Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to this 40th?

111 replies

Lucaslucas1612 · 03/05/2021 08:51

It's my very good friends 40th next year. She is talking about going to dubai for it, great I thought originally, sounds good. However, as discussions have gone on she is talking about staying in a hotel and going out to bars and in particular these bars where ladies drink free all night. Me and another friend are uneasy about this. I have been to dubai on a family holiday a few times and found it great for that but I think for the kind of holiday she is talking about I am a bit concerned.

We are all in our late 30s/40s and married with dcs. I just think these kind of bars are free to ladies to attract them to go there for men. I have no interest in having men buy me drinks, I can pay for my own and think that in bars like that there will be certain expectations from the men. At the time of organising we were all married and me and my friend simply aren't interested in talking to men when we re out, we just want to have a fun girls night out. We can't really understand why the birthday girl would want that either.

Plus, I thought that being drunk in public and dressing in what is seen in a certain way is frown apon and can get you into trouble. Not that we drink to access anymore or are falling over in tiny mini skirts or being sick, but we just think we would be on edge.

Well fast forward to now and it transpires that she wasn't in a happy marriage and her and her husband have split up. She has a single friend 10 years younger with dcs and I can't help thinking she is being influenced by her. She's a bit of a freeloader and thinks nothing of leaving us on nights out because she's met some guy and no one hears from her in the morning and other things that have happened which have made me form this opinion of her.

Me and another friend feel uneasy about going and have pointed out the above points to the birthday girl but she seems set on going. She's a good friend so I want to celebrate with her but don't think dubai is the right place for that.

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 03/05/2021 08:55

No, I wouldn't. I did getting shitfaced in sunny climes when I was a young woman, it doesn't appeal to me at all now.

Dubai doesn't appeal to me anyway, so I wouldn't pay all that money to please someone else.

PicaK · 03/05/2021 08:57

So don't go. Do park all the judgemental crap though. Tell her you want to celebrate but you're not in the zone for nightclubs etc. Wish her well and to have an absolutely fabulous time.
Has she been a good mate over last few years? Unhappy marriages can be terribly hard places to be. She might need this time of fun to recover and recuperate.
It doesn't sound like she has your blessing ATM. Can you give your head a wobble, be thankful for the grounding of your secure happy marriage and wish her well.

Original poster
Lucaslucas1612 · 03/05/2021 08:57

We generally don't get shit faced we no our limits now. I just don't like the idea of free drinks or men buying our drinks with perhaps other expectations. We are all fully capable of paying our own way. I just thought she'd want a nice girlie night out without having to potentially chat to random men because they've brought us stuff.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 03/05/2021 08:59

I wouldn't but I can't imagine spending that much time and money on a birthday party anyway and Dubai would be at the bottom of my list for a holiday at the best of times

Brendabigbaps · 03/05/2021 09:03

You really don’t want to go to Dubai and behave like that, your asking for trouble with authorities. I wouldn’t even want to be with people behaving like that in Dubai.
Sounds like she needs to be going to Spain etc.

PicsInRed · 03/05/2021 09:05

Would I go to Dubai and get shit faced in a bar which allows women to drink for free for Hmm some reason? Not unless I was willing to risk being charged with extra marital sex and consumption of alcohol if I got raped and then imprisoned for it. See below. There are plenty more like it.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-38013351

I suppose in that event one could always hurriedly skip the country in case the rape was discovered. I'd save the trouble and stay home personally.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/05/2021 09:07

No, simply because there’s no way I’d spend that much celebrating an adult birthday.

Firefliess · 03/05/2021 09:07

I'm not sure a 40th birthday gives you the right to dictate a holiday venue and style with friends who aren't that into it. If it wasn't her 40th, and she'd just suggested that type of holiday, would you go? Or is she generously paying for everything? If she's just expecting you all to split the costs, but it isn't what you would want to do for a holiday then I'd politely decline and say that clubs where women drink free in order to attract men aren't my mind of thing. Offer to take her out for a birthday meal or something when she gets back.

Daydrambeliever · 03/05/2021 09:12

I wouldn't go to Dubai for any reason let alone a birthday celebration. But then I'm not friends with anyone who thinks asking people to spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds on their birthday is a reasonable thing to do.

