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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder if excellent housekeepers are also on the anxious side?

108 replies

eepeep · 03/05/2021 03:11

If you are a brilliant housekeeper with one of those picture perfect homes, I am full of admiration and wish I had your style and discipline.

However I have noticed that everyone I know who is fastidious about a clean and perfect house also has some level of anxiety that they manage to varying degrees. Which makes me curious, are there people out there who keep perfect, beautiful, clean, magazine-worthy homes who are also chilled out and not particularly stressed? If so, what's your secret?!

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 03/05/2021 04:46

Your musings are very subjective. Basing this on 'people you know' isn't a good way to work out if anxiety and good housekeeping go together.

My sister is the opposite of anxious and her house is beautifully managed.

She says it's just down to doing things as soon as they need doing rather than letting things build up. If there's dirty laundry then it's washed the moment there's enough for a full load.

Dishes are done and put away as soon as a meal, drink or snack is finished.

Etc.

Original poster

eepeep · 03/05/2021 05:07

Yes that's why I phrased it as 'I wonder'. I'm not writing a thesis here!

OP posts:

Original poster

eepeep · 03/05/2021 05:08

And it's good to hear that your sister is not an anxious person and also has a well-kept house. I want to get better at it.

OP posts:

AgentProvocateur · 03/05/2021 05:21

My experience is the same as yours, OP.

Quincie · 03/05/2021 05:25

My DMIL has an immaculate home but it was because that's how she liked it - she wasn't anxious.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 03/05/2021 05:26

My brother and his male partner have a painfully immaculate house. They both have high standards, no kids, plenty of money and a good cleaner! They are not anxious at all afaik, just very well suited to each other in this regard.

ZombeaArthur · 03/05/2021 06:05

I know a few people who use cleaning as a way of managing their anxiety. They really do have beautiful homes.

WaltzingBetty · 03/05/2021 06:07

I definitely know people who use cleaning to manage anxiety

fitzbilly · 03/05/2021 06:11

I have a lot of stress and anxiety and a clean orderly home helps me manage it and feel more calm.

Lessthanaballpark · 03/05/2021 06:30

That sucks then bcs I’d say I was quite anxious but I also hate cleaning. my place is often a mess.

Lessthanaballpark · 03/05/2021 06:32

But what fitzbilly said is a good point. I feel a lot less stressed when the place is tidy. It gives a sense of calm and is one less thing you have to do.

I wonder how many men have the same conversations with themselves!

beachsidecafe · 03/05/2021 06:49

People with clean, orderly and beautiful homes are usually the least anxious in my experience. It is the friends I have with cluttered mess everywhere that always seem frazzled. They can't find anything, are usually running late and their whole lives are led rather chaotically. I usually find tidy people tend to be well organised. The two match far better.

I think you are referring to OCD which is a mental health condition, and usually includes anxiety. Tidy houses are not the same, and you should consider the impact of your comparison on those that truly have severe OCD, as it is grossly unfair on them to compare a tidy and clean house to their suffering.

MuddySocks · 03/05/2021 06:56

My sister has anxiety. She pretends she doesn't. She obsessively cleans and cleans her house again. Multiple times a day.

I have horrendous anxiety disorders. My house is clean, yes. Immaculate? No.

I find cleaning doesn't help with
my mental health at all.

Horses for courses and all that.

OlympicProcrastinator · 03/05/2021 06:57

Well I get extremely anxious and restless unless my house is immaculate. Clutter, dirt and mess make it impossible for me to relax or sleep. So keeping my house perfect actually makes me a relaxed person. Husband is the same. I am fairly anxious by nature whereas my husband is not yet we are both the same in terms of how we keep the house.

OverTheRubicon · 03/05/2021 06:58

I find that often it's anxious and stressy people who have more messy houses, due to challenges with staying on top of life. My DC with ASD really struggles with wanting a calm tidy tidy environment but tending to chaos, and the psychologist said it was to do with lower executive function, I see the same in my autistic ex and many of his family.

Maybe absolutely show home standards.means anxiety, but a lot of my friends say my house is unusually tidy, but I don't find it hard or worrying to maintain - I generally think it's easier to put everything away in it's right place as you go or soon after, because then you never have to do a big tidy and clean.

Temp023 · 03/05/2021 07:00

I like a clean tidy house, I do suffer with mild anxiety but. I never really linked the two before. I certainly can’t sit down if there is still a job to be done anywhere.

AmazingGrapes · 03/05/2021 07:10

@beachsidecafe the OP didn’t say anything about OCD. She said she wonders if people who have tidy houses are “on the anxious side” which is not remotely offensive.

Babamamananarama · 03/05/2021 07:12

I think one element of it is whether you are keeping your house clean and tidy for yourself or because you are doing it for others - appearances, visitors, Instagram. If you are doing it for external validation then it's going to contribute to stress.

Hamster1111 · 03/05/2021 07:17

I agree with PP who say they feel more anxious if it's a mess at home - so do I. But not to the point of not being able to sleep - just that it is my preference to have things neat and tidy and so make an effort most of the time to put things away, wipe the sides down etc. I just do it as I go. It feels natural/normal to me to do this most of the time and I dont feel anxious about it 'having to be done'.

However, when I have PMT, which I do suffer from quite badly, I can get quite stressed about the house being tidy/dirty - even when it would be perfectly manageable to sort out any other time of the month (or indeed it isnt really that bad at all) it feels too much and makes me stressed.

ShippingNews · 03/05/2021 07:21

I keep my house neat and tidy, washing and ironing done, all that. I've always been like that and I'm not at all anxious.

shouldistop · 03/05/2021 07:21

I'm not anxious and my house is clean and tidy. I find having a tidy home and being organised make for a less stressful life.

Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout · 03/05/2021 07:29

I have a lot of stress and anxiety and my house is a tip!
However, whenever DH is away its pretty spotless, but never immaculate, due to his half finished diy in every room.

FortunesFave · 03/05/2021 07:29

@eepeep

Yes that's why I phrased it as 'I wonder'. I'm not writing a thesis here!

Yes I know....that's why I gave you my opinion.

SeaTurtles92 · 03/05/2021 07:32

My house is not magazine picture worthy but I do like to keep a nice clean and tidy home. I do have terrible anxiety though. Never linked the two but interesting to read this.

EmeraldShamrock · 03/05/2021 07:33

Not really.
My Dsis has a beautiful house she is naturally very organised and will tidy up as she leaves an area.
Her DD aged 5 has a serious issue with mess if she saw it in another home she'd say it immediately.

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