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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if an all girls school will be hard when it comes to teen relationships?

135 replies

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 01:50

Wasn’t sure how to put the actual question so apologies if it sounds a bit odd!
DD is currently at a co-Ed prep, and will be starting at a single sex grammar in September.
As someone that went to a co-Ed comp, single sex schools are completely new to me (and DD obviously) I have so many memories of my school days and many of those memories involve boys. First crush, first ‘relationship’... not only that side of it but also the fun and friendships I had with both the girls and the boys.
If you went to a single sex school, how did you meet boys? And when you did, were you comfortable around them? Parents of girls in single sex- do you feel the lack of interaction with the opposite sex is beneficial and less of a ‘distraction?’ Or do you feel there are more negatives to not being educated together?
I’m not worried about it, as such, just more intrigued as to what to expect.
DD attends some extra curricular clubs, but they are mostly girls. Plus, the grammar has a lot of extra curricular clubs that she is likely to be join, so obviously all girls again.
It’s unlikely she will stay in touch with the boys from her current school.....

OP posts:

Tavannach · 02/05/2021 02:01

Extra curricular drama not attached to the school, friends had brothers, parties. Sixth form was mixed and I preferred that.

Tavannach · 02/05/2021 02:05

Now I look back on it it was probably easier to concentrate in school. I was shy around everyone outside my friendship groups , not just boys.

Scarby9 · 02/05/2021 02:06

I went to an all girls' school but was part of a large youth group at church, was in a mixed choir and we went to masses of parties.
No problem relating to boys but a really undistracted time in the classroom. No stereotyping or limiting of what we could do or might become. For me it was a good balance.

malificent7 · 02/05/2021 02:09

Boys were a pita at school snd i dated outside of school anyway.

LadyWhistledownsQuill · 02/05/2021 02:17

I went to an all girl's school and wouldn't send DC to one. Some girls definitely did have issues relating to boys, and for some they went off to university with absolutely no experience whatsoever of relating to boys, having missed out on that normal stage of development.

I know of a couple of schools that teach core subjects in single sex groups - that might be an appealing compromise.

starrynight21 · 02/05/2021 02:31

@LadyWhistledownsQuill

I know of a couple of schools that teach core subjects in single sex groups - that might be an appealing compromise.

I agree. I went to all-girls schools all the way through. Knew nothing of boys , didn't even have any brothers so boys were totally uncharted territory for me. By the time I left school, I'd never had a male friend / boyfriend and there was a huge gap in my development. It led to me making some pretty bad mistakes with men in my late teens and early 20's.

I wouldn't recommend single sex schools unless she has some male interaction outside of school.

Original poster

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 02:49

Some of these comments certainly echo my thoughts - or at least are helping answer these thoughts. I wondered if I being too ‘deep’ about it all. She is also an only child with female cousins.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 02:55

Her current school is fairly small, which is one of the reasons she does pretty much all of her activities and clubs, outside of school. Some of these were mixed, but mostly until around the age of 8. The only club she is part of that is still mixed, is the one she’s giving up soon. I will have a look at any youth type groups in the area though.

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AntiHop · 02/05/2021 03:01

I went to an all girls school, really loved it, and would definitely choose to send DDs to all girls schools.

I knew boys outside of school and had boyfriends. But I was really glad my school days were free from drama and stress of having boys around.

MysteriousMonkey · 02/05/2021 03:01

My daughter goes to a girls school and told me early on if she couldn't find a boyfriend she'd have a girlfriend instead... I loved the pragmatism and as it happens she did have a girlfriend for a while

She doesn't really mix with boys I suppose (although she does have brothers) but she doesn't seem bothered at all. I am encouraging her to go to a mixed sixth form but mostly because of the choice of a levels as I don't think she's missing out on boys.

MissTrip82 · 02/05/2021 03:25

I went to an all girls school. Most of my friendship group didn’t have boyfriends until uni. I don’t see that as a negative.

In terms of interacting with boys - I probably was more nervous socially than girls from coed schools. One thing that I observed time and time again at university however was that girls from coed schools were less likely to speak in class and more likely to acquiesce to a boy’s (more loudly, firmly) stated opinion. It was extremely noticeable. The social conditioning had definitely already worked.

If we had a daughter, she’d attend a single sex school.

Bubblingbarnacles · 02/05/2021 03:27

I went to a girls school. In many ways I am glad I didn't have to put up with male attension at school. There was less pressure to look good for boys. But also few chances to interact with them. Aside from my brothers friends I had known for forever. I was clueless to boys in college. A stint working behind abar opened my eyes very quickly.

