Marriage between two parties who are massively different earners is too bigger risk for one patry

[Whoarethewho]

So to set the scene. Been together over 8 years. My partner is applying pressure to marry. However with 50% of marriages ending in divorce and us more than occasionally arguing this worries me. I own my own house brought outright with cash from my work, I have significant pensions saved already (sever hundred k). And I earn 6x my partner's salary (we both work full time), I pay for all bills council tax water ect. They contribute nothing financially. And I don't want children nor do I want them to be a stay at home house maker.

My partner wants the big white dress\suit style wedding. All I see with current divorce legislation is a massive payout coming in the future where I would have to give up half I have worked so hard for when there would be no sacrifices required for the marriage (it's not like they were paying for the mortgage or caring for children). Legally binding prenuptial agreements would help here but sadly are not valid in England. So really unless children are intended to be involved I can't really see why a higher earning partner would consent to marriage where the partner could leave at any time and just take half the assets.

Do you agree? I know people of both sexes in this sort of situation so it's not just me that thinks like this.

Yanbu marriage may be right for some but not here
Yabu marriage is a risk people with much to loose should still take.

Can your partner REALLY afford your current lifestyle, if they’re not saving / investing and don’t have a stake in any property?

He already has a daughter (DSD) and we now have a younger daughter together. If I die I want everything to go to my DD, I don't want it to end up being split between DD and DSD (it's not my responsibility to provide for DSD, her parents can do that).

Interesting, I have a DS and a DSS and if I die everything is equally split between the two. Although I am not his mother I still consider myself his parent, have raised him for the last 10 years and would hate to throw a stink bomb like that between him and his brother when I die. I have also already told them both. Yes he has a mother but she is an alcoholic with no assets, I don’t want to leave him with nothing.

Yanbu to not want to marry, whatever your reasoning. But you must be prepared to have a full and frank discussion with your partner so they don’t think that it may be an option in the future. This will enable them to decide whether or not they wish to remain in the relationship or leave to pursue a potential marriage in the future.

@SinisterBumFacedCat interesting - would you do the same if your DSS mum was well off?

In that case your DSS gets the combined wealth of 3 parents (assuming mum doesn’t have any more kids) and DS , just 2. And a smaller share because you’re giving some of yours away to DSS.

All of this can be made really hard to equalise the more blended a family is 😂

OP have you actually had a Frank discussion with your partner on the future and actually merging your lives.
You’re saving for an early retirement. You haven’t mentioned what your partner will do in this case. Will you be happy for them to stop working and for both of you to live off the fruits of your retirement savings?
At this stage it seems like you’re going on your track and they, theirs.
I’d hazard a guess that the reason they’re pushing for marriage (apart from wanting a wedding) is that your relationship seems precarious as it is now.
They live with you - but what next?
Also when you’re living with someone in an LTR what they do with their salary is very much your business because it factors into your combined plans.

Your partner doesn’t seem to have the same outlook in life - or they’re counting on living off you.

If it’s the former you’re probably not suited. And if the latter it’s fine as long as you’re happy to let them.

But I personally wouldn’t retire early to live off the savings of an unmarried partner. So if you do want to merge your lives it would be awkward

This is the best response on this thread, so I though I'd quote it for people who missed it the first time.

Marriage is like giving someone a gun to point at your head, simply because you "trust" that they'll never be in a position to want to pull the trigger.
If there are no kids involved, it doesn't make sense for the higher earner. It does make a lot of sense for the lower earner because it gives them all the power.
Whilst the relationship is good, they get a good relationship. If they no longer want the relationship, regardless of the reason, they get a good chunk of your assets for leaving. It's win-win for them.

OP should definitely not get married, and should ignore all the passive-aggressive responses casting aspersions on them or their relationship. Anyone in their position would be insane to agree to marriage.

@RandomLondoner
I absolutely agree. It is spot on.

If you have a happy relationship with someone you are not married to, you can easily arrange to share all your income with your partner for as long as you both want to be together.

For someone who has enough assets to make work optional, marriage means giving your partner the right to half your income for the rest of your life, even if they only stay with you for the minimal period required to get a 50% settlement.

People think life-time spousal support no longer exists, but that doesn't take into account the scenario where current assets are future income, or were meant to be.

Well @RandomLondoner you have clearly never been through a divorce and I hope no woman who is a low earner believes you because your opinion on what happens to assets in a divorce in the UK and most of Western Europe is pure BS.

Yeah; if you're expecting to end in divorce then obvs don't do it.

If I was rich then I wouldn't get married & would have legal agreements drawn up to protect myself. If I was the poor one I'd be pushing for marriage 😩

meant 😆!

@Annasgirl London's the 'divorce capital' of the world for a reason!
In the UK the starting point is normally 50%-50% for a minmum length of time (think it's 5 years?). Unless in extreme cases of abuses etc it rarely goes below 40-60, and is often weighted in favour of lower earner.

You can always earn more money.

To be fair though marriage us romanticized as showing love but really ought to be something seperate and a financial arrangement that suits two people.

Marriage vows literally declare your commitment to each other, it is not romanticised, it is fact. I don't remember it being a declaration of a financial contract, nor should it be!!

I absolutely agree you have to be 100% on board though as it is not easy to disentangle yourself from it, it is certainly not as easy as walking away from someone you're not married to, taking your huge pension with you so that you can retire at a young age. If that's what floats your boat then, yes, marriage is not the road to travel down.

@Winter2020

“It isn't a problem in day to day life as I invest so much of it that we actually have very similar incomes after so we can only afford to live similar life styles then. It's just I am aquiring lots of assets intended for a early retirement and that is what is up Infront of the court in a potential divorce settlement.”

It will be a problem for your partner if you or they want to separate at some point and all they own are the clothes on their back - as they have no opportunity to contribute to a mortgaged property and entitlement to half the equity.

Won’t it also be a problem if you retire at 55 and they work another 20+ years.

I was surprised reading your update as I assumed you were already wealthy when you met but actually you have got wealthy during your relationship - albeit from your hard work. You seem quite happy working hard and buying assets for yourself. Your partner would be wise to move on quickly where hopefully they are young enough to get their own mortgage or a shared one with someone that wants to build a life together rather than separately.

There is nothing to stop them investing or building up equity in another property at all. If they own only the clothes on their back if the relationship ends despite have no essential outgoings that is entirely their issue. You can easily open a vanguard sipp, or indeed take on a mortgage, buy crypto or simply invest in a stocks and share ISA the stocks and shares over the last decade have massively outperformed property. The marital home isn't the only investment choice.

Not trying hard enough. You can spot this wind up from space.