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Original poster

Mil blocked me on What's App

141 replies

Mammymar · 04/05/2021 14:26

So mil has always been difficult. We have got on in the past but it was really me just keeping the peace. The last few times my DH has rang her she has been of with him, pulling him up on silly things and trying to start an argument. She has text my DH twice in the last month to tell my children not to visit as she is tired. She lives close by but has not seen or asked after grandchildren for weeks. So I recently turned 40 and my Aunt had a bbq for me in her home and invited my Aunts and Uncles as we would all be close. I didn't invite any of my friends or DH family as I wasn't the host and bbq was not in my home. I sent mil a picture of myself and DH at the bbq with Happy Birthday balloons and she blocked me. DH text her to ask why she blocked me but she has not replied. I told DH to just leave it as I really don't have the energy. I know it all sounds a bit muddled but I don't know what I did wrong. We don't live in the UK so the Covid restrictions are different in case anybody thinks that's she might be annoyed with me for going to a bbq.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammymar · 04/05/2021 15:20

I will just say it again.It was not a party, it was a small bbq in my Aunts home with my other two Aunts and their husbands. It was not some big family celebration that she was excluded from. I was in the middle of writing where the picture was taken when she blocked me. It is not unusual to send the odd picture to her on what's app.

OP posts:
AmyLou100 · 04/05/2021 15:21

So you know she is a bit difficult and have recently not want to be bothered by anyone, and you send her a picture of yourself celebrating your birthday Confused Bit odd that you did that.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2021 15:21

I'm being made to feel that I shouldn't have celebrated my birthday, took a picture or generally enjoyed myself because of how mil might feel or react.

No not at all. Do whatever you like but why the need to send pictures to someone you are not close to and was not involved? I can't imagine my mother being particularly impressed if I sent her a picture from a family party that she wasn't invited to. And that's my own mother. It just seems rude. Maybe ok if it was preceded by some general chat enquiring how she was and what she'd been up to. Your mil probably thinks you are passive aggressively reminding her that she forgot your birthday

Original poster
Mammymar · 04/05/2021 15:21

For what it's worth my own siblings and mother were not invited and didn't have a problem.

OP posts:
SakuraEdenSwan1 · 04/05/2021 15:22

You wound her up and you know you did, grow up!

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2021 15:22

I will just say it again.It was not a party, it was a small bbq in my Aunts home

But she doesn't know that. Did she remember your birthday?

caitQ · 04/05/2021 15:23

'Here's a photo of me celebrating my big birthday without you - of course, I didn't invite you. Ha!'

If you have a difficult relationship, receiving an unexpected photo of you celebrating with other people (it would have been difficult to tell who was and wasn't invited and that you weren't the organiser) could have caught her at a bad moment. She could have interpreted it the wrong way, been hurt, taken offence - it's easily done.

Blocking someone for sending over a photo is a bit extreme, but we're all finding things tough at the moment, and I'd assume she is struggling with your relationship (like you are) but doesn't have the headspace to think about that right now, because she has bigger problems on her mind.

I'd back off and leave your DH to gently check if she's doing OK generally - not to ask her why she's blocked you. It's a shame he's started there, as 'why have you done this?' is a bit confrontational. It's entirely possible one of her friend is unwell and she's struggling. Very few people at the moment don't know someone they're worried about, and that may be her situation.

It might not be as personal to you as you think.

caitQ · 04/05/2021 15:25

@Mammymar

I will just say it again.It was not a party, it was a small bbq in my Aunts home with my other two Aunts and their husbands. It was not some big family celebration that she was excluded from. I was in the middle of writing where the picture was taken when she blocked me. It is not unusual to send the odd picture to her on what's app.
So all she got was a photo of people being happy without her, and no context.

I'm not saying you deliberately excluded her, but based on the photo alone, she could have jumped to that conclusion. She must have been speedy to block you before you could finish typing though!

Original poster
Mammymar · 04/05/2021 15:26

@SnackSizeRaisin,no she doesn't remember anybodys birthday including her own children.She did know it was my birthday as sil had a party for my nephew and we couldn't go because it was my birthday and she would have told mil why we were not there.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 04/05/2021 15:27

Your MIL might have thought everyone else was invited and she was left out. She wasnt to know how many people were there. She's probably hurt rather than annoyed.

ThatIsMyPotato · 04/05/2021 15:27

Maybe she is feeling desperately lonely/ill and wants her son to be in touch with her? Who knows. You've done nothing wrong having a party but if contact has been tricky I'm not sure why you sent her a picture.

