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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nothing terrible will happen if fat me wears swimming attire on holiday?

258 replies

BlowDryRat · 02/05/2021 11:30

Assuming we're ever allowed on holiday...

I used to be a size 10 but this has crept up to a size 14-16. I do a lot of exercise but eat too much. None of my clothes fit and I feel quite self conscious.

We're off to the beach over the half term and summer holidays and I've been stressing over what sort of cover-up to wear. It then occurred to me to wonder what would actually be so terrible if I just wore a normal swimming costume or tankini (I've never been a bikini person). Will the fish jump out of the sea in fright? Will ladies faint? Will small children run away in terror? Will everyone turn and laugh at my wobbly bits? Probably not.

AIBU in thinking it will be fine, or is there some terrible consequence I haven't thought of yet?

OP posts:
Arbadacarba · 02/05/2021 13:02

That's just what I need @QueenPaw , thank you - sadly, even if I lose weight my boobs don't seem to shrink as such, they stay the same size but 'emptier' if that makes any sense so a bikini that's just fabric is useless.

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2021 13:02

@ThePlantsitter

Fat is not an actual category as it goes, it is comparative.

Maybe I shouldn't have said 'you're not fat' and should have added 'compared to me' but I stand by all the other stuff I said about focusing on doing things rather than what you look like. I'm irritated I bothered to move my fingers to say it now though since it seems I have fallen into the world of MN where size 16s have to wear tarpaulins rather than swimsuits and any bigger than that and you risk blinding those around you who are so worried about your health they have to be discreetly sick in their buckets.

Yeah that's a hell of a lot of surreal nonsense you've posted there, since literally no-one even hinted at that sort of appalling attitude.

I'm sorry you have issues but I don't think it's right to try to palm them off on the OP.

Your words are hardly going to give her confidence are they?

nancywhitehead · 02/05/2021 13:04

How to have a beach body:

  1. Have a body
  2. Go to the beach.
motherloaded · 02/05/2021 13:06

No one will care.

I would just avoid the fashionable "young" party beaches where all the girls look like models, they might not care, but you will feel conscious!

Make sure you wear something that you are comfortable into, that's the only important thing.

Most people in this country are not slim - most MN posters consider size 14 -16 as "normal" and "healthy". Even if they are already plus-size, no one cares if you go to the beach!

themalamander · 02/05/2021 13:15

@ThePlantsitter

It does not do anyone any good to tell people who already know they are overweight or obese that they are not fat. It's just delusional to say so.

People know when they are obese. It is entirely their choice how to handle that and no one should be ashamed or made fun of and she should certainly wear whatever she likes. Body confidence is not the same as delusion.

You would never tell an anorexic that they were not thin, dont tell overweight people that they are not overweight. There is nothing wrong with honesty as long as it comes judgement free and with compassion. Admitting you're overweight doesnt mean you're sat in a corner in fits of tears. You're just being honest with yourself, and having someone come along and pretend you're not isnt helpful.

SmudgeButt · 02/05/2021 13:16

Quite agree that you are not fat. But if you were as fat as me (not even close!) you would know that it makes you invisible to rude starers. Particularly if you are at a place where swimming suits are not allowed.

toocold54 · 02/05/2021 13:19

Honestly I’ve never looked at anyone in a swimming costume and thought omg they’re way too fat to wear that! The only time I pay attention to other people is if they’ve got a really nice swimming costume on and I’m wondering where they got it from.

People who are skinny are also very self conscious about wearing swim wear too as they don’t fit properly etc. I know people with amazing figures and they’re worried about their veins or stretch marks etc.

We need to stop caring what others think so much (myself included) as everyone has insecurities as life is just too short to dwell on these things.

shenanigans5 · 02/05/2021 13:19

The only thing that matters is how you feel.

I’m smaller than I have been but am just that bit more self conscious these days- don’t know why. I recently bought board shorts to wear over a high neck costume. Feel much better but do wish I had the confidence to wear whatever. I love seeing people happy in their skin at any size.

Longingforatikihut · 02/05/2021 13:20

Something completely the opposite may indeed happen. You may launch a whole new brilliant wave of body positivity amongst the locals. Embrace your body for all its female realness and be fierce!

themalamander · 02/05/2021 13:20

@SmudgeButt

Treating someone with the disrespect of living isnt helpful. She us clinically obese. That's the truth. Its not judgemental. Its not cruel. It's just truth.

