To ask if your dh/dp can look after the children independently?

[Neonprint]

Can your dp/dh/father of your children look after them on his own? Two children aged 18 months and 4.5? Or just tow under 5. No additional needs or SEN.

If so for how long? What set up support would be needed if any? For example getting clothes out, sorting food etc. If he did look after them alone would he manage well or just cope?

Is this something which happens regularly in your home? Or would it be like you owed him something and he'd be a bit put out?

To be full transparent just having a conversation with a friend and she felt it's normal her dh can't really (doesn't want to) have the children on his own. When she is out of the house. I don't think this is normal and most fathers can do childcare independently even for pre school age. I look after the kids I know although I love them it's not easy!

I think she thinks what men can do and what they should ideally do are different. So is it unreasonable of me to think a father should look after two children that age? Not sure if I'm being unrealistic?

Perfectly capable of looking after them when they were young.

But my husband isn't a selfish, lazy, waster.

That's the difference.

My kids were similar ages 4 and 18 months when I took up a job 3 hours away from home. I would return on Friday evening and leave very early Monday morning. My 18 month old was breastfeeding at the time so just used expressed frozen milk until I got back.

We had a nanny to collect 4 year old from playschool and look after the baby when DH went to work.

We did this for 6 weeks until we moved to my new job city. DH then took parental leave for 19 weeks to help the kids settle in new place and childminder as I had to start a new job but he only moved offices.

He is well able and he isn't doing me a favour as they're his kids too. I did batch cook the lines of bolognese, stews, soups to help but that's that.

We're due another baby in three weeks and DH is already suggesting after my mat leave he may take parental leave for 4 months so baby will be 18 months before going to childcare.
I guess it is whatever suits people.

Yes, absolutely. I would also come home to a clean and tidy house and the washing done. He's a fully functioning member of our household and probably does more childcare and housework than I do.

My DH is a teacher and so consequently takes on a lot of the care of our three girls in the holidays when I’m still working. Of course he is capable and willing to do this. He’s their dad

@Neonprint

Can your dp/dh/father of your children look after them on his own? Two children aged 18 months and 4.5? Or just tow under 5. No additional needs or SEN.

If so for how long? What set up support would be needed if any? For example getting clothes out, sorting food etc. If he did look after them alone would he manage well or just cope?

Is this something which happens regularly in your home? Or would it be like you owed him something and he'd be a bit put out?

To be full transparent just having a conversation with a friend and she felt it's normal her dh can't really (doesn't want to) have the children on his own. When she is out of the house. I don't think this is normal and most fathers can do childcare independently even for pre school age. I look after the kids I know although I love them it's not easy!

I think she thinks what men can do and what they should ideally do are different. So is it unreasonable of me to think a father should look after two children that age? Not sure if I'm being unrealistic?

I breastfeed so snaps and sleep times are mine but even then DH has been able to look after him independantly since he was born.

Oh and he hates changing the baby's nappy because she's a girl and it's 'wrong ' WTAF

That’s fucking horrible. I can’t work out if he’s twisted or just coming up with a sick way to get out of changing his daughter’s nappies.

I can and did.

My Dad did but these events were few and far between. That he talked about them is testament to how rarely he did. I think because it caused my Mum extra work she quietly discouraged him/stayed in.

I’m retired and my wife is away looking after her sick parent.

Some of our similarly aged friends and my Mum are wondering/worried that I can’t feed/look after myself.

DSs are 5 and 1, DH would be fine in the day but struggle in the evening/overnight as DS2 is still breastfeeding. I'm sure in an emergency he'd cope though, just not get that much sleep!

We have 2 under 4 & yes he can adequately look after them alone, of course. BUT I do usually dress them/pick out clothes before, only because they look bloody awful if he does.

[quote IrmaFayLear]@LimeCoconut -you changed every nappy together?!?!? Has neither of you had to work? Multiple times a day you both trot off to the changing mat? Bloody hell. That sounds like a pair of plonkers, rather than evidence that you love your child “better”. How insulting.

