Perimenopause: why did I not know I’d feel this shit?

[CaptainAwkward]

Christ I’m tired. It feels exactly like the bone deep aching fatigue of my early pregnancies (definitely not up the duff before anyone asks!)

Why isn’t common knowledge how rubbish it can be? Well, it’s obviously the patriarchal medical/social model that dismisses ‘women’s problems’.
I’ve got the GP in a couple of weeks who has my blood results and will hopefully prescribe HRT.

Any tips?

HRT has been life saving for me. I cried after 24 hours on it at the thought of how shit my life had been for so long. I am lucky in that I don't have to see a GP and be dependent on whatever their opinion is, I am abroad. Please don't let a GP fob you off, they are not Gods. It's not a massive thing to prescribe, it's OTC and 40p a box here. Whatever happens, ake sure you get what you want. And don't even listen to bollocks about evening primrose or homeopathy.

I haven’t RTFT but have you tried vitamin B and a high dose of iron for your fatigue OP?

I’m jealous of those who can take HRT.

But why try unproven remedies when there is a perfectly good treatment for the condition? I don't understand the UKs tendency to avoid bothering doctor.

Another thing has been migraines that have made the vision in my right eye go. It stays fuzzy for a while then slowly returns
I had this, without the migraine. Scared me to death. Turned out to be part of the anxiety trip. These anxiety attacks stopped more or less once I was fully menopausal although will still experience it mildly once in the blue moon. The eye sight going down in one eye is always part of it. I’m under ophthalmology care and no issues with my eyes.

The thing about the menopause is that more than any other physiological states, it is very personal. Everyone’s experience is mildly or widely different, same with how our bodies and mind react to treatments.

It’s about finding the right regime for YOU. It might be standard HRT, it might be a slightly different take to it, it might be trying different ones. Or it might be taking up Yoga or mindfulness, making significant changes to your life to manage stress.

This is what’s hard going through it. It helps to talked about it and share experiences, but it is also about focussing on yourself and your own circumstances.

Doctors do their best but because it is indeed different for everyone going through it, they understandably find it hard to provide a tailored treatment after only 1 or 2 10mns appointment.

I’ve found self education best, and then speaking with an expert who can support our decision on treatment and provide assurance of its safety.

I had a lot of these symptoms but the rage was the worst. I was at the point where my behaviour was so odd I was worried I'd be arrested.

I had earlier asked for the pill and was told that at 44 and sterilised it wasn't an option. I tried various herbal and OTC remedies without any improvement.

At 45 I went to another doctor and told her how bad I was and that my behaviour was, frankly, dangerous. I asked for HRT and she explained that it can take time to sort out the right one or the right dosage and recommended the anti-depressant Escitalopram. I immediately bristled at this as I was sure I wasn't depressed and had heard that women are often fobbed off with anti-depressants when their hormones need dealing with. The GP gently and clearly explained that she wanted to provide immediate help for me and that low dose Escitalopram specifically is known to help in such cases. I decided to trust her and I'm very glad I did because honestly it changed my life within days of starting.

I know this isn't going to be the answer for everyone but neither is HRT. There is no perfect solution for everyone in this situation so I think we have to be open to trying different things. I'm so much more stable that I'm no longer bothered about OTC solutions or HRT. As long as the Escitalopram works I'll carry on taking it, even if it's forever.

@vivainsomnia

Another thing has been migraines that have made the vision in my right eye go. It stays fuzzy for a while then slowly returns I had this, without the migraine. Scared me to death. Turned out to be part of the anxiety trip. These anxiety attacks stopped more or less once I was fully menopausal although will still experience it mildly once in the blue moon. The eye sight going down in one eye is always part of it. I’m under ophthalmology care and no issues with my eyes.

The thing about the menopause is that more than any other physiological states, it is very personal. Everyone’s experience is mildly or widely different, same with how our bodies and mind react to treatments.

It’s about finding the right regime for YOU. It might be standard HRT, it might be a slightly different take to it, it might be trying different ones. Or it might be taking up Yoga or mindfulness, making significant changes to your life to manage stress.

This is what’s hard going through it. It helps to talked about it and share experiences, but it is also about focussing on yourself and your own circumstances.

