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Original poster

To wonder if an all girls school will be hard when it comes to teen relationships?

135 replies

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 01:50

Wasn’t sure how to put the actual question so apologies if it sounds a bit odd!
DD is currently at a co-Ed prep, and will be starting at a single sex grammar in September.
As someone that went to a co-Ed comp, single sex schools are completely new to me (and DD obviously) I have so many memories of my school days and many of those memories involve boys. First crush, first ‘relationship’... not only that side of it but also the fun and friendships I had with both the girls and the boys.
If you went to a single sex school, how did you meet boys? And when you did, were you comfortable around them? Parents of girls in single sex- do you feel the lack of interaction with the opposite sex is beneficial and less of a ‘distraction?’ Or do you feel there are more negatives to not being educated together?
I’m not worried about it, as such, just more intrigued as to what to expect.
DD attends some extra curricular clubs, but they are mostly girls. Plus, the grammar has a lot of extra curricular clubs that she is likely to be join, so obviously all girls again.
It’s unlikely she will stay in touch with the boys from her current school.....

OP posts:
TheTurn0fTheScrew · 02/05/2021 08:43

My daughter is at a very average mixed sex comprehensive. I absolutely do not recognise the comments about there being "boys'" activities/subjects. The triple science and maths top sets
have slightly more girls. sports are on an equal footing with boys' and girls' teams for each.

paralysedbyinertia · 02/05/2021 08:43

The distraction thing is an interesting one. DD is in year 11 at a co-ed school. She has lots of friends who are boys and has never seen them as a distraction. They're just people, and she is used to them. No big deal.

Her friends from primary who went to the single sex girls' school seem obsessed with boys, and probably would be distracted in class. I guess they're much more of a novelty, and the girls feel more self-conscious around them.

DD's friendship group has a great mix of boys and girls, and personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. If she were at an all girls' school, I would definitely be looking for a few mixed sex extracurricular activities in order to give her a bit more of a balanced experience.

MaryBoBary · 02/05/2021 08:44

I went to an all girls school and it was horrendous. Nasty bullying, ganging up against certain people, I wouldn't send my daughter to one. I also left school having had barely any contact with the opposite sex and struggled to be myself around boys for a good few years.
Not only that, but I sailed through the 11+ but ended up bottom of the class due to some highly intelligent children. It massively knocked my confidence and I didn't thrive as I think I would have done at a comprehensive.

TooStressyTooMessy · 02/05/2021 08:45

I went to an all girls school and absolutely did kiss out on meeting and interacting with boys. If your DD is going to one then it’s good you are thinking about this now. You could look at what extra curricular activities she does and hope she meets some boys there.

TooStressyTooMessy · 02/05/2021 08:46

Did miss out not kiss out Hmm. Although I absolutely missed out on the kissing too. I barely met any boys my age ever (this is even with having a DB).

Herhereherhere · 02/05/2021 08:47

I went to an all girl's school until 16 and then moved to the boys school which had a (slightly) mixed sixth form.

The girls who developed bad realtionships with boys were the ones whose parents also restricted their access outside school. E.g. very religious. I met boys on the shared bus home, the youth groups, hanging out with my mates etc.

At 16 I was ready for a more mixed environment. But I really valued that environment from 11-16 being single sex. Particularly as I went on to study maths/physics. Stats show that take up for STEM subjects (which earn more) is higher in all girl's school on average. Although of course individually schools will vary.

Not sure where DD will go, as she is still young, but we will definitely consider single sex schooling.

ComDummings · 02/05/2021 08:47

@MaryBoBary

I went to an all girls school and it was horrendous. Nasty bullying, ganging up against certain people, I wouldn't send my daughter to one. I also left school having had barely any contact with the opposite sex and struggled to be myself around boys for a good few years. Not only that, but I sailed through the 11+ but ended up bottom of the class due to some highly intelligent children. It massively knocked my confidence and I didn't thrive as I think I would have done at a comprehensive.
See I can relate to all of that but I went to a mixed sex school. So it’s not a girls’ school issue at all. And the worst bullies in my school were boys.
follygirl · 02/05/2021 08:47

I went to a single sex school but have 2 brothers so I found it refreshing to be among girls. My school were amazing at empowering us, typically 'male' subjects were really popular at my school and I found that I could just get on with my education, have fun with my friends and just 'be'.

