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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what it is about “no overnight stays till 17 May” that is so hard to understand?

821 replies

HaveringWavering · 29/04/2021 16:22

So many colleagues and acquaintances merrily talking today about plans to go and stay with relatives for the bank holiday. Nobody has any shame. We’re waiting till the 17th. Does nobody care any more?

OP posts:
GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 30/04/2021 08:17

Sorry cross posted with above poster.

That's what I was trying to say we are following what a professor says and not assuming rules is rules and some arbitrary date thing - indeed the 10th or the 17th is a bit irrelevant really.

Original poster
HaveringWavering · 30/04/2021 08:18

Especially if there's a chance they can "beat the crowds" or "see my own mum in her garden" etc.

Seeing your Mum in her garden is not against the law.

OP posts:
Original poster
HaveringWavering · 30/04/2021 08:19

That's what I was trying to say we are following what a professor says and not assuming rules is rules and some arbitrary date thing - indeed the 10th or the 17th is a bit irrelevant really.

No you’re not. You are literally doing the opposite of what he is asking you to do.

OP posts:
GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 30/04/2021 08:23

@HaveringWavering

That's what I was trying to say we are following what a professor says and not assuming rules is rules and some arbitrary date thing - indeed the 10th or the 17th is a bit irrelevant really.

No you’re not. You are literally doing the opposite of what he is asking you to do.

You know what - you do you and I'll do me.

I'm looking forward to a lovely weekend. Whatever you chose to do and with whomever have a good one.

Lubiluxe · 30/04/2021 08:31

Is it law or guidance? I don't even know anymore. They've confirmed this week that there is plenty of evidence that transmission is limited with 2 vaccinated people and the only reason they aren't stopping social distancing at the moment is because it isn't fair to us younger ones who haven't yet had the vaccine.
I truly worry about the people who think everything will magically be OK or different in 2 weeks. It won't. There will be an element of risk but a low one.
I've got a friend coming over for a couple of hours this weekend, she is vaccinated (both) and we will both take a test in the morning. It's the first time I've broken a rule in this way but I'm over it now. Going to be selective and make sure testing is done but we are going for dinner anyway where will be Sat on the same table so what difference is jt?

nancywhitehead · 30/04/2021 08:31

To be honest I think no one is being unreasonable here.

It has been a crappy year and everyone is struggling with their mental health.

I'm a rule follower myself and I am waiting patiently until late May to go and see my mum, who I haven't seen since last Summer. It's painful as we are very close, but part of me just agrees with it being for the greater good that we just give it another three weeks.

But some people don't have that kind of patience, or those emotional reserves to be able to wait. I can only be sympathetic really... I don't agree with what they are doing but I know why they are doing it and why they are fed up.

I think we all just need to have a bit of compassion for each other.

tigger1001 · 30/04/2021 08:32

@Queenie24

To be honest I’ve lost track of what we can and can’t do. It’s confusing my teens can spend al day next to their friend at school in a class room yet can’t go to their house where there is a lot more space between them. We can use public toilet that have to stay in the garden of family.
This!

The rules have stopped making sense. And when that happens compliance falls.

My eldest can now play full contact football matches, so 22 (plus subs) in a match but can only play with 6 others down the local park, despite spending most of his time in close quarters with the same kids at school.

I no longer know what rules I am meant to be following. No longer know what is guidance and what is actual law, and given the number of covid fines which end up getting overturned neither do the police.

SergeiL · 30/04/2021 08:33

Prof Van-Tam said: "If two people who both had two doses of vaccine, and have both served at least 14 days after their second dose, then I would be highly confident scientifically that if they were reputable vaccines then indeed it would be incredibly safe for those two people to meet."

As at yesterday, 14m have had their second dose. I don’t know how many will have been in the last 14 days. Based on the people I know who have received their second dose, they have all been in the last 14 days. So Van Tam’s advice applies to less than 14m people. Not the whole population.

TheKeatingFive · 30/04/2021 08:33

It doesn't really matter if you feel "we've done enough"

Of course it does. You only rule by consent. Extraordinary measures like lockdown were only going to be acceptable to the wider public for a certain amount of time and in certain circumstances. Compliance is going.

Spinningaround21 · 30/04/2021 08:34

I’m still following by guidance and I will be going away once we can but I can’t get bothered by other people’s actions.
.
Most people have followed it all for well over a year. Lots will be vaccinated. In some areas ( not mine as it has deprived areas where covid unfortunately is still spreading) covid is barely even a case or two a week. Hospitals aren’t full of covid, some including the one I work in have so few in now and admissions are barely nothing. It’s time for us to get some life back. It’s been a long lockdown.

