Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

Really dont understand how anyone can let 7/8 year olds roam the streets on their own either. Only on MN!

Some rather alarmist comments here, not every park is crawling with criminals as D.C. can be brought up to make choices, you know don’t take drugs etc.
Locking them away until uni usually ends up in wild student times because they’ve never had to make their own decisions, also super strict controlling parents are usually the ones that their kids are desperate to get away from.

Im in a town in North Wales and I live a stones throw away from our local park and both DC started going on their own at 8yo as did most of their friends. DC 1 is almost 10 now and also goes to the local skate park and football pitch. He's not allowed to go wondering around the high street yet but he'll be starting Y6 in September and I'm assuming that's when he'll start asking if he can go. My answer will be completely dependent on how much I trust him. I would say 11yo is old enough to venture to the park if you can trust her to stay in the park and not to wonder off.

My 11 year old went on Saturday teatime with a friend. I don't like our park as we've had problems with gangs (small groups of teenage lads really - we're rural Est Mids no Hackney) and a guy got his face slashed for refusing to allow one of these gangs to join a sparts game. They had my phone number , knew to stay away from any groups and to run like hell at the first sign of trouble.

If it was a nice park to use, I'd have no issues with DS going, only one large road to cross, and he should be able to take his scooter or a ball etc.

@beachsidecafe

UrAWizHarry I think it is you that needs to get a grip, go and educate yourself and go to park this (the same one your kids no doubt go to) and see what is going on for yourself. If you are happy to put them at risk that is a matter for you. But so you know, one day they will be adults and wonder why the hell you would care so little for them, as to let them be exposed to the stuff that goes down there...really it is on you. Not me.

My kids have never been allowed to hang out in parks in the evenings. Can't say they have missed it one bit, and they are nearly adults now and preparing for uni, and are in good shape largely thanks to giving them independence in places where they were unlikely to come to harm. Jesus christ, its hardly difficult. Keep your kids safe.

I know exactly what is going on, and none of it is your ridiculous scaremongering and fucking ridiculous nonsense about my kids.

Feel free to lock your kids up because of some insane fear but the rest of us will carry on in the real world.

Hermammy - you can be an active,caring parent that gradually gives your child appropriate independence ! Not just strict and controlling or let your kids out alone at 7/8. Giving too much inappropriate independence too early can be very damaging. It’s a balance and a gradual process. But very very few kids are ready to go out alone at 7 for long periods of time with out parental support. Kids that age still have their parents at the centre of their world - they’d love for a parent to be sat nearby watching and supporting them whilst they play. At 11 I think the ops been getting it right by being nearby but at a distance and then gradually increasing this over the summer. Sending kids out regularly alone at 7/8 is actually really sad for them. They’ll see their friends being more protected and wonder why they aren’t worth as much. I definitely thought my parents cared less then my friends ones who were over involved.
The kids that were super independent round us were the ones having sex at 12/13 and getting into drugs early.
Life is different now to the 1979s/1980s/1990s - the uk is vastly more populated and there is technology which didn’t even exist back then. Cultural norms are different and safety is more of a concern - which is a good thing. When we were younger for example it wasn’t the law to wear a seat belt. Standards have improved.

Parks should be locked after dark, no good comes from activities in the park after dark. We used to have a flasher, until one of the gang chased him off, he used to still come back and give it a go to the younger girls. Police were called every weekend. Parents had no idea, no clue whatsoever.

@beachsidecafe I too think your experience is extreme.
Near us the parks are full of families and dog walkers and then groups of 11/12 year olds mucking about. They do still play on some equipment or kick a football around, climb trees etc
Teens come out after 6.30pm ish especially when nothing else was open. But in groups of similar ages. Only after dark would concern me

@Mumbot345635 but Scotland isn't all rural villages? - personally I live in the capital city not too far from the centre

Parks should be locked after dark, no good comes from activities in the park after dark.

I'll let the guide and scout and brownie units, operating in the dark through lockdowns know you disapprove of their shocking activities 😆

@Itisablessing

Parks should be locked after dark, no good comes from activities in the park after dark. We used to have a flasher, until one of the gang chased him off, he used to still come back and give it a go to the younger girls. Police were called every weekend. Parents had no idea, no clue whatsoever.

You are applying your experience to everywhere and everyone though.

I spent a lot of time hanging round the parks in our city as a teen in the 00s. There were a fee alcoholics, a few people smoking weed etc but very rarely. And guess what, we were more interested in our own company just chatting and sitting around the river. Because even as a young teenager, i could see that that was sad behaviour.

No child of mine would be 'hanging out' in parks. Absolutely not.
What can they possibly hope to gain?

