Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

The law is the children’s act - there is no objective rule - negligence is dependant on the facts and circumstances

Exactly. There’s no specific age and no blanket provision. walking to school is not the same as home alone. I absolutely do know the law because I worked in CP for a few years. Whether there is different law in Scotland I have no idea but I absolutely do not believe that no children under 10 ever go out unsupervised.

I feel very sorry for some of the children on here.

Back in 1970s it might have been fine to walk to school at such a young age, but the traffic has quadrupled since then, and many parents now work, and so there isn't the safety net of community looking out for children anymore. The traffic is horrendous and it only take one occasion when a child is distracted and that is it. I honestly don't know how you can sleep at night. I would worry all day if they were mine. How do you know they are even at school safely every day? Or even going to school?

Madness.

You know, my Mum always used to say 'set high expectations for your kids, and watch them rise to meet them' and I think that's a good way to think about giving your kids room to grow and flourish as themselves, outside of the family unit.

I don't think refusing to let your kids step foot into - gasp! - a park is necessarily a signifier of great parenting (shitty dangerous parks notwithstanding of course).

Really shocked that city based children are walking home alone at eight years old in Scotland. It would not be allowed to happen in England.

Nonsense, I have friends all over the UK, it's no different most places. You must live in a super dangerous area (or an odd little bubble)

As someone else said - each to their own. I know how I’ll parent my children. I walked to school at 8 alone (1980s) - would I have preferred my parents to walk me - absolutely. Has my mum ever asked me about how I felt about early independence - no. Would I tell her truth if she did ask me - no, as it would hurt her to know how neglected and uncared for I felt.

Are you saying that my 9 and 11 year olds are sneaking off somewhere for six hours, five days a week @Gabriellastella and that the school has never thought to enquire as to their whereabouts? Just instead of going to their school which is about a 3-4 minute's walk away, and has one crossing, which has a lollipop lady I personally know.

Bit dramatic, aren't you.

Letting them get run over is not setting any expectations, that is just leaving them to it and hoping for the best! Very different.

Have you any idea how chaotic the traffic is around school? Do you think frazzled and distracted parents are thinking about who is alone and who isn't.

You might think it is cool parenting, I call it negligence. A 7/8 year old is just too young to be fully aware of all the dangers.

Fwiw my dc don't have any roads to cross to get to school - how wet they do have to (gasp) cross the PARK

Given that I live 3-4 minutes from the school, let's agree that I know better than you what the traffic is like, and that over the 7 years my kids have been going there, I've had time to assess the situation.

Negligence. Do one, honestly.

Anyway we will leave it at that. I know my dc are safe and well, I am happy with my choices and I can relax and know that they are safely at school. As they get older they can slowly become more independent with the school bus and then eventually the trains. We live in the countryside, so they can play in the fields behind us. There are no roads nearby and for us that is more than enough.

I see no child under ten going anywhere alone on the streets or otherwise, and if I saw a young child alone at that age I would most definitely call the police, and pull over to be sure they made it in time to collect the child safely. I would never just drive by and ignore them

So what, you are going to forcibly stop the child from going home, or to where-ever they were going? I think you might find it is you who has committed some sort of offence if you do that. Not to mention terrifying a child. And wasting police time.
If you would stop a child, rather than ask them if they are ok and where they are going, then I think that it a really unhealthy attitude.

@Gabriellastella

No child of mine would be 'hanging out' in parks. Absolutely not. What can they possibly hope to gain?

There are plenty of ways for young people can enjoy freedom without resorting to hanging around in parks and such like. It feels like a class divide.
I don't know a single friend who would be comfortable for their pre teens or teenagers to hang around parks. I am glad you are staying with her op, you are a good mother. I would encourage her to make friends with children that are not doing the park thing, and try to avoid it altogether.

Hmm what could they possibly gain? Exercise, fresh air, conversation, friendship, time away from screens, laughter, independence?

They aren’t smoking and drinking or dropping litter, they are friendly to the little kids and polite to grownups (I know because i have my spies out!)

What are these ‘plenty of other ways for them to enjoy freedom’ please? Especially now and during lockdown.

How far away is the park? I went in my own from about 8, but it was only round the corner.

I would also avoid any parent that didn't care for their child properly, even if the school were okay with breaking the law.

NSPCC have spelt it out very clearly. No under eights should be left alone. That is all we need to say really, unless you think your views are superior to the NSPCC?

@Gabriellastella

I feel very sorry for some of the children on here.

Back in 1970s it might have been fine to walk to school at such a young age, but the traffic has quadrupled since then, and many parents now work, and so there isn't the safety net of community looking out for children anymore. The traffic is horrendous and it only take one occasion when a child is distracted and that is it. I honestly don't know how you can sleep at night. I would worry all day if they were mine. How do you know they are even at school safely every day? Or even going to school?

Madness.

Every school I've known has had a policy of contacting parents if children that they were expecting fail to turn up. Most introduced it after a P7 boy in West Lothian was found dead. He'd not turned up for school and his absence hadn't been noted until the end of the day when a family member arrived to collect him.

My DD just came into my office so I asked her about this, and these are her responses:

• Do you mind that I don't walk you to school? No (looked at me like I was mental)
• Do you secretly wish I dropped you off and collected you? I'd be totally cringe if you did that (I took that as a no )
• Did you ever feel jealous that your friend get picked up? No it's embarrassing, nobody gets picked up anymore!

So there we go. I haven't broken her spirit with my wilful neglect.

Calling the police is a sensible thing to do if you see a young child alone, you must never ever approach them and check they are okay!

Seriously - it seems there is no grasp on understanding the concept of safety. The police are better placed to check the child's well being, and where he/she is going and if it is safe for them to proceed. The police would in no way see it as time wasting here I can assure you.

To be clear, this is what the NSPCC says:

some schools advise children under 8 shouldnt walk home without an adult or older sibling.

Please do point out where I contravened their as-good-as-non-existent guidance though.

they can slowly become more independent with the school bus

Hope they've improved since my day, the school bus was horrible, I'd much rather have walked!

^unless you think your views are superior to the NSPCC?

As a former latchkey kid, one of many, yes, I do think the ages the NSPCC suggests are too old for responsible, trustworthy children.

As great as it is for children to be able to entertain themselves, there’s absolutely no good comes from them hanging around in groups. That’s how juvenile nuisance starts.

I put a tracker on dds phone. Made me feel a bit better although I do know it is only telling me where the phone is. She 12 and going further afield all the time. Difficult for us but necessary for them. You'll need to bite the bullet and let her go.

So much - their older sibling was 9! It’s hardly a responsible older child!

And isn’t it still the school day? Funny how your child was around to ask at 2.45!

@Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel

As great as it is for children to be able to entertain themselves, there’s absolutely no good comes from them hanging around in groups. That’s how juvenile nuisance starts.

Yes god forbid they actually see their friends. Imagine the nonsense that will arise from a few 11-12 year olds having fun 🙄

Actually, the NSPCC state that there is no legal age when it comes to letting children walk home from school unaccompanied. Of course, some schools will set their own rules, but there's not a specific law. The page makes it quite clear that it's up to the parents and child to decide when they feel ready, and gives advice about different factors to take into account.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/away-from-home/at-school/#homealone