary grammar.

I think an independent prep will give our Dd confidence and it also offers the opportunity to try lots of activities and wrap around care too so may even be cheaper - and is less than what we are currently paying for nursery.

secondary prep is more expensive and a big commitment so not sure about that.

Why would you spend £13k to send a 4 year old to read Biff Chip and Kipper books and do colouring in at a private school instead of saving your money to give you a bit of a buffer for private secondary?

Our net income is c. £100k plus bonuses - we've gone state for primary, and are hoping for grammar for at least one of them for secondary. Like a PP, we're topping up with 'cultural capital' - music lessons and other paid activities, city break holidays, theatre and museum visits, etc etc. We will also pay for tutoring in y4/5 for grammar.

We have enough disposable income to afford fees for our two but it would leave us very little left over so it's not a route we're particularly keen to go down. We moved to a more expensive area in catchment for a very good secondary, on the basis that if we're shelling out the extra we'd rather pay off the house than school fees!

The deciding factor for us was when I realised that private school was the same cost we were paying for nursery and we were managing fine doing that. I think for families who use cheaper childcare option e.g. granny does a day, other granny does a day etc then the cost seems astronomical, but as were already paying for full time nursery, there seemed no reason to not keep paying.

I'm on 140k and decided not to go private as have 3 DC's and couldn't afford it for all 3. We live in a grammar school area and my DC's have got places in the super selective grammars, so I don't feel that they have been disadvantaged in any way compared to their private educated peers. We live in a neighbourhood with lots of kids attending private schools, the parents don't seem to be any better off than we are- some talk openly about the pressure that is caused by the private school fees and one friend said he is unlikely to ever be able to afford to retire as he has spent all his income on his 3 son's private education.

It is a huge amount of money.

I think it depends on the location. Our DC is at a prep in a small town and it’s fine. We’re shortly going to move them to a different prep which is all the way through and it’ll be double. Part of the reason for the move is that our DC have SEN the the high school attached to their current prep won’t take them (whole other story). It means this new move was unplanned.

We can manage the school fees (we’ve been putting the difference aside each month for the last few months to test it). However, it doesn’t include things like uniform which is much more expensive, trips, extra lessons for SEN/music/drama etc.

Or the new element which we hadn’t considered - the clubs and memberships to activities external to school. Hockey, gyms, extra tennis etc etc. I think we’ll be bowing out of all that as our family time is important and I don’t want to play at keeping up with anyone.

@RedcurrantPuff

Why would you spend £13k to send a 4 year old to read Biff Chip and Kipper books and do colouring in at a private school instead of saving your money to give you a bit of a buffer for private secondary?

2 reasons - wrap around care at the state school DC1 got in to is astronomically expensive and not onsite, to the point that its a similar price to private school. Secondly, I felt that the slightly increased cost of private vs state (both inc wraparound) was more than made up for in the smaller class sizes and facilities.

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

100k for two children at private school is difficult, I agree. But by the time DC2 goes to school we should be on a higher salary (I know in terms of finances there is never 100% guarantee, but we're pretty confident that it's the more likely scenario in our current circumstances). Also currently paying full time nursery fees for both children so private school fees won't be too much more than what we're already paying, though I know with school there are various add-ons to take into consideration.

We have some savings to fall back on and grandparents have also offered to contribute if needed (though hoping not to go down that route). But it does mean that we have some security on that front.

You sound like you’ve made up your mind op, but unless the state schools are absolutely dire, and you can’t move- there’s no way I’d shell out for private in your position. I deal with/have dealt with a fair few and they’re not worth their money, when you can use it for tutors, holidays, trips out and all of those experiences instead.

@Allthereindeersaregirls

The deciding factor for us was when I realised that private school was the same cost we were paying for nursery and we were managing fine doing that. I think for families who use cheaper childcare option e.g. granny does a day, other granny does a day etc then the cost seems astronomical, but as were already paying for full time nursery, there seemed no reason to not keep paying.

Yes my point, too. We're already paying for 2 full time nursery fees.

I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this, feeling rather underprepared now!

DD1 will be starting at a GDST in Sept. Our combined gross earnings are £57k, so we have been granted a bursary. Thankfully we only have to think of one child at a time (DS obvs can't go there, and DD1 will leave school before DD2 reaches Y7).

@Excited101

You sound like you’ve made up your mind op, but unless the state schools are absolutely dire, and you can’t move- there’s no way I’d shell out for private in your position. I deal with/have dealt with a fair few and they’re not worth their money, when you can use it for tutors, holidays, trips out and all of those experiences instead.

Yes we did decide to go private. I think people have different priorities on how they spend their money & time, so I fully understand that those on much higher salaries even might not make the same decisions as us. But that's fine. I was mainly interested in finding out how many people there are who, like us, choose private on our sort of salary (not many, as I suspected).