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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mil blocked me on What's App

141 replies

Mammymar · 04/05/2021 14:26

So mil has always been difficult. We have got on in the past but it was really me just keeping the peace. The last few times my DH has rang her she has been of with him, pulling him up on silly things and trying to start an argument. She has text my DH twice in the last month to tell my children not to visit as she is tired. She lives close by but has not seen or asked after grandchildren for weeks. So I recently turned 40 and my Aunt had a bbq for me in her home and invited my Aunts and Uncles as we would all be close. I didn't invite any of my friends or DH family as I wasn't the host and bbq was not in my home. I sent mil a picture of myself and DH at the bbq with Happy Birthday balloons and she blocked me. DH text her to ask why she blocked me but she has not replied. I told DH to just leave it as I really don't have the energy. I know it all sounds a bit muddled but I don't know what I did wrong. We don't live in the UK so the Covid restrictions are different in case anybody thinks that's she might be annoyed with me for going to a bbq.

OP posts:

Anydreamwilldo12 · 04/05/2021 17:54

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone here OP. You can send photos to anyone you like and seeing as you didn't even organise the bbq why would your MIL be invited! Crazy stuff
She sounds like a right misery so don't stress just be happy you don't have to deal with her any more.

TillyTopper · 04/05/2021 18:08

I can't understand why you'd send her a pic - with some people even little things are like red rags to a bull. Keep contact to a minimum if she resumes it. Enjoy the peace of her having blocked you!

sunflowersandbuttercups · 04/05/2021 18:10

@WorkplaceLlama

But the MIL didn't know any of those things.

No, she had a picture of OP and her DH a week after her birthday (so no connection to that) with no other people in the picture. Why would she auto-block without asking? A bit of an odd presumption to make that a big event was taking place without her, no?

I do agree it was odd, but I also think it's a bit odd to send unsolicited photos to someone from a party they weren't invited to and that they knew nothing about.

OP has already said her MIL is a bit difficult.

BadNomad · 04/05/2021 18:37

[quote Mammymar]@BadNomad,i said not blood related as a previous poster thought it was odd how I spent my birthday. I spent my birthday with my Mam and wanted to explain that my Mam and I didn't attend nephews party as he is not my Mams grandchild if that makes sense.[/quote]
If your birthday and your mum's are only two days apart then why couldn't you have celebrated it with her on any of the other days and still have gone to your nephew's party? Instead you spent your birthday only with your mum and excluded everyone else. That's fine, of course. Your choice. But it's also understandable that your MIL felt excluded again when you sent her that "birthday" photo without context.

Just leave her be. Let her son deal with it. She does sound cantankerous in general, but in this situation I can see her point of view.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/05/2021 18:47

Whatsapp isn't the same as Facebook since you have to send the photo to a specific person or group. I do think it's a bit odd to send photos to specific people or groups unless you think they'll have a partiular interest in it. If my sister in law was thrown a birthday party by her friends I wouldn't feel entitled to an invite (I'm not part of her friendship group) but it would be slightly odd of her to send me a picture of it. That said I wouldn't be offended and certainly wouldn't block her.

MimiDaisy11 · 04/05/2021 18:54

I don't think it's odd to send photos of yourself at events if someone isn't invited. Especially if all people on the chat do it. My family regularly do this just as a way to keep others updated on what they've been up to. If it's not an event I'd be invited to then I don't see what others would think I'd get upset about it. Sure sometimes I find the pictures uninteresting if they send a lot but it's nothing bad.

Original poster

Mammymar · 04/05/2021 18:55

@BadNomad,my birthday was Friday and my Mams was Sunday so we celebrated together on the Saturday. Why would I change my plans for nephews birthday. Sil knew it was both mine and my Mams birthday and I had plans before she organised her sons birthday. She was fine with this. Should I have invited mil to celebrate with myself and my Mam??? That's ridiculous and mil was at her grandsons(my nephews) party. Mil knew that day at nephews party it was my birthday so if she really wanted to be pleasant she could have text me a Happy Birthday.

OP posts:

Sleepplease1111 · 04/05/2021 19:55

I can see that she may have thought your husband should have been at his nephew’s birthday party and your photo was trying to say ‘he’s with me/he’s mine’ it’s not right but I can see why it could be taken like that. Is his nephew very young?

Original poster

Mammymar · 04/05/2021 21:13

His nephew is one. The day of nephews birthday I was with my Mam celebrating our birthdays, 40 and 60,so big birthdays. The bbq wasn't the same day as nephews birthday and I had plans before nephews party was announced

OP posts:

Sleepplease1111 · 04/05/2021 21:36

When you said we couldn’t go I thought you were referring to you and your husband. She wasn’t to know that wasn’t taken at the time of the party, my mistake if your partner went to the party.

billy1966 · 04/05/2021 21:37

OP,

Why are you pursuing her?

Leave her be.

She wants to be left alone.

Respect that.

And respect yourself.

TopBlogger · 04/05/2021 21:42

What is your Aibu?

Giantrooster · 04/05/2021 22:28

I think the kind thing, since things have already gone tits up, would be for your dh to visit his dm or speak to fil.

No one says it is necessarily the picture alone that has upset mil, perhaps she had a breakdown, perhaps she is suffering with menopause, who knows? But instead of just assuming try communicating for all your sakes.

Kapalika · 04/05/2021 23:28

I think there’s more to this. Something has happened to annoy her/hurt her feelings before this picture issue. Probably something the op is even unaware of.
I would call her and ask. I don’t see the point of falling out with close family if it can be helped.

DilemmaADay · 05/05/2021 00:13

*so nobody is allowed to enjoy themselves because of how you feel

That’s absolutely not what she said - and what a mean interpretation!*

Thanks @SeaShoreGalore , glad you knew what I was saying without twisting it

Anordinarymum · 05/05/2021 00:18

@mrsdavegrohl

Why would you send her a picture of you both at a party that she wasn't invited too? Directly to her on WhatsApp?

Exactly this.

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