I have never been harrassed by strange men

[TunMahla]

On the heels of topic asking if you would walk alone in the woods, where many women say no, especially as a lot of them seem to have been harrassed by random strangers (I assume men) on the streets or in the countryside. See, it would never cross my mind to avoid going on my own in daylight as nothing bad ever happened to me yet. The only incidents that come to mind are being crudely chatted up by corner shopkeepers but I would not count that in the same way as I was not outside on my own. Perhaps it helps that in the nicest possible way, I am not conventionally attractive. I feel that I am in a minority here regarding harassment and would like to find out how small minority that is to better understand other women's experiences.
YABU - I have been harassed by strangers in urban or rural areas
YANBU - I have never been harassed

YABU attractiveness doesn’t have anything to with it. Men who do this do it to feel powerful/dominant over us because they’re sad and pathetic little weirdos.

As the pp said, I think you've just been very lucky. Nothing to do with your looks.

I haven’t really.

I've been harassed at a grand level, there was one summer I stopped going out because of it. I'm not a stunner.

I'm glad you haven't been, but to be honest, I do not know a single woman in real life who hasn't experienced it at some level. It is a problem and I'm a bit uneasy with something that reads as if it's trying to minimise it.

Your title is very misleading.

Your claim is that you've never had a nasty experience in woodland, very specifically.

You have been harassed by shopkeepers.

I don't know if I would walk in woods I didn't know near an urban area - but here in the countryside - I mean an oddball would have a heck of a long wait if he was looking for someone to harrass.

Lucky you

You are not everyone though.

I’ve been harassed in night clubs and bars but never by randoms when out in the daytime. I’ve voted YANBU based on that. I am about to take my dog out alone to the woods at 7am and I fully expect to be greeted politely and pleasantly by anyone I meet.

@lottiegarbanzo

Your title is very misleading.

Your claim is that you've never had a nasty experience in woodland, very specifically.

You have been harassed by shopkeepers.

This! Also, are you really of the belief that if it hasn't happened to you, it doesn't happen? I mean really? Or are you an idiot man trying to get a rise out of us?

YABU. Cos it’s happened to me (urban and rural) and I’ve got a face like a slapped arse

Thing is, I HAVE been harrassed, but it was when I was about 18 - 22 and it was rare.

I don’t think your question is nuanced enough. Some women get it on a weekly basis. Others like me experience nothing for years and years, bit still can’t say they never have.

It's not about how attractive you think you are, it's about cowardly, predatory men grabbing a chance to demonstrate their power.

I guess my title and question are not nuanced enough. You could indeed argue that I was harassed by those shopkeepers (and probably one or two guys at a club) but my perception of it was such that I did not feel threatened or worried. I knew I could walk off and just shrug it off. Which is not how many women feel who were followed home by some randoms or catcalled daily. So yes, the type of incident, where it took place and how frequently do matter. My statement should then be better phrased as "I have never felt threatened by a male's potential harrassing behaviour and male harrassment does not influence my current way of living."

When I was 16 I used to finish school early on a friday, and on the mile long walk to the bus station would be continually cat called/Vans beeping me etc.

A couple of years later I moved to a pretty rough area of london and developed some street smarts from the country girl I'd grown up as. I think my stance/demeanor changed as when I moved back home in my early 20s I never got any trouble after that.

These men are like dogs. They can smell fear/vulnerability/weakness that they can exert dominance over. That's not victim blaming, just my experience!

I have been harassed, groped, flashed, catcalled, you name it. In cities, towns, the countryside and in several different countries.

I would still not hesitate to go out on my own, in most areas of most developed countries. Life is too short to let asshole men constrain you.

yes been harrassed (lots) (& groped & jumped) but still go out by myself where I please.

I scolded, chased them away & shouted & reported to police.
Bastards aren't going to change my life.

I'm only very averagely attractive and I think that misogynist hateful toxic men sustain a greater narcissistic injury when they are rejected by an average woman (as they see her).

So, being only very average is no protection from sexist predators.

I think these entitled predators on one level 'get' that a beautiful woman has the right to reject them, even if that's only because as they see it, a higher status man could get her, not that the get she has the right to reject any man.

It's not just about attractiveness. I have been laughed at and shouted at in the street for being ugly. I had a man come over and put his arm around me to make his friends laugh. That is harassment too.

Lucky you. You’re in the minority by about 90%. Attractiveness had nothing to do with it.

You seem to be suggesting that women who are bothered by this are over reacting or not as "strong" as you. That's really not ok.

Well, following your second more nuanced question I think turning down men is a skill that requires nuance, unfortunately. You have to be able to do it in such a way that doesn't cause injury to a man with low self-esteem, doesn't come across as entitled or conceited, doesn't come across as too vague, too blunt.

My statement should then be better phrased as "I have never felt threatened by a male's potential harrassing behaviour and male harrassment does not influence my current way of living."

This is in 2 parts for me - I have been threatened and harassed by men, and seriously sexually assaulted on more than one occasion.

It still does not stop me from doing anything or going anywhere. I refuse to not do something because of other people's behaviour. I go out alone (most times) anywhere I choose and at any time of the day/night. It's my life, no one is doing to stop me.

NB: all of the times I've been assaulted have not been when I'm out somewhere alone, it's always been someone I know. Judging by that data I'm far safer with strangers!

I have been harassed so many times from minor to major incidents, urban and rural.

@SelkieIntegrated

Well, following your second more nuanced question I think turning down men is a skill that requires nuance, unfortunately. You have to be able to do it in such a way that doesn't cause injury to a man with low self-esteem, doesn't come across as entitled or conceited, doesn't come across as too vague, too blunt.

Fuck that.

And my behaviour is affected greatly by the potential for male harassment.