I have never been harrassed by strange men

[TunMahla]

On the heels of topic asking if you would walk alone in the woods, where many women say no, especially as a lot of them seem to have been harrassed by random strangers (I assume men) on the streets or in the countryside. See, it would never cross my mind to avoid going on my own in daylight as nothing bad ever happened to me yet. The only incidents that come to mind are being crudely chatted up by corner shopkeepers but I would not count that in the same way as I was not outside on my own. Perhaps it helps that in the nicest possible way, I am not conventionally attractive. I feel that I am in a minority here regarding harassment and would like to find out how small minority that is to better understand other women's experiences.
YABU - I have been harassed by strangers in urban or rural areas
YANBU - I have never been harassed

good for you, congratulations. you are our hero, have a biscuit and a tea with that.

The advice to look confident etc isn't great. There are plenty of these men who will be far more motivated to cause distress in someone who looks self assured. Though probably a smaller sample than those who would generally harrass.

@3scape

The advice to look confident etc isn't great. There are plenty of these men who will be far more motivated to cause distress in someone who looks self assured. Though probably a smaller sample than those who would generally harrass.

This is very true, given that's it's entirely about power in the first place.

Some of the experiences related here are horrifying, and anyone would be traumatised for life having been subjected to them... so sorry!

I guess my post was motivated by cognitive dissonance I have reading and hearing about how the majority of women feel unsafe and have to use various tactics to literally survive on the streets. It does feel sometimes I live in a parallel universe. I wondered if there were more women like me, who have not been significantly or at all harrassed and scarred for it, as people are more likely to report negative experience - after all "nothing bad happened to me" is a non story.

Reading and thinking through the replies, there are certainly some women just as lucky as me. But it does seem to boild down to a lucky combination of factors. Like in my case I spent my childhood and adolescence in a sleepy, small European town and only lived in good parts of student-y mid-sized cities in the UK. I have a butt face and am tall so perhaps not so volnureable to predators from physical point of view. I do only use public transport and until lockdowns I was often out and about on my own but that again is probably just luck. I have to say I am on the spectrum so maybe these kinds of experiences do not resonate so much, especially when abroad? Because having read one of the replies comparing men to dogs, I did remember appalling behaviour from men in Istanbul when I was backpacking there on my own out of season, who groped me and openly propositioned me, as I was fair game to them as a solo Western tourist. I remember complaining about this to the guy who run my hostel (an "enlightened" nice Turk) and he rolled his eyes and literally called them dogs, advising me to never look them in the eye as they treat it as an opening. That strategy helped a little but was totally different to how I was treated in big cities in eastern, conservative regions of Turkey where men acted shy around me and I did not hesitate to ask strange men for help and was well looked after. So another factor is certainly local culture. I guess since this was a holiday in a foreign country, it did not colour my perception of British men but would defo feel differently if this happened repeatedly here.

Oh another one, went on a date with a man after meeting a Xmas party. On said date he kept ordering me alcoholic drinks, I had 3 full glasses in front of me at one point. I’d had one and then realised what he was doing. Got a taxi home, in hindsight I should of got a separate taxi, I told him repeatedly he was not coming in my house. We stopped on my street, he got out the car, I had to ask the taxi driver to wait as he’ll be getting back in, luckily the driver did wait. Date tried to kiss me. Date got back in the taxi in a huff. Text me the next day multiple times apologising and asking to meet up, I just ignored them but my mum felt ‘sorry’ for him and felt I should give him another chance!! WTF!

I think the behaviour is normalised so much that even women sometimes don’t see it, as the case of my own mum in my last post

Yabu to question the validity of other women's experiences just because you are lucky enough to not have been harassed yourself

I have been harassed loads. Happens much less often now that I'm overweight to be honest but in my early 20s I was reasonably attractive and was slim and willowy.

About 10 years ago I was actually grabbed by the crotch in broad daylight in a busy street in my work clothes by a man walking past.

I’m no looker and I don’t dress scantily so there’s nothing for any guy to have a go about.

I was wearing a hoodie and jeans when I was raped. You need to educate yourself.

I’ve never been harassed in any way. I’m no looker and I don’t dress scantily so there’s nothing for any guy to have a go about. The only person to ever have a go at me was a fellow woman! The only example of sexist behaviour I’ve experienced was from a woman, against women. Honestly, I avoid other women like the plague but men are generally fine.

Fucking hell.

Mother's strategies. All tried and tested by me.

" Mr Surname, if you ever do/say that again I will tell Mrs Surname".

" I am going to pee right here on your car seat /carpet/floor"

You wake at night hearing intruder ; Shout very loudly " JIM, wake up, JIM, help".

Always have an escape fund so that you can leave.

