Private school 'culture'

[TooManyAnimals94]

Will try and keep this fairly brief whilst still giving enough context. I'm a freelance riding instructor at a stables attached to a private school so most of our riders are pupils there as well. I've been teaching there for the best part of four years and they have always been happy with my work etc.
On Saturday I started a lesson with one of her regular riders and her mum was not happy about the pony she had been put on. He is 'too slow' apparently and her daughter had been doing incredible things at another RS over Easter. In my professional opinion the girl is a fairly capable novice but not exceptional and the pony is safe and suitable for her. I said that it was too late to change the ride list but if she was unhappy I would talk to the manager about an alternative next week. She still wasn't happy and demanding refund. Again I said that would have to be requested in writing to admin as I couldn't authorise it. Started lesson anyway and after several interruptions from the mum I had to say that I couldn't continue if she was going to keep calling me over and not letting me teach. We called it a day and I got the girl to dismount and I put the pony away. This mum then follows me onto the yard ranting about how I'm unprofessional, the stables are not up to scratch for not having another pony available, our ponies are obviously all unsuitable and being very derogatory towards me personally. I kept my cool and said I was sorry she felt that way but I couldn't have that conversation if she was going to keep verbally abusing me, our horses and the establishment. She stormed off then came back AGAIN from the car park to continue having a go. Again I calmly asked her to leave and express any concerns in writing.
Anyway, I have now seen the email chain that has gone between the mum and my manager and the school have bent over backwards to accommodate her, offering a different pony, timeslot and instructor. She has refused all because she doesn't think any of the ponies offered are acceptable so she won't be coming back. I said to my manager that I thought this was unacceptable...she should have been told to take her custom elsewhere after her behaviour. Verbally abusing staff when they have done nothing wrong is not ok. She said that because of the school they had to be seen to be accommodating...why??? I'm not naive, I know money talks but if this woman had behaved like this towards her daughter's history or maths teacher...would the school have had the same reaction? I haven't said anything else to my manager but it's not nice to feel totally unsupported when I have always given my best to that place.
Is this a thing in private schools? I appreciate the customer is always right but up to the point where they are verbally abusive? If it was a restaurant she would have been asked to leave and not return.
Thank you if you got to the end.

[minniemomo]

Just someone who thinks their kid is more special than any other and the world owes her. You find them all over the place.

I must admit I did withdraw my dd from weekly riding lessons because they didn't seem to encourage the kids to make any progress, just kept taking our money - I went elsewhere for a trial lesson with another child and they were cantering etc, back at their old school it was mostly walking and the manager was completely insistent they weren't ready for the more advanced class so we swopped schools. I'm wondering if that happened here sort of

[Peppaismyrolemodel]

[quote SpringTides5]@emilyfrost

Clearly abuse and rudeness should be discouraged and advised against.

However, parents at private schools take their DC's education very seriously and are paying tens of thousands of pounds to the school for them to deliver a high quality experience.

There may therefore be times when they will become emotional and angry if they feel the provision is not up to scratch or a staff member is not meeting the DCs' needs.

This may take the form of abuse of emotion towards teachers and staff. This is something that happens in every walk of life- DH is a solicitor and will occasionally have clients being rude due to stress.

It is something that simply has to be accepted. The best approach is to make soothing noises to the parent concerned- it's certainly not a matter for removal.

[/quote]
‘Abuse is not reason for removal’; ‘soothing noises’?!

Not everyone is such a wet blanket you know!

[ClarkeGriffin]

How have you never experienced an idiot like this before when working in riding schools? MOST of the parents are like this with horse riding. They are sometimes completely insane, they want their child to be completely safe, but jumping 1m as well. They tend to have exaggerated views on what their child can do too. Saw one idiot buy his daughter a horse that was too much for her, send her off to a big show and she got walked all over by the horse and lost very, very badly. They haven't lost hope though on her being the next big eventer or whatever they want.

This isn't specific to private schools. This is just an example of an insane parent when their child does a sport.

[Peppaismyrolemodel]

@ClarkeGriffin

How have you never experienced an idiot like this before when working in riding schools? MOST of the parents are like this with horse riding. They are sometimes completely insane, they want their child to be completely safe, but jumping 1m as well. They tend to have exaggerated views on what their child can do too. Saw one idiot buy his daughter a horse that was too much for her, send her off to a big show and she got walked all over by the horse and lost very, very badly. They haven't lost hope though on her being the next big eventer or whatever they want.

