Private school 'culture'

[TooManyAnimals94]

Will try and keep this fairly brief whilst still giving enough context. I'm a freelance riding instructor at a stables attached to a private school so most of our riders are pupils there as well. I've been teaching there for the best part of four years and they have always been happy with my work etc.
On Saturday I started a lesson with one of her regular riders and her mum was not happy about the pony she had been put on. He is 'too slow' apparently and her daughter had been doing incredible things at another RS over Easter. In my professional opinion the girl is a fairly capable novice but not exceptional and the pony is safe and suitable for her. I said that it was too late to change the ride list but if she was unhappy I would talk to the manager about an alternative next week. She still wasn't happy and demanding refund. Again I said that would have to be requested in writing to admin as I couldn't authorise it. Started lesson anyway and after several interruptions from the mum I had to say that I couldn't continue if she was going to keep calling me over and not letting me teach. We called it a day and I got the girl to dismount and I put the pony away. This mum then follows me onto the yard ranting about how I'm unprofessional, the stables are not up to scratch for not having another pony available, our ponies are obviously all unsuitable and being very derogatory towards me personally. I kept my cool and said I was sorry she felt that way but I couldn't have that conversation if she was going to keep verbally abusing me, our horses and the establishment. She stormed off then came back AGAIN from the car park to continue having a go. Again I calmly asked her to leave and express any concerns in writing.
Anyway, I have now seen the email chain that has gone between the mum and my manager and the school have bent over backwards to accommodate her, offering a different pony, timeslot and instructor. She has refused all because she doesn't think any of the ponies offered are acceptable so she won't be coming back. I said to my manager that I thought this was unacceptable...she should have been told to take her custom elsewhere after her behaviour. Verbally abusing staff when they have done nothing wrong is not ok. She said that because of the school they had to be seen to be accommodating...why??? I'm not naive, I know money talks but if this woman had behaved like this towards her daughter's history or maths teacher...would the school have had the same reaction? I haven't said anything else to my manager but it's not nice to feel totally unsupported when I have always given my best to that place.
Is this a thing in private schools? I appreciate the customer is always right but up to the point where they are verbally abusive? If it was a restaurant she would have been asked to leave and not return.
Thank you if you got to the end.

@emilyfrost

Too many people in customer facing roles have forgotten that they are there to be at the service of the customers. School staff are servants to parents and DC.

Ahh, there we have it. @SpringTides5 is a troll.

Must be. Especially since she has ignored all my points directed at her.

DH is a senior lawyer at a top firm and he and his colleagues adopt the ‘client is always right’ mantra

@SpringTides5 without giving away too much, my company’s motto actually says we are there to serve the customer. And we do. But that does not mean they are always right. I still call the shots and expect my customers to do exactly what I ask them to, and have the power to deny them service, remove them from my workplace, and even put them in handcuffs if they are really out of order. And some of them pay a lot of money for our services!

The attitude in the original post is not confined to parents at private schools. I remember a parent having a row (in front of the pupils and parents) at sports day, because the Headteacher didn't award her son the cup for best sportsman. This was a bog standard state school. The Headmaster did not give in to her.
In a similar state school I often got notes from parents (well certain parents) saying things like 'change Kate's book' or 'mark Billy's homework'. Rude people exist everywhere.

I think the women is entitled and rude

But was she treated differently because her child went to private school. Yes highly likely the stables is a business and a private school can potentially mean lots of business coming their way

It’s not only at school that privately educating children allows them more privilege (though something that many underplay or don’t like to discuss)

@SpringTides5

So should OP have let the child ride on the horse she wanted despite it having done its maximum number of hours that day? Or disrupted the lesson to go and get another horse, or swapped all of the kids around?

What if the child was not competent enough for the horse she wanted? Should op have let her on it anyway because she wanted to?

How far does being a servant to the client go?

Surely acknowledging the mother’s concerns and explaining that although it was not possible that day, if she puts her concerns/views in writing they would look at what can be done is an excellent way of dealing with the problem?

@Watermelon1234

Personally if there was genuinely no alternative horse available, I (and the head at the DCs' school) would have expected the instructor to offer a grovelling apology, immediate refund of lesson cost and travel expenses.

I would also have expected a free extended session the following week with a horse of the customer's choice and different instructor.

This story is at the heart why i detest private schools. The sense of entitlement here is nauseating. Money sadly makes some people feel they are better than others and hence they literally throw a wobbly if they dont get their own way. Sadly, this sense of entitlement then gets passed on to there kids for the rest of the world to put up with.

I can see some posters are trying to minimise and/or ignore the vert real issue of the entitlement culture that absolutely exists in private schools and fuels this type of behaviour that the OP experienced.

Would email your line manager about the incident, briefly and factually describing what happened and what the woman said. And ask for information on the policy of the organisation you work for with respect to protecting staff from verbal abuse (or worse!)

