Perimenopause: why did I not know I’d feel this shit?

[CaptainAwkward]

Christ I’m tired. It feels exactly like the bone deep aching fatigue of my early pregnancies (definitely not up the duff before anyone asks!)

Why isn’t common knowledge how rubbish it can be? Well, it’s obviously the patriarchal medical/social model that dismisses ‘women’s problems’.
I’ve got the GP in a couple of weeks who has my blood results and will hopefully prescribe HRT.

Any tips?

I got no help from GP. In the end I battled about 4 years of absolute hell with no support except from my husband and family. No one talks about it and no one wants to talk about it. Also watch out for a bl**dy hellish condition called Vaginal Atrophy. Please look up the NHS website about it. I had visited GP about issues down below, was told to use lubricant, that was it. I had no idea VA even existed until I had to go into hospital for another gynae issue. Turned out I had severe VA and have been on treatment for it on and off ever since. The other advice I would give is ask to get your thyroid checked as thyroid issues can 'mimic' menopause.The ignorance of GPs about menopause is astounding. Sorry to say my GP was female. If men went through this there would be plenty done. I found all my information online and I bought two books on the subject. There are many more symptoms than you think. Good luck to all women going through it. Some women will be fortunate to have few symptoms, sadly, I wasn't one of them and it badly affected my mental health.

@CaptainAwkward

Another thing has been migraines that have made the vision in my right eye go. It stays fuzzy for a while then slowly returns.

Also random peeling skin on my nose (?) not sunburn though.

These can be hormonal and I also suffered from a hemiplegic migraine which mimics a stroke and is very frightening . The neuro eventually diagnosed it as being hormonal . This was the beginning of my perimenopause I believe . I am on HRT and have been for several years (now in my 60s) and will stay on it despite GPs who have no idea . I have to get read the riot act once a year during the "review" . Google Dr Tina Peers .

Interested to read that dry eyes is a peri thing. It’s been driving me mad!

I only had flushes. Gosh, I am so horrified to read all of what others went through.

My GP put me on HRT at 50, when I was peri-menopausal, because of the flushes - I was doing a particular job at the time where I needed to be on the ball so I agreed. However the HRT gave me migraine (hemiplegic, like the poster above), so I stopped it after a few months. The flushes came back but they were always in the evening and one late at night.

Other than that, I was the same as ever. Never had itching, aches, vaginal atrophy or anything like that.

Bone density is fine, I know that because I had a lot of skeletal X-rays following a nasty accident a little while back. I didn't appear to have broken anything but the hospital sent me for x-rays to check.

I wonder if there is anything hereditary about it because my mother was the same and very fit up until she died. Her menopause was easy too, she only had night flushes.

I realise I was very, very lucky and am thankful. Something else will eventually get me no doubt :-).

The doctor I spoke to yesterday said there was no evidence base for effectiveness of antidepressants for peri menopausal symptoms.

Bagamayo1 - I wanted HRT, not antidepressants and there was no reason I should not have been given it. My GP said that I wasn’t peri menopausal on the basis of a one off blood test, so I am afraid she wasn’t accurate in her information.

Finally a thread that talks the real talk. I havent read it all but i wanted to add my lightbulb moment.

Peri is really sh... for me as I cant even have HRT as I am on tamoxifen 😢

My first born is a teen and getting the all the signs of starting her periods soon.
We were discussing puberty and I told her that I was getting through a reversed puberty - we were talking about mood swings and body smells etc.

So my lightbulb was that i wasnt alone and she wasnt alone. So a big 👊🏻 To all of us women and girls we re all sisters and super to support each other.

All of the symptoms everyone has mentioned + weird pain that mimics endo but isnt't.

I don't respond well to hrt so I have a cornucopia of supplements that I've finally figured out the right dosage and timing for:

• Vit D, Vit B12, iron, Vit C and magnesium every day (at different times)
• A supplement specifically for menopause/perimenopause that contains Black Cohosh among other things. I take a higher dose in the 10 days before my period and stop during my period as it can prolong bleeding.
• CBD for mood swings & anxiety
• Omega 3 oils for joint pain

I feel like a walking apothecary but it's all worth it to function like a normal person instead of drained raging aching Yeti.

‘Drained raging aching yeti’ . That about sums me up!

I’ve had pretty much all 34 of the ‘peri symptoms’ on the road to menopause. Worst parts of peri for me (in no particular order):

1. Rage, oh the fucking rage
2. Huge sadness and regular despair
3. Crime scene periods
4. Boobs like inflamed udders

Best things about peri:

1. There’s very little I give a shit about anymore.

Peri is the gift that keeps on giving.

To answer the original OP, my sense is that this all used to come under the heading of 'the change' when (IF!) discussed. There wasn't as much understanding about the peri Vs 'full' stage.
Also, a PP said HRT prevents osteoporosis, dementia, heart disease - it may reduce the risk for some, but not prevent.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/hormone-replacement-therapy-hrt/

(I'm sure you'll all forgive me saying 'original OP' what with my foggy brain and all)

Jesus the brain fog! I am seriously struggling to organise my thoughts at work. I used to be smart, but my brain works so slowly these days...