You do not need to "dress scantily" to be harassed and assaulted either. Misogynistic nonsense.

I wonder why the only person to “have a go” at you was a woman

So sad to know that a woman's mother wants her to chase after a man who made her feel uncomfortable. Years ago my friend's mum triedto persuade her to give it a go when the bf of her friend came on to her 😲 my friend had been single for along time and her mum thought this was awful and was so desperate for her to be with somebody she wanted her to go out with a man who came on to her while he had a girlfriend! My friend"s friend!

I've been harassed since early pubescence. Comments about my crotch and breasts, comments about my looks, followed by groups of men or single men, groped in public and been stroked (hand along by back or hair). Harassed by workmen, men on the street, in daylight mostly. Harassed by bus drivers (when I was 13 one offered to take me home), harassed by my peers, groped at school, comments about my body by boys. Harassed by drunken groups of men on public transport and in bars and clubs including bouncers and staff. Threatened and aggressively harassed as well. Sexually harassed at work as well.

I walk alone in the woods every day 😐

Have I been harassed or assaulted by men? Many times in my teens and 20’s but hardly at all in my 30’s.

Do I feel safe walking alone? I do, but I live in a pretty safe area and I’m sure I’m too old and ugly for anyone to want to sexually assault me.

Looks in the main don't matter. When I was a young woman I was harassed by men I did not know. It has happened to me everywhere. Im in my late 50s and have still encountered weird men. What I will say is, given the type of nature I have they didn't often do it twice. I was fortunate to have a wonderful dad, ahead of his time who had great respect and liking for women as people. He dinned it into me not to take s* or harassment from any man. From my view point, harassment of women happens or happened to nearly every woman I know. I can be pretty assertive when needs be. However, I still assess situations and things like the young woman murdered going home and the lady recently murdered in Kent still upset and concern me.

@SelkieIntegrated hopefully times are changing. I will be having very different conversations with my own children, equally important for my son as well as my daughter

How fortunate for you. Most women have, however, been harassed or even assaulted at some point.

OP it sounds like you have been harassed quite a few times. I think women can vary in how they feel about this because

a) some 'brush' it off as a coping strategy so for example laugh along at men who make sexual remarks in the street. Sometimes internalised misogyny comes into this, so women believing they are safe because they're not wearing a short skirt etc.

b) are harassed but the events don't cumulate into the level of fear other women experience. So for example I was sexually assaulted as a teenager and so in future incidents I have had knowledge that an incident can 'turn' - it's always in the back of my mind. Some of the incidents you describe might feel very scary. I think that this is common for many women and I think it's something men don't understand when they minimise certain incidents as 'minor'. They are not minor because they are all abusive, and designed to make women feel powerless.

That said I refuse to allow this to stop me going about my business. For me this means I go out on my own at night, run in the dark etc, but I know this means different things to different women

@FrancesHaHa also I really thought this was just how things were, as a teenager especially, so have brushed things off but still felt unsafe

Not in a woodland no
But when riding a bike.. Iv been shouted at and laughed at

In a club iv had guys grab me, spin me around to face them and laugh and make vomit sounds..... This has happened 3 times on 3 different nights out
One of them my friend then pushed one of them up against a wall by his throat till he apologised..

Online when I havnt responded to a guys comment how they wanted me to.

And they are the tame ones.

I'm all so a big lady... ( though I have lost 4 stone woop) who is not particularly beautiful ethier.

I would say youv just been very lucky. It's nothing to do with looks

I was first propositioned by a man when I was 13. I was wearing my green school duffle coat and was waiting for my mother (who, incidentally, chased him halfway across the park when she heard, calling him 'Dirty pig' and threatening to wash his mouth out with soap ).

My brothers took it in turns to teach me various punches/throws etc after that.

I've been groped, pinched, had my bum slapped more times than I can count, had men trying to hang onto my arm, block my way out of doors, follow me down the street, catcall...you name it, it's happened.

I was stalked and then raped by an ex-boyfriend.

I took up karate 17 years ago and would now consider I have a better chance than most of being able to do something against an attacker/harasser. This only means, though, that instead of seeing a strange man and being wary, I can now feel wary AND size up potential strike points. I don't think I'll ever feel fully confident that an attack of some description isn't going to happen.

I haven’t been harassed.

People should be able to look how they want to and how they naturally are without abuse. I don’t think it is wrong to try and identify situations where it is more likely to happen - if we can target funding to catch more perpetrators.

I’d support people thinking about ways we can gather evidence and prosecute people who harass others. Unfortunately I think it is one of the things it is hard to get evidence for. Also harsher punishments for those who are convicted. I wonder whether body cams might be an idea?

I’m fat and unattractive. I just get abuse shouted at me.