This isn't specific to private schools. This is just an example of an insane parent when their child does a sport.

This is so very very true. Also for: history club; debating-trophies; cadets; spelling tests; sitting in playground doing not much 🤷‍♀️

Anything parent finds a bit of status in.

[backinthebox]

@SpringTides5
Hilarious and appalling at the same time.

However, parents at private schools take their DC's education very seriously and are paying tens of thousands of pounds to the school for them to deliver a high quality experience Yes, because the parents of poor ignorant state school rarely take their children’s education very seriously at all. After all, if you can’t (or don’t want to) pay, why even bother? 🙄

There may therefore be times when they will become emotional and angry if they feel the provision is not up to scratch or a staff member is not meeting the DCs' needs. Like giving their child the fastest pony/lead part/captain of the cricket team role, and damn the other children! If their child doesn’t get their needs (no matter how unsuitable or ridiculous they are) the parent of a child who is paying tens of thousands for the experience has no other option but to literally throw themselves on the floor wailing and gnashing their teeth. Poor kids’ parents know their place, doff their caps, and shuffle on by.

This may take the form of abuse of emotion towards teachers and staff. This is something that happens in every walk of life- DH is a solicitor and will occasionally have clients being rude due to stress. Maybe your DH just gets some fucking rude clients. Do any of them have kids that go to riding lessons?

It is something that simply has to be accepted. The best approach is to make soothing noises to the parent concerned- it's certainly not a matter for removal. No it isn’t! Do you seriously think that people who have more money should be humoured in spite of terrible behaviour? In many cases it’d be doing them a favour to give them a taste of the world the rest of us live in where you get somewhere based on merit, not how much money you have.

I’m looking for a school for DS atm btw, so if anyone has a list of these schools where the more you pay, the more you are allowed to treat the staff like shit, and I’ll know to avoid them.

[Mojoj]

@SpringTides5 except the idiot customer didn't just behave "slightly" unreasonably did she? She sounded like an entitled twat. And I'm sorry but, IMO, if you send your child to private school, you're used to the school bending over backwards to keep you, the fee paying customer, happy. Sadly for some parents, not all clearly, this attitude will appear in other areas of their life. She's a sad cow OP. Maybe find another post where you'll be appreciated.

[Babygotblueyes]

This may take the form of abuse of emotion towards teachers and staff. This is something that happens in every walk of life- DH is a solicitor and will occasionally have clients being rude due to stress.

It is something that simply has to be accepted. The best approach is to make soothing noises to the parent concerned- it's certainly not a matter for removal.

Does that mean there are no limits to how rude someone can be? There is a difference between having a disagreement, being a little short because you are stressed and being abusive. It is not something to 'simply be accepted' just because someone has money. If they were poor I dont think you would be having the same response.

[emilyfrost]

Clearly abuse and rudeness should be discouraged and advised against.

@SpringTides5 No, it should be stopped in it’s tracks and a zero tolerance “we do not accept abuse” policy should be in force.

However, parents at private schools take their DC's education very seriously and are paying tens of thousands of pounds to the school for them to deliver a high quality experience.

So? It doesn’t give them the right to be abusive.

It is something that simply has to be accepted. The best approach is to make soothing noises to the parent concerned- it's certainly not a matter for removal.

No, abuse is never to be accepted.

I think you’re one of these parents aren’t you? That think you can be as rude and abusive as you want just because you’re throwing your money around.

[TSSDNCOP]

She's a rude arse and would be regardless where her child is educated.

Her boss has chosen to support her business from a potentially lucrative source over you.

You have two choices, put it behind you or resign. Don't assume everyone else from that school will be the same.

[TooManyAnimals94]

Thanks everyone for the replies. To those saying that's what horsey parents are like or sporty parents in general, this is not my first day! I'm more than happy to do the tolerant indulgent crap with the parents who think their child is the next Charlotte Dujardin when really they need a rocking horse...this was different. She went out of her way to belittle me and blame the pony (who other kids fight over riding because he's awesome) and used a tone that I consider to be hugely inappropriate.

I won't let one awful person make me leave a job I like but it worries me that even though I followed all the correct procedures, there was no real defence put up from the manager. If this happens again I think I will have to leave.

