Perimenopause: why did I not know I’d feel this shit?

[CaptainAwkward]

Christ I’m tired. It feels exactly like the bone deep aching fatigue of my early pregnancies (definitely not up the duff before anyone asks!)

Why isn’t common knowledge how rubbish it can be? Well, it’s obviously the patriarchal medical/social model that dismisses ‘women’s problems’.
I’ve got the GP in a couple of weeks who has my blood results and will hopefully prescribe HRT.

Any tips?

@romany4

I completely agree with you! I'm 49. Wen in peri about 4 years now. I thought peri was irregular petiods, feeling a bit hot and mood swings. I WAS SO WRONG!!

I had no idea of the crippling fatigue, the migraines, the aching joints, itchy skin, stinging lady garden, gastric issues, anxiety...the list goes on.
It's shit...

My goodness, that sounds horrendous! I had nothing like that.

I hope you are over the worst of it now romany.

Yes @NellePorter
Ovulation is when hormone levels change - even before perimenopause I knew when I was ovulating - always got a sharp pain, and felt off. Looking back, there was about 1 week in four when I actually felt ok in my forties - that was the week after my period finished.

I often had a sore throat when I started my period. Interesting my DDs, both in their 20s have the same.
Any one else?

It's the migraines that do my nut in. I've done IVF and had a migraine for about 2 weeks between starting down downregulation and starting progesterone so I suppose I could have predicted that it would be my number 1 perimenopause symptom. I used to just get it on the last day of my period, now it's from about the second day till 2 or 3 days after. I suppose I should go to the doctor. But see after recurrent miscarriage and IVF and pregnancy (albeit 10 years ago) I really just can't be arsed with it. The condescension, the fighting with GP receptionists. Fuck it.

@SophieB100

I sympathise with each and every one of you. Please take all the help you can. I struggled through my forties with the symptoms you have.

The light at the end of the tunnel - two weeks before my 50 birthday, it all stopped. No more mood swings, periods, itching, pain.

All I can say is my 50s were much easier than my 40s because I was out the other side.
It does get better - but I agree there is not a lot of info out there about what to expect.

I didn't take HRT - I did take herbal supplements - Menopace - which helped with flushes etc., and mood swings.

I can remember not going out for days, because I couldn't leave the bathroom, and the cramps etc., were horrendous.

Friends at the same age who did take HRT found they had all the symptoms when they stopped the HRT - it just seemed to delay it. So, if you go down that path, and I don't blame you, make sure it suits you long term.

I worry about this - HRT since I was 45 has sorted out my sweats and aches, but now I'm 47, how long can I take it for and if I stop will I be back to the beginning again?

The worst thing I had was chronic itching down below to the point of making myself bleed and giving myself eczema with scratching— started when I was 49 and at 59 still get it on and off—no one tends to mention this— so I thought it was just me- clearly not! I know initially too I was far too hot all the time as well, I really wanted separate beds if I’m honest. I should have gone for HRT but smoked and to be frank the idea of giving up at a point I felt like total shit just seemed insurmountable.

Blood tests are useless for diagnosing a need for HRT, they can only show levels on a day and may indicate onset of menopause. If HRT is the answer for you be prepared to try several different types before you get the right combination and ingestion method. Menopause clinics work on treating symptoms, not blood hormone levels.

If you are lucky, your GP will have menopause knowledge and/or refer you to a menopause clinic for problematic symptoms. If you have a GP who dismisses you with "all women go through this" then ask for a second opinion.

TBH even with a good GP NHS services for women's ailments are so limited that if you can afford it consider paying.

Another thing has been migraines that have made the vision in my right eye go. It stays fuzzy for a while then slowly returns.

Also random peeling skin on my nose (?) not sunburn though.

I have knee pain too, I thought it was from the extra stone of post-baby weight, maybe not. I'm going to try yoga and foam rolling to see if they help. Think the baby was a last chance saloon baby! It feels bizarre to be peri when I have a young toddler.

Omega-3s are meant to be good for menopause. Although I don't have hot flushes, I'm always cold, think it could be a thyroid issue but blood tests are normal.
www.healthline.com/nutrition/menopause-diet#foods-to-eat

The itching! I can’t sleep for itching. It’s seriously a form of torture..

@SophieB100

I often had a sore throat when I started my period. Interesting my DDs, both in their 20s have the same. Any one else?

