SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

[Nevermindgeorge]

I’m also a Sahm to my toddler Dd, precious to this I taught/worked full time for 17 years.

Why are you a Sahm, did you choose to be? Are you happy, what’s your daily life like?

I feel like they’re often looked down upon, especially in the U.K. (I’m British but in another country) where it seems a fantastic thing to spend the early years with your child, which was my aim.

Surely at that point, you're an unemployed parent?

Economically inactive. Look at the unemployment statistics; it’s pretty obvious that everyone who doesn’t have a job is not counted within them.

@sanfranfibber

To some of the PPs on this thread, how can you be a SAHP to children of school age? Or any in childcare? Surely at that point, you're an unemployed parent?

To me, unemployed means "would like to be working but isn't". I mean, would you call retired people unemployed just because they're not working? Maybe I'll start saying I retired early instead

I'm a SAHM currently, have 5 children, 2 have additional needs. I worked full time in a really crappy job, not a career at all, for years. I didn't go back after my maternity leave with my 4th child and been at home since. DH has a good job so it was financially viable for us and with the SEN children they really needed me at home. Now they are getting older, 3 in school, one in nursery and the baby still at home full time I've just started a 4 year degree so that by the time they are all in school I'll have better job/career prospects. I love being at home with them, even though it sometimes feels like I'm going absolutely crazy and not doing a good job here. When I go back to work I want a career, I spent so many years in minimum wage, mind-numbing, work all hours jobs and I don't want to go back to that. If I'd have had a career before having kids I think I would have found it hard to give that up. I'm looking forward to starting a job I will enjoy and get to be an adult properly again.

I generally preferred the mum and baby groups that were more like chatting with the babies playing together than gazing into my babies eyes singing 'say hello to the sun' and find I bond with mums with a similar outlook and all of my best 'mum friend' work.

That made me laugh, same here @Llamasinpajamas!
I appreciate the explanation. Similar comments to yours always pop up on threads like this, as though workers and non workers are two separate species. I feel I'm the same person whether I work or not. I like the same music, read the same books etc.
All of the close friends I've made through my children work. I'm quite friendly with a SAHD and a Gran who does school runs but my youngest children are late juniors and most parents are back to work by this age.

I am absolutely loving it and don't miss the added stress and petty politics that work brought! I got off to a difficult and unplanned start as a sahm and sort of fell into it when plans changed. I had worked full time before for years so it really was a culture shock to leave after maternity ended. With dc1 i found it difficult the first couple of years and really questioned if i had done the right thing.
However i think it was more the major lifestyle change and having a baby to blame and i wasn't too well- now looking back i see that. As he grew older and i had dc2 i felt really happy and realised i had done the right thing. I feel grateful to be there for this precious time whilst they're little and fortunate to have the choice. I plan to go back to work though once dc2 in school at least parttime.

I am very happy as a SAHP. Sometimes I do miss my old colleagues but I don't find myself worried about my brain being used. In fact, the comment that my brain must be mush really annoys me now. Watching a child grow and working out how you can help them develop and feed those interests takes the same brain power that I used to use in the classroom. Except now it's my own child and I get to hear him talking about his day to himself as he goes to sleep . I'm not sorry that I didn't have that with 30+ teenagers, mind!

I think whatever devision you make there is guilt/cons and things you wish you had known or could have changed.

I am a SAHM, my dc are 9,11 and 13. I returned to work briefly when youngest started school as I felt judged for staying at home when my dc were in school. I did enjoy work for a short term but in reality it didn't work out for us. Childcare was too expensive, my DH did not have a 9 to 5, Monday to Friday job, he was self employed so late nights and weekends and we had no family support when dc were ill. I felt very guilty rushing them out the door every morning to attend breakfast club and then collecting them from afterschool to return home to the breakfast dishes still in the sink from that morning. Everything was hectic. My DH supported me in whatever I wanted to do so I decided to leave work and be a SAHM. I have a lovely life. I walk my dc to school and we chat, I meet my friend for a walk, have a nice brunch, clean the house and prepare dinner for all of us. Everything is calm and relaxed. It works for us and I made the right decision.

Really pleased to hear of all the people who look down on me as a SAHM.

The current fashion is not to be a SAHM but I'm sure in years, maybe 100s of years that'll change.

From experience, the parents I’ve spoken to who felt they “needed more” than being a SAHP were the ones who did the bare minimum with their children during the day. No wonder it’s tedious for some.

You get out what you put in.

Think this depends a lot on if you have a career you can easily slot back into when/if you decide to go back to work. As others said it does undoubtedly leave women (and its mostly women) vulnerable both financially and emotionally.... the years whizz by if you don't have a plan for when they don't need you as much you can find yourself left behind. Several of my friends are now in this position. I work part time which is a good compromise for now.

