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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mil blocked me on What's App

141 replies

Mammymar · 04/05/2021 14:26

So mil has always been difficult. We have got on in the past but it was really me just keeping the peace. The last few times my DH has rang her she has been of with him, pulling him up on silly things and trying to start an argument. She has text my DH twice in the last month to tell my children not to visit as she is tired. She lives close by but has not seen or asked after grandchildren for weeks. So I recently turned 40 and my Aunt had a bbq for me in her home and invited my Aunts and Uncles as we would all be close. I didn't invite any of my friends or DH family as I wasn't the host and bbq was not in my home. I sent mil a picture of myself and DH at the bbq with Happy Birthday balloons and she blocked me. DH text her to ask why she blocked me but she has not replied. I told DH to just leave it as I really don't have the energy. I know it all sounds a bit muddled but I don't know what I did wrong. We don't live in the UK so the Covid restrictions are different in case anybody thinks that's she might be annoyed with me for going to a bbq.

OP posts:
mam0918 · 04/05/2021 16:37

Why did you send the photo?

its perfectly fine that she wasnt invited as you werent host but you dont rub a non invitation in the face of someone by deliberately and personally sending photos to them of the party their not part of... thats deemed rude.

I have never texted my IL on my birthday, I would have no reason to so the whole sending a photo thing is bizaare... I would get uploading it to facebook but not texting/massaging it to people who arent involved.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/05/2021 16:41

but you dont rub a non invitation in the face of someone by deliberately and personally sending photos to them of the party their not part of... thats deemed rude. What on Earth? deliberately and personally posting a picture on aan App that's made for uploadng pictures? Rude?

Why do people insist on living their lives as though SM is personal commentary?

If you, as a family, use any SM to share pictures then that's what you do. There's nothing insulting or rude about it - or you just wouldn't have the bloody App!

I have no idea why people get so het up about what someone else is doing on a given day!

ineedaholidaynow · 04/05/2021 16:43

It sounds as if the OP uses WhatsApp instead of Facebook, so what is the difference of posting a photo on there instead of facebook

SelkieFly · 04/05/2021 16:45

Id just merrily accept it!

Maggiesfarm · 04/05/2021 16:46

I think it is a pity your aunt didn't invite your mother in law. It was tactless of you to send her pictures of you and family at a birthday party from which she was excluded.

Other than that, just leave things. It sounds as though she is unwell but you can't do much about that.

Lweji · 04/05/2021 16:49

@TatianaBis

She doesn't know the context does she - aunt had BBQ for you and your side of the family, no friends etc.

To her it just looks like you sent her birthday party pics she wasn't invited to.

This annd I sent mil a picture of myself and DH at the bbq with Happy Birthday balloons

So, clearly her birthday party, to which the MIL wasn't invited to, and without further context.

In any case, why would she want a photo of someone's birthday if she wasn't close enough to be invited to?

Can you explain why you thought she might be interested in the photo?

Lweji · 04/05/2021 16:51

victim-blaming
Grin

A tad OTT, I think.

AppleAppleAppleApple · 04/05/2021 16:51

OP, why are you ignoring so many people and just responding to those who agree with you?

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2021 16:52

i think it is a pity your aunt didn't invite your mother in law. It was tactless of you to send her pictures of you and family at a birthday party from which she was excluded

Why? This has been going on for weeks. It’s clearly nothing to do with the bbq. I’m not sure why folks are hung up on it. She doesn’t even want to see the grandkids well before the bbq, so something is clearly wrong that they don’t know about.

SeaShoreGalore · 04/05/2021 16:52

so nobody is allowed to enjoy themselves because of how you feel

That’s absolutely not what she said - and what a mean interpretation!

CokeDrinker · 04/05/2021 16:52

@Lweji It was a picture of MIL's son and DIL. Isn't that ok or enough reason to send her a photo (that she sent to everyone else)?

Lweji · 04/05/2021 16:54

If you use WhatsApp for sharing things that are happening in the family, why wouldn't OP post a photo of her at the BBQ?

Fine if it's posted to a group. But we don't share family photos with everyone on Whatsapp. At least I don't. And I don't know many who do. It's not built for generic sharing, like FB or Twitter, even Instagram. It's more of a message app.
The photo was sent to MIL specifically. Why?

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2021 16:55

The last few times my DH has rang her she has been of with him, pulling him up on silly things and trying to start an argument. She has text my DH twice in the last month to tell my children not to visit as she is tired. She lives close by but has not seen or asked after grandchildren for weeks

I think everyone is just ignoring this bit and focusing on the bbq. It’s clear this is not about the bbq.