My dc go to single sex schools although my son's school is becoming mixed.

My dd is in sixth form and has been at her school since the age of 4. She was a competitive swimmer so perfectly used to boys plus she has an annoying younger brother. Again, her school are excellent at empowering the girls. She has such strong ethics and views on current issues. She has a boyfriend who she met at a party and has a lovely relationship with him. I would imagine that there are girls at her school who might feel awkward among boys but I'm not sure that being around them would make it any easier for them.

We've been really pleased with their schools and wouldn't change a thing.

sashh · 02/05/2021 08:50

I think it depends on the school. Single sex schools were common in the town I grew up, 6 single sex and 3 co ed.

I went to the RC girls school, the RC boys' school was at the other side of town.

There were some very unhealthy attitudes to boys / men at school. I had an older brother who was very sociable so I knew him and few of his mates and that means I didn't have such an idealistic view of boys.

My same age cousin was the same, her brother was younger but still had similar experiences.

My much younger cousin went to a girls' school which was next door to a boys' school and the two schools did a few activities together eg school trips and holidays.

I'd be more concerned about the ethos of the school and what it teaches eg I spent years doing cookery and needlework that I thought then, and now, was a complete waste of time, my brother didn't have to, in fact his school did not have the facilities to teach them.

I was basically taught to be a housewife in the first 3 years and then allowed to do more serious subjects after that.

pigglepot · 02/05/2021 08:56

I went to an all girls school and wouldn't send my girls to one.

I hate stereotyping women in any way but I really did find the bitching when we got to sixth form to be absolutely out of control. As soon as someone left the room they were talked about. I don't know if it's the same at a mixed school but would imagine it would at least be tempered a bit. I also didn't have any male mates as a teenager. All the boys we knew it was about sex and snogging etc. My friends who went to a mixed school did and still have male friends from school.

cookiecreampie · 02/05/2021 09:04

I went to an all girls school and I was boy mad. I remember getting so worked up when the boys from the local all boys school used to get on the bus. I met my first boyfriend that way and I became sexual quite early on, I don't know if going to a single sex school was to blame for this, but I think if there were boys at my school they wouldn't have been so mysterious and exciting to me. On the other hand, I think being with all girls helped me focus on school work so my education benefited.

covilha · 02/05/2021 09:07

Maybe there will be an equivalent boys school nearby? They will still meet by without the distraction during their lessons

TheGoogleMum · 02/05/2021 09:15

There are roa and cons to an all girls school. I went to one. Yes less experience with boys and first crush ended up being a family friend instead. Not very used to being around boys when going I to college. However girls perform better academically without boys to distract them and general classroom behaviour is better. Romance being less of a thing at school (not totally gone, there were bi and lesbian students, though when I was there they mostly kept it a bit quiet) is probably better as it removes a potential source of conflict between students

Snally82 · 02/05/2021 09:21

I went to an all girls grammar - the bitchiness (behind backs) was off the charts as everyone got older. I left for college and didn’t tell any of them.

As for boys, it was all I knew. We talked to them at bus stops and met them at joint parties etc. It made the girls a little obsessive if I’m honest!

diamondpony80 · 02/05/2021 09:25

I found there was a lot less pressure in an all girls classroom as there was no one there to impress. We just got on with learning in school with no distractions. As for meeting boys - there was a lot of sneaking away during lunch time to meeting places (the boys school was just down the road). We had no problems finding boys before and after school, but we did just fine in school without them.

Smartiepants79 · 02/05/2021 09:31

I went to an all girls school and have to say relating to men and dealing with them in social situations was something I found difficult. Part of that was just my personality though as many of my friends didn’t have the same issue.
I had always said that it was the one thing I would do differently for my daughters BUT when it came to choosing the right school the all girls school won hands down.
All schools have a compromise and this is what we’ve gone for.
We will look for other ways for her to socialise with boys!

Valenciaoranges · 02/05/2021 09:37

My DD went to all girls for yrs 9-11. They had social activities with the boys school. It just didn't phase her- she loved her school. She went to mixed 6th form. First boyfriend at 18 and no problems at all.

