Would you go to this 40th?

[Lucaslucas1612]

It's my very good friends 40th next year. She is talking about going to dubai for it, great I thought originally, sounds good. However, as discussions have gone on she is talking about staying in a hotel and going out to bars and in particular these bars where ladies drink free all night. Me and another friend are uneasy about this. I have been to dubai on a family holiday a few times and found it great for that but I think for the kind of holiday she is talking about I am a bit concerned.

We are all in our late 30s/40s and married with dcs. I just think these kind of bars are free to ladies to attract them to go there for men. I have no interest in having men buy me drinks, I can pay for my own and think that in bars like that there will be certain expectations from the men. At the time of organising we were all married and me and my friend simply aren't interested in talking to men when we re out, we just want to have a fun girls night out. We can't really understand why the birthday girl would want that either.

Plus, I thought that being drunk in public and dressing in what is seen in a certain way is frown apon and can get you into trouble. Not that we drink to access anymore or are falling over in tiny mini skirts or being sick, but we just think we would be on edge.

Well fast forward to now and it transpires that she wasn't in a happy marriage and her and her husband have split up. She has a single friend 10 years younger with dcs and I can't help thinking she is being influenced by her. She's a bit of a freeloader and thinks nothing of leaving us on nights out because she's met some guy and no one hears from her in the morning and other things that have happened which have made me form this opinion of her.

Me and another friend feel uneasy about going and have pointed out the above points to the birthday girl but she seems set on going. She's a good friend so I want to celebrate with her but don't think dubai is the right place for that.

@user7891011

Why do you have to let men buy you drinks?? Just stay with the girls, no one forces you to talk or flirt with men? Sounds like a fun girly holiday and you are sounding so judgemental. Just because there are men there doesn't mean you have to shag them 😂 they might just want to take advantage of the free drinks (which you get from the venue because then men know there are going to be girls there for sure, again not that you are forced to converse with them) and have a good dance and be young again. Fair enough if it's not your idea of fun but weird to assume they just want to go for sex

That's only the case if everyone has the same idea. But if one or two of a group do want some attention and some men come over I end up having to chat to some random all night and it's not really a girls holiday. My friend does like male attention and will court it.

You don't want to go, so you shouldn't. Tell her you have concerns about the location and planned activities and would rather celebrate her birthday in some other way. She can go with her younger friend, and you and her other friend(s) can do something with her before or after that.

Being someone's friend doesn't mean you have to go on expensive trips for their birthday, even if the plan was something better than Dubai and incredibly boring nights of getting drunk and avoiding flirtatious men. If she and the younger friend are hoping to find men, that doesn't sound like a fun time for anyone else, anyway.

@Lucaslucas1612

That's the thing...that is a huge list of things you don't like and you don't want to do.

It's her 40th, so it's her call and if you don't want to join in, absolutely fine, but I assume if you see her as a good friend you respect that fact that she's an adult capable of making her own decisions.

I can understand why it wouldn't be your cup of tea, but there's no need to rain on your mate's parade just because you don't fancy the idea and dislike her other friend who has suggested it.

Just wish her happy holidays and celebrate with her another time.

You keep mentioning that your friend is being led by the other friend but actually you want to lead her your way. You know that they might speak to men wherever they go? And there’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you are very set on what you want. Maybe just offer to sit this one out?

Absolutely wouldn't go on a holiday like that. You are best out of it @Lucaslucas1612

It sounds like a holiday in hell. Agree with PPs; take your friend out for a spa day or some other treat before or after this horrible event!

No, she's taking the piss.

* No, simply because there’s no way I’d spend that much celebrating an adult birthday.*

^Same here. No way would I ever spend that amount for someone’s birthday

** That's the thing...that is a huge list of things you don't like and you don't want to do.

It's her 40th, so it's her call and if you don't want to join in, absolutely fine, but I assume if you see her as a good friend you respect that fact that she's an adult capable of making her own decisions.

I can understand why it wouldn't be your cup of tea, but there's no need to rain on your mate's parade just because you don't fancy the idea and dislike her other friend who has suggested it.**

Great post.

I wouldn't go to Dubai if you paid me (literally - no matter how much was on offer - I just have no wish to go there), and I'm also not a fan of massive expensive birthday celebrations abroad people feel obliged to splash out on, so no, I wouldn't be going. But there's something quite sourly judgemental about the way you regard this friend and the one who's 'leading her astray', and it's something t do with their interaction with men. I think you have a bit of internalised misogyny going on there that you may want to sort out for yourself.

Honestly couldn't think of a worse way to spend my 40th plus £ & time away from my family