RainOnMe79 · 04/05/2021 16:56

This really does sound like my MIL.
When something similar happened to me, I took it that MIL was always looking for an excuse not to see the grandchildren, she saw them as a chore and found them annoying, so took the first opportunity to cut us out.

Hazel444 · 04/05/2021 17:00

@Roodicus21

Why would you send someone you don't like a picture of you and your dh at a celebration they're not invited to? A pic of the gc maybe but it looked like you were giving two fingers.
I was about to write similar - what was your motivation for sending the pic OP?
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/05/2021 17:05

I don't have my in-laws on my social media at all. This sort of petty crap all the time is exactly why. Snippy comments on people's posts, chronic oversharing, taking deliberate offence at perceived small slights, if people can't interact like bloody adults then let them go sit at the kiddies' table.

As for your MiL OP it might well be interpreted that she's unwell were she not taking every opportunity possible to spoil for a fight. And in this case, I wouldn't be worried for an instant about being blocked and if I were you, I'd keep it that way and ensure that once she gets over her gesture she has no means of contacting you further. For a brief window my MiL had my number but once my maternity leave was up I changed it and she's never had it since. People who play games like this should end up arguing with silence.

Life's too short. Who needs this?

BadNomad · 04/05/2021 17:08

Do you know you can put a message with the photo before you send it? You had already spent your milestone birthday with your mum and now, party or not, it was clear you were celebrating it again without her. I'd be hurt too in that context. Then the part about your nephew not being blood related. It feels like you don't see your DH's family as your family.

Original poster
Mammymar · 04/05/2021 17:15

I don't have Facebook so it's normal for our family to share pictures on what's app. I sent the photo to other members of the family and some friends and the only negative came from mil. It wasn't a planned party, just a bbq with a very small number of my relatives. The balloons were just a bonus as it was a milestone birthday. My birthday was actually a week before and I spent it with my own mother. I did nothing else for my birthday, no party or friends or my family in my house. I wouldn't expect to be invited to somebody else's house for a bbq. Mil didn't give me the chance to explain where we were. DH has started to stand up to mil over the last year and this has not gone down well. She doesn't contact us or the grandchildren and when DH does contact her she tries to start an argument.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammymar · 04/05/2021 17:18

@BadNomad,i said not blood related as a previous poster thought it was odd how I spent my birthday. I spent my birthday with my Mam and wanted to explain that my Mam and I didn't attend nephews party as he is not my Mams grandchild if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 04/05/2021 17:19

Sounds like being blocked is the best possible outcome.

Bitofanexpert · 04/05/2021 17:21

Honestly I wouldn’t even bother... this has given you permission and the green light to stop bothering with her. I can’t imagine it’s a great loss? She’s your husband’s mother- let him deal with her.

thelegohooverer · 04/05/2021 17:23

As for your MiL OP it might well be interpreted that she's unwell were she not taking every opportunity possible to spoil for a fight

Spoiling for a fight, can also be an indicator that something is wrong. This isn’t uncommon after small strokes.

Lweji · 04/05/2021 17:24

It looks like that was indeed the final drop for her, rightfully or not.
She didn't know how many people you sent the photo to, and the context because you didn't send a message with the photo.

I know that my own mother has a habit of being upset when one of us sends photos of us doing something because we didn't invite her. Even though she did and has the habit of sending photos "to make us envious" - her own words last weekend. Confused

It's very easy for some people to interpret innocent gestures as offensive. She probably is one of those. I'm sure you know her better than any of us, and that is why some pps have been wondering why you'd risk sending a photo that could be perceived as rubbing it on her face.
Sometimes we need to be thoughtful ourselves.

We don't know the whole back story and why your DH needed to stand up to her. If she is utterly unreasonable in general, why are you even concerned she blocked you on Whatsapp?
If your DH is concerned, he should go and talk to her face to face. Even if she tries to start an argument. Some people do that when they are hurt or have problems. He may well need to get past that barrier.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 04/05/2021 17:26

Stop sending her fotos it's weird if she's already given you signals she's not interested in communicating.

BettyUnderswoob · 04/05/2021 17:51

MN is like a parallel universe sometimes.

No one else in the world thinks twice about posting photos of what they've been up on WhatsApp; that's what it's for! And no one else minds if it's of things that they didn't go to, or weren't invited to, unless they're self centred, self obsessed twats - "I'm not interested unless it involves MEEE!"
In any case, OP had no control over the invitations, and it was with her family, not her MILS. Couldn't see my mum ever inviting MIL to any of our family things or vice versa.

OP if your MIL is not unwell (do check) then think yourself lucky she's done this... saves you the bother!