I absolutely loved my SAHM years. I went back to work, part time, when my youngest started high school.

They were the happiest years of my life and I'd do it all over again if I could.

To answer one of your original questions OP, about why SAHMs are often looked down upon- I think it’s because a lot of women perceive that there’s still a patriarchy around them, that equality between the sexes is a long way off, that they’re underestimated at work, etc, and they’d like to see that change. That’s unlikely to ever happen when a large group of women choose to opt out of working.

It is lovely to be at home with a baby/ child, but if that baby is a girl, it may not have such a lovely impact on her future.

@TownTalkJewels why would it negatively impact a daughters future?

I'm a SAHM to a 2.5Y and a 9m. It's often hard (particularly with COVID) but, yes, I'm very happy.

I believe it's by far the best thing for my children. We have lots of time outside exploring nature, we read lots, we grow food, we cook most things from scratch together, we sing and make music lots, we visit relations and do things to help other people, and have time to see friends.

I'd be so sad to miss out on these years, but most of all I think I'm the best person to raise my children and be their primary carer.

@Checkingout811

From experience, the parents I’ve spoken to who felt they “needed more” than being a SAHP were the ones who did the bare minimum with their children during the day. No wonder it’s tedious for some.

You get out what you put in.

I totally disagree with this. My mum was a SAHP. She put absolutely everything into it, and she was a brilliant, devoted and hard-working mum.

Sadly, being an amazing mum just wasn't enough for her. That certainly isn't a judgment on anyone else who is happy being a SAHP, but she needed more. She needed to use her talents in a way that wasn't possible at home, and she needed a purpose that was bigger than her own family in order to feel fulfilled.

People are different. They have different values, aspirations and expectations. It's actually pretty insulting to suggest that my mum's unhappiness as a SAHP was simply down to the fact that she didn't try hard enough.

@paralysedbyinertia I didn’t suggest anything about your mother. I said the parents I have spoken to....

[quote Checkingout811]@paralysedbyinertia I didn’t suggest anything about your mother. I said the parents I have spoken to....[/quote]
Yeah, but your implications were pretty clear...

@Nevermindgeorge

I just don’t understand why it’s so looked down on, especially in the U.K.? Isn’t it an amazing thing for a child to be with its mother? It’s not the easy option and as much as I’m so happy I’m able to be at home, it’s not a walk in the park! I found working much easier. I’ve contributed to the system for years and will do again, why do some look down their noses 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jealousy, probably.

I've been a SAHM since my first was born 8 years ago. Before that i was a housewife for the 2 years when i came to the the UK from Germany. I didn't find suitable work and volunteered for charities. I've always been asked whether I wouldn't get a job, 'you have a PhD after all '. But I really didn't want to rush and start rebuilding a career while my little boy was going to be looked after someone else. Every morning, I remember waiting patiently for him to finish his cheerios, picking one at a time, an thinking, who in the world would give him the time and freedom if not me. He has ASD and i'm glad I spent all that time with him while I could. Now he is at school and when back home he wants to do his stuff. I might be an odd one, but I thoroughly enjoyed home schooling him over lockdown.
I obtained a qualification when my 2nd was 2 and it broke my heart to pluck her outvifbthe cot and dumo her in the car many morning, she really liked her beauty sleep. I had another one after and since she was born, people keep asking me when i'll go back to make use of the new qualification .
Not meaning to offend anybody, but i
always thought, if orangutans, man's closest relative in the animal kingdom, spend 7years or so with their mums aren't our children deserving of at least 3 years when they are a lot more independent and confident?

Primary carer.... mums are the best primary carers they are even equipped to feed their babies, and if soemone denies that, they are just choosing to argue for the sake of it.

I was never aware that I was looked down upon for being a sahm, I was probably too busy raising kids and having a nice life

@Macncheeseballs best reply 👌🏼

@Checkingout811 I was talking about the gender pay gap as well as discrimination against women at work. Neither of these issues will change if women choose not to take a seat at the table.

That’s just my view- I wouldn’t approach a SAHM and try to impose it on them, as some people have reported on this thread.

I've loved being around for every school run, event etc and to welcome their friends back for play dates (we live near the primary school). They're 13 and 10 now but I'm still SAH due to now running around for elderly parents. So by default I kind of retired early! I don't know how people manage everything though.

@sanfranfibber

To some of the PPs on this thread, how can you be a SAHP to children of school age? Or any in childcare? Surely at that point, you're an unemployed parent?

here we go ...

@TownTalkJewels no that makes sense. Thank you for clarifying.