Would you go to this 40th?

[Lucaslucas1612]

It's my very good friends 40th next year. She is talking about going to dubai for it, great I thought originally, sounds good. However, as discussions have gone on she is talking about staying in a hotel and going out to bars and in particular these bars where ladies drink free all night. Me and another friend are uneasy about this. I have been to dubai on a family holiday a few times and found it great for that but I think for the kind of holiday she is talking about I am a bit concerned.

We are all in our late 30s/40s and married with dcs. I just think these kind of bars are free to ladies to attract them to go there for men. I have no interest in having men buy me drinks, I can pay for my own and think that in bars like that there will be certain expectations from the men. At the time of organising we were all married and me and my friend simply aren't interested in talking to men when we re out, we just want to have a fun girls night out. We can't really understand why the birthday girl would want that either.

Plus, I thought that being drunk in public and dressing in what is seen in a certain way is frown apon and can get you into trouble. Not that we drink to access anymore or are falling over in tiny mini skirts or being sick, but we just think we would be on edge.

Well fast forward to now and it transpires that she wasn't in a happy marriage and her and her husband have split up. She has a single friend 10 years younger with dcs and I can't help thinking she is being influenced by her. She's a bit of a freeloader and thinks nothing of leaving us on nights out because she's met some guy and no one hears from her in the morning and other things that have happened which have made me form this opinion of her.

Me and another friend feel uneasy about going and have pointed out the above points to the birthday girl but she seems set on going. She's a good friend so I want to celebrate with her but don't think dubai is the right place for that.

‘Ladies nights’ are really common in the UAE, I’ve been to a few and have never noticed men coming for us, or any expectations. I don’t think I even chatted to any men when I was out tbh. It was more dinners and bars than clubs though.

What?? I've been to one with my husband. There is fook all sleazy about it.

Ladies nights in Dubai are perfectly normal and not all sleazy but it defiantly does depend where you go!!

Ladies nights are usually on one set night per week, and I doubt you will be going longer than a week so would only benefit from one night.

All hotels and bars do ladies nights just make sure you stick to the nice high end hotels and not down town.

It's never free all night either! , One bar might do 3 glasses of Prosecco per lady, another 1 cocktail etc. And they are typically not high end drinks.

There is men as well as woman at the bars but it's certainly not to encourage people to hook up, there are plenty of downtown bars which are full of prostitutes if that's what men are looking for.

It certainly doesn't have to be seedy but it sounds like that may be what your friend is actually seeking and Dubai does have a seedy side so I would be wary of going with that group of friends.
They don't sound like they want to go and have a high end nice time so would suggest somewhere different.

My parents lived in Dubai and believe me the drinking culture their is bigger than anywhere I've even been, very hypocritical! You can go out in what you would normally wear on night out here, you can get drunk, you would only get yourself in trouble if you was causing scene or nuisance and the police were called.

Great another Dubai bashing thread, snobbery dressed up as concern.
Thousands of British people visit every year, most I know go for the night life, they don’t all end up on prisons.
Ladies drink free doesn’t mean a random punter is buying you drinks. I’m sure you know your limits and wouldn’t walk round in next to no clothes anyway.
The holiday is not for you regardless just say no.

The location is not the problem here.

Going out anywhere and getting dangerously drunk is foolish.

Having worked in Dubai for over 20 years i can assure you the ladies nights are not drink as much as you like and fall over evenings. Drinks are limited and i would always prefer to select a drink of my choice and pay for it.

Tuesdays are often ladies night and I have had far more unwanted attention in Liverpool and London than I ever had in Dubai.

The place 8 have felt most unsafe was a one night trip to look at Magaluf. Left within an hour. Full of free drink being pushed and abhorrent on street behaviour.

You control your own behaviour and what you drink whenever you are in the world...........

Also i think a birthday is an excuse to organise something you would not normally do. Your friend is inviting you along if you WANT to go for the ride and it seems like you very much do no - so say thanks but no thanks🤷‍♀️

@Brendabigbaps

You really don’t want to go to Dubai and behave like that, your asking for trouble with authorities. I wouldn’t even want to be with people behaving like that in Dubai. Sounds like she needs to be going to Spain etc.

Exactly, and this is what my friend and I have suggested. We are very much wanting to go out with her and we enjoy going dancing with her too. We re not judgemental of that all. We just don't get why there is the need to bring men into the mix, especially with the expectations of free drinks all night. We re happy to go to Dubai and hang out on the beach and have drinks at the hotel etc. We just would feel uneasy about going out and about in dubai and think they just don't have the same expectance of women doing that kind of thing there, I would be worried about getting into trouble. I feel we can still have a good time in dubai or somewhere else without needing to bring men into it.

To add another angle, these short city breaks in far-flung locations aren't very environmentally friendly. Lots of air miles for something that most members of the group won't consider to be their main holiday, as they'll naturally want to have a proper holiday with their family elsewhere.

One of my best friends invited me to go to Dubai for her 40th but I declined as I wasn't going to spend a fortune going somewhere I really didn't want to go. I would happily have gone to Rome which was the original plan. We didn't fall out about it it.

It's not the law that you have to go.

You couldn't pay me to get drunk in Dubai. Not only does this sound like a holiday you don't want to go on, it's a holiday that could end in jail.

