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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you go to this 40th?

111 replies

Lucaslucas1612 · 03/05/2021 08:51

It's my very good friends 40th next year. She is talking about going to dubai for it, great I thought originally, sounds good. However, as discussions have gone on she is talking about staying in a hotel and going out to bars and in particular these bars where ladies drink free all night. Me and another friend are uneasy about this. I have been to dubai on a family holiday a few times and found it great for that but I think for the kind of holiday she is talking about I am a bit concerned.

We are all in our late 30s/40s and married with dcs. I just think these kind of bars are free to ladies to attract them to go there for men. I have no interest in having men buy me drinks, I can pay for my own and think that in bars like that there will be certain expectations from the men. At the time of organising we were all married and me and my friend simply aren't interested in talking to men when we re out, we just want to have a fun girls night out. We can't really understand why the birthday girl would want that either.

Plus, I thought that being drunk in public and dressing in what is seen in a certain way is frown apon and can get you into trouble. Not that we drink to access anymore or are falling over in tiny mini skirts or being sick, but we just think we would be on edge.

Well fast forward to now and it transpires that she wasn't in a happy marriage and her and her husband have split up. She has a single friend 10 years younger with dcs and I can't help thinking she is being influenced by her. She's a bit of a freeloader and thinks nothing of leaving us on nights out because she's met some guy and no one hears from her in the morning and other things that have happened which have made me form this opinion of her.

Me and another friend feel uneasy about going and have pointed out the above points to the birthday girl but she seems set on going. She's a good friend so I want to celebrate with her but don't think dubai is the right place for that.

OP posts:
Dobbyisahouseelf · 03/05/2021 12:28

Very risky behaviour in Dubai. Would be a no from me.

Regularsizedrudy · 03/05/2021 12:30

Fuck no.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 04/05/2021 11:10

"Even if the drinks aren't paid for by the men I think actively going on a ladies night implies it's the kind of place that is encouraging more women to come for these men. I do think often this leads to further expectations and I wouldn't be comfortable with that. At the very least you are likely to be approached as a group of women by men and me and my friend just aren't interested in that."

Sorry, @Lucaslucas1612, that is abject nonsense.

grantoderek · 04/05/2021 14:43

Out of interest, have you been out in a UK town recently? Yuckky men leering, everyone hammered. People pissing in my drive (reported by 3 of 4 tenants) yuk. Keep your so called civilisation, we all have our own versions. I prefer to have mine in a place where women are welcomed and not banned from male only celebrations and where women can feel relatively safe when popping out for a bottle of milk at 8pm.

JeanneDoe · 04/05/2021 14:47

Not RTFT but Ladies drink Free is common in Dubai and is not the same as men buying you drinks all night, nor is there an expectation on any men to buy women drinks all night.

So don't not go because you think you'll be at the mercy of men trying to buy you drinks.

I suspect your hesitancy is not quite about that and everything to do with the sort of person your friend is proposing to bring along and that they will have a different agenda to you once there.
In which case, I probably wouldn't go.

MrsDThomas · 04/05/2021 15:03

No. I'd not visit Dubai anyhow. Plenty of nice places in the UK.

bookworm20 · 04/05/2021 15:04

@lubeybooby

wouldn't go to Dubai ever for any reason if if it was all expenses paid
This.
grantoderek · 04/05/2021 16:18

Frankly Iunlikely Grin

YetAnotherWalk · 04/05/2021 16:19

No chance

AlmostSummer21 · 04/05/2021 16:27

This kind of holiday plan in Dubai is frankly fucking nuts. Not a hope in hell I'd be going.

grantoderek · 04/05/2021 16:56

People who can't afford it Smile it's boring and a bit crap but they are also the people who can't afford a night out in London which is just as bad Grin

Original poster
Lucaslucas1612 · 04/05/2021 20:32

@JeanneDoe

Not RTFT but Ladies drink Free is common in Dubai and is not the same as men buying you drinks all night, nor is there an expectation on any men to buy women drinks all night.

So don't not go because you think you'll be at the mercy of men trying to buy you drinks.

I suspect your hesitancy is not quite about that and everything to do with the sort of person your friend is proposing to bring along and that they will have a different agenda to you once there.
In which case, I probably wouldn't go.

