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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely fuming - in laws

433 replies

I8toys · 29/04/2021 13:38

I just need to calm down before I take it out on my husband.

In laws are looking to downsize to our area - that's another thread on its own - not happy about it.

Heard a conversation between dh and them last night about popping around and parking outside our house whilst they went for a wander around the area. I said remind them I'm working please - ie don't knock on or come in. Oh that's okay we've got a flask they said.

Just finished a zoom with my boss and the door goes. Husband is at work. A delivery and my fil standing behind the delivery driver. WTF. Can we go the little boys room mil asks. What can I say no! So she goes to the downstairs loo and then they proceed to enter the house and wander around - looking in the garden. Still made no attempt to leave so to be polite I had to offer a cup of tea as they were here so long. Then they mentioned lunch but luckily it was too early.

So there I am answering emails whilst fil just chats away about eff all. They would never do this with my husband and his job but its as if they don't respect I'm working but just at home. It maybe an age thing.

I didn't say anything because I thought WTF but they aren't even supposed to be in my house. We're not in a bubble. They have had both jabs but I haven't. They could give it to me.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ItsCokeFFS · 29/04/2021 17:21

Why are people saying make them return the key? You didn't mention a key.

OP has said in one of her updates that she believes that they have a key to her house.

Original poster
I8toys · 29/04/2021 17:22

@derxa - sounds like a plan!

OP posts:
Dizzy1234 · 29/04/2021 17:23

Yanbu, my IL's pop in every Friday, oh is either at work or in bed if he's on nights, they know I'm wfh and my office is the spare bedroom, I'm hovering about needing to get back upstairs and trying not to be rude.
They have a key for emergencies 🙄
They've recently retired so they remember what it's like to have a job but because I'm at home they assume it's OK to pop in.
MIL used to work in a department store and used to say never to pop in and see her as her manager didn't like it as it was unprofessional.
I actually asked them not to come round before 4.30 pm and guess what happened the next Friday.....

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 29/04/2021 17:23

Op I didn't think of the moving close by angle! That's even worse isn't it Shock this is going to be awful, how sad though and embarrassing for them.

chaosrabbitland · 29/04/2021 17:24

yes your overreacting , do you hate them ? cos it sure sounds like it considering they are your husbands parents ! thats whats coming accross to me , that you cant stand them so its making a load of fuss about the fact the poor sods wanted to come in for a chat and then another excuse about the covid vaccine of all things , spare me , how are they going to give you covid unless they are infected ? im assuming they werent sweating away with a fever and coughing repeatedly ?

EL8888 · 29/04/2021 17:25

YANBU they sound annoying and rude. I would set your stall out now, before they move closer and start trying to landing themselves on you a few times a week.

My mum lives a fair distance from us (coincidence rather than design!). But she would boundary push if she lived closer e.g. can you and Mr EL888 move some furniture / collect some #### / take me to the etc etc. If l said we had other plans, we’re tired etc then she would be super peeved and moody -she’s forgotten what it’s like to work full time and have a busy life. In contrast my in laws live a mile or so away but are super respectful and polite. They wouldn’t dream of pulling any stunts, even in a dire emergency l know my MIL would say “would you mind please if....”. I know she had super annoying and invasive in laws so she is very keen not to be like that!

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 17:25

@BIWI

I know full well what ageism means *@CokeDrinker*. Don't be so patronising.
Not meaning to be patronising but if you did know what it means @BIWI you'd know full well that the OP wasn't ageist in the remotest, slightest sense. So it seems you don't. Nowhere has the OP showed any prejudice towards her in-laws because of their age, nor has she insinuated her in-laws age is the problem. Rather their inability to respect her place of employ is.
Batteriisincluded · 29/04/2021 17:26

Highly amusing how many here think that if you're working from home you will just be able to drop everything to brew up a cuppa and sit down with unexpected visitors. Are they really so unaware that there are people working away unable to take time out at the drop of a hat? My neighbour is in a virtual call centre with a target number of calls to take per hour. On the other side is a PA for a legal firm - working all hours at a frantic pace in a little garden room. I work part time, but when I am at the desk it's back to back virtual meetings and phone calls. I can pause the client for a couple of minutes to grab a parcel in, but I can't just down tools for half an hour.
My partner is busy in the garage knowing that customers will be back to collect their cars at agreed times later in the day. Is he supposed to be able to down tools, fall behind on work, to sit down with visitors too?
Or are there really so many women on here that genuinely think that work at home women can't possibly be working under pressure at home, so are able to put their feet up for a natter at the drop of a hat to entertain unexpected visitors?
Bloody ridiculous this place sometimes.

