AIBU to wonder if excellent housekeepers are also on the anxious side?

[eepeep]

If you are a brilliant housekeeper with one of those picture perfect homes, I am full of admiration and wish I had your style and discipline.

However I have noticed that everyone I know who is fastidious about a clean and perfect house also has some level of anxiety that they manage to varying degrees. Which makes me curious, are there people out there who keep perfect, beautiful, clean, magazine-worthy homes who are also chilled out and not particularly stressed? If so, what's your secret?!

Not at all. The majority of people I know have very neat, clean and tidy homes. Mostly that is down to having cleaners.
I think some unwell people clean obsessively. I think many chaotic people are highly stressed and can’t seem to focus sufficiently to get things done. Ordered people tend to be quite careful almost, in my experience.

Sorry. Ordered people tend to be quite calm.

Amongst my, albeit, small circle of friends I have noticed that the anxious ones do indeed have immaculate homes.
One in particular gets up at 5 am every day and has a VERY strict routine, which includes hoovering the house from top to bottom, dusting and washing out on the line as soon as it gets light. It’s exhausting just thinking about it-and she’s retired!

I think they’re unrelated. Not being able to relax until the home is tidy is anxious but equally not being able to manage your environment is going to make you anxious too.

My ex suffered with anxiety and liked a tidy area immediately around him but ignored the rest of the house . I am pretty disorganised so it probably didn’t help him but he was too lazy to change it himself . I never thought his obsessively tidy sister had anxiety but she was tidying the house within hours of her husband’s death so maybe she did .

I agree with this, people I know that have immaculate houses tend to be more anxious. They tend to be anxious of what other think too. There is the other end of the scale where people's homes are chaotic, I have a friend whose home is like this and she has anxiety, but she also suffers with depression too. I think there definitely is a link.

My house is calm, clean and tidy. I am not anxious nor do I ever clean it. I tidy up as I go along and our lovely cleaner does the rest twice a week.

We are her favourite household, DC all flown the nest, DGC overseas and no pets.

The people I know with picture perfect homes either don’t have a lot going on in their lives or are incredibly highly strung and constantly doing house things. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground in my friends any family!

I think a clean, tidy house contributes to a feeling of calm order

I have one friend who is often flustered and overwhelmed because her house is untidy and she can't find anything

I have anxiety (diagnosed) but I definitely do not have a clean and tidy house. I find it really hard to stay on top of the mess, clutter and jobs like laundry/ hoovering/ clutter. I wish cleaning helped with my stress, instead it seems to add to it!

I’m not an anxious person at all, but I do keep my house immaculate. I am quite energetic and always moving around so it doesn’t seem like a big deal to just tidy up or put things away as I go. I bake and cook a lot, and just clean as I go. Getting a cordless Dyson was a game changer -it’s so effortless to vacuum that I throw it around the house constantly.

I was taught to look after my things and I treat everything I own carefully, making sure things are clean and stored properly.

I don’t have children and DH is also very tidy, so that probably helps - there is never an insurmountable pile of things to do.

I would probably feel much more stressed if my house was a mess. I find untidy houses feel a bit chaotic and unrestful, but everyone is different...

I've a neat clean tidy home. I was diagnosed with GAD last year😂 So I guess you're right about me.

It's not that I'm anxious so I tidy, it's that I enjoy being and relaxing in a nice environment and that makes me happy. The happy feeling is the best medicine for my anxiety. But I guess it's hard to pull apart my actual motivation.

I clean a lot but it'll never be immaculate and even if I achieve it for a day it'll be back to chaos.
My natural organisational skills are rubbish.

I do know quite a few people with very ordered homes who also suffer higher levels of anxiety than average. My Mum was raised on a farm. She had a fairly relaxed attitude to us stripping the beds to make tents downstairs on a Saturday morning for example, low-level untidiness was the default growing up, and we tidied up when someone was visiting - which was very often. My next door neighbour's Mum would have flipped her lid if she and her siblings did the same. We had very different style upbringings as a result of the different maternal attitudes/standards. Like you, OP, it's something I've wondered about too. I've also noticed in my circle a correlation between very high domestic standards and shorter conversation spans. I'm a "let's drink tea and chat for a minimum of 1.5 hours regardless of what needs doing" sort of person. My friends/neighbours with high domestic standards tend to not engage in very prolonged chats - they are all about moving on to the next task at hand.

Just thinking a bit more about this, I was always quite fastidious as a child and liked sorting and organising my toys (loved all those little boxes with compartments) and I still quite enjoy a good sort through and tidy up of toys and games in my classroom. I remember really disliking friends bedrooms being untidy (although I knew better than to say that out loud).