Ok thanks. That's reassuring to know, sounds like it could be ok. Yes, it's partly because of this other girl, she has dictated our nights out before so she can meet some man. Now my friend is single I do wonder if she wants to hook up with some guy. I do also worry that I won't be able to relax as there is certain behaviour just not tolerated there.

It's a long way to go too, I could afford it but most of the time would be spent flying. Would rather go closer to home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucaslucas1612 · 04/05/2021 20:35

Think I will mention somewhere closer to home and say that we will get more time away as we don't have to fly so far. Plus, once the free drinks are gone dubai is incredibly expensive. She's usually on a budget so might make her think. I just feel like she's so easily persuaded by this other girl.

OP posts:
SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/05/2021 20:35

I would go on a night out that wasn't my thing for a friend's birthday but no way would I go on an entire holiday and definitely not into a situation I wasn't comfortable with.

MintyCedric · 04/05/2021 20:41

@PicaK

So don't go. Do park all the judgemental crap though. Tell her you want to celebrate but you're not in the zone for nightclubs etc. Wish her well and to have an absolutely fabulous time. Has she been a good mate over last few years? Unhappy marriages can be terribly hard places to be. She might need this time of fun to recover and recuperate. It doesn't sound like she has your blessing ATM. Can you give your head a wobble, be thankful for the grounding of your secure happy marriage and wish her well.
Totally agree with this.

I wouldn't fancy Dubai for many reasons bit she's supposed to be a good mate of several years standing who's clearly had a shitty time and wants to let her hair down.

No need for you to obliged to join in, but you don't sound like a great friend tbh.

MrsExpo · 04/05/2021 20:46

The idea of what you describe makes my blood run cold. Just no on every level. Tell her you're not going and wish her well.

goose1964 · 04/05/2021 20:53

It might be worth looking at this if ladies nights are on one night you can check how much the other nights are going to cost.
www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/in/Dubai?displayCurrency=GBP

Original poster
Lucaslucas1612 · 04/05/2021 20:57

Why do I not sound like a great friend? I have been there for her throughout this and have no judgement about her letting her hair down. I just think it might be better done somewhere closer to home without the unusual rules and regulations dubai has. I just feel like you can't dress and behave as you normally might there (not that we are planning anything outrageous). I don't really want to go somewhere deliberately set up to attract women with free drinks, which is likely to be to attract men there too. That doesn't make me a rubbish friend. I really want to celebrate with her though.

OP posts:
DenisetheMenace · 04/05/2021 20:58

Not my thing. Would say have a great time but I shan’t be joining you. No drama.

user7891011 · 04/05/2021 21:19

Why do you have to let men buy you drinks?? Just stay with the girls, no one forces you to talk or flirt with men? Sounds like a fun girly holiday and you are sounding so judgemental. Just because there are men there doesn't mean you have to shag them 😂 they might just want to take advantage of the free drinks (which you get from the venue because then men know there are going to be girls there for sure, again not that you are forced to converse with them) and have a good dance and be young again. Fair enough if it's not your idea of fun but weird to assume they just want to go for sex

Kisskiss · 04/05/2021 21:24

Bars where ladies drink free doesn’t mean that you have to take free drinks from men or that there’s expectations that the women there are there to get laid Hmm
It’s what you make of it.. you sound really against the idea and I’m not sure why .. it’s her 40th birthday so why not be a bit more open minded to what she wants to do?

Beautiful3 · 04/05/2021 21:27

I personally think Dubai is the worst place to go to, for a drunken night out!! sounds like your friend wants a pulling kind of night out. I'm 40, been there and got the t shirt. I have no interest in getting so drunk that I can barely function the next day. If it were me, I'd decline the holiday but ask if she wants to go for a meal.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/05/2021 21:29

Not in Dubai. No chance.

Radial5737 · 04/05/2021 21:42

I mean, I wouldn't go to Dubai ever under any circumstances, because I don't want to support a country that would jail my friends for holding hands / being married. But...

You haven't been a shit friend OP. Ignore previous comments. But it's being an honest friend with integrity to state your view clearly and fairly. You don't feel comfortable for reasons X Y Z. That's simple. You're not obligated and she should respect that. At the same time, find an alternative way to support her and celebrate her 40th which has obviously a massive deal to her under the circumstances (understandable). Take her somewhere swanky in London for example.

Tangledtresses · 04/05/2021 22:08

I wouldn't go to Dubai full stop! Awful double standards and just also cringe
It's this time in your life where you just say no and deal with possibly loosing a shallow friend

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