AIBU to wonder if excellent housekeepers are also on the anxious side?

[eepeep]

If you are a brilliant housekeeper with one of those picture perfect homes, I am full of admiration and wish I had your style and discipline.

However I have noticed that everyone I know who is fastidious about a clean and perfect house also has some level of anxiety that they manage to varying degrees. Which makes me curious, are there people out there who keep perfect, beautiful, clean, magazine-worthy homes who are also chilled out and not particularly stressed? If so, what's your secret?!

Most of the people I know with really clean and tidy homes have cleaners to do it.

Mine is clean and tidy because I try to make exercise out of it, especially after sitting on my backside in the loft for the last year. I wouldn't say I am anxious but I do like to have a clean house and don't like wasting time finding stuff.

My house is pretty picture perfect.

Nothing to do with anxiety and everything to do with a cleaner who comes 4/5 days per week and a DH who pulls his weight.

If I look from where I am sitting now there are some books on the sofa, some lego on a coffee table and the cushions are a bit askew and I feel totally relaxed about that, but my house is never more than twenty mins away from being “photo-op” ready.

I’d find living in chaos miserable.

For me you're spot on. On the outside my life is orderly and well organised. However I think I have it this way because it helps me manage well hidden anxiety through control. However I go through periods where the house is a shit hole and I CBA. It's a bit of a rollercoaster. I have ADHD so get the highs and lows with that.

I have two friends who have immaculate houses. One admits that she is always late for things because she can't leave the house without hoovering and wiping down everywhere. The other has a mother who will pop in unexpectedly and start washing windows if they're not up to her standards.

I think having a tidy house allows you to be relaxed: I went for cycle with friends on Saturday and decided to invite people back for a BBQ.

No stress about whether the house/garden was ok.

@PegasusReturns

I think having a tidy house allows you to be relaxed: I went for cycle with friends on Saturday and decided to invite people back for a BBQ.

No stress about whether the house/garden was ok.

Absolutely.

I love knowing that when I get in from work, I can shower, eat and relax without needing to do a whole heap of housework first.

DH used to be one of those people who left it all until the weekend and then complained he wasted half his Saturday doing housework. I think if you keep on top of it, it makes things MUCH easier and you're never left facing hours and hours of work at once.

I don't think there's a link with anxiety amongst people I know. I do think the immaculate home types are very much can't sit still people. They always have to be doing something and can't just sit and relax.

I do think the immaculate home types are very much can't sit still people. They always have to be doing something and can't just sit and relax.

Not really, for me it's more about being very lazy and getting things over and done with.

A bit like starting with the most unpleasant task at work. You do it then you forget about it. Keeping it for last means it stays in your head and spoils your day.

We hear a lot about mental load, getting rid of things to do does wonder to lighten it.

I'm a fairly anxious person I guess although I no longer suffer from an anxiety disorder. I do find cleaning and organising very calming though. DH has suggested getting a cleaning lady in many times and I say no as I enjoy it!

I have been told that dull women have immaculate houses... not anxious 😂 but I think your theory has more evidence because I have noticed the same thing with people I know.

I have awful anxiety OCD and anxiety and my house is a state. The OCD makes it impossible to keep on top of things.

Not sure why an extra anxiety popped in there...

@tiredanddangerous

I don't think there's a link with anxiety amongst people I know. I do think the immaculate home types are very much can't sit still people. They always have to be doing something and can't just sit and relax.

I'm the total opposite.

I'd rather get all the housework out of the way ASAP so I can then sit on my arse for the rest of the day

@Hertsgirl10

I have been told that dull women have immaculate houses... not anxious 😂 but I think your theory has more evidence because I have noticed the same thing with people I know.

Why so much dislike and judgement of people with tidy houses on this thread and others? I totally get the hatred of the Hinch effect, or the ridiculousness of some of the posters on other threads who (claim to) wash almost every item of bedding, clothing and beyond every day, but there's nothing intrinsically dull or unfriendly about wanting a tidy house that's normally in a fairly 'done' state, bar the current toys or books in use (me and one of my siblings) any more than there is about someone who does the necessary cleaning but isn't too bothered about a bit of dust on the shelving / piles of books on the dinner table etc (other two siblings).

No as my parents keep a perfect home and are definitely not anxious people. They are highly organised and motivated however.

@motherloaded

You come back from a day out/school/ shopping... what do you do?

I wash my hands, put kettle on, put everything away immediately. By the time by tea or coffee is ready, everything is tidy.

I know others who just throw everything in a big pile, sit down and can't be bothered to get back up or get busy with something else, and will spend the next hour possibly days moaning about the bags, shoes, coats that look a mess and need to be sorted and can't find the keys that were dropped "somewhere".

