Mil blocked me on What's App

[Mammymar]

So mil has always been difficult. We have got on in the past but it was really me just keeping the peace. The last few times my DH has rang her she has been of with him, pulling him up on silly things and trying to start an argument. She has text my DH twice in the last month to tell my children not to visit as she is tired. She lives close by but has not seen or asked after grandchildren for weeks. So I recently turned 40 and my Aunt had a bbq for me in her home and invited my Aunts and Uncles as we would all be close. I didn't invite any of my friends or DH family as I wasn't the host and bbq was not in my home. I sent mil a picture of myself and DH at the bbq with Happy Birthday balloons and she blocked me. DH text her to ask why she blocked me but she has not replied. I told DH to just leave it as I really don't have the energy. I know it all sounds a bit muddled but I don't know what I did wrong. We don't live in the UK so the Covid restrictions are different in case anybody thinks that's she might be annoyed with me for going to a bbq.

[Nightbear]

I don’t think it was wrong to share the picture. Given how she’s responded it’s probably not a bad thing thing that she’s blocked you.

[AfterSchoolWorry]

Leave her. She's making a show of herself.

[Mammymar]

@Lweji,not odd at all. My dm and myself have birthdays two days apart so I spent the day with my Mam. My nephews birthday was on the day I was in my Mams house. Nephew is blood related to DH and not me. My sil invited us to nephews party and I told her I was spending it with my Mam,she totally understood and said she had a feing I would be doing something. The bbq was a week later in my Aunts house.

[Summerfun54321]

Ignore the photo bbq thing. It’s drama you don’t need and you haven’t done anything wrong. Even if you had, she’s reacted like a child. Get your DH to go visit and see what’s up. Either she’s attention seeking or she’s ill. Dementia and medication can make someone out of sorts but you know her better than us, maybe she’s just a massive bitch!

[NameChange74567]

I don't think you were wrong in sending her a picture, especially one her son was in. She is being ridiculous, enjoy the peace. I wish my Mil would stop contacting me!

[Lweji]

The bbq was a week later in my Aunts house.

So, that wasn't on your birthday?

In any case, the type of photo you posted, if she was already feeling left out by her DS, could suggest you had a big do and she had not been invited, particularly as it didn't coincide with anyone else's.

Your DH, for several reasons, should go to her and find out what's going on.

[Mammymar]

No it wasn't on my bday. I spent my bday with my Mam.

[BlackDaffodil]

Congratulations OP, you have achieved the impossible.

[roguetomato]

I don't understand why you had to send the photo to mil.

[HeyDemonsItsYaGirl]

I'd feel a bit bemused if someone randomly sent me a picture of them at a party I had nothing to do with. If it was someone I had a fractious relationship with, I might conclude they were rubbing my face in it or they were dropping some hint that I hadn't made enough fuss about their birthday.

[Notonthestairs]

If all you've done is send a picture just of you and your DH she's over reacted. It would be worth your husband dropping around to see how she's doing and get to the bottom of it.

This thread is interesting, I find a bit of a contradiction between -"Don't send pictures just in case you upset me/somebody " and "why do people make it all about themselves".

[SandyY2K]

SandyY2K, her picture is gone from my what's app which means I'm blocked

Thanks. I didn't know this. I've blocked a couple of people recently and was hoping they wouldn't know.

[Bluntness100]

I actually can’t believe the op has had to repeatedly explain what it was she was attending when it’s perfectly clear from the op. 😱

Op, there could be something wrong, she’s saying she’s tired, she won’t see the kids etc, now she’s blocked you. Maybe get your husband to call or pop round ans see what the issue is. If she’s just being horrid leave it be, but I’d see if something was up first.

[TatianaBis]

She doesn't know the context does she - aunt had BBQ for you and your side of the family, no friends etc.

To her it just looks like you sent her birthday party pics she wasn't invited to.

[BeefSupreme]

You’ve dodged a lunatic bullet here. Enjoy your stress-free life now

[WorkplaceLlama]

There's some really odd responses here? Why would the mother of your husband expect to have been invited to an event hosted by YOUR aunt in the first place anyway? They aren't the same family.

If usually pictures are well received and she hasn't complained before, then I don't see the problem with sending one of you and DH together as a couple and blocking is odd.

[SaltAndVinegarSandwiches]

On the one hand I wouldn't have sent her a photo of a party she wasn't invited to (not that she should expect to be invited but it still comes across as a bit in your face). On the other hand MIL's reaction is massively OTT. She sounds like super hard work so I'd just enjoy the peace and quiet!

[ineedaholidaynow]

Why would the MIL be invited to a BBQ at the OP's Aunt's house especially as her own mother wasn't invited? If you use WhatsApp for sharing things that are happening in the family, why wouldn't OP post a photo of her at the BBQ?

[Mammymar]

@needaholidaynow,yes to everything you said.

[sunflowersandbuttercups]

@ineedaholidaynow

Why would the MIL be invited to a BBQ at the OP's Aunt's house especially as her own mother wasn't invited? If you use WhatsApp for sharing things that are happening in the family, why wouldn't OP post a photo of her at the BBQ?

But the MIL didn't know any of those things.

[WorkplaceLlama]

But the MIL didn't know any of those things.

No, she had a picture of OP and her DH a week after her birthday (so no connection to that) with no other people in the picture. Why would she auto-block without asking? A bit of an odd presumption to make that a big event was taking place without her, no?

[YellowGlasses]

I also wondered if she might be ill.

As PP said, it’s not really the done thing to send pictures of yourself at what could be interpreted as a party to people who might be upset or take offence at feeling left out. Only you’ll know if your MIL falls into that category or whether the picture would usually be appreciated (the fact you sent it says to me that you thought she would want to see it, which then gives more strength towards the possibility she might be ill considering her unexpected reaction).

[Bluntness100]

This all started before the bbq though, it’s been going on weeks, so something else is clearly wrong.

[CokeDrinker]

@SnackSizeRaisin

I will just say it again.It was not a party, it was a small bbq in my Aunts home

But she doesn't know that. Did she remember your birthday?

Because her MIL didn't give the OP a chance to say that, before she was blocked.

Speaking generally now, I am not sure why the OP is being victim-blamed on here. She did nothing wrong. No where did she say she needed to send the picture, it was simply an innocent thing, and it was sent to others too, not just MIL.

Are we not allowed to send photos of happy times now, lest we be accused of 'winding someone up' and have motives ascribed to even the most innocent and innocuous of things?

[CokeDrinker]

@sunflowersandbuttercups

Can't send a picture because it's mean?

Not mean, just unnecessary. OP knows her MIL is difficult - why would you go out of your way to send a difficult person a photo from a party they weren't invited to?

Sharing a photo generally on Facebook or Instagram is very different to deliberately going on WhatsApp and sending it directly to someone.

EVERYTHING we do is unnecessary, so what? What's with the victim-blaming?

The OP said the photo was sent to everyone, not just MIL. And they regularly post photos on WhatsAp. So it is a normal thing they all do.

So why is is it wrong now?