If cases were sky high then I’d be annoyed because more risk in the home and close contact and infection rises.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/04/2021 08:41

If the government decides that no parent could hug their child for an indefinite period in order to "keep everybody safe" would you be prepared to do that? What if you weren't allowed to have them in the house? How long would you be able to go without breaking that rule? For me it's been 6 months. You want me to not hug my child despite the fact it is safe for me to do so in order that you can hug yours. Who is the selfish one is that scenario?

chelle862 · 30/04/2021 08:42

@HaveringWavering

Staying in a hotel for leisure purposes isn't, but I did

GoldDisco · 30/04/2021 08:42

It is only in the last few weeks that I have decided that I am no longer willing to do this for other people. As mentioned up-thread, I've worked throughout, had covid, got my jab and have stuck to the rules.

However, we've been told throughout that we are doing this for the elderly and vulnerable. Well, my elderly neighbours and my own parent don't seem to care very much about the rules. They have a constant stream of cars in their path, people in their gardens (nipping in and out of the house), clinking their golf clubs and bowls as they head out every morning. My dad plays bowls 4 times a week, golf twice, goes round to one side of the family and others on other days. Meanwhile, my younger DS11 has started to get down and shrink into his shell over the past few months and we are worried about him. His friends are further down the anxiety and depression slope. It's not on. My other son has worked hard all his school life and now his exams are screwed.

I am no longer prepared to do or let my DC do this for others at their own expense. I am going to do what is best for my family an no one else.

Temp023 · 30/04/2021 08:45

I am literally hurting no one by having my twice vaccinated DM here. So that is what I am doing!

Holidayaddict · 30/04/2021 08:46

Just a few short months ago threads like this would have been awash with people agreeing with the OP, outraged about rule breakers. It's refreshing to see how things have changed.

If I had somewhere to go, I'd be off this weekend like a shot. I've stopped following rules that make no sense. I've been going inside friends & family houses and they've been in mine, most of us are vaccinated, some double. Totally done with this now and I'm clearly not alone.

skirk64 · 30/04/2021 08:49

@Temp023

I am literally hurting no one by having my twice vaccinated DM here. So that is what I am doing!
Unless she's one of the ones who are vaccinated but still catch it, and you kill her?
Whatisthisfuckery · 30/04/2021 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tara336 · 30/04/2021 08:52

We can now holiday in the Uk travel around freely, work, wander around a shopping centre.... but not allowed an overnight stay with relatives or friends who we are allowed to meet up with, the “rules” are not making sense anymore. I have stuck by them religiously when I have seen others blatantly ignore them (especially when COVID rates were higher) I have no plans for overnight stays with anyone but if I want too I will because I like everyone else have had enough

TheKeatingFive · 30/04/2021 08:53

Unless she's one of the ones who are vaccinated but still catch it, and you kill her?

What a twattish comment. Hmm

Two weeks won’t make a difference to this. What do you want her to do? Never see her again for fear of killing her? This hysteria is utterly ridiculous. Mental health professionals will have their work cut for them in the next few years.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 30/04/2021 08:54

To @HaveringWavering and everyone saying things like "but it matters to the person who might get COVID" - when do you want restrictions to end? When case numbers are 0? So businesses have to continue to fold, people continue to lose their jobs, cancer patients suffer and people's mental health suffers until absolutely nobody - or 10 people, or 20, or 100 - has COVID? Remember less than 1% of people die after contracting COVID. Because the world has NEVER worked like that - we've never ever removed all risks to prevent just 1 life from being taken. Otherwise there'd be no cars on the roads, or dangerous jobs, or rock climbing, and we'd be in lockdown during a regular flu season.

So serious question - what will it take before you think it's fine for general life to get back to normal?

RuggerHug · 30/04/2021 08:55

Mumsnet is eye opening for stuff like this. You literally have a few weeks to wait until everyone is vaccinated and so many people are still going "Fuck everyone else, I DAHN WANNAAAAAAH BE DECENT ". A few weeks.

Original poster
HaveringWavering · 30/04/2021 08:56

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

To *@HaveringWavering* and everyone saying things like "but it matters to the person who might get COVID" - when do you want restrictions to end? When case numbers are 0? So businesses have to continue to fold, people continue to lose their jobs, cancer patients suffer and people's mental health suffers until absolutely nobody - or 10 people, or 20, or 100 - has COVID? Remember less than 1% of people die after contracting COVID. Because the world has NEVER worked like that - we've never ever removed all risks to prevent just 1 life from being taken. Otherwise there'd be no cars on the roads, or dangerous jobs, or rock climbing, and we'd be in lockdown during a regular flu season.

So serious question - what will it take before you think it's fine for general life to get back to normal?

A change in the law that lifts all the restrictions. Isn’t that obvious?
OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 30/04/2021 08:57

A few weeks.

You’re conveniently forgetting the year that’s come before this.

We’ve been constantly told we’re locking down to protect the elderly and vulnerable and/or the NHS. That’s been done. Lockdown was never about protecting healthy 20 somethings.

ConfusedAdultFemale · 30/04/2021 08:58

It must be hard living with such worry and indignation.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/04/2021 09:01

I don't give a flying fuck. Don't know anyone who does. Know a lot of people who've been having overnights for months. There's nothing magical about fucking waiting or 17 May.