GrumpyHoonMain · 02/05/2021 09:41

@Scarletbutnotohara

Wasn’t sure how to put the actual question so apologies if it sounds a bit odd! DD is currently at a co-Ed prep, and will be starting at a single sex grammar in September. As someone that went to a co-Ed comp, single sex schools are completely new to me (and DD obviously) I have so many memories of my school days and many of those memories involve boys. First crush, first ‘relationship’... not only that side of it but also the fun and friendships I had with both the girls and the boys. If you went to a single sex school, how did you meet boys? And when you did, were you comfortable around them? Parents of girls in single sex- do you feel the lack of interaction with the opposite sex is beneficial and less of a ‘distraction?’ Or do you feel there are more negatives to not being educated together? I’m not worried about it, as such, just more intrigued as to what to expect. DD attends some extra curricular clubs, but they are mostly girls. Plus, the grammar has a lot of extra curricular clubs that she is likely to be join, so obviously all girls again. It’s unlikely she will stay in touch with the boys from her current school.....
For girls a good single sex school is usually better for everything including relationship building. It’s only really boys that need coed schools
Biscuitsanddoombar · 02/05/2021 09:44

I went to an all girls school and still managed to have a bf pretty much the entire time from age 14 until I left at 18. My friendship group outside of school was entirely mixed

When I went to university I was baffled at the idea held by many boys that I should let them do all the talking, that their ideas were better and that if I were speaking they could talk over me because their voices were louder. Definitely didn’t put up with that nonsense and it was interesting to see how surprised they were. Of course not having been to a mixed school I had nothing to compare it with until I started work and was sent to do some research at a comprehensive school in London

The everyday casual sexism and sexual harassment the girls put up with truly shocked me. From being casually called slags and sluts to any display of anger/frustration being met with “you on the blob then?” to the comments about their tits and lifting up skirts with rulers to see their knickers. I just hadn’t had to contend with any of that and it still boggles me that the girls saw it as no big deal “it’s just what happens miss”

piglet81 · 02/05/2021 09:46

I went to a girls’ school from 7-18 (a fairly high-pressure one academically). No brothers, and only boy cousins were 12 years younger so not relevant for socialising! I didn’t do any mixed activities outside school and I literally only met a handful of boys growing up. Terrible idea and definitely one I would avoid for my own children - I basically grew up thinking that boys were an alien species and had no idea how to relate to them (didn’t help that I wasn’t in the popular crowd so rarely got invited to mixed parties etc). I then went on to do a female-dominated degree and work in another female-dominated industry. I am married and have a son but I really feel it hampered me growing up - it’s just not natural to separate the sexes to that extent, IMO.

FindingMeno · 02/05/2021 09:48

I think its harder to go to an all girls school if you don't have brothers.

AliasGrape · 02/05/2021 09:52

I went to a girls’ grammar. It was right for me.
I had friends who were boys who grew up on my road and we ‘played out’ when younger. They remained my friends and I met their friends from school. I went to a drama club at the weekends. There was a boy’s grammar in the same town and we just kind of got to know them - through brothers or girls at the school etc.

It really wasn’t an issue.

I did leave and go to a mixed sixth form - the school was in a very well off area and girls were getting BMWs for passing their test etc, that wasn’t me or my life at all and I was increasingly feeling like the poor relation so it was the right time to move

Letsgetreadytocrumble · 02/05/2021 09:55

I agree. I went to all-girls schools all the way through. Knew nothing of boys , didn't even have any brothers so boys were totally uncharted territory for me. By the time I left school, I'd never had a male friend / boyfriend and there was a huge gap in my development. It led to me making some pretty bad mistakes with men in my late teens and early 20's.

Exactly the same for me. My hobbies were all girl dominated as well - I basically didn't really know any boys through my teenage years, I didn't have any friends who were boys, certainly didn't have a boyfriend. I knew a few from my primary school still from where our parents were still friends etc but not really. I had absolutely no idea how to even interact with the opposite sex. Even now I am a bit uncomfortable being friends with or working with men, although i am happily married and perfectly comfortable with my DH!

Letsgetreadytocrumble · 02/05/2021 09:59

I think about a few horrible experiences I had as a late teen/early 20s and I honestly think that if I had had normal relationships with boys, had a boyfriend as a teenager etc I wouldn't have been 'putting myself out there' in the way I did later on and those things might not have happened. But then maybe I would have had horrible experiences at a younger age if I were at a mixed school? I don't know really.

sashh · 02/05/2021 10:10

I went to a girls’ grammar. It was right for me.

^ This ^

All children are different and some suit one type of school more than others.