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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if an all girls school will be hard when it comes to teen relationships?

135 replies

Scarletbutnotohara · 02/05/2021 01:50

Wasn’t sure how to put the actual question so apologies if it sounds a bit odd!
DD is currently at a co-Ed prep, and will be starting at a single sex grammar in September.
As someone that went to a co-Ed comp, single sex schools are completely new to me (and DD obviously) I have so many memories of my school days and many of those memories involve boys. First crush, first ‘relationship’... not only that side of it but also the fun and friendships I had with both the girls and the boys.
If you went to a single sex school, how did you meet boys? And when you did, were you comfortable around them? Parents of girls in single sex- do you feel the lack of interaction with the opposite sex is beneficial and less of a ‘distraction?’ Or do you feel there are more negatives to not being educated together?
I’m not worried about it, as such, just more intrigued as to what to expect.
DD attends some extra curricular clubs, but they are mostly girls. Plus, the grammar has a lot of extra curricular clubs that she is likely to be join, so obviously all girls again.
It’s unlikely she will stay in touch with the boys from her current school.....

OP posts:

Orangebug · 02/05/2021 20:15

Ah no worries @TheTurn0fTheScrew.

But, in general, this is where the discrepancy arises. As you say, girls tend to perform as well as or better than boys in STEM subjects at GCSE, but despite this they are significantly less likely to study them at A Level. Hence the comments about "boys' subjects".

Gizlotsmum · 02/05/2021 20:47

My daughter goes to an all girls grammar (they coed at 6th form) however they (pre covid) had regular social events with the boys grammar and the 2 grammars and local comp all share the same school buses so she mixes with boys but is taught with girls. She has a good, balanced friendship group and seems happy. Her friends who go to mixed schools seem to have had more issues with friendships.

Macncheeseballs · 02/05/2021 20:50

I went to a mixed comp, had nothing to do with any of the boys

LadyPoison · 02/05/2021 20:50

Both my DC went to single sex schools. DD has an older brother so was not short of male interaction with him and his friends and her school friends also had brothers.

If anything it was DS who found it harder.

Captainj1 · 02/05/2021 20:52

I went to a coed comp and my best friend was male. Definitely want coed for my kids. I don’t care if some academics are better in single sex environment, life skills are just as important to me (if not more so) as exam results and life is coed.

StoneofDestiny · 02/05/2021 21:00

I think single sex schools can benefit girls - they are on an equal playing field and not having to act in a certain way when boys are around. I'd be less happy about an all boys school though.

Never found any disadvantage to a single sex education and had no problems relating to boys out of school or at university.

florababy84 · 03/05/2021 01:53

I was at an all-girls school, it was very strong on feminist ideals and teaching comprehensive sex education, STEM and sporting achievements, leadership skills, etc. It's hard to guess how my values would be different if I'd gone to a co-ed school.

I socialised with the 'twin' boys' school through drama and music activities and also local youth groups, so I was not starved for male company and had boyfriends from about age 15 onwards.

My kids are in co-ed schools and I'm happy with that, but if I had my choice of all possible worlds, I'd send my daughter to single sex and my sons to co-ed because I think all-boys schools can be a breeding ground for misogynistic attitudes.

PerspicaciousGreen · 03/05/2021 09:02

I'm surprised people are less keen on all boys schools. I'd feel more confident about an all boys school because both my brother's and my husband's were very good socially. I know it's all subjective really, but I don't think boys pressure each other academically when they're all together in the ways that girls do to the detriment of their mental health.

Asthenia · 03/05/2021 13:23

I went to an all girls school and I loved it. Our sixth form was mixed but we had formed really strong bonds and friendships throughout our time there. Not saying you can’t at mixed schools of course but I much preferred the all female environment. We weren’t all weird nuns that never met boys - quite the opposite. I’d be really happy for my child to go to a single-sex school.

Washimal · 03/05/2021 14:02

It’s considered quite normal for girls in coed secondary schools to have ‘serious boyfriends’ from 11 /12. To the point where it isn’t even challenged unless the boy is over 16.

This is absolutely not the case in any of the co-ed secondary schools I've worked in. Lots of sweeping generalisations on this thread.

LostBlanket · 03/05/2021 14:08

I went to an all girls school until yr 9 and stayed in contact with most of my friends through SM and all of my friends including myself went onto higher education and have good careers now. I then moved to a mixed school in a different city and completed my secondary school there doing the rest of my GCSE's and most of my year group maybe about 10 of us out of 200 students went on to higher education and have good careers. I mean there's nothing wrong with not going to Uni and having a great career but don't we want the best for our children in terms of education and financial independence through an excellent career?

MintyCedric · 03/05/2021 14:17

DD is 16 and just about to leave and all girls CE school...Trust me, there are plenty of opportunities to meet boys!

Friends with brothers, friends who are still mates with boys from primary school (most of the ones she knew initially)...then they know other boys from other schools...who know other lads on social media.

DDs first boyfriend was a mate of her mate's boyfriend who he'd known at nursery school and hadn't lived locally for years (sweet if a bit gormless).

Plus extracurricular activities...DD joined the local Youth Council at 13 which was amazing for meeting all sorts of people and did wonders for her confidence, and now she's got a part-time job l, so again, another opportunity to meet people.

It all just evolves quite naturally. Unless your DD is painfully shy I wouldn't give it another thought.

MintyCedric · 03/05/2021 14:20

@PerspicaciousGreen

Boys are known to do less well in single sex schools than girls.

My XH and his friend both went to the local boys schools, and when our DDs started the girls school at the same time I asked if they were considering the all boys school for their son when the time came.