My school had a city wide catchment. The only girls school in the area that was none catholic. It meant it attracted girls from a wonderful mix of cultural backgrounds bussed in from around the city. My closest friends were a buddhist, muslims, sikh and a nigerian. Which was wonderful to be exposed to so many different cultures. But my friends were spread out all over the city meaning we didn't really get to hang out after school. Most were not allowed to socialise out of school. So it was lonely. Looking back I really should have had an out of school activity to do to. One were I could have interacted with boys.

A fairly high number of girls I went to school with seemed to get pregnant not to long after leaving school. I put this down to not being street wise enough with boys.

ivfgottwins · 02/05/2021 03:32

Lots of girls schools have a "twin" boy school that they partner up with

Lemonlemon88 · 02/05/2021 03:43

I went to an all girls school and it was fine for me but I did drama and music that was mixed with the local boys school and we had a lot of parties and things. I also had brothers, we were all very close in age, so was around their friends a lot too.

But I definitely went to school with girls who struggled socially with boys but tbh I don't know if that would have been different depending on the school as I know women who went to co-ed schools who also struggled socially with men.

TwinkleToeMatilda · 02/05/2021 03:45

I went to an all girls school. Terribly bitchy more so than the mixed sex school. The lack of knowledge on boys almost left me scared and stupidly nervous if I were ever to be around any. I was badly bullied at the all girls school so ended up moving to a mixed sex school in year 8 or 9 can’t remember. I was a nervous WRECK! Never had I been around any boys then all of a sudden they were everywhere I turned! Had no idea how to act and was really awkward. After a while I settled and yes there was still bitchyness but god did it make me realise that when I have children they will never go to a same sex school!!!

Original poster

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 04:04

The school does have a mixed sixth form, which I guess might help bridge some of the gap between school and university. Does anyone have experience the other way round? So boys that go to a single sex school... are they awkward around girls? I do remember lots of boys at my school being a bit clueless around girls though, so it might not make much of a difference

OP posts:

KateWinceyette · 02/05/2021 04:13

I think it's really weird that in 21st Britain we have single sex schools. Why?

Bumbers · 02/05/2021 04:18

I went to an all girls school and am hoping to send DD to one. I was not massively confident, and did maths/ sciences and I am so glad there wasn't the extra pressure from boys. I did mixed clubs outside and had lots of male friends, school age and especially uni and beyond. I'm in my late 30s and am still really close with my school friends.

KateWinceyette · 02/05/2021 04:24

Girls at DD's mixed comp do triple science and further maths. The girls are no more appearance obsessed than those at the nearby girls grammar. The bright girls at the comp perform as well as the top set girls at the grammar.

What's this pressure from boys you speak of?

GammyLeg · 02/05/2021 04:26

This has been really interesting reading - my DDs will have to go to a girls school as it’s the only one we are zoned for. This thread has made me feel better!

Original poster

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 04:27

@KateWinceyette

I think it's really weird that in 21st Britain we have single sex schools. Why?

Where I am from, there are only 2 girls schools. Both independent. That’s in a large city- but no grammar system. Where we live now, no one seems to question the single sex education. I guess it is because of the grammar system here. I don’t really understand it either, as it wasn’t (and still isn’t) the norm where I’m from.

OP posts:

SusannaMorvern · 02/05/2021 04:49

I went to a single sex grammar, but mixed sixth form, and I thought I would choose mixed for my kids. As it happened there were no single sex schools where we live, but having seen DD's experience I wish there was. She has to put up with so much sexist crap from boys. They dominate lessons, dominate the playing fields, muscle their way down the corridors, there are fights. As she says, they are just a pain. Yes, there are nice boys too, but there is such a hard core of idiots. It doesn't help that some teachers use boy/girl seating plans to help curb behaviour, so sometimes she can't get away from it.
DD had boys as friends at primary and for a while in yr7, but then they just seemed to segregate into single sex friendships.

violetbunny · 02/05/2021 07:58

I went to an all girls school, but also spent one year at a co-ed school while on international exchange.

I preferred attending single sex school. There was actually a related school which was all boys, we used to have the occasional event with them (school dances etc) so would meet people that way.

Eaumyword · 02/05/2021 08:00

I went to a single sex independent secondary and my DS goes to a single sex grammar.
I personally feel the benefit is fewer distractions from academic learning.
I got a lot of socialisation from the bus and in my later teens, going out in a mixed group at the weekend.
My DS has friends who are girls who he meets to do skateboarding etc.
I don't think he or I missed out but feel it is important to socialise with both sexes outside of school.

Orangebug · 02/05/2021 08:02

I went to an all girls school and it was a really positive experience for me. I don't recognise the stereotypes about bitchiness etc.

There was a boys school close by, so most of us went out with a boy from there as our first boyfriend. We did joint productions (plays, concerts etc) so we got to know them that way.

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