Private school 'culture'

[TooManyAnimals94]

Will try and keep this fairly brief whilst still giving enough context. I'm a freelance riding instructor at a stables attached to a private school so most of our riders are pupils there as well. I've been teaching there for the best part of four years and they have always been happy with my work etc.
On Saturday I started a lesson with one of her regular riders and her mum was not happy about the pony she had been put on. He is 'too slow' apparently and her daughter had been doing incredible things at another RS over Easter. In my professional opinion the girl is a fairly capable novice but not exceptional and the pony is safe and suitable for her. I said that it was too late to change the ride list but if she was unhappy I would talk to the manager about an alternative next week. She still wasn't happy and demanding refund. Again I said that would have to be requested in writing to admin as I couldn't authorise it. Started lesson anyway and after several interruptions from the mum I had to say that I couldn't continue if she was going to keep calling me over and not letting me teach. We called it a day and I got the girl to dismount and I put the pony away. This mum then follows me onto the yard ranting about how I'm unprofessional, the stables are not up to scratch for not having another pony available, our ponies are obviously all unsuitable and being very derogatory towards me personally. I kept my cool and said I was sorry she felt that way but I couldn't have that conversation if she was going to keep verbally abusing me, our horses and the establishment. She stormed off then came back AGAIN from the car park to continue having a go. Again I calmly asked her to leave and express any concerns in writing.
Anyway, I have now seen the email chain that has gone between the mum and my manager and the school have bent over backwards to accommodate her, offering a different pony, timeslot and instructor. She has refused all because she doesn't think any of the ponies offered are acceptable so she won't be coming back. I said to my manager that I thought this was unacceptable...she should have been told to take her custom elsewhere after her behaviour. Verbally abusing staff when they have done nothing wrong is not ok. She said that because of the school they had to be seen to be accommodating...why??? I'm not naive, I know money talks but if this woman had behaved like this towards her daughter's history or maths teacher...would the school have had the same reaction? I haven't said anything else to my manager but it's not nice to feel totally unsupported when I have always given my best to that place.
Is this a thing in private schools? I appreciate the customer is always right but up to the point where they are verbally abusive? If it was a restaurant she would have been asked to leave and not return.
Thank you if you got to the end.

In business, the customer is always right. Regardless of whether they're unreasonable, rude or abusive.

Private schools need to keep parents happy and satisfied. That means it is the duty and responsibility of all teachers and staff to meet their needs.

This is not how most private (or any) schools operate.

You/your child aren't automatically in the right.

It is not my job to meet the needs of any of the parents of the students I teach. It is my job to teach the students as well and effectively as I am able.

[quote SpringTides5]@emilyfrost

My DH is a solicitor- he has clients including CEOs of multi billion pound companies and and government ministers from around the world.

On occasion, clients do get stressed and abusive. It's hit and his firm's role to meet their needs regardless.[/quote]
I don’t care what your DH is. If his boss allows clients to abuse him, or he allows clients to abuse any staff under him, they/him are poor in their treatment of staff.

It doesn’t matter how much you’re paying; you don’t get to abuse anyone.

As soon as you start being rude and abusive it is no longer reasonable to expect anyone to help you, let alone continue dealing with you.

Instant shutdown. The customer is not always right and that’s a shoddy mentality to have as a boss or part of management.

On occasion, clients do get stressed and abusive. It's hit and his firm's role to meet their needs regardless.

More fool his employer.

I don't expect or accept rude and abusive behaviour from parents or students. Attending a private school doesn't mean you can behave how you like.

I’m just reading a book on the commercialisation of climbing Mount Everest, @SpringTides5, and the gist of the book is that the biggest tragedy on the mountain (9 deaths in a 24hr period) was probably a direct result of client pressure to reach the top no matter what because of the amount of money they had paid. The ‘customer is always right’ attitude should not predominate when what is being paid for is a level of expertise greater that that which the client already possesses (such as a child’s education) or where safety is involved (such as a riding school.) I would imagine you could extend this concept to encompass the legal profession too - I suspect your DH would give a client who offered him more money to act unethically or even outside of the law would be given short shrift. So you can see, the customer is not always right, and generally the sort of person who insists they are is the sort who gets outraged when they find that they can’t always get their way by throwing a little tantrum and pointing out how much they are paying.

Going back specifically to private schools - results, reputation, safeguarding, and a whole range of other things are likely to come above keeping parents happy. That will be on the list, but if a parent is unhappy they can take their child elsewhere and another child will probably be on a list to take their place. The parent who thinks the school’s (even a private one) whole existent revolves around making sure parents’ every demands are met regardless of what the demand entails is THAT parent. THAT parent might be found in greater numbers at private schools, but you can find them anywhere really.