Original poster
Mammymar · 04/05/2021 15:28

It was only a picture of me and DH, nobody else in picture and yes I didn't get the chance to tell her where it was which I was going to do so as she didn't feel like she was excluded from something.

OP posts:
thelegohooverer · 04/05/2021 15:29

I often get blocked accidentally by my pils and my dps on WhatsApp, none of them are good with tech. Are you sure it was deliberate?
Fil has had several mini strokes that haven’t improved his patience or personality. If your mil is becoming more difficult, it might be worth a visit to check that it’s not something sinister.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 04/05/2021 15:29

@Mammymar

I will just say it again.It was not a party, it was a small bbq in my Aunts home with my other two Aunts and their husbands. It was not some big family celebration that she was excluded from. I was in the middle of writing where the picture was taken when she blocked me. It is not unusual to send the odd picture to her on what's app.
Can you not see how sending her a photo of you and DH at a birthday BBQ that she wasn't invited to is a bit unnecessary, though?

I know you were explaining the situation but it all seems a bit weird to do it in the first place.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/05/2021 15:30

Jesus some of you are weird!

Can't send a picture because it's mean?

Grow up!

@Mammymar you did nothing wrong. Some people view SM as some sort of competition or vehicle for personal sleights! Ignore it. And stay out of any further discussion. If DH thinks he needs to go and talk to her that's his choice. He will know her best and however he chooses to deal with her is down to him!

Devlesko · 04/05/2021 15:34

So she's asked for kids to not come round, has clearly got something going on. Whilst it's a bit childish blocking you, why on earth did you goad her with photo's, it's not like the bbq was a shared event with her, I find this weird tbh.

Ponoka7 · 04/05/2021 15:35

You haven't answered if your DH has asked her is everything ok. You've assumed that FIL would be all she needs if something was going on, when that isn't always the case. If my Mother was cancelling visits because of tiredness, I'd probe in a tactful way, has he done that?

purpleboy · 04/05/2021 15:37

I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong in sending the photo, but what was the point? What were you hoping to achieve?
Was it to remind her she forgot your birthday?
I wouldn't ever send someone a photo of DH and I at someone's house unless it was specifically asked for, I know that no one really gives a shit, so I just don't understand the point behind it🤷🏽‍♀️

AppleAppleAppleApple · 04/05/2021 15:37

Hi OP, I’m really confused here. You have no idea why she blocked you, you’re filling in gaps. I would actually be concerned if my DM or DMIL said they were too tired to see Grandchildren, not see it as them being petty. Has anyone checked on her?

I also don’t get why you sent the photo of the two of you. If she isn’t okay maybe she’s hurt? Someone should really try and get in touch with her. Nothing in your post has made it seem like she’s a nightmare at all?

diddl · 04/05/2021 15:37

Is there a chance that she thought that you were the hosts & hadn't invited her?

How old are the kids?

Do they generally get on with her/want to see her?

Does she have to look after them/entertain them?

fallfallfall · 04/05/2021 15:39

If indeed it wasn’t accidental your husband her son should talk to her and find out what’s happening.

AppleAppleAppleApple · 04/05/2021 15:39

As in hurt feelings not physically hurt

Havanna1 · 04/05/2021 15:41

She sounds a prickly sort tbh so you do have my sympathies there.

But I’m sorry, I too think it was a bit weird to send your MIL a picture of you at a party. Why would that be of interest to her? Especially if you don’t get on particularly well. I can understand you sending her pics of the grandkids etc but why on earth would she want a picture of her DIL sat in someone’s garden? Just seems so random. Tbh if I were you I’d probably pretend you sent it to the wrong person, she may even believe that as it IS a random photo to send someone you’re not that friendly with.

I’m sure it’ll sort itself out either way anyway. She can’t block you forever over a photo.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 04/05/2021 15:41

Can't send a picture because it's mean?

Not mean, just unnecessary. OP knows her MIL is difficult - why would you go out of your way to send a difficult person a photo from a party they weren't invited to?

Sharing a photo generally on Facebook or Instagram is very different to deliberately going on WhatsApp and sending it directly to someone.

Lweji · 04/05/2021 15:41

@Mammymar

For what it's worth my own siblings and mother were not invited and didn't have a problem.
Seems odd.

This whole situation is odd, in fact. You didn't go to nephew's birthday, but went to an aunt's for your birthday, to which your own mother and siblings weren't invited. Can I assume that you didn't plan anything else for your birthday?

As for your MIL, I expect that there will be a back story. Maybe some misunderstanding?
You say she lives not far, but your OH only rings her? Do the children go there, but what about him? Do you or him visit her at all?