Denying that, telling her falsehoods, just being delusional helps no one.

You can be both obese and gorgeous and happy. Bodies are not ugly in any shape, and I hope the OP can go out and that beach and feel happy and confidence because there is nothing wrong with her. Denying the facts of her body though, which is what you are doing, just suggests that there is something wrong with what she is.

FishyFriday · 02/05/2021 13:22

I'd imagine that what will happen is that you are able to go swimming. And no one will care or notice.

In fact, there will be plenty of other non-model type bodies in swimwear around. Some even in sizes bigger than you. All just getting on with the whole holiday thing.

Enterthedragons · 02/05/2021 13:22

There’s not such thing as a ‘bikini ready’ body. It’s just a body. At the beach. The beach doesn’t care what you look like and neither should anyone else because it doesn’t matter. Enjoy the beach!

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2021 13:25

@SmudgeButt

Quite agree that you are not fat. But if you were as fat as me (not even close!) you would know that it makes you invisible to rude starers. Particularly if you are at a place where swimming suits are not allowed.
Not only has the OP stated twice that she is fat, She's actually screen shotted and posted her BMI and yet people are still pretending she isn't Confused

It's really not helpful at all and anyway, the OP didn't ask for opinions on whether she is or she isn't.

EwwSprouts · 02/05/2021 13:32

Holidays are meant to be fun! Wear what you like and relax. Seriously it's nobody else's business.

themalamander · 02/05/2021 13:32

Yup. When someone say, "I'm fat, but do you know what? There is nothing wrong with me and I'm going out in a swimsuit to enjoy a day at the beach like everyone else". The only reply should be "that's exactly what to do. There is nothing wrong with you; go out, be happy, be comfortable, ignore any twat who treats you badly".

But what people actually say is, you're not fat. Because the inner monologue they have is "omg, being fat is bad. Being fat is shameful. I'd better tell her she isnt fat so she doesnt feel bad about herself".

The person telling her she isnt overweight isnt the person who, inside, actually thinks being overweight is something to be deeply ashamed of so we must all pretend no one is.

chloworm · 02/05/2021 13:32

One thing I've come to realise as I've got older (and partly due to the pandemic) is that other people don't really care about you, how you look etc. Most people only care about themselves. So don't worry. Enjoy your beach trips and relax.

Fountainsoftea · 02/05/2021 13:33

If you were a man, would you give a shit? Or would you wear your middle aged beer belly proudly, possibly accompanied by a pat and:"bought and paid for, that"?

Magicpaintbrush · 02/05/2021 13:34

None of us are perfect OP. I don't think there is really such a thing as a perfect body, shape or size, because people have different views on what is attractive or overweight etc. For example I find men with a bit of chub on them more attractive than those who look like waxwork Ken dolls, others would disagree - it's all subjective. FWIW I don't think your height and dress size make you 'obese'. I am a size 14 myself, and while I can see that it couldn't hurt to lose a stone I can also see that a size 14 is far from being 'obese', it's somewhere in the middle - you are not yet at the point where you will only be able to leave your house if they take off the roof and winch you out with a crane. If you want to slim down a bit for health reasons then by all means do, but don't beat yourself up so much about the weight you currently are, it's really not that bad at all, I'm sure you look lovelier than you think, we are all out own worst critics. I slimmed down to a size ten and got asked if I had an eating disorder because I looked gaunt, it doesn't actually suit my frame.

OnTheBrink1 · 02/05/2021 13:35

No one will notice! Just stand tall, put some tan on if it makes you feel better, buy a good fitting costume (I find under wired ones best). Be confident and enjoy yourself!

Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 13:36

Only that you might feel a bit sweaty and self-conscious

But in terms of impacting anyone else - no nothing terrible

FrozenVag · 02/05/2021 13:36

There is always somebody fatter that you. Always.

If they can
Do it
So can you

PS I would definitely be fatter than you

5zeds · 02/05/2021 13:38

Personally I find it infuriating that the expectation is you’ll be basically in underwear to swim. I have no problem with other people’s bodies though so crack on.

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/05/2021 13:39

There is always somebody fatter that you. Always.
This cannot be emphasised enough.

Helenluvsrob · 02/05/2021 13:39

Go and have a great time.
I’m bigger than you and almost certainly older.

Having been to stay with my sis in Spain a few times I realised I’d be more noticed in my black swimsuit than a colourful bikini. Many older less “ body beautiful “ people just get on with it , so I do too noe 😂