Alsohuman · 29/04/2021 17:26

derxa 🤣

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 17:28

Careful, you'll be accused of 'ageism' soon @Dizzy1234 lol.

EL8888 · 29/04/2021 17:29

@Batteriisincluded exactly. I’m working from home and would appreciate a long interruption. I would then have to make up the time, especially as we are so busy. My working day is long and draining enough already thanks! I think there’s a wider issue with people not realising working from home, is actually working from home

EL8888 · 29/04/2021 17:29

Would = wouldn’t!

Grapewrath · 29/04/2021 17:31

My mil used to do this. I lived in the town centre and she’d drop fil to work, maybe meet a friend and then expect to sit in my house until he finished despite me saying it was nap time for my toddler etc.
In the end I used to draw the curtains and ignore the door

Clydesider · 29/04/2021 17:32

Yes, they were rude, but your reaction is a bit over the top. You could have politely asked them to leave as you were working.

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 17:32

@Batteriisincluded

Highly amusing how many here think that if you're working from home you will just be able to drop everything to brew up a cuppa and sit down with unexpected visitors. Are they really so unaware that there are people working away unable to take time out at the drop of a hat? My neighbour is in a virtual call centre with a target number of calls to take per hour. On the other side is a PA for a legal firm - working all hours at a frantic pace in a little garden room. I work part time, but when I am at the desk it's back to back virtual meetings and phone calls. I can pause the client for a couple of minutes to grab a parcel in, but I can't just down tools for half an hour. My partner is busy in the garage knowing that customers will be back to collect their cars at agreed times later in the day. Is he supposed to be able to down tools, fall behind on work, to sit down with visitors too? Or are there really so many women on here that genuinely think that work at home women can't possibly be working under pressure at home, so are able to put their feet up for a natter at the drop of a hat to entertain unexpected visitors? Bloody ridiculous this place sometimes.
Yes, this! Forget 'ageism', there seems to be more than a fair amount of sexism on here. The wife works at home so surely she can make her in-laws a cuppa and entertain them (who cares about her boss on the other end of the computer).
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 29/04/2021 17:33

If you don't feel comfortable telling them that you're busy, blame someone else. "Well, they're not paying me to have a nice chat with you, so I have to get back before they wonder why I'm not working."

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 17:34

@Clydesider

Yes, they were rude, but your reaction is a bit over the top. You could have politely asked them to leave as you were working.
@Clydesider How as her reaction 'over the top'? If anything, OP's reaction was under the top, she was a doormat.
Whitchurch · 29/04/2021 17:34

As for people saying their DH would be furious if his parents weren't invited for a cuppa - what the hell has it got to do with him? He's not there. If he was he could make them a cuppa. Stepford Wives was a wrk of fiction don't we know?
Maybe they could be directed to husband's place of work next time they want a tea break and chat.

Eilethya · 29/04/2021 17:37

They're nearly 80?

How many other times in the history of you working from home have they dropped in and disturbed you? You say you hardly see them, so I'm guessing this is the first time?

At that age, they probably aren't accustomed to how people WFH and online meetings etc. They probably thought they were being friendly dropping in, and you offered them a cuppa so why would they leave immediately?

It's nice to be nice, pick your battles.

I WFH, at Director level, busy as fuck but if I didn't have any calls I wouldn't begrudge 20 minutes out of my day. And if I did have a call I would simply say "I would love to offer you a drink but I have a work call to take, I'll show you out so you can get on your way".

Take a breath, not work getting all pissed off about is it?

Eilethya · 29/04/2021 17:37

Worth*

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 17:39

Stepford Wives was a wrk of fiction don't we know?

Not according to some on here. Sexism is in. 'Ageism' is out.....or..... something. Confused Women are our own worst enemies when we encourage other women to see working from home as just a mere hobby or something that can be interrupted whenever anyone pops by.

Sceptre86 · 29/04/2021 17:40

Yes you are overreacting that being said they shouldn't have been trying to wander about your home. I would have said something along the lines that it was lovely to see them but shame you couldn't spend more time together as you were working and then ushered them out the door. Instead of reinforcing your boundaries you made them tea and sat with them. They were rude though.

sundowners · 29/04/2021 17:41

How is she overreacting? It was a working day, she'd only just come off a Zoom and despite specifically asking them not to bother you in the middle of it- they still do- and end up staying/lurking for ages. Its not ok. Boundaries net to be set and respected. They sound really irritating to me.

Howshouldibehave · 29/04/2021 17:42

I wouldn’t have offered a cup of tea-I would have said, ‘sorry to throw you out but I’m working!’

YoniAndGuy · 29/04/2021 17:57

Honestly, I would start telling them now that you are thinking of moving in the next couple of years.