Some people are like this but I would say it's not exclusive to private schools. I think there must be a culture of it to an extent though, given the responses I get to any email I send my DS's school, which is private (we've only recently moved him so I don't know much about the culture). I have emailed a couple of times at the weekend, about small things and had responses within an hour or so, even on Sunday. I always thank them profusely and say now that it's not urgent and that they can talk to my DS in school or respond to me on Monday.

But I work in a state school and we've had parents complain about e.g. their child's placing in a sports event 'Because he's brilliant at XYZ club he goes to outside school', or make excuses/ whinge about their child's lack of performance in other areas/ tests, when we're bending over backwards to help and they just sit staring about them and not doing anything.

I think it's just some people that have this awful attitude, sadly. I know many parents at my DS' school from elsewhere, and most are sound and not at all up themselves.

Once again, not saying that all parents of private school children are entitled or anything like that. My question was about how far THE SCHOOL go to placate before they stand up for their staff and it appears that mine is not an uncommon situation.

@SpringTides5 I would be intrigued to know what I should have done differently when there physically wasn't another pony available. I mean, she could have had one of the much larger, forward going horses which she would probably have fallen off because she can barely canter unassisted but that doesn't seem right either.
I was happy for her to have her refund but as we don't deal in cash, I couldn't really do that on the spot so I did the next best thing and asked her to speak to admin so they could authorise it. I get paid either way, no skin off my nose what she or the school do with their money but I'm not being spoken to like I'm an idiot when I did my best to give her child a safe, constructive lesson.

My experience of private school parents ( DS has been in the private system since 3)
Type 1 - professional parents who understand the client / provider rolls and know how to negotiate effectively and productively. They read the policies and support the school where necessary. And are eternally grateful for wrap around care.

Type 2 - first generation wealthy who think that they have the right to complain, shout and bully because they “ are paying the staff wages”.

Type 3 - the parents who have made many sacrifices and work 24/7 just to afford the fees. Usually have very bright children who are genuinely lovely. They never complain and any free time they have they give freely to help out at school.

I have heard some outrageous comments over the years, probably the funniest was the parent, who at her first PTA meeting arrived with a full uniform redesign ready to discuss. The headmaster explained calmly that the uniform policy was the responsibility of the governors, end of conversation. She was a lifestyle coach🙄
Another time I was volunteering with an after school activity and noticed a rota on the wall. I commented what a good idea it was for children to take it in turns to play with a new member of the class. The teacher raised an eyebrow and said it wasn’t a new pupil but the child’s parents had insisted.
Another set of parents canvassed us for our views on whether the school was doing a proper job teaching our children to behave. I swear if you’d shaved their son’s head he would have had 666 tattooed across it. His behaviour was entirely down to the lack of their parenting skills. Again they thought that they were paying the school to “fix” him.

@Angrymum22 that made me laugh with your pin point accuracy 🤣

OP you did exactly the right thing. You put the child’s safety first. The school would have had a much bigger problem on their hands if she had fallen off.
Complaints are very difficult to deal with nowadays, I work in health care. We apologise, without admitting anything and suggest that they see someone else in the practice or consider another practice, citing a breakdown in patient/practitioner relationship. It sounds like the school have done this to avoid escalating the situation. It is actually a great way to support staff rather than insisting you have to deal with this woman on a weekly basis.
Don’t take it personally, she is probably like this with everyone and has a reputation for it. Eventually word gets round and doors close for these people. We all know people who can never get a plumber it’s usually because they’ve pissed so many off.

@toffeebutterpopcorn

I totally agree. Some customers are uneconomical, taking up inordinate amounts of your time and costing you money. Often, they are the ones spending the least, whilst you get others who quietly spend hundreds of pounds with a smile.

I don't get why managers thinks it is great business sense to fawn over all the hard to please people while they ignore the really good, loyal customers right under their nose. Plus, it's not really fair on them, really? Why are they rewarding bad behaviour when the regulars get nothing? All it means is you get more of the same and have to work harder for your money

Thé only thing wrong is that she's an entitled moneyed arsehole who thinks little Jemima is the next Zara Tindell and your manager is being a wuss because she's a paying parent from the school next door.

Unfortunately money talks.She is bang out of order for her behaviour and bang out of order for involving the school too but the problem with entitled people like her is that their use to getting their own way and being rude to those they consider "beneath" them.In her eyes your just the staff and therefore should do what she wants.

If it's any consolation with the attitude on her her husband's probably a cliché and is probably shagging his secretary or something.