@SpringTides5

I would say it is the other children who had their lesson repeatedly disrupted who deserve the refund and apology.

The mother did not need an apology unless the riding school had already agreed to let her dc ride a particular horse and that had been ignored.

[quote SpringTides5]@Watermelon1234

Personally if there was genuinely no alternative horse available, I (and the head at the DCs' school) would have expected the instructor to offer a grovelling apology, immediate refund of lesson cost and travel expenses.

I would also have expected a free extended session the following week with a horse of the customer's choice and different instructor.[/quote]
In short you would be a CF who makes a fuss about nothing in order to secure a freebie.

@bookworm1632

So she sends her daughter to a private school.

What else is unique about this woman? Does she drive a Merc? Maybe this is a thing with Merc drivers?

Is she overweight? Could be a problem with large people?

Or maybe she's skinny - well they're ALWAYS troublemakers aren't they...

Or perhaps it's an accent? Anyone who talks differently .....

It's a reasonable question the OP is answering because essentially if you are a parent at a private school you are a client. OP isnt asking if the woman is an asshole...we all know she is. Shes asking whether or not the school's response is due to the private school dynamic where parents fund. We might all answer the question differently but the question is fair enough and is not a "are private school parents assholes?" which you seem to have misunderstood it as

Just a very rude woman

@SpringTides5 lol I'd expect you to get to get to fuck (nicely of course)

I know money talks but if this woman had behaved like this towards her daughter's history or maths teacher...would the school have had the same reaction?

I've worked at two different private schools. Short answer, yes. Unfortunately, the same also applies to most state schools as well.

@SpringTides5 is a troll.

There are people who are as rude and entitled to think they can be abusive just because they’re paying but they’d be too ashamed to admit it.

@Dozer

Would email your line manager about the incident, briefly and factually describing what happened and what the woman said. And ask for information on the policy of the organisation you work for with respect to protecting staff from verbal abuse (or worse!)

I have done this and pointed out that all riders and parents sign a code of conduct contract in which I'm pretty sure 'being respectful to staff' is specifically listed.

@SpringTides5
Still not sure what I should have grovelled about and not even sure how I would go about that. I'm not a natural groveller...maybe there is a course your husband runs that I could join?

[quote SpringTides5]@Watermelon1234

Personally if there was genuinely no alternative horse available, I (and the head at the DCs' school) would have expected the instructor to offer a grovelling apology, immediate refund of lesson cost and travel expenses.

I would also have expected a free extended session the following week with a horse of the customer's choice and different instructor.[/quote]
Honestly @SpringTides5 you are just making yourself look entitled and stupid and frankly a bit up yourself. Actually, a lot up yourself. To demand an extended session on a horse that’s more than the child can handle shows an ignorant disregard for the horse (there is only so long a horse can be ridden for, and the crapper the rider the shorter that time is,) the instructor (just plain rude towards a professional attempting to safeguard the child under their supervision,) and the child themself (it can be terrifying being overhorsed, and a longer session on something that is not suitable is not conducive to confidence building.) You clearly have no idea, and that is why you SHOULD respect the professional judgement of the riding instructor. If you can’t manage that, and it were my riding school, I’d let you go as a customer- far too much of a liability.

And surely offering a grovelling apology when nothing has been done that is wrong is just pandering to her entitled behaviour.

My husband is a principal and once had a parent complain that they hadn't won in a rugby tournament even though she was paying 26 grand a year. The fact that her kid was a lazy git and it was a UK mediocre aspirational school was totally lost on her. And the executive head at the time apologized and assured her the head of PE would be given a rollicking whilst the really nice schools with parents who turn up in crappy old cars held together with binder twine and never mentiontion their titles tend to be delightful if a little forgetful.

YANBU, OP!
I'm sorry to say that you have encountered what is known as a "high maintenance parent" (a.k.a. a pain in the arse). Every private school has its share, unfortunately, and rest assured that the staff are only too well aware of who they are!

The only time I have ever heard someone say 'do you know who I am?' was at the open day at Hampton Boys School. Chap in shiny car tried to jump the queue and when challenged by the caretaker on the gate bellowed those words. An existing parent, it turns out, who clearly thought that paying squillions in fees entitled him to Lord it over staff and wannabe parents. We carried on with the tour but it confirmed what we suspected - that we didn't want to join that club.

@SpringTides5

At private schools- the parent and DC are the clients. It is up to the school and teachers to meet their needs and expectations.

This is overall much better than state schools where teachers have no incentive to satisfy parents. In private schools, teachers know they simply won’t have a job if parents aren’t happy.

As I say, this system works better overall but does lead to a few unfortunate situations where a parent behaves slightly unreasonably. Not worth getting annoyed about though.

If I was OP I'd be annoyed. What a horrible position for a professional riding instructor to be put in