Doctors do their best but because it is indeed different for everyone going through it, they understandably find it hard to provide a tailored treatment after only 1 or 2 10mns appointment.

I’ve found self education best, and then speaking with an expert who can support our decision on treatment and provide assurance of its safety.

I had this yesterday as well. It's happened a few times. Someone told me it could be an ocular migraine. I was anxious and teary and lose peripheral vision for periods of time. Yesterdays episode was strange, as it was almost like crescent moon shaped bits were blurry. Like I was looking through some kind of filter. Couldn't see my phone screen or what I was typing

As mentioned above, with new visual disturbances - you should get this checked out if it's something you've not spoken to your GP about before.

This thread has been so reassuring; perimenopause has really ambushed me in the last few months and I sometimes wondered if it was just me! I feel very unprepared for it all, and woefully ignorant.

Irregular cycle (currently every 3 weeks!), pre-period back pain which I never usually get, increased anxiety, drop in libido.
I initially thought it was an end-of-winter / SAD / lockdown pressure thing but am now wondering if it is indeed peri.
I'm 44, healthy, no other symptoms but the GP has agreed to do a blood test to rule out anything suspicious.
I've started taking Vit D and am re-considering my diet/exercise/work etc. Essentially, though, if the bloods come back clear, and my FSH etc levels look normal-ish, I guess I just do what I can?

@bottersnikes
If your bloods come back normal but u have peri symptoms u can still ask for HRT .
I’m 44 bloods were normal but I had many symptoms of peri xx

I watched this quite recently. Dr Louise Newson, menopause expert, The Menopause Charity. Was an eye opener for me. I plan to discuss with GP when full lockdown ends here, (am not in UK).

m.youtube.com/watch?v=I_j7SvaMIJA

www.themenopausecharity.org/

I agree if you can @grantoderek but not everyone can take HRT due to having had breast cancer or a family history of it.

Sharing GP- recommended supplements is also helpful.

My symptoms for two years have been severe. Yes, perhaps my fluctuating hormones are what have sometimes brought me relief coincidentally at the same time as I happen to have just started taking evening primrose and homeopathic bollocks.
However, I recently went five days without my homeopathic bollocks and by day 3 was being woken again by surges of adrenaline and 'butterflies'. Day 4 was worse. Day 5 I bought more bollocks, and so far, now on day 7 post bollocks, I'm sleeping well again.

Bloody hell, ive learnt more about perimenopause reading this thread than from anywhere else! Most things ive read seem to focus on hot flushes which ive not really had but my goodness, the joint pain and weak wrists and ankles are horrendous as is the rage! I spoke on the phone with the surgerys womens health nurse who said HRT would make my periods come back so I didnt pursue it but having read this and a book ive just bought by DR Rosemary Leonard i dont thinks entirely accurate so ive made another appointment where im going to ask for HRT. Even this lack of information gives me the rage!

Tips

1. Insist on receiving some form of hrt to try and not as pp being fobbed off. I spent a year being fobbed off and it just got worse.
2. Try hrt and don't be disheartened if the first option doesn't work for you. I started on patches and while there was a teeny improvement I still felt crap. I'm now on a gel treatment and I can feel the difference after just a week. I could cry with relief.
3. Take menopace. I've heard great things about it so I've started taking this too and I'm feeling great. Not sure if it's the menopace or the hrt but I suspect it's both!

Good luck x

@Claphands

Bloody hell, ive learnt more about perimenopause reading this thread than from anywhere else! Most things ive read seem to focus on hot flushes which ive not really had but my goodness, the joint pain and weak wrists and ankles are horrendous as is the rage! I spoke on the phone with the surgerys womens health nurse who said HRT would make my periods come back so I didnt pursue it but having read this and a book ive just bought by DR Rosemary Leonard i dont thinks entirely accurate so ive made another appointment where im going to ask for HRT. Even this lack of information gives me the rage!

I get regular periods - no surprises and they started normal but now I bleed lightly for 2-3 days (prior to HRT it was heavy)

This is an excellent thread as I’m not convinced that this isn’t something that’s starting to happen for me - periods incredibly light (been on the pill for years which made them more regular, but they have become so light over the last few years that I couldn’t even tell you the last time I bought sanpro). My skin is definitely drier as more itchy too.