My df was a traditional sort of father who went to work on the 8.04 every day and did the garden, diy etc... but he was the most devoted father anyone could wish for.[/quote]
I thought it would go without saying that we do that stuff together when we both can, like I said with bath time, rather than someone assuming I literally meant we’d jointly changed every single nappy together haha! Obviously need to be a bit clearer in the future so I don’t upset the hard of thinking, thanks for the tip

Definately not normal. Though my partner once assumed I'd be cooking for my step kids even though I didn't live there (maybe because I'm female? It's not because I like cooking or am good at it as I'm crap). I put him straight now he knows he cooks for his kids on his weekends. I'm not his maid.

So yea he can look after children alone as I don't help 😂

Of course he can look after his own kids. He can take care of all their needs, be loads of fun, discipline them - everything a parent should do.

I find it incredible that so many people accept this idea that men can't take care of their families. I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't take care of his kids.

Just for a counter view point I’ve got three: one 10 months and the other two 9 and 12yrs. The older two have mild SEN. At the moment I would find it really hard to cope on my own with all three of them for an extended period. I go to bed with the baby so I can get some sleep and DH puts the other two to bed a few hours later. We also share the school run: homework help and DH is very good at keeping an eye on screen time / behaviour etc. He also does all the diy/ garden and house maintenance stuff o struggle to do with a baby strapped to my chest. I’d be totally lost if he wasn’t here.

Of course he could and has done all through our lives (they're not children anymore now) for however long is necessary, weekends, days, nights. He's a great father, every bit as good a parent as me

Yes of course he could and did when our children were young enough to need looking after. We are co-parents, he is not another child that needs looking after!

I really detest this pandering and infantilising of men. They have brains and are perfectly capable of parenting if they can be arsed and if they are allowed to!

I have 6 children, their father would not look after them on his own or otherwise, ever.
My lovely dad however was happy to look after all of them at once. As soon as I stopped feeding he was happy to have them all.
When my husband died and I had to work to keep us my dad offered childcare for me, on his own until my mum retired

He could. They might end up with more screen time than I'd give or he might do something silly like the other day when he put porridge in the bottle instead of milk but he'd soon figure it out and I trust him.

@MedusasBadHairDay

YANBU men are just a capable of looking after children on their own - the problem is that so many of them act incompetent in order to get out of it because they are lazy fuckers.

Do they act incompetent or do they just not meet the mother's overexactlng standards? I think there is a difference.

It's a bit like when women say their husbands don't clean the house. Maybe they just don't see the need to dust every day/week/hour?

My dh would have done his best, but always worked very long hours 6 days a week when dds were small, so didn’t (couldn’t) usually do much. Would probably have been a bit clueless at first but would have managed.

My SiL, no problem. He’s always been a fantastic, hands-on dad.

Do they act incompetent or do they just not meet the mother's overexactlng standards? I think there is a difference.

I would imagine there's men who fit into both those brackets

Yes, of course. I sometimes travel for work for a week/8/9 days at a time, and he does it all.

I do leave a schedule for him, i.e. Brownies Tuesday 7pm stuff, because he doesn't know their timetables as instinctively as I do, but apart from that he's great.

I thought it would go without saying that we do that stuff together when we both can, like I said with bath time, rather than someone assuming I literally meant we’d jointly changed every single nappy together You did literally say that you until a year and a bit always changed nappies together. Not sure how anyone would interpret you saying always changed nappies together as meaning anything other than you always changed nappies together. Which does sound a bit bonkers.

I have a 3 and 1 Yr old with dh.
I could go away for a week and he wouldn't bat an eyelid.
OK so the house wouldn't be as clean as I'd do it, as I'm mega fussy and he's be useless with laundry as he's colorblind which would worry me as again I'm particular.
And for the snae reason id prob set out their clothes so they look OK together rather than a miss match. But that's it.

Why the actual fuckety fuck do women reproduce with men like this? And why do they accept it? And how do they think same sex parents or single dads manage? How the fuck is it socially acceptable to imagine that having a penis renders you incapable of caring for a small child?
This is so far removed from my experience of LITERALLY EVERY MAN I KNOW. Why are you associating with/marrying/enabling these men????