His response?

"Over my dead body."

Cripesitsthegasman19 · 03/05/2021 14:20

I went to an all girls school and we used to hang out at the pub with boys from the nearby boys school. I'm still friends with some of the 'boys' even after 22 years.

BackforGood · 03/05/2021 17:39

life skills are just as important to me (if not more so) as exam results and life is coed
Me to Captainj1. My dc are all adult now (youngest at University) and all have "life skills" in abundance. They managed to gain these - erm, through their lives - despite the fact that they went to single sex schools for years 7 - 11

Why on earth do you think that?
My ds went to an all boys' school, and I meet plenty of his peers regularly (they are all 24/25 now) and none of them display any misogynistic attitudes.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/05/2021 17:43

I went to a mixed sex school that (though not perfect) actively challenged sex stereotypes in maths and science, my maths & physic A level were majority female. I don't recognize the squashing of female input in class that is generally found to be the case in mixed sex schools. I did, however, notice a large number of men at uni who tried to dominate conversations in lectures and work groups that was decidedly misogynistic and they were all, to a man, from single sex boys schools. However I was one of only three women from a mixed sex school on my course. There were another 6 women from all girls schools. So in my experience that's a very mixed bag.

I also noticed that in my hall of residence of ten women, half were from all girls schools and four of them were totally unable to relate to boys other than as boyfriends/potential boyfriends, at least in that first year. That wasn't the case for any of the women from mixed sex schools. That could be partly driven by parental attitudes as much as the school. The woman who could relate to men well had a lot of exposure outside of school.

I really think you have to look at the individual schools that are available to you and decide on their individual characteristics and how they'll work for your child, not on the blanket idea of single-sex or mixed. There's far too much other stuff that will also have an impact.

toodleloooo · 03/05/2021 18:08

I went to an all girls school and was very happy with it. Obviously I can't know what the alternative would have been like but all turned out fine.

There were still opportunities to mix - we were next to the boys school and many of the boys and girls travelled in via contract buses together, so I met some boys through my friends. I didn't really miss having boys in lessons; at primary school I found there was a core contingent of boys would take the piss if you did well and I think a lot of girls became quieter and downplayed their work as a result of that. At secondary I was glad to just be able to get on with the work.

I had a handful of boyfriends over the years and then went on to uni and met DP about a month in.

Captainj1 · 03/05/2021 18:33

@BackforGood yes that’s the thing about opinions, they are not factual but informed by a blend of our learned knowledge and personal experiences. In my experience single sex education is favoured more by families who have all boys or all girls, and especially with boys I have seen it exacerbating their boyish boisterousness. My DH went to an all boys secondary and had no idea what to do with women when I met him…

Feedex · 04/05/2021 21:12

There are always plenty of boys around, being in a school 9-3 x 5 days a week doesn't mean you never see other people outside of school... it none of my friends ever seemed to have trouble meeting boys despite being at a girls school, as for me, it was bliss not having to deal with boys in school but then I am a gay...

ChochoCrazyCat · 04/05/2021 21:50

I went to an all girls school for a year. It was Ok but quite dull. I wasn't yet confident enough to actually date boys but I did have crushes on ones I knew outside of school.

Then I moved to a mixed sex school and definitely preferred it. I must've been lucky though because most of the boys were nice and not the laddish type. I didn't particularly feel under pressure to look good for them and they weren't a distraction, they were just...there. I think single sex schools are a bit odd tbh...in adult life you have to mix and get along with the opposite sex at work and in the world at large, so it doesn't seem like great preparation to be in a single sex school.

MoiraNotRuby · 04/05/2021 21:57

DD is at an all girls school and would roll her eyes at your very heteronormative question...

I didn't like the idea of an all girls school but actually it's been the making of her. Its really nice seeing her take up her place in the world, in and out of school. I'm sure she gets heard more than she would at a mixed school.

She is bi so the world's her oyster when it comes to relationships, but she is still young and more bothered about grades than dates.

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 04/05/2021 22:13

I think it depends on the school and the child. Single sex schools are great for us.

DD isn’t used as a support human and placed between disruptive boys (has happened to the child of several of my friends).

DS gets some male interaction (mum, sister and loads of female cousins, dad working long hours) and the sports teams are great.

They spend a lot of time together outside school though, go to the same mixed camps, play with each other’s friends etc.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/05/2021 22:19

All girls until I was 16 then mixed sixth form which was a good fit for me, I was quite a late bloomer so first bf at sixth form. My hobbies were all girls. We had mixed discos with local boys school.

tenlittlecygnets · 04/05/2021 22:20

Dd goes to a girls'grammar. Her choice. She's now at sixth form at the same grammar. She's had a great time there. No boys to take over in science or act silly or criticise her for being a 'swot'. Just the girls, able to do their own thing. She's much more confident, knows her mind, and has made fabulous strong friendships over the years.

I think single sex works well for girls but I wouldn't send my ds to a boys' school.

The girls school share some lessons with the boys' grammar. Dd has plenty of male friends from out of school clubs and the bus journey to school. She's had boyfriends and is confident speaking to boys.

I'd recommend a girls' school.

toconclude · 04/05/2021 22:25

@Scarby9

I went to an all girls' school but was part of a large youth group at church, was in a mixed choir and we went to masses of parties. No problem relating to boys but a really undistracted time in the classroom. No stereotyping or limiting of what we could do or might become. For me it was a good balance.

This. Boy-free education is great. It's not as if she's boarding. Had no problems meeting boys in my leisure time. Whether many of them were worth my time, that's another thing.

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