The nurses at my GP surgery have been excellent, and have recommended staying on the pill for as long as possible then switching to HRT if I want. Bring it on, I say - the pill changed my life from having incredibly heavy and irregular periods, so I’m fully intending Togo down the HRT route and anything else that will work.

I’m intrigued by this “Oh you’re only delaying the inevitable” though - do people stay on it, or op an you come off once you’re post-menopause?

I was offered HRT post peri menopause ( once my periods stopped completely after a year)
I refused it and things are better now naturally.
I know I'm lucky ( peri was awful , mostly period related )
Never rule it out though.

There is absolutely no need to come off HRT at any particular age.

My mum is 69 and is still on it. She is evangelical about it! Says the only way they're getting it off her is to prise it from her dead hands!! She had some trouble with a very young newly qualified female GP when she looked for her repeat prescription last year. The GP insisted at her age there was no longer any need for it. My mum is well informed and went privately to a specialist menopause clinic (well she had a zoom consultation due to covid!) and the doc assured her it remains of great benefit to her and gave her a prescription. Also wrote to her GP practice. Since then she's been able to get another prescription from her GP so they must have listened! My mum looks fab for her age, beautiful skin and says she feels wonderful, puts it down to HRT having suffered with awful peri symptoms for years before discovering it.

I am 47 and fully intend to take HRT when I feel I need it which I feel will be in the next 6 months

The lack of good reliable information and the overwhelmingly negative notions that lots of people seem to have about peri and HRT is shocking. Women really need to read up on this, it's terrible that we need to go to GPs armed with all our facts but that's the way it is. Hopefully in time GPs will catch up but until then do your own research and don't be fobbed off.

It's the link to breast cancer that makes a lot of women turn down or not be offered HRT ( so my doctor told me)
I just didn't want to take it personally , but others have told me it was a life saver for them.
Peri symptoms are very much overlooked I think or just written off.

Sorry to jump on this but I feel like I’m in the Peri menopause and I’m only 31. I had a baby two years ago and stopped bf 8 months ago and since then my periods are truly awful. They are closer together 28 days instead of 35+ I have hot flashes and insomnia the week before , extreme fatigue and bad mood & complete loss of libido. My gp told me I’m too young and told me to either take the pill (which I’m too worried to take because of weight gain) or increase my antidepressants which I’ve done and it hasn’t helped. I feel so down that I know in a couple of weeks it will all start again.

To add my symptoms are there throughout the month but just way worse the week prior to the period . I honestly can’t carry on my life like this.

My gp told me I’m too young and told me to either take the pill (which I’m too worried to take because of weight gain)

Is it worth trying? I was always worried about weight gain and I'm maybe, at most, one dress size bigger than I was when I started (I was an 8/10 now I'm a 10, maybe a 12 as I don't like clothes to be too clingy). But some of that will be due to being quite a bit older and not having been to the gym for 18 months!

Pressed send too soon...

I would also say that going on the pill changed my life immeasurably for the better - mine used to be so painful I could barely walk, and required painkillers that made me just want to sleep all the time. On top of that they were incredibly heavy (I was using Super Plus stuff and it was never enough) and unbelievably irregular; they could be as little as three weeks or over five weeks AND last up to 10 days, which is a LOT of your life spent worrying about whether you're about to flood everywhere (long flights were particularly stressful, as was the sport I do that requires light coloured clothing). Did I mention the PMT that made me want to kill people and tits that felt like they were going to explode they were so swollen?

According to some women, this was just normal and should be endured Fuck that.

Went on the pill and my periods were incredibly light by comparison, lasted 4-5 days, I knew almost to the hour when it would start and the PMT all but disappeared. The first brand I tried didn't suit me as I got very weepy but the nurse put me straight on another type that I've been on for years. You'd have to prise them out of my cold, dead hands.

Not read the whole thread yet, but has anyone read 'Perimenopause Power'? A friend recommended it to me recently and I though I'm only halfway through it, I feel I've learnt an awful lot about the whole process, and also about HRT (and its largely undeserved reputation as harmful).

Quite simply the best thread on mumsnet.

Was thinking I was going mad, depressed - tbh the menopause never entered my head.

I feel better just realising my issues have a reason.
Thank you lady