Who do you think is the most chilled out?

My post wasn’t goady in the slightest, you just chose to see it that way. I’m sorry that you’re feeling uptight about needing to justify your reasons for being tidy. There’s no need to.

Those of us that can’t be arsed to prioritise cleaning and tidying as soon as we get in, are not necessarily hassled about a bit of mess and just because everything isn’t put away, it doesn’t mean we don’t know where stuff is. I do a tidy blitz every so often but most of the time, it looks very lived in and I’m fine with that.

My priority on getting in is usually talking to other family members and asking about their day, checking on the animals and then thinking about what to cook for dinner. Cleaning the house is very low down on my list of priorities.

Killahangilion

I didn't take your post as goady, I just explained my reasoning. Being tidy and organised is the reason why I can be so chilled out and not run around all day!

Unlike posters on here, I am not judging anyone. I don't care how you manage your house.

My priority on getting in is usually talking to other family members and asking about their day
why do you think taking 3 minutes to tidy up prevents that in any way?

checking on the animals
again, why do you think hanging things where they belong stop me from doing this?

and then thinking about what to cook for dinner.
I already know I have a rough meal plan for the week and will cook or eat depending on my mood.

I am confident in my system and my lifestyle. Not sure people like you are so sure if you feel the need to imply there's something wrong with us, and that we are missing out on family time, interesting life, or from the other poster dull women have immaculate houses.

Immaculate house allows me to do everything else! That's what you are missing. I don't like mess, why should I have some!

I have a very clean and tidy house. I’m also very laid back, generally. It just makes me happy to be in nice surroundings.

@motherloaded

Killahangilion

I didn't take your post as goady, I just explained my reasoning. Being tidy and organised is the reason why I can be so chilled out and not run around all day!

Unlike posters on here, I am not judging anyone. I don't care how you manage your house.

My priority on getting in is usually talking to other family members and asking about their day
why do you think taking 3 minutes to tidy up prevents that in any way?

checking on the animals
again, why do you think hanging things where they belong stop me from doing this?

and then thinking about what to cook for dinner.
I already know I have a rough meal plan for the week and will cook or eat depending on my mood.

I am confident in my system and my lifestyle. Not sure people like you are so sure if you feel the need to imply there's something wrong with us, and that we are missing out on family time, interesting life, or from the other poster dull women have immaculate houses.

Immaculate house allows me to do everything else! That's what you are missing. I don't like mess, why should I have some!

I agree with this. Being organised helps me to have the time I want/need to spend with my family and do nice things. Our lifestyle is far more pleasant and relaxed with a system than it was before I figured it out!

And also agree that the reason I’m so organised is because I’m lazy. I can’t be arsed with scrabbling around for sports kit in a rush at the last minute, so it’s washed and put away as soon as it has been used, for example.

My Gran has always maintained a pristine home and she’s probably the most confident, outgoing person I know. She was a teacher for over 30 years until she retired and her house was always spotless even when she was working around the clock. I don’t think there’s a link personally. Some people are naturally tidier than others.

@Killahangilion

I’m sorry that you’re feeling uptight about needing to justify your reasons for being tidy. There’s no need to

Goady and passive aggressive. You should own it

I do know what you mean, OP.

My DP always moans that the (teenage) kids' rooms are a tip but I see it as the sign of a healthy mind. I work with young adults with mental health issues and their rooms seem to be either a messy (hoarders type) tip, or absolutely immaculate. No in between. So I'm happy with a 'bit messy' for my girls.

There's a link to smoking and mental health issues, but we all know smokers who are confident/successful/got their shit together
etc. It doesn't mean the link doesn't exist.

It obviously varies a lot person to person, but I think it can be about control, and being in control of your immediate environment is an easy way to exercise control when you don’t necessarily have a lot of control in other areas of life if that makes sense?
I often think that in difficult political/economic times (a pandemic even!) people turn to the domestic and the small area of the world they have control over and can attempt to make order in chaotic times.
A messy environment can be very anxiety making for some people and a clean and tidy home can go some way to soothing that anxiety and give a feeling of control and being on top of things?

wow It sounds to me like (some) people who don't have a tidy and organised house are looking very hard to find excuses and bitch about people who do. Is it so hard to admit that some of us are lazy but very chilled out and being organised save us so much time?

I think people fits in 2 categories:
either you are happy in your home, whichever way it is, and if someone comes around, you just put the kettle on if you are available.

Or you are living in an environment that makes you anxious or inferior and you frantically need to change and make a show for visitors. Now THAT is weird.

But it's ok to be called anxious, dull, uptight (and all the insults above) if you don't need to fake your environment for visitors. It's funny.