Yes I always have a dry sore throat in the couple of days before my period & my daughter does too. Also insomnia

I actually felt unwell with it. Fatigue, depression, anxiety, palpitations and brain fog.

Get HRT. It is life changing. I was taken off it because of a heart attack (not caused by HRT) but bloody miss it.

Cooking dinner in your bra is acceptable. Also eating dinner in your bra.

Why isn’t common knowledge how rubbish it can be?

Because it isn’t like this for everyone. If you are feeling really rubbish maybe you need to see the GP to rule anything else out. Migraines were an issue for me, but now I am well past the menopause they are a thing of the past. Although I still get the odd headache, they were nothing like the stinkers I used to get 10 years ago.

As a 62 year old I want to reassure you that you will feel much better once you are through it.

Well I have just braved it out. Can appreciate why people take HRT and there was a point when the hot flushes were so shit I was nearly phoning up the doc but managed to avoid it. Not sure why It didn't appeal to me. Now I am through the other side at 53 and its so good not to have to bother with a period [ mine were ridiculously heavy] and my hot flushes have mostly disappeared. I can think more clearly now but have suffered from headaches way more and Ive always been an anxious person so not sure if the menopause had made that worse!
Anway, I started menopause in my late 40's. Just to say, you will get there. Glad I didn't take HRT. For me, its a natural process and I just wanted to keep it that way.

Oh, well, I did not know fatigue could be part of it. Why does nobody talk about it?!

Itching? U can get itching with it? I've just been complaining that I'm very itchy in the evening/night but just put it down to my many allergies. I'm having to take an antihistamine at bedtime as well as in the morning.
Is itching really peri-menopause?

Everyone should be aware of the risks of NOT taking HRT before 51, as a minimum.

You can take HRT forever.

Osteoporosis, heart disease and dementia are prevented with HRT.

Does anyone have any good tips for hair loss? I swear mine is receding around the sides, feels coarser too.

I’m taking Vit D spray and B12 tablets which do seem to have perked me up a bit, but this hair thing is worrying, it was fine enough to begin with so I can’t afford to lose any! Would HRT help?

I'm 52 and haven't had a period for 4months now.
I had a coil fitted 2 years ago which cured the horrendous periods but as the months have passed I've changed a lot.
I've lost confidence in my work, changed my role twice in the last few months due to stress if I'm honest (however I've been on a covid ward for most of last year so some of the stress could be due to that?).
I feel like I've got imposter syndrome most of the time.
I'm generally argumentative and quick to get upset. I cried once because a girl at work made everyone else a cup of tea and I convinced myself she hated me, and then I saw that she had made me one and left it on my desk.
I want to move house, then I don't, then I do. (I've lived here for 25 years and love this house).
I've taken up swearing.
I can't find comfy clothes, everything fits wrong, even pyjamas annoy me.
I think I've developed a scowl and a "dont fuck with me" attitude.
I'm exhausted in the day, then wide awake at night.
Just about the only thing that brings me joy is the dog, I've fallen out with the cat because she leaves hair on the sofa.

HRT didn’t work for me at all. My GP prescribed a low dose anti depressant that I’ve been taking for two years now, along with some supplements, and the symptoms are a lot more manageable.
The crushing fatigue was the absolute worst thing.

@ArabellaScott

Oh, well, I did not know fatigue could be part of it. Why does nobody talk about it?!

Because it isn't the same for everyone. A lot of my friends are going through it, and their main issues are the hot flushes and brain fog, not fatigue or anxiety.

@HumphreyCobblers

Oh god that is exactly my experience. My go offered me anti depressants, so I have a private appointment with the newson clinic in half an hour.

Other symptoms include inability to focus, palpitations, insomnia and massive rage. It is shit.

Actually, fluoxetine (an antidepressant) has been shown to help with menopausal symptoms. No need to imply your GP doesn’t know what they’re doing.

@BillieSpain

Everyone should be aware of the risks of NOT taking HRT before 51, as a minimum.

You can take HRT forever.

Osteoporosis, heart disease and dementia are prevented with HRT.

Amen. This is what annoys me about people saying you can ride it out without HRT.

Can I just ask of anyone has had weight gain with HRT? I just cannot face weight gain. Struggled to lose 2 stone and have 1 stone to go, so I could not handle putting it all back on again.

I'm 49 and think at the very beginning of my peri journey (periods heavier last, few months and I'm currently a few days late, which never happens).

Same!