Don't go. You will have a terrible time being anxious and will resent your friend for putting you in that position.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/05/2021 09:13

I don’t understand why you are saying you have to wear mini skirts or dress in a certain way... I’m sure you could wear what you like.

Don’t go, obviously, and do something with her before or after, but also don’t try to find things to add to the list. You don’t need anymore things other than it not feeling safe or it not being for you.

GroggyLegs · 03/05/2021 09:13

She wants a pulling holiday. You don't.

So wish her a great time & arrange something lovely for her at home that you can all enjoy - a nice meal or weekend away in a place with a hot tub... It'll still cost loads less than Dubai.

JudgeRindersMinder · 03/05/2021 09:14

I wouldn’t be going to Dubai full stop

Spanglybangles · 03/05/2021 09:16

No chance, I would not be comfortable with this at all. If you want long haul with hotels, bars, fun and hot weather....go to Vegas, not Dubai.

pabloescobarselasticband · 03/05/2021 09:18

I agree with you OP. Its not the sort of thing I would be in to and especially not in Dubai. Maybe you and the other friend could explain that you cant make it but would like to organise something separately for your df birthday? A spa day or special day out etc?

motherloaded · 03/05/2021 09:19

Dubai is not the best place for this kind of things.

MyFloorIsLava · 03/05/2021 09:21

That sounds absolutely horrible on every single level. No I wouldn't be going.

Pumperthepumper · 03/05/2021 09:25

She’s a really good friend and you had no idea about her unhappy marriage? That’s really sad, she must have been very lonely.

I’d say I wasn’t going now and nip it in the bud, but arrange something else for a day in the future so she’s got something to look forward to.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/05/2021 09:26

I wouldn't go if i was you, it sounds like you're not going to enjoy it and her ides of a night out is different to yours at the moment and she is not going to want to compromise since it's her birthday celebration.

However unless its different from the uk, the 'ladies drink free' nightclubs (which might be banned here now?) are / were to encourage more women to attend. Then more males would attend because they know there are going to be (probably drunk) women. A bit distasteful maybe but that's not the same as being bought drinks from men and men expecting something in return

BingBunnyIsAnnoying · 03/05/2021 09:31

Alarm bells are ringing, listen to them and trust your instinct

lubeybooby · 03/05/2021 09:37

wouldn't go to Dubai ever for any reason if if it was all expenses paid

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/05/2021 09:41

However unless its different from the uk, the 'ladies drink free' nightclubs (which might be banned here now?) are / were to encourage more women to attend. Then more males would attend because they know there are going to be (probably drunk) women. A bit distasteful maybe but that's not the same as being bought drinks from men and men expecting something in return

And you don’t think those men expect anything from these drunk women?

OP - I wouldn’t go if you feel uncomfortable. I went on holiday for my 40th, but no way would have I expected my friends to go somewhere they wouldn’t have felt happy or safe (or even somewhere they didn’t particularly fancy going).

WallpaperLady · 03/05/2021 09:41

I love Dubai. So much negativity towards the place- if you're respectful of customs and law, you'll be fine. And I was in vests and shorts (tiny shorts!) Never had an issues and actually felt quite safe (for me, safer than when I've been in London!). But that is just my experience.

I personally wouldn't go on a holiday as you described. You shouldn't be guilt tripped or feel you have to do something you feel uncomfortable with. Do something before or after the holiday and let her go with her friend who clearly has the same agenda as her.

Elieza · 03/05/2021 09:43

She’s mad. Don’t do it. It won’t end well. It will end up with someone in jail for drinking too many free drinks and behaving in way the Dubai authorities consider inappropriate.

Go somewhere else. Which has laws you are more familiar with. She will undoubtedly go off the rails. Personally I’d prefer to let her go on the pull with her single mate and have another weekend or whatever that you all attend as a group.

hellywelly3 · 03/05/2021 09:44

Just say no thanks not for me, maybe go on a spa day when she gets back.

ladyvimes · 03/05/2021 09:47

I’d never go to Dubai for any reason. Women’s rights in UAE are dreadful and I hate the idea of supporting that in any way.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.