[Babygotblueyes]

I won't let one awful person make me leave a job I like but it worries me that even though I followed all the correct procedures, there was no real defence put up from the manager. If this happens again I think I will have to leave

Too right OP - management should have had your back. Poor manager I guess. Or weak.

[Peppaismyrolemodel]

@TooManyAnimals94

Thanks everyone for the replies. To those saying that's what horsey parents are like or sporty parents in general, this is not my first day! I'm more than happy to do the tolerant indulgent crap with the parents who think their child is the next Charlotte Dujardin when really they need a rocking horse...this was different. She went out of her way to belittle me and blame the pony (who other kids fight over riding because he's awesome) and used a tone that I consider to be hugely inappropriate.

I won't let one awful person make me leave a job I like but it worries me that even though I followed all the correct procedures, there was no real defence put up from the manager. If this happens again I think I will have to leave.

Well done!
I think you are absolutely right, and if pushed to it, the management will surely think twice before loosing long-standing staff to keep customers they’d rather not have anyway.
Shame on them for not being more proactive.

[Londonmummy66]

Is it Hanford School? If so can you ask for the mum to be demoted to piglet on the manners table?

[Muchasgracias]

As a private school parent I wouldn’t say this is culture at all. At our school the Head would absolutely not entertain any parent treating staff or outside providers like this. Parents have been called out for being rude, lateness etc. The school should not have overlooked how you were treated. It says a lot about the school and it’s values IMO.

[iminthegarden]

You get dicks in all walks of life. More importantly your manager should've stood up for your and sent her packing. She's let her get away with abuse!

[Divineswirls]

Sadly it's all a game.

Smile and nod at the silly entitled woman no-one likes and pray she goes away soon.

Not worth leaving a job over. Businesses have to put up with a load of crap.

Management appear to be on your side otherwise you'd have been disciplined or worse due to her behaviour.

You managed it well and didn't let her draw you into an argument which is exactly what she wanted.

Next time press voice record on your phone if you ever see her again or come across anyone like her so you have proof.

[newnortherner111]

It may be a kind of behaviour that is not unusual, but that in no way makes it right and neither does the shrugging acceptance. I assume the school has a board of governors, could you perhaps let the Chair of Governors know? You may in the position to leave (hope you don't) but others employed by the school may not be.

[SpringTides5]

@newnortherner111

The board of governors in a private school care about making sure parents are satisfied, enrolment is on target and financials are sound.

With all due respect, they are not interested in trivial tales from the pony club next door.

[SisterGabriel]

I don’t think your tale is trivial, but yes, some private schools don’t have their staff’s backs. I work in one that can be like this.
You have to decide whether you can put up with not being supported by management.
Luckily the vast majority of parents are delightful.

[toffeebutterpopcorn]

@CatBumJuice

Nothing to do with private schools. Just a very rude woman.

I would just refund the one session and tell her to sling her hook.

[SpringTides5]

You've clearly never run a business then @toffeebutterpopcorn.

In business, the customer is always right. Regardless of whether they're unreasonable, rude or abusive.

Private schools need to keep parents happy and satisfied. That means it is the duty and responsibility of all teachers and staff to meet their needs.

[emilyfrost]

@SpringTides5

You've clearly never run a business then *@toffeebutterpopcorn*.

In business, the customer is always right. Regardless of whether they're unreasonable, rude or abusive.

Private schools need to keep parents happy and satisfied. That means it is the duty and responsibility of all teachers and staff to meet their needs.

I’m management. Abusive customers are told to leave and are not welcome back if they cannot behave appropriately.

No business should allow their staff to be abused.

I could never consciously sit back, allow someone to abuse my staff and then try to placate them.

Any manager or business owner allowing that is a weak manager.

You can keep people happy and satisfied while ensuring that abuse is not tolerated.

[toffeebutterpopcorn]

Actually I used to work for myself and had clients. If they are more trouble than they are worth - when I was training we were taught to politely refund (since they are so displeased) and refuse further appointments.

Life is too short to deal with abusive clients.

[cakewitch]

I work in a private school and some of the ridiculous entitled behaviour of the parents is staggering. I do not care how loud 'money talks'. I genuinely do not believe a grown adult could be so disrespectful and believe their behaviour is ok.

[SpringTides5]

@emilyfrost

My DH is a solicitor- he has clients including CEOs of multi billion pound companies and and government ministers from around the world.

On occasion, clients do get stressed and abusive. It's hit and his firm's role to meet their needs regardless.