I have put a lot of thought into organisation and storage in both my home and classroom to keep everything neat too. I’m definitely not anxious, but there’s clearly something in my psychological make-up that desires order and organisation.

You should see how I pack my shopping bags....

@Goatinthegarden I was the same as a child.

I find that some foreigners keep their houses much cleaner than the British and seemingly without as much fuss - I always found that interesting. We keep in the UK very cluttered houses, and do weird things like extra dinnertimes for kids, who don't help out. Oh and shoes in the house!

@LonstantonSpiceMuseum

I find that some foreigners keep their houses much cleaner than the British and seemingly without as much fuss - I always found that interesting. We keep in the UK very cluttered houses, and do weird things like extra dinnertimes for kids, who don't help out. Oh and shoes in the house!

Casual racial profiling?

The people I know with immaculate houses are generally energetic people who tend to move a lot and not sit still much. Most of them also definitely use the cleaning as a way of feeling in control of their lives , which to some extent a lot of people do, but a couple of my friends take it to an extreme where their houses really are quite bare as cleanliness and extreme order in their house is more important than anything else at home . For instance one of my friends rarely cooks much as it means her kitchen gets temporarily messy/ dirty. Another whips away any cups and glasses almost before you have finished with them when I visit

I know people with messy houses who are anxious too but they do have more disorganized air generally. Some of my more messy friends come across as relaxed and not worried about some mess at home, and generally have a less ' frenetic' air as people, more willing to sit and do nothing . Some of them at the messier end do seem anxious about the mess.

So I'm summary , yes the majority of my friends ( though not all) who keep immaculately clean houses seem anxious to me. All of them without exception are people who dislike being still too much though

A reasonable number of those with messy houses are anxious (about the mess ,at least) but quite a few seem not to be . I

am more if the anxious but lazy end so my house is middling , with me being either way unhappy with the mess or unhappy with the effort needed to keep it from being too messy.

I find those with messy houses are often the kindest people and are good fun to be around.
Messy house equals chaotic lives?
Or maybe they don’t prioritise tidying and cleaning over more interesting pursuits?

I don't think my house is magazine worthy particularly but yes, it's immaculate and tidy all the time and always looks nice

I'm not anxious. Im also not filled with energy and always on the go! I just love a clean and beautiful home and I take pride in it always looking nice and having nice things around

I don't think it's any deeper than that

I have a very tidy and neat home with a 1yo and 5yo. I'm not anxious about that. I have a system though and a dh who pulls his weight. We also are on the minimalist side without clutter all over so it's easy to keep things in its place. My dc are lucky to have a playroom so we spent alot of time in there , no toys all over the place. Each room has a toy box so again no messiness. We do a tidy up at night so I am able to always deep clean whatever I'm cleaning. There are specific days to do big jobs. We just have a system that works well.

My SIL is incredibly anxious. She spends her entire life cleaning. Literally. She’s a SAHM with one teenaged child and cleaning is her way of justifying her lifestyle. I get constant updates over WhatsApp of which rooms she has cleaned and photos of sparkling toilets. I wish I was joking. She is an over thinker and a worrier and it goes hand in hand with the cleaning.

My mother is a hot mess of neuroses and also keeps her home to a show home standard. She freely admits it’s anxiety related. She worries about appearances and what other people think.

I like a tidy house and definitely feel happier when it’s all ship shape but it’s not a priority. I sometimes wish it was!

I like a clean, tidy house. I have a set day to do each of my housework tasks, and spend 30 mins each day doing it. That way I can relax in a clean, tidy, well ordered home for the rest of the time without even thinking about it. I love being on top of it and knowing where things are. I tidy stuff up straight away too. I don't think I'm at all anxious, about anything.

Not really

SOME people do use cleaning to ease their anxiety

SOME people are just super organised

SOME people have standards.They like an inviting home 🤷

I have a pretty "perfect" house, but frankly it's because I am lazy! I put priority on my family and can't stand mess, but I also can't understand the concept of frantic cleaning when visitors turn up, or rushing like a mad chicken to find missing keys/books...
I don't have to much crap lying around either, which helps. I hate crowded bathrooms and bottles all over the bath tube, kitchen counters full of "staff".

So I do a little every day, put things where they belong in the first place instead of having to catch up later, and do bugger all at the weekend. The place is always "visitor ready" because why should they get an enjoyable house but not me who actually live in it?

My home is very much lived-in, it's just organised.