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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you charge partners “ rent “

147 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 30/04/2021 17:50

Quick question 😂
In this scenario - both work, one owns a house and is selling and buying a new house in their name only.
One who owns house has 2 kids from previous relationship and then there is 1 child from the relationship currently.
Would you charge “ rent “ ?

OP posts:

DotsandCo · 30/04/2021 18:27

Just change the word 'rent' OP...it's this word that some posters seem to be twisting their knickers over 🤦‍♀️

So currently...you pay for EVERYTHING apart from his one (out of the two that you need!) Tesco shop per month?

He saw you coming! His total contribution to your joint living arrangements is ONE supermarket shop a month! Totally taking this piss whilst laughing all the way to the bank 👍

Your outgoings need to be split evenly really don't they? He knows it too...but call this 'family outgoings' or 'shared cost of living expenses' or some such shit, to appease the twisted knicker brigade 😉

RandomLondoner · 30/04/2021 18:28

If you are in a relationship and there is no mortgage repayment then no I wouldn't charge rent

If it's agreed that the non-owner should be paying towards their accomodation, the amount to be paid should be based on the rental value, the existence or amount of any mortgage repayment should have no bearing on it.

Suppose there was a mortgage, and it was deemed appropriate for rent to be paid. If the owner sold their Lamborghini, or their stock-market investments, and paid off the mortgage with the money, you would deem that suddenly no rent was due, even though the owners net worth had not changed at all as a consequence of these transactions. That's completely illogical.

What if there was no mortgage, and the owner suddenly decided to remortgage, to spend money on, well, anything they liked. Would that suddenly mean they were justified in charging more for the accomodation they were providing to the other person than originally agreed?

FortniteBoysMum · 30/04/2021 18:29

No if one person owns the house and has no entitlement to it they should not be charged rent. They should be expected to pay their share of household bills. If their was a mortgage then they should contribute to that but with something in place to ensure they are paying for a percentage of the property and will own that share. Your their partner and you share a child they are not your tenant.

CuriousSeal · 30/04/2021 18:31

I can't believe that you've been letting this go on for so long. Get him to pay 50% bills at the very least.

Dacquoise · 30/04/2021 18:32

I think that rent should be paid by the non-owner because they are being accommodated and even if there isn't a mortgage properties require ongoing maintenance and updating. Uness you live with your parents, there are costs to house yourself. It's a fact of life. Why would you expect to be housed free of charge by a partner?

MandUs · 30/04/2021 18:33

He should have also paid half of your loss of earnings during maternity leave unless you are on 100% pay if you are keeping money that separate.

RandomLondoner · 30/04/2021 18:33

I'd find it quite odd for my PARTNER and COPARENT to charge me for living in a house they aren't actually paying for

If I sold 100K of shares and put the money into paying off the mortgage, that might be on average £500 a month in stock-market returns I'm no longer getting.

The idea that because there are no cashflows it costs nothing to own the house is wrong.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 30/04/2021 18:37

Not sure why people think an adult man costs the same as a baby or child to feed. And houses cost money to run, they need repairs, appliances need replacing, carpets, linen gets worn out, as well as bills etc. Why should only one adult be paying for all that. I think £500 is more than fair. Why does he not contribute properly?

Saltnsauceta · 30/04/2021 18:39

There's always lots of outrage on mn when you mention that all money is not going in to a joint account. I hate the thought of a joint account! Similar to you, I own my house in my name only. My partner has lived with me for the past few years. Nothing is in his name and he pays me half the bills. I didn't call it 'rent' because, if we break up, I didn't want him to have paid towards the mortgage. I hope we don't break up but I can't see the future. I earn about double what he earns and can run the house easily on my own. I'm about to go off on maternity and I'll still be able to run it. My partner is welcome to my house if I die, but he's not getting half if we split! We're also looking for a bigger house - my partner has no savings to add to the deposit so, if we move, that house will be in my name only too - the amount he pays will then go up to cover higher bills etc. You do what feels right for you op. Everyone is different and we're allowed to do what we want with our money.

Quartz2208 · 30/04/2021 18:41

He should be paying towards utility bills etc at the very least. I would say £500 a month makes sense

Dddccc · 30/04/2021 18:44

Oh 5 in house 1 is a shared child so technically he should pay 1/5 for himself of all bills and 1/2 of the other 1/5 of child costs so if all bills and food come to 1000 per month he would pay 300 the half of all child related costs for the joint child

KingdomScrolls · 30/04/2021 18:44

DH moved into the flat I owned, before we were married we paid fifty fifty and it was still much cheaper than his outgoings renting alone. Now we are married and have a child everything is paid into one pot bills, mortgage, savings, expenses come out and we get a personal spends amount each. I didn't see why he should mooch off of me, I'd worked hard and saved hard and gone without some of the luxuries he'd had to buy my little flat and he would've been paying rent if he lived somewhere else. He insisted anyway, and even if we'd split up back then, he never would've thought he was entitled to part of my property.