There are plenty of ways for young people can enjoy freedom without resorting to hanging around in parks and such like. It feels like a class divide.
I don't know a single friend who would be comfortable for their pre teens or teenagers to hang around parks. I am glad you are staying with her op, you are a good mother. I would encourage her to make friends with children that are not doing the park thing, and try to avoid it altogether.

Midnight star - no schools round us would let an 8 year old walk to school alone! At our current school it’s ok for year 6 only and their parents have to have signed a note.

Really? How do they know how each child is getting to school? They don't have any authority to police that. I will be extremely surprised if that's true.

Personally our park is absolutely central to our community and is right by the primary school. There are children and toddlers playing there til late and i have spent many many hours there and still do as I have a ddog and a younger dd. I know exactly what the 11 year olds including mine are up to or if I don't someone I know does. We aren't a huge bunch of naive parents.

For me, it depends on lots of factors:

• how mature an 11yo she is
• how mature her friends are
• how many of them there will be
• how busy the park is
• how close the park is to the shops
• if the park has known dodgy areas

I have let my DD11 go to our village park with her older sister, or with a friend, since she was 10. It's a very safe park with lots of people she knows nearby that she could go to if she needs help. She isn't neurotypical but she is actually very sensible in a crisis situation - more so than her neurotypical older sister!

When she went into Y7, I started off allowing her to go into town after school for an hour if she went with 2 friends. (This was because her 'best' friend is unreliable.) This gradually increased to 2 hours. Now, she is allowed to go into town with 1 friend or with her sister after school and there is no time limit as long as she has pre-arranged where and when I pick her up. She can also meet a friend in town at the weekend. However, I don't let her go to the park in town because it is a little distance from the city centre and has some dodgy areas.

However, my DD13 is allowed to meet friends in the park because she is older and her friends are very trustworthy and I know they keep away from the dodgy areas.

They both have software on the phones that allows me to 'track' their phones and are not allowed out if they don't have their phones with them, sufficient charge and the location switched on. They know if they switched it off, they'd have going out privileges revoked for a time. They also know if they are late, they will be allowed out for less time next time - they earn the trust to stay out longer/go further over time.

I do tend to have to ferry them about as we live in a village with a very limited bus service so my reasoning to them is that I am doing you a favour by driving you to and from all the activities you want to do, you repay that favour by being on time and keeping to the rules I've set.

Nokidshere - a teacher stands on the gate welcoming them. If a child was regularly turning up without an adult waving them off they would speak to the parents and if a persistent problem I’ve no doubt they would report as a safeguarding concern to social services.

I would add we are at an ofstead outstanding state school. But no school in our area would be happy with children below year 6 (possibly year 5) walking alone. Times have changed!

There are plenty of ways for young people can enjoy freedom without resorting to hanging around in parks and such like. It feels like a class divide.
I don't know a single friend who would be comfortable for their pre teens or teenagers to hang around parks. I am glad you are staying with her op, you are a good mother. I would encourage her to make friends with children that are not doing the park thing, and try to avoid it altogether.

Goodness me - class divide! 😆. The dc 'hanging out' in our park are all firmly middle class, encouraged to be out exercising rather than sitting indoors on a screen

Certainly an 8 year old walking to school alone would be noted as a safeguarding concern

Children under the age of ten are hand delivered by parents or carers in our school every day, and collected too. A child arriving alone would be cause for concern. We live in the SE. It would be a SS issue here if it continued and would be seen as neglect unless the child lived next door/opposite the school. 11 yrs old is the average age a child travels to school alone in these parts.

Nokidshere - a teacher stands on the gate welcoming them. If a child was regularly turning up without an adult waving them off they would speak to the parents and if a persistent problem I’ve no doubt they would report as a safeguarding concern to social services.

They have no authority to report a child for walking to school alone, it's not a safeguarding issue unless it's part of a wider picture. They can stop children leaving alone if they don't have a parental permission form to do so, and they can insist that someone over 16 picks up but if an 8 yr old is walking to school alone that is absolutely NOT a safeguarding issue.

They can report whatever they want as a safeguarding issue!

We are at (and I work at) a state school and it's just standard guidance. Most 7 year olds do still get taken and collected (mine gets collected by 11yo dd til I get there from work - 10/15 minutes usually, fine with school) by 8 more start walking. Pretty standard citywide. My neighbours 8 and 9 cycle together to their private school so it's not just us common state folks

Midnight - but you are not in England...

At our school it most definitely IS a safe guarding issue, and there is no way a child would be left at that age to walk home alone.
We obviously all come from different places, but SS would be informed here in all case bar none.