When the itching got unbearable at night, I found taking a Piriton tablet helped me - it makes you drowsy and eases the itching.

Drs need a far better understanding too. I was asked if I'd thought about wearing layers of natural fibres to control hot flushes. I don't think a cotton t-shirt was going to help me deal with head to toe sweating that looked like I'd got out of the shower on the hour every hour!

And that was a young female Dr! I do wonder if she'll cringe at the absolute shit advice she doled out when she gets to peri menopause
and finally realises what it's all about.

I could barely walk down the stairs a year or so ago my feet, legs, hips all achy. Had terrible driving anxiety on the motorway like dizzy spells.

Now I take Vit D3 with K2.
Menopace supplements
Magnesium complex
Iron (prescription as Ferritin was low)
I also take a very low dose of Fluoxetine anti Depressant every other day.

My driving anxiety which bothered me the most as I travel often has completely gone.

In fact I feel the best I have felt in many years (Im 51). Like a dark cloud has been lifted. I don't get the foot and leg aches any more and feel so positive in general. I wouldn't discount trying HRT either if need be.

It was my GP who suggested the Vit D3 and Magnesium by the way. Hope this helps, its worth a try.

Can I just say that not everyone feels shit with PM so you are in no way at fault or naive for not expecting it. Apart from the occasional hot flush at night I barely noticed it. I think that was partly because I had entered a new and exciting phase of my life at that time going to uni for the first time when I turned 50 but I did well there so there were clearly no memory problems.

I agree with PP though, if you are suffering don't be fobbed off by your GP.

I started HRT at 39. Best decision ever. I'm staying on it forever now . I'm on testosterone as well now (prescribed off licence) because my level was virtually undetectable. I can now exercise again.

My symptoms were (still are but much diluted)

The rage. Days 9-11 and 21-period
One-day long Niagara falls periods
Cycles from 21 to 42 days long on a random basis
Dry skin
Sore gums
Exhaustion
Crying for no reason
Bloating/digestive issues
Aching joints
Recurrence of rheumatism that I last had post-natally
Zero libido (that's not resolved but I'm suspecting it's not hormonal...)
Migraine
Memory loss
Getting lost half way through a sentence

There are probably more but I'll have forgotten.

To get HRT I went private initially. That doctor wrote to my GP and now my normal GP is fully on board and my prescription comes from the NHS. The initial private appointment was the best £160 I've ever spent. The testosterone is only available privately but a box lasts a whole year and works out at under £5/month.

Glad to worked for you.
But for me - any may others on the thread - hrt is contraindicated.
My "period" yesterday was only a few smears as I wiped but it explains the migraine I had on Tuesday.
I also describe peri as "reverse puberty" its a very accurate explanation I think!

Jesus the brain fog! I am seriously struggling to organise my thoughts at work. I used to be smart, but my brain works so slowly these days...

This was the symptom which caused me to stop "putting up with it" - cognitive function and aggravated insomnia (I've always had periodic insomnia but this was endless).

HRT was my sanity saver.

When you really think about it, women sure drew the short straw when anatomical characteristics were being given out! Puberty, periods, pregnancy, breastfeeding and menopause! Much too one-sided!

Can I gently ask anyone with persistent tummy bloating to consider getting checked to rule out ovarian cancer please? The symptoms are vague - NHS link at bottom of post.

Not trying to scaremonger (have peri also, so this thread is so welcome!), but I remember being shocked at medical school at the low diagnosis rates. A friend’s mum died terribly young with it too, and it easily dismissed as peri or menopause or just being a silly woman.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/ovarian-cancer/symptoms/

@AmandaHugenkiss

40 btw, and apart from the fatigue I wish someone had warned me about the crippling anxiety. It’s deeply shit.

I'm 40. How do you know if anxiety is caused by hormones not Covid life?

You don't really @Love51
Just like a few pp have said, not all of these things we experience will be down to hormones.
If you've other peri symptoms, it could well be, but see a Dr if it's causing problems.

@Molly499

I suffered terribly for ages, my doctor begged me not to have HRT because apparently when you come off it the symptoms are much worse and you are just delaying. I tried some homeopathic stuff with some success but the thing that worked for me was a drug call Abufene which you can buy over the counter in France - www.soin-et-nature.com/en/menopause/9277-abufene-400-mg-menopause.html

The information is in English but I have not found it in the UK so would buy it online once I was back in the UK. This literally saved my life and I took it for years with a reducing dose, no hormones so no risk of breast cancer of which I have family history.

I would urge anyone on HRT to have frequent mammograms as the link to breast cancer is quite bad.

This is appalling advice. The increase in breast cancer with HRT for low-risk women is approximately the same as the increase in risk from drinking a couple of glasses of wine a night (and very few people think twice before doing that!)

I agree @pico1
It also does not delay the menopause that is a myth !