It's frustrating. If you'd put the daughter on a quicker horse, and she'd fallen and got injured, the gobby mother wouldn't admit her mistake. She would be threatening litigation and the school would probably throw you under the bus.

As for the review, I reckon most people can read between the lines... don't be tempted to engage.

I think you handled it really well and if I’m honest the outcome is one I would have expected. You pissed her off because you were reasonable and didn’t back down. She’ll more pissed that you’re not fired. Do not let people like this upset you. Often it’s hubby’s money and they’re driving cars that are to big for them and they think money buys them everything. I have a very posh voice it puts people in their place as it sounds a bit royal. I get great kicks using it on entitled rich yummer mummers.

[quote SpringTides5]@emilyfrost

My DH is a solicitor- he has clients including CEOs of multi billion pound companies and and government ministers from around the world.

On occasion, clients do get stressed and abusive. It's hit and his firm's role to meet their needs regardless.[/quote]
If he chooses to take on that unnecessary burden then all he is achieving is making life more difficult for the rest of us.

And I hope he doesn't bring it home to you because he has no right.

Often it’s hubby’s money and they’re driving cars that are to big for them and they think money buys them everything. I have a very posh voice it puts people in their place as it sounds a bit royal. I get great kicks using it

I don't really know where to start with this sexist, classist nonsense.

You have no idea what anyone else's finances are for starters and in a family money is usually shared.

Why on earth would you imagine that having a certain "posh" accent would put anyone in their place?
Why do you think people should be in in a certain place and you with your accent should be in another?
This kind of classist reductionist tripe should have been binned decades ago.

Mum was unreasonable but unfortunately this is the way of the world the people that shout the loudest are always accommodated best. It's not just a private school thing a significant number of people are entitled. Well done for maintaining your cool though.

Urghh she just sounds clueless, entitled and rude. And I say that as a private school parent and a rider. Your boss should have backed you up. The danger with accommodating such demands is that it’s never ‘enough’ (as your boss found out) and you leave the door wide open for others to do the same. What if other parents hear about this then turn up demanding specific horses and refunds if they don’t get their way? I ride at a polo yard and, frankly, you get the ponies you’re given and if you don’t like it, you know where the door is.

I'm surprised the school couldn't see that there's a health and safety issue here, and that you will have conducted a proper risk assessment before giving the child that pony to ride.

They really should have backed you up on that.

If it was a restaurant she would have been asked to leave and not return.
I'm not so sure. Plenty of cowardly managers in the restaurant business too.

In business, the customer is always right.
Bollocks are they. That was a slogan used by a couple of department stores, not applicable to wider society. The customer is often wrong, sometimes even dishonest. Frank Farrington did a study in 1914:
"If we adopt the policy of admitting whatever claims the customer makes to be proper, and if we always settle them at face value, we shall be subjected to inevitable losses."

As I say @DdraigGoch, DH is a senior lawyer at a top firm and he and his colleagues adopt the ‘client is always right’ mantra.

Their role is to serve the client and meet their needs and expectations. Just as the role of a private school teacher is to serve the parents and DC and meet their needs and expectations.

It’s irrelevant whether you think a particular request is appropriate or not. So long as it is legal, that is what happens as that is what the customer wants.

Too many people in customer facing roles have forgotten that they are there to be at the service of the customers. School staff are servants to parents and DC.

No customers = no jobs. And that will soon happen if clients start posting bad reviews or being unhappy.

@SpringTides5 if one of your husband's clients insists on pursuing a hopeless case against your husband's advice, your husband will still get paid. The OP works at a riding school, not a law firm. There are important considerations like safety and animal welfare which come first.

There are some good managers in the world who will stand up for their staff and who recognise that unhappy employees will lose them far more customers in the long run than if they just told the odd bad one to sod off.

school staff are servants to parents and DC.

Goady much?

I'm not a servant to anyone.

Too many people in customer facing roles have forgotten that they are there to be at the service of the customers. School staff are servants to parents and DC.

Ahh, there we have it. @SpringTides5 is a troll.

@SpringTides5

As I say *@DdraigGoch*, DH is a senior lawyer at a top firm and he and his colleagues adopt the ‘client is always right’ mantra.

Their role is to serve the client and meet their needs and expectations. Just as the role of a private school teacher is to serve the parents and DC and meet their needs and expectations.

It’s irrelevant whether you think a particular request is appropriate or not. So long as it is legal, that is what happens as that is what the customer wants.

Too many people in customer facing roles have forgotten that they are there to be at the service of the customers. School staff are servants to parents and DC.

No customers = no jobs. And that will soon happen if clients start posting bad reviews or being unhappy.

Does your daughter like to ride?