@Firefliess

I'm not sure a 40th birthday gives you the right to dictate a holiday venue and style with friends who aren't that into it. If it wasn't her 40th, and she'd just suggested that type of holiday, would you go? Or is she generously paying for everything? If she's just expecting you all to split the costs, but it isn't what you would want to do for a holiday then I'd politely decline and say that clubs where women drink free in order to attract men aren't my mind of thing. Offer to take her out for a birthday meal or something when she gets back.

No, we would all pay our way. She's not normally like that but it makes sense that her attitude to men has now changed now we know what's happened with her marriage. I think she's very easily led and her friend who is a bit of a free loader has talked her into it as it suits her. Rather than thinking what would be the best 40th for my friend. My friends quite laid back so kind of just goes along with things. She's a good 10 years younger and relies on others for money etc so I just think her perspective on life is different. She's single so still in the wanting men to chat her up, one night stands, get free drinks etc mind set. Whereas the others in the group are past all that.

The birthday girl isn't forcing it upon us and asks our opinions and we have said nicely that we aren't sure. She just seems so influenced by this other friend.

I don’t think the men buy you drinks I think they are on the house. Ladies night to attract men basically. The men in the club aren’t expected to be responsible for your bill. You sound pretty judgemental though, don’t go if you don’t want too. Leave all the other crap out of it.

Totally agree, everything else aside, Dubai is not the place for this type of behaviour. I wouldn’t go. I could use that money for a family holiday !

Interesting, those with an insight into Dubai. Even if the drinks aren't paid for by the men I think actively going on a ladies night implies it's the kind of place that is encouraging more women to come for these men. I do think often this leads to further expectations and I wouldn't be comfortable with that. At the very least you are likely to be approached as a group of women by men and me and my friend just aren't interested in that.

We are past the mini skirts, being sick and off our faces stage now but I still would feel uncomfortable being somewhere where I know the same rules don't apply.

I certainly wouldn’t go to Dubai with her.

I’ve lived in that part of the world, and IMO it’s generally very safe - as long as you behave with decorum and don’t get pissed in public, or dress they way you might in say Ibiza.

Why don’t you talk to your friend openly and frankly about what she actually wants for her birthday?

Also being 10 years younger doesn’t mean you rely on there for money. Plenty of people are financially independent for all of their 20s, and others only would rely on family and wouldn’t expect friends to pay.

Who is paying for the freeloader’s flights, accommodation, food etc? Are you exaggerating the freeloading a little?

I guess everybodies standards are different @Lucaslucas1612 because I have never been into what you describe:

“We are past the mini skirts, being sick and off our faces stage now but I still would feel uncomfortable being somewhere where I know the same rules don't apply.”

I'm another who would not go to Dubai for any reason, so no I wouldn't go.

Nope. I hate those kinds of self indulgenct celebrations.

Look, as someone who used to live in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, I would never encourage anyone to go there, as it gives legitimacy to what is essentially a dictatorship with a crap human rights and environmental record which is now increasingly oppressing those of its own citizens critical of the government.

But you are massively misinterpreting ‘ladies nights’. They are a long-standing thing in the high-end hotels on Tuesdays, and as pps have said, typically involve three free glasses of cheap champagne or watery ready-mixed cocktails. They are neither glamorous nor sleazy in the hotels we went to. When I lived there in my early 30s, I used to go to them weekly with my all-female book book group (all of us in our 20s and 30s) and I don’t ever remember any unwanted male attention. Sometimes in winter when it was nice outdoors, we’d actually have our reading discussion on the balcony/terrace. Vague memory of the occasional Russian or Chinese prostitute in the vicinity, but it certainly wasn’t some general pick-up joint.

Personally there are fewer places in the world I would rather not visit than Dubai and wouldn't go even if it was free, but that aside it does seem like a very odd choice for a drinking partying holiday. She's asked for your opinion so I think it's fine to give it. Seems like a lot of money for a holiday you don't want to go on to me, but maybe when you talk to your friend you'll find you're more aligned with her than you thought and you're letting this younger friend thing get in your head a bit. If not, make your polite excuses, it's ok not to go.

BOOK group. I don’t know what a ‘book book group’ is.

Surely the cost of the holiday will outweigh the cost of drinks, especially if you changed to somewhere like Prague?

If they want fellas every night then Turkey is guaranteed to please. You need an honest conversation with her.

No that would be way too much to spend on a friend's birthday.

@Lucaslucas1612 there will be plenty of scantily clad girls in the clubs looking to chat to men. I’m sure you and you’re other friends will be safe from the male advances. If someone approaches you you don’t have to speak to them. The same rules as when you’re on a night out at home? Or if you did want to go on the holiday can’t you go for the day by the pool, fancy dinner at night and leave them to go to the clubs? I’m mid 30s and a dinner and drinks is much more my ideal night, but don’t not go somewhere just in case men speak to you (you are not obligated to speak to them, just politely turn them down).

Good old Dubai. It lends itself perfectly to make a bunch of middle aged housewives feel superior and grand by quoting a few BBC articles. It's not an interesting place and inhabited by the most vacuous Brits you can imagine but it's just a place. The whole women's rights bullshit again? No idea. I didn't much enjoy working there because of the drinking culture of the expats but the rest is crap. I managed over 200 men of all nationalities. Not an issue. Maybe look at other cultures where thousands of men gather for a celebration while their wives are locked up at home. And more than anything else. Get a job, go to nightschool, make new friends, travel. Anyone who links to an old BBC article as evidence of the damnation of an entire nation is so sad they should be embarrassed. It's just a place, no better or worse than many others and certainly less disgracefully mysoginisy than other places.