MojoJojo71 · 30/04/2021 18:48

I wouldn’t ‘charge rent’ but I would expect a fair division of household expenses.

I would add together all household bills including food, childcare and utilities then divide it according to income. For example if you earn twice as much as him then you should pay a bigger proportion. Decide between you what that contribution should be then each pay your share into a joint account from which said bills are paid.

Otherwise how exactly are you ‘partners’?

HalzTangz · 30/04/2021 18:49

@Troublewaters2021

There is no mortgage payments. So wouldn’t be towards the mortgage as such.

If there's no mortgage their should've no rent, just split bills 50/50

littlepattilou · 30/04/2021 18:50

@Troublewaters2021 I am baffled as to why THIS > 😂 is in the original post.

'Quick question' 😂

WTF?

littlepattilou · 30/04/2021 18:51

@CuriousSeal

I can't believe that you've been letting this go on for so long. Get him to pay 50% bills at the very least.

This. ^

ImInStealthMode · 30/04/2021 18:51

If I'm reading this right and there's no mortgage payments being made then no I wouldn't charge rent, just share the household bills.

DP moved into my flat and gives me 50% of my monthly household related outgoings, on the firm understanding that he has no claim on the equity of the flat if we were to split - he would be paying triple what he gives me to rent a flat of his own and we have a better quality of live together by sharing expenses so its win-win.

That said, we do plan to sell this one in the next year or so and buy together (with me providing the deposit, to be legally ring-fenced).

Carouselfish · 30/04/2021 18:56

If they're paying rent, they are helping the other person buy the house. Ok for strangers where one is a landlord. Not for people in a relationship with a child. The only way I'd agree to this was if a contract was drawn up guaranteeing I'd get back what I put in in the event the house was sold.

Bimblybomeyelash · 30/04/2021 18:58

If there is no mortgage to Pay then you can’t charge ‘rent’! He should of course be splitting the bills with you. I would have thought the easiest thing would be to have a shared account for shared expenses bills/food/child stuff. And then agree a set amount each month that you both pay in.

GintyMcGinty · 30/04/2021 18:59

If you are 'partners' then you pool your resources and share.

TBH buying a house in one name says that person isn't committed to a long term relationship.

Nonimai · 30/04/2021 19:00

As you own the house and presumably equity in it, I would absolutely have a formal rental agreement that includes bills and insist he pays half of everything your child together needs. Then split food etc. My last boyfriend was having an affair and one day I came home to find he had changed the locks and locked me out of my house. The house was in my name, owned by me alone for ten years, my name only on the mortgage. The police wouldn’t get involved. With solicitor involvement, his barrister informed us that as he had been paying towards the mortgage for the two years we had been together - he felt entitled to a share of the house. As we had not had a formal agreement, I was advised to pay him back roughly the equivalent of what he had contributed for 2 years, so that he would leave. I was £15k out of pocket and had to live with family for about 4 months. We didn’t even have children. Unfortunately he had a lot more money than me and could afford to play legal games. I wouldn’t risk my house again.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 30/04/2021 19:02

I would. You are supporting 4 children. He is one of them. I’m shocked he is okay with this. Charge him half the bills and a bit extra for rent. If nothing else put it in savings for your kids.

TheUndoingProject · 30/04/2021 19:03

I think talking about “rent” and “charging” makes it feel like there would be an odd power dynamic. But I certainly think you need to have a discussion about the equitable division of household expenses. If he’s not contributing to housing costs I’d certainly expect him to pick up some bills/food etc. I do think you need to bear in mind that the house is an asset in your name and therefore it’s probably not fair to expect him to pay substantially towards that.

Nesski · 30/04/2021 19:05

Depends on what he's doing with his money, I wouldn't want to have worked so hard to pay off my mortgage only for someone else to waltz in and have it 'easier'. Obviously, this is very personal and very scenario specific, if you agree on let's say him being the main contributor in investing in something that will benefit the family like a second home (rental income generation) then I think it's a fair compromise.

TownTalkJewels · 30/04/2021 19:09

Yes, my partner has paid me rent since he moved into the home I own. It’s not a mortgage contribution. We split bills. We don’t have kids yet.

If things were reversed, I’d feel like I were really taking advantage by living in his home rent free. If basically be getting a saving out of the relationship, and he wouldn’t. That’s unfair. What if we